Men annoyed when women take up space

[lovelypidgeon]

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this- just wanting to vent and discuss with people who won't minimise or tell me it could have happened to a man too.

I have truly had enough of men expecting me (and other women) to prioritise them and trying to intimidate me when I don't. This morning, I was filling my car up at the petrol station and the man who had been filling his car behind me was pissed off that I did not move as soon as he was ready. He got out of his car to tell me I was in his way and that he needed to get to work so I needed to stop what I was doing and move my car (with lots of swearing thrown in). I remained calm and told him that I was almost done but the fact that I was not shocked and submissive seemed to irritate him even more. At one point he said 'Am I going to have to take your keys off you and move it myself?' I told him that if he did, I would call the police, and took a photo of him and his car reg. He told me to go ahead, and to make sure I told them what a fucking cunt I was, then called me a stupid fucking bitch.

Before I had finished filling my car he left the forecourt by just reversing slightly and going past me (which he could have done from the start). Which I think makes it pretty clear that this was not about me holding him up, but me having the audacity to be a middle aged woman in his way. There were quite a few other people around but no-one said a word. I'm pretty sure that he will go off to work and tell his mates about the stupid bitch that blocked him in and had to be told. I also know that if I speak to people IRL about this many will either question whether I was in the wrong to be where I was, or tell me that I should have just stopped what I was doing and got out of the way to avoid an argument.

I am livid, and exhausted with this shit. I'm not sure why this has got to me so much- it's hardly the first time I've encountered this sort of thing. But I really feel like we're in a bad place when a woman can't go to a petrol station in daylight without being intimidated by a man whilst other men pretend they can't see what's happening. I want to do something about this (in general, not just this one incident) but can't actually think of anything that will make a blind bit of difference. What do other people do?

I was shaking though!

Oh you naive soul. Just because sexism doesn't happen to you doesn't mean it's rare.

I've had similar - was blocked in by a tow truck in the Asda car park. I was in a hurry, buying plimsolls the DDs needed for brownie camp and they were with me. The driver ambled back and got ratty with me when I asked him to move quickly so I could get out and asked why I wasn't saying please (he was literally parked across loads of cars and not allowed to be where he was) and refused to move. He shifted, reluctantly, when I started moving towards the security guys at the supermarket entrance. Total prick and I bet he'd not have done it with a man trying to get his car out.

I’ve always been embarrassed when out with my husband and he doesn’t move out the way when people are coming. He walks alongside me so we take up the pavement, but when someone comes in the other direction he doesn’t move and if I try to move he just follows me like he doesn’t understand why I am going single file! I thought he was just oblivious but perhaps it is ingrained misogyny. He’s not a “macho man”, just a nerdy science teacher.

I can't see anything aggressive in the OP's response.

This!

Why assume OP was doing anything wrong? Why do you assume his reaction was justified?

The simple fact is that OP wasn't delaying him at all, as demonstrated by the fact that he was able to get past her car by using the obvious expedient of reversing slightly and turning his steering wheel. If he'd done that in the first place he could have preserved his blood pressure and avoided looking like an arsehole into the bargain.

Also, so what if someone does take a second to select the right pump or open/close their fuel cap?

It might be their first time filling up that car. Or their first time filling up full stop as a new driver. Or they may be less physically able than you. Or elderly. Or come from a culture where people move at a slower pace.

What’s the big problem? Breathe…

Petrol is a highly flammable and dangerous liquid - you want them to get it right.

So many male apologists on this thread. Men don't get that these things happen to women so frequently as part of our day to day lives that a lot of the time we just don't even mention it!

You and I clearly have a different view of aggressive replies - and that's absolutely fine. I won't invite you to "jog on"

Bollocks. He’s an entitled twat who thinks a woman should move because His Highness says so.
He could easily have reversed and gone around her without intimidating her, he just didn’t want to. in fact he proved he could do that by doing just that when his intimidation tactics didn’t work.
Op my friend works in a petrol filling station, she told me if ever Infeel threatened by a man when filling up, reach in to your car and sound your horn. It will draw the staffs attention to you, each pump is camera monitored.
Or put the nozzle back into the pump and walk towards the payment booth.

Urgh. Some of these men are positive ar$eholes.

I was driving in roadworks on a dual carriageway for several miles. It wasn't busy, but there was a speed limit of 40 mph and I was sticking to it. I knew the road well, and I knew there were cameras and it was hotspot for fines etc.

A boy racer rapidly appeared behind me and was obviously incensed that I was sticking to the speed limit and that he couldn't get past. Was intimidating me - flashing, sounding his horn etc. When it opened out again, he whizzed past me, leaning on his horn and gave me the finger.

What's worse though is that this was in an area where the police were trialling a system where people could report dangerous driving and a week afterwards I got a letter saying someone had reported me for driving and using a mobile while I was driving (I hadn't). I called them and told them exactly what had happened and gave them my own dashcam footage of him passing me (although not, sadly, the hand gestures). Thankfully the whole thing was dropped, but it still shocked me that someone could be so malicious.

A friend of mine posted something yesterday that both angered and saddened me

She has a dd who is 10. Lately her dd has been feeling really self conscious and has been wearing baggy jumpers and the like to hide her body. Her mum is doing everything she can to support her.

They went to a little cafe and surprisingly, her dd took her jumper off.

The food arrived, and mum noticed there were no confinements so went to go and get them.

She came back and her dd was visibly upset.

She eventually told her mum, backed up by a couple of customers, that an older man had gone up to her and called disgusting, disrespectful, rude and other stuff that her dd wouldn’t tell her.

The reason? The jumper she was wearing had hellfire written on it.

So fucking rude

When someone is tailgating you they are behind you?

I have had this happen to me multiple times when driving. The most amusing was on a single track road in Devon where some local landowner type was driving a truck down a single track road with passing places. He was going downhill and trapped me against the bush verge (I was in a small car). He had apace to get past but insisted on opening his window to issue the usual manly stream of whines and complaints presumably cos a woman was on HIS road.

I refused to open my window, smiled broadly and made repeated whooshing motions over my own head. He kept going so I pointed helpfully at the road ahead of him, which he was clearly so keen to keep going on uninterrupted. After another minute or so of ranting as I turned up my car radio he moved on.

The other way to wind up these types is through showing concern for them as I found by accident. Someone (anorher older man, also in Devon oddly enough) was ranting to me as I was moving my car out of the road that I was erm, blocking the road. I pointed out that if he would allow me to drive off I would not be blocking the road. He leaned right into my car window, yelling and jabbing his finger into my face. I was genuinely confused by this madness and just said 'what IS wrong with you?'This caused him to erupt in a sort of strangled scream of rage, and he finally backed off literally shaking with anger.

I really think a lot of people are in a state of rage with others from dawn to dusk and men in particular seem to think its fine and even righteous to find easy targets for it.

It is unacceptable for a man to intimidate, swear at, and threaten a woman in such a manner, regardless of the circumstances. It's understandable that you are feeling livid and exhausted with this type of behavior.
I once had a similar experience while I was at a park trying to enjoy a picnic with my friends. A man came and sat next to us, even though there were many other empty tables around. He started to make inappropriate comments and invade our personal space. Despite multiple requests for him to give us some space, he became increasingly aggressive and confrontational.
This behavior was unacceptable and made us feel uncomfortable and intimidated. We decided to pack up our things and move to a different area of the park, where we felt safer. If the man had continued to be aggressive or threatening, we would have considered involving the park staff or calling the police. It's important to always prioritize your own safety and well-being in these types of situations.

I had this at Christmas with a guy bollocking me (he was very intense) that I had parked ‘too close.’ I was parked far enough away that I could comfortably open my door. He stood and waited for me to get out of the car to start on at me, and I’m not a water-nymph, so there was plenty of room, and he could see that. I didn’t hit his car with mine, or even close. I pointed out to him that I was inside the line painted on both sides and could easily open my door, as could he, but that ‘didn’t matter’ because I was too close to his car... I said ‘I wonder if you’d be standing hassling me if I was a big hairy fella.’ He scoffed and walked away. See it often on the Tube as well, men being needlessly aggressive at women for daring to be where they want to be. Yet to see a man bark orders like that at a male stranger (fighting, swearing, yes, but not ordering them to move like they’re dogs or recalcitrant children and expecting to be obeyed). I think these dudes are emasculated in some other area of their lives; I saw the car-park fantasist at the tills, he had been sent back to return a dish rack and buy a different one hahaha.

Oh so now we are looking for anomalies to tear down a poster who says something that one doesn’t like?

Nice….

I have no tolerance of this sort of thing. I just say oh do fuck off and stop being so rude. Works every time. But then I'm older than I look and don't really care about other people's perception of me which helps.

This should be on posters at petrol stations, particularly the final paragraph, which made me laugh, but is very true.

I used to own two seater sports cars, I’m a five foot two, blonde, quiet, unassuming kind a gal. I liked the top down in nice weather. This combination of a small blonde woman driving a two seater open top sports job seemed to bring out the competitive streak in a lot of men, I’ve been waiting at traffic lights for the lights to change when Billy Big Balls pulls up along side me, he glances towards me, then revs the engine, itching to beat me to the lights changing to green. Like I said, I’m unassuming or so it appears. I let them ‘win’ but I know what my car was capable of, I unleashed the horses under the bonnet and overtook them further up the road and left them behind.

This is exactly what I do. They usually recoil in horror as no way do they want to be live on FB or Instagram acting like that.

My DH doesn't move either. I have physically moved him sideways on occasions to stop him colliding with others. I've always put it down to his dyspraxia and poor eyesight, but maybe its not that....

A sound post!
Yes - a man being this rude for so little reason has other problems.