Men annoyed when women take up space

[lovelypidgeon]

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this- just wanting to vent and discuss with people who won't minimise or tell me it could have happened to a man too.

I have truly had enough of men expecting me (and other women) to prioritise them and trying to intimidate me when I don't. This morning, I was filling my car up at the petrol station and the man who had been filling his car behind me was pissed off that I did not move as soon as he was ready. He got out of his car to tell me I was in his way and that he needed to get to work so I needed to stop what I was doing and move my car (with lots of swearing thrown in). I remained calm and told him that I was almost done but the fact that I was not shocked and submissive seemed to irritate him even more. At one point he said 'Am I going to have to take your keys off you and move it myself?' I told him that if he did, I would call the police, and took a photo of him and his car reg. He told me to go ahead, and to make sure I told them what a fucking cunt I was, then called me a stupid fucking bitch.

Before I had finished filling my car he left the forecourt by just reversing slightly and going past me (which he could have done from the start). Which I think makes it pretty clear that this was not about me holding him up, but me having the audacity to be a middle aged woman in his way. There were quite a few other people around but no-one said a word. I'm pretty sure that he will go off to work and tell his mates about the stupid bitch that blocked him in and had to be told. I also know that if I speak to people IRL about this many will either question whether I was in the wrong to be where I was, or tell me that I should have just stopped what I was doing and got out of the way to avoid an argument.

I am livid, and exhausted with this shit. I'm not sure why this has got to me so much- it's hardly the first time I've encountered this sort of thing. But I really feel like we're in a bad place when a woman can't go to a petrol station in daylight without being intimidated by a man whilst other men pretend they can't see what's happening. I want to do something about this (in general, not just this one incident) but can't actually think of anything that will make a blind bit of difference. What do other people do?

A couple of weeks ago I was getting a train, the train arrived and I got on with a small suitcase. Lying in the corridor by the door, was a man in Lycra, doing leg stretches. I realised, as I was not the first onto the train, that the two women ahead of me had just stepped over him. I lifted my case over him as he was blithely continuing to stretch, but I was so annoyed with myself for not wheeling it over his frigging entitled legs that once I got into the carriage, I said loudly to the people ahead and behind that he was a pathetic entitled wanker. We all laughed. But I’m still annoyed I didn’t address him and demand he moved.

Ahh, he sounds like a cyclist who had just cycled a very long way and therefore very spesh. Women just don’t understand this.

Or was he just a random wanker in lyrca?!

I suspect a cyclist. No doubt his bicycle was clogging up another part of the train. 😒
But what astounds me is that he didn’t stop for the passengers getting on momentarily. I took a photo of his stupid legs and put it on Twitter to make myself feel better.

That reminds me of the time when I was one of a number of pedestrians waiting at a zebra crossing. A man in lycra came charging along on his bike yelling "I'm not stopping!". An elderly lady next to me said "Oh, I think you are", and stepped forward assertively whilst pushing her wheelie shopping bag out in front of her. He managed to stop in time, but only just, and must have lost several layers of rubber on his expensive tyres in the process. The air turned very blue indeed.

No no no - you've got it all wrong. He stops for no-one - for he is <whispers in awe> a cyclist. He's saving the planet one turn of the pedals at a time, don't you know?

I know that game. I know it well. It's known as Patriarchy Chicken.

Just try it in a swimming pool. You wouldn't believe how angry and antagonistic they get.

I don't experience this either, and I go to London frequently. For me the worst is the middle aged couples who refuse to go single file - not men who think I should move. In fact I can't say that I constantly or even often have run-ins with men, although I have found that late middle aged men tend to be the most entitled so if I do have a run-in with anyone, that's the most likely demographic.

The one incident I do remember was when someone tried to push in front of me at a cashpoint and I told him to get in the queue and he said I was a very aggressive young lady. Of course, any assertiveness from a woman is aggressive. or abrasive.

The OP's scenario is just ridiculous. Who expects someone to move their car when they are in the middle of filling up? He really does sound like a pillock.

The man on the thread saying it’s not been his experience so he thinks us silly girls are probably ‘overthinking’ the encounter

Well to be fair, this woman hasn't experienced it either.

I wonder if it's the speed I walk at - I tend to move very quickly to get round people so maybe I am out of the way before I actually get anywhere near the entitled men!

The last time a cyclist tried to mow me down it was a woman. I was a bit surprised. (it was a woman, not the new type with you know whats between "her" legs).

That is absolutely brilliant!! 🤣🤣🤣

😆👏👏👏

Love this ^

I became aware of "Patriarchy Chicken" a few years ago on an Australian forum.

I started playing it - and was shocked at how previously I just automatically moved out of a man's way. I stick to the left - as that's what we do here. I will move across for other women, but not if it's a group of teenage girls taking up the entire space.

A few weeks after I started playing it, I was in my local town with one of my daughters, and there were 6 young men walking towards us, all in business suits, and taking up the entire space of the footpath. Normally my daughter would go behind me, to let them pass, but I told her to stay next to me. The look of disgust on their faces when we didn't move out of the way was hilarious.

I often experience the 'self important' older male at the checkouts - years ago I had my 3 young children with me (a baby, 18month old and 3 year old), and an older man behind me asked me if I would mind letting him go ahead of me as he only had a few items, so I told him that "I did mind", and that I had "not many items either" and added that I needed to get my children home for their nap before they started having a tantrum.

Nowadays I am at the checkout, and out of the corner of my eyes, I notice these older men behind me, holding their few items, which they don't put it on the conveyor belt - I know they want me to offer for them to go in front of me - they tend to sigh a bit, quite loudly, so I will notice them, but I won't turn around and make eye contact, because that gives them an opportunity to ask me. I might have 12 items and they have 1 or 2.

If I notice a mum with young kids behind me, I always offer for them to go ahead of me.

this reminds me of a time I was pulling out of my street (one way) and a huge truck was trying to pull in, with two blokes in it, off the main road. Beeping and waving at me, expecting me to reverse, even though they were trying to pull into a one-way street the wrong way. Bullies.
What they didn't see was a police car behind them. I just refused to move and eventually they noticed the police and backed up.
Dickheads.
Many other times I have given in to these bullies but sometimes they end up looking stupid (and IMO you won on this occasion OP, he made an absolute fool of himself, it's just unfair that you had to encounter him at all and I know how upsetting it is to have these pricks cross your path when you are going about your day.

zombiemumeb I had that recently in a supermarket, dinner items on the conveyer belt and a hungry kid with me, maybe 12 items in total.
A youngish kid behind me, maybe 20, asked if he could go ahead with a bag of of lemons.
I said no, I have a kid and I've got to get dinner on.
The look of surprise on his face was quite something but he needs to learn, I would never at that age have asked a man in front of me to jump ahead and he was being entitled and pushy.

That wasn't about being a man, that was about having one item. However, I'd have directed him to the self-serve tills if I didn't want to let him in front of me.

I am just as likely to see a whole family spread across the path, or two mums walking side by side with their buggies, or as I said above, the middle aged couples.

My mum said she recently stopped dead when walking towards a middle aged couple because they weren't going to go single file to go past her so she forced the issue. They huffed and commented sotto voce how rude she was. My mum is nearly 84 by the way.

Some people are just rude on paths - that isn't a male thing. For me the male thing is having a go at women when they wouldn't have a go at a man.

lieselotte I think it was partly about being a man, actually.

I would not have done the same at his age to an older mother with a kid, I would have waited an extra two minutes for my turn.

It's about not thinking I am more important than the person ahead of me, to the point that you ask them to give up their time for you.

And there was only one til, hence his impatience.

But you're just here to bait and tell women it's all in our silly heads, aren't you?

I also think it was about being a man.

how many women would ask to go ahead of a mum and child with a handful of items that will take not that much longer than someone with one or two items.

I would maybe ask if they had a full monthly shop, but not if they only have a handful of items.

it’s definitely more of a man being more important with his manly things to do than a woman with a child who clearly has all day to shop.

What a horrible bully! Maybe he should have got out of bed 10 mins earlier to have time to grab petrol?!
Haha who am I kidding of course it's easier to shout at a woman who you see as weaker than you, and therefore easier to move. Sorry this type of behaviour really angers me; as a fairly large (height and weight) woman I've had a few men try that shit on me in the past, until I've stood to attention and shown my full height and watched them immediately back down as bullies tend to do.
Unfortunately I am aware many women don't have this option and it irritates me that this even works, and that it should even have to!!
I really wish everyone could just be a little kinder, more patient and a little more understanding to our fellow humans!
Grrr sorry rant over 😁

Happened to me this week in London. Man with big umbrella. Taking up all the room. I was on the pavement first. I did not make way for him. He was so not expecting that. Idiot

how many women would ask to go ahead of a mum and child with a handful of items that will take not that much longer than someone with one or two items

I totally would in Lidl if I had two items and there were people with huge trolley loads in front of me. And if they said no, I'd just take the items back and leave. Fortunately my local Lidl has self-service tills so it isn't an issue.

I am not a woman telling people it's in their heads, being a woman myself.

But no, I wouldn't ask someone else with only a few items - why would I?

But to come back to this point "It's about not thinking I am more important than the person ahead of me, to the point that you ask them to give up their time for you."

Women do that all the time when they faff around, start chatting to the cashiers, take ages to find their purse, put stuff in their bag very very slowly etc etc. Plenty of MNers think it's fine to hold other people up in other ways and I assume the majority are women.

Who do they think.they are? Cheeky gets. I remember when I was in my mid 20s checking my tyre pressure on my old banger,some arsehole was annoyed it was taking me too long. I felt intimidated but didn't hurry just cos he was enraged. It a shame no one intervened when he started his tantrum. Think it probably fear of reprisals. Could u report him perhaps?

But you have no idea why people do things slowly. I had a year after an arm injury where I had little movement or grip in my hand. This made me much slower than usual, but trying to use my hand in a normal way was a vital part of its physiotherapy. It may have been a bit irritating, but why would I risk permanent disability just so someone else wasn't held up for a couple of minutes.

True, but you also have no idea why somebody is in a hurry. Perhaps he's trying to get some shopping to his elderly mother on his lunchbreak.