Men annoyed when women take up space

[lovelypidgeon]

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this- just wanting to vent and discuss with people who won't minimise or tell me it could have happened to a man too.

I have truly had enough of men expecting me (and other women) to prioritise them and trying to intimidate me when I don't. This morning, I was filling my car up at the petrol station and the man who had been filling his car behind me was pissed off that I did not move as soon as he was ready. He got out of his car to tell me I was in his way and that he needed to get to work so I needed to stop what I was doing and move my car (with lots of swearing thrown in). I remained calm and told him that I was almost done but the fact that I was not shocked and submissive seemed to irritate him even more. At one point he said 'Am I going to have to take your keys off you and move it myself?' I told him that if he did, I would call the police, and took a photo of him and his car reg. He told me to go ahead, and to make sure I told them what a fucking cunt I was, then called me a stupid fucking bitch.

Before I had finished filling my car he left the forecourt by just reversing slightly and going past me (which he could have done from the start). Which I think makes it pretty clear that this was not about me holding him up, but me having the audacity to be a middle aged woman in his way. There were quite a few other people around but no-one said a word. I'm pretty sure that he will go off to work and tell his mates about the stupid bitch that blocked him in and had to be told. I also know that if I speak to people IRL about this many will either question whether I was in the wrong to be where I was, or tell me that I should have just stopped what I was doing and got out of the way to avoid an argument.

I am livid, and exhausted with this shit. I'm not sure why this has got to me so much- it's hardly the first time I've encountered this sort of thing. But I really feel like we're in a bad place when a woman can't go to a petrol station in daylight without being intimidated by a man whilst other men pretend they can't see what's happening. I want to do something about this (in general, not just this one incident) but can't actually think of anything that will make a blind bit of difference. What do other people do?

Mostly when I was living in SE England, so I did think it may be a English thing. But recently happened again here in Sweden so clearly an international man thing.

And don't get me started on when I have to use a wheelchair. Then I'm just like a random annoying trolly that everyone gets to reposition. I say everyone, but actually it's still just men, just a heck of a lot more of them than when I'm not using it.

If you read the OP she was filling her car with petrol when the man approached.

Just bizarre. I assume it was his first time using a petrol station and didn't understand how they worked!

We have a local supermarket. I usually approach from the main road, and turn right into the supermarket entrance.

I have noticed that it’s not unusual for men exiting the supermarket to stop on the main road and let them exit before I enter, and get quite agitated if I carry on into the supermarket (it is my right of way) first.

since I noticed there I find it happens in other places too- macdonalds etc. me turning right from a main road, men exiting expect me to give way to them.

found it interesting.

To be honest I have had the same from women.
I have pulled up to do my tyre pressure and had a female Mercedes driver asking me if I was going to be long. I hadn’t even had time to get out of the car.

What could she have possibly been doing to deserve that kind of treatment?

A petrol station is a queuing/manoeuvring situation. If you don’t want ever to wait for petrol, get a pushbike.

It's got to you because you know damn well he wouldn't have done that to a man. Men are important and have man jobs to go to. Women should stay out of their way and do their unimportant things at a time that doesn't inconvenience the Important Men. Not that you were inconveniencing anyone, he was just a cock.

I also would be tempted to report it. He'll be on CCTV. It was harassment and intimidation.

Must she? I remember someone shouting at my mum to hurry up and leave as she was opening the door to go and pay.

Yes OP. Are you SURE you weren't just sat there doing your make up like women do in petrol stations?!?

Fucking hell.

Yep. That's right. I was at the pump in front of him but he was only there for a few seconds (I don't think he actually bought petrol) and I was getting a full tank of petrol so was not ready to leave exactly when he wanted me to. There was lots of room for him to leave without me moving, but for some reason decided that I had to move so that he didn't have to manoeuvre slightly. If he had not stopped to argue with me he would have been on his way earlier so this was not about being in a rush. I also very much doubt he would have done the same to a man.

I had a similar incident a few months ago at the local shopping centre. I was walking from the centre to my car in the underground parking lot. There are pedestrian crossings, and BIG signs saying "please give way to pedestrians" as you have to cross from the centre into the car park in front of where cars enter the car park.

Two men in their car, came roaring round the corner and di not want to stop for me on the pedestrian crossing. I was in the right, but I can see that perhaps they didn't realise as they were rushing. But he then revved his engine and did a quick jerk forward just to scare me. It made me SOOO angry.

they also don't like it when you challenge them. Two young men driving the WRONG way in the gym car park, not super fast but not slow. DD was ahead of me. I don't think she was in huge danger but that is becuase I had seen the car coming and called her and I think she would have stopped anyway. But obviously I was cross, as was another woman who was standing across from where DD and I were crossing. The two men then came in and were screaming at me and this other woman about how I should "look after your own daughter" etc etc. I pointed out that THEY were driving the WRONG way. Eventually the gym manager had to come over and break it up becuase these two men couldn't understand why I wasn't backing down.

WTAF. No, I was not actually delaying him at all. I was filling my car when he arrived and continued to do so whilst he argued with me. By the time I had finished filling up he had decided to drive round me (which he could have done from the start) and leave. The only thing that caused him any delay was his own sense of entitlement and aggression. But well done for illustrating my earlier point that if I posted about this on the local FB group etc people would assume I must have been in the wrong.

Guy was just a total bellend, glad you didn't engage further. People like him will never change their behaviour.
out of interest what were you expecting from the other drivers? Only asking as i see this all the time on the bus, someone being a total dick male/female/whatever and everyone looks out of the window or at their shoes. I don't really blame people for not wanting to become involved in something that may potentially escalate.

In a golf club years ago, I was approached by a male committee member to tell me my "trainers" were not allowed to be worn in the clubhouse. He had made a beeline for me while I was standing at the bar. I was not wearing trainers. They were flat, pale blue leather casual lace-ups. But he insisted they were trainers. I then pointed out a MAN who was most definitely wearing trainers and asked him was he going to speak to him too? Of course he didn't.
He was a bullying coward who only picked on women.

So in the time it took to fill your tank (roughly 3 minutes) he arrived, pulled up, did what he came for, argued with you and left?

All in the time it took to fill your tank?

yes. I don't think he actually bought any petrol. But if you don't believe me that's fine- I'm a stranger on the internet, feel free to jog on

Read the OP again.

Lovely pigeon,how brilliant àre you for standing your ground!! Had I been there I would have told him to jog on or words to that effect.I also would give his reg. no. to the police and report that he was threatening me.He might just be be a mysogonist .I too am not one for backing down to anybody.A driver on my side of the road re parked cars tried to make me go onto the footpath where school kids were walking. I turned my engine off and folded my arms .He was fuming but moved away in the end and I went on with a smile and a wave.It was a good job for him that I wasn't in a bad mood!!!

I see all the time. Men have their equivalents too. Once had to wait while some knob spent ages pulling out a nasal hair.

regardless of gender - don’t fanny around at the pump!

Oh I see the victim blamers / male apologists are here to say it must have been something you did. Same old shit.

I agree, it's exhausting! I don't know if since we have decided to challenge men more, some of them are doubling down in their efforts to put us back in our place!

A few years ago, I drove into a busy petrol station and got into a queue to wait for a pump, and I half noticed a can pissing about reversing and driving forward a few times right down the other end of the fuel station, about 8 pumps away - so not close. Next thing I know he is hammering on my window telling me to 'get the fuck out of the car' and that 'he was going to pull into there' then he started punching and kicking my car. Like your experience OP, everyone kept their heads down and pretend it didn't happen. I couldn't get his reg, but as the idiot was in a company van with his workplace plastered all over the side, I called the police. They asked me to make a statement, so I did. A few weeks went by, and then a FEMALE office rang me, to tell me they had spoken to him and to say he was sorry - and that they were laughing about it on the phone because 'you know what it's like when you're stressed in rush hour traffic' 👍

It's pointless now, I just take it on the chin and move on, hopefully in a few generations this attitude will die out, because we are raising our son's to act better and our daughters to tolerate less shite.

My husband had the shock of his life yesterday when our for a run with our daughter. An arse rolled down his window shouting out some sleazy shit at DD as they drove past them both.

DH was shocked but even more so when DD told him it happens all the time to her and some of them don’t just shout obscenities they actually try to scare and intimidate her.

It actually really shocked DH FINALLY because I’ve been telling him about this shit for years.

Yes op you must have been doing something wrong, men are never impatient, arrogant, arseholes, there must be another explanation. Are you sure you weren't in your car doing silly, womany stuff while the important man had to go to his important job. Come on now, wrack that silly woman brain, you must be in the wrong somehow. 🙄

This is one of the most ridiculous things I've heard! You were still filling your car! If you had be faffing about that's different

Any time any one is like this with me, I don’t react, calmly get out my phone and start recording them.

I make sure I get their car reg (or anything else) and a good shot of their face.

Don’t say anything to them, just stare them down.

What they going to do realistically? They could hit you in which case they’re in trouble with police. They could threaten you- police again.

If you say anything to them just say “ this recording is going to the police, my lawyer and on social media.”

Once they stop, keep going about your business as usual.

Pedestrian Chicken - one of my favourite games to play. I never, ever give way to men (at least not these days). Like you OP I have become angry, and the older I get, the angrier I get.

It also helps that I am shaped like a barrel with a low centre of gravity so quite hard to knock over, although 1 or 2 have tried.