Men annoyed when women take up space

[lovelypidgeon]

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this- just wanting to vent and discuss with people who won't minimise or tell me it could have happened to a man too.

I have truly had enough of men expecting me (and other women) to prioritise them and trying to intimidate me when I don't. This morning, I was filling my car up at the petrol station and the man who had been filling his car behind me was pissed off that I did not move as soon as he was ready. He got out of his car to tell me I was in his way and that he needed to get to work so I needed to stop what I was doing and move my car (with lots of swearing thrown in). I remained calm and told him that I was almost done but the fact that I was not shocked and submissive seemed to irritate him even more. At one point he said 'Am I going to have to take your keys off you and move it myself?' I told him that if he did, I would call the police, and took a photo of him and his car reg. He told me to go ahead, and to make sure I told them what a fucking cunt I was, then called me a stupid fucking bitch.

Before I had finished filling my car he left the forecourt by just reversing slightly and going past me (which he could have done from the start). Which I think makes it pretty clear that this was not about me holding him up, but me having the audacity to be a middle aged woman in his way. There were quite a few other people around but no-one said a word. I'm pretty sure that he will go off to work and tell his mates about the stupid bitch that blocked him in and had to be told. I also know that if I speak to people IRL about this many will either question whether I was in the wrong to be where I was, or tell me that I should have just stopped what I was doing and got out of the way to avoid an argument.

I am livid, and exhausted with this shit. I'm not sure why this has got to me so much- it's hardly the first time I've encountered this sort of thing. But I really feel like we're in a bad place when a woman can't go to a petrol station in daylight without being intimidated by a man whilst other men pretend they can't see what's happening. I want to do something about this (in general, not just this one incident) but can't actually think of anything that will make a blind bit of difference. What do other people do?

I had something like this a few years and i was raging.

DD has dropped those millions sweets in the back of the car, i was sick of hearing them rolling around so on my lunch hour i went to Sainsburys petrol station. The hoover thing is next to the tire machine, as i drove onto the forecourt the tire machine was in use but the hoover was free, i pulled up infront of the hoover and switched my engine off, i was just about to get out when DP text me, i sent a very quick text back and suddenly a man was banging on my window.

He was angry and shouting that he was in the queue for the tire machine (but was parked miles away, i had seen his car when i pulled in but thought he was parked and using the shop) and i had jumped in front, i actually told him i wanted the hoover but he was still having a go because i was on my phone in my own car! Oh i was raging and shouted back as him, along the lines of who the fuck did he think he was banging on my window, and he needs to fuck off and mind his own business. He then slunk off to his car, i went and purchased a ticket and on my way back banged on his window to ask if he was happy now that i had got my ticket. He wouldnt even look at me.

While i was hoovering, the car at the tire machine went off and before he could move a pick up truck with 3 builders in it pulled infront of the machine and he drove off out of the petrol station with a squeal of tyres. . I noticed he never said a word the builders who had stolen his "turn".

I once had the joy of watching the bloke opposite me on a train almost combust because he couldn’t stretch his long manly legs out in front of him into my quarter of the table area. I’m 5 foot one, so not blessed with long legs at all, but realised that my default on train journeys is to bend my knees at a 45 degree angle to accommodate the person opposite me. This time I thought ‘fuck it’, so kept them bent at a 90 degree angle, feet firmly on the floor. He huffed and puffed tried to catch my eye and squirmed and stuck his legs out and pulled them back when they touched mine, then stuck them out again, then pulled them back and hugged some more. I kept my knees at 90 and feet firmly planted on the floor and brought my book up in front of my face so he couldn’t speak to me or catch my eye. The sighing that went on was hilarious - hopefully from then on he booked an aisle seat so he could stick his legs out and take up all the room a real manly man needs (no doubt spreading them wide to accommodate his bull sized balls too)

Men (never women ) tailgating me when I'm driving at the speed limit . No I'm not going faster , overtake me if you must . I bet they would not do this to a man

We laydees tend to forget that it’s a man’s job to fill up the car, so the bloke was firmly within his rights to get wound up when he saw a confused @lovelypidgeon wasting his very precious and important time by banging the petrol pump with her tits trying to make it work. If only she knew her place and left it to the man of her house, it would have been filled and finished and not in his way at all when he arrived.

I found its got worse since I was pregnant and now have a little boy. I've noticed men are a lot ruder and even more aggressive to me now than when I was a young female on my own.

When I was pregnant, I was queuing in a petrol station to buy a few things and the man in front of me left the queue and disappeared. We all shuffled forward as you do and carried on queuing. About 2 mins later, he re appeared and stood next to me, saying things along the lines of, 'oh like that is it? Pushing in?' I was so confused as he had been gone for a while, hadn't said anything and now seemed really cross with me that I'd moved forward!

I stood my ground, calmly and explained I had done nothing wrong but he got more and more frustrated and loud until a member of staff came over. It was all so odd.

Maybe faffing while doing it though - working out which pump or going slow opening the cap

I think that you should have phoned the police and said that you feel that you were harassed and felt threatened and intimidate by his behaviour and abusive language.

Oh dear, you've had a ticking off!! My experience wasn't a scientific sample, it was just an observation based on a morning's experiment while walking to work. It was interesting to see who blinked first.

But I like the IKEA example by @WeepingSomnambulist.

This has happened to me, funnily enough at a small and overused petrol station. I was still filling up when the guy behind got back to his car after paying. He too, could have reversed by the way but it was slightly awkward, but instead chose to rev and beep, before climbing out to shout at me to move.

I listened while he berated me for ‘taking too long’. He was so abusive and called me names. In the end I laughed at him and told him I’m sorry he was threatened by my being able to afford to fill my tank up (pure inflammatory, but fuck it). I thought he was going to lunge to hit me as he was puce and stepped towards me. I took his picture and a photo of his car, with one hand still on the pump as it filled. It’s a beaut of a pic.

I tried to appear calm, but I wasn’t. My adrenaline was soaring.

Some men are just cunts. I need that on a T-shirt.

It's true. I've seen men - and women - actually get out of their cars, go to open their petrol tank cap, go over to a pump, pick up the pump handle, fanny about with it stuck in their car while just standing there staring at the numbers going round - sometimes for up to three or four minutes! Then they waste time by getting their wallets out and putting their card into the machine, or even wander over to the shop, no doubt for a natter with the cashier - all while leaving the car on the forecourt!

Why don't they just drive straight through from the entrance to the exit leaving it clear for everyone else?

I’ve really noticed recently a huge increase in being beeped by men in cars and vans when I’m driving perfectly carefully and correctly giving way to someone else.

It’s usually at a junction or roundabout when I (as the front car) can see someone I need to give way to before pulling off - in recent instances it was a child wobbling on a bike across the road, a woman about to cross at a crossing, and a cyclist coming down the cycle path who was going too fast for me to turn in front. So I was correctly waiting for these road users before pulling off. But behind me some blokes, immediately starting angrily and impatiently beeping, who clearly couldn’t see what I was waiting for.

I’m sure you didn’t used to get quite as much of this, and that men driving are some how angrier and more impatient these days. I mean, if I’m in a queue at a junction or crossing, and someone in front isn’t immediately pulling away, I assume that there’s a good reason why, and wait until that becomes apparent. Whereas now it seems like drivers, especially male drivers, are instantly on the horn without waiting to assess the situation properly - increasingly angry and unable to manage even a second of not getting what they think they should be getting.

Not sure about that, you generally can’t see well who is driving the car in front of you.

Oh no, that must be was doing wrong! I'll admit it is all very confusing, I couldn't even find the pink lady pump.

Years ago, I bipped my car horn at an idiot who overtook me in a narrow residential street. He stopped his car right in the middle of the road, got out and came back to knock on my window which of course I wasn't about to roll down.

He was yelling and ranting so I picked up my phone (in the days before smartphones) and very obviously pressed 9. He carried on ranting so I pressed 9 again. One more rant, one more press of 9. I showed him me hovering over the "connect call" button.

He got back in his car and drove off.

I refuse to be intimidated by idiots.

Sorry this happened to you OP. This man (like so many) is clearly lacking in several departments. Reminds me of the time I was driving down a dual carriageway and up ahead the left hand lane was closed. There were cones up directing the flow of traffic into the right hand lane and everyone up ahead was slowing and being courteous to those coming over from the left hand lane. As I drove into the right hand lane, a man driving behind me proceeded to shout ‘you silly little fucking rude cunt’ at me for apparently nothing but driving my car and not stopping to let him go ahead of me - which would have been nonsensical - everyone was just slowing and moving carefully into the right hand lane from the left. Literally called a cunt because I didn’t cater to this man’s need to get ahead of me in slow moving traffic. The look on his face in my rear view was one of pure hatred. He was practically foaming at the mouth.

I have such a low opinion of men - wonder why.

42 here and i have never, ever encountered anything remotely like this with a man in any setting 🤷‍♀️

See also the time I was heavily pregnant and out of puff when getting in the train to work. I opened a window next to me as I was roasting. A man proceeded to berate me for not asking everyone in the carriage if they wanted the window open. I told him in no uncertain terms that I didn’t need to ask his or indeed any one’s permission to open a fucking window and that maybe he should try being 8 months pregnant and walking half a mile to the train station every morning. He then proceeded to glare at me for the entire 30 minute train journey - well at least until I asked him if I had something on my face that was of particular fascination to him. The woman next to him was clearly his partner and she said absolutely nothing to him about his behaviour.

Thank you for the understanding and support. To those who have questioned whether I might have been faffing about or doing something to take longer than necessary- yes, it is irritating when someone does this. But in this situation the man could, and did, fairly easily have left the forecourt without having to wait for me to move. Even if I that was not the case and I had been faffing about and making him late, when he got out of the car he could have politely asked if I would hurry up as he was in a rush. If he had done, even though I was not blocking his way I would probably have just filled up half way so I could be out of his way quicker. Even if I was entirely in the wrong there was not need to shout at me and threaten to take my keys off me. I am entirely certain that this would not have happened to DH.

Report it OP, that’s verbal assault which is a criminal offence. The police will be a le to identify him using his registration.

The police will probably do nothing but in the unlikely event that you manage to contact a non-misogynistic police officer they might give him a warning which may perhaps make less lightly to do this in future.

I am not a whatabouterist and 100% agree that this happens to women more than men, but my DH has had very similar at a garage. He drives a van, is 6ft and about 18 stone and had a bloke hassling him for taking 'too long' at the tyre pressure machine. This guy shouted at DH that he would be late for work, calling him a cunt and all sorts. DH laughed it off but how did this chap know that my massive DH wasn't going to lamp him?! Some men just absolutely can't take not getting their own way immediately.

There is no time limit associated with putting petrol in your car - faffing is allowed. It might be slightly irritating for others caught behind a faffer but 99.9% of us manage to contain that irritation and not let it boil over into uncontrollable rage as per the man the OP had the misfortune to come up against.

The litmus test for these angry little men to ask yourself ‘would he have screamed at a bloke younger, taller and broader than him’? The answer is invariably no - they magically manage to control their rage when faced with other bigger blokes.

Well done to all those posters here who won’t put up with entitled male bullshit. I’ve never been a shrinking violet but now I’m middle-aged and give zero fucks, woe betide any of them that start that shit with me. They’ll get both barrels of feminist fury (served completely calmly with resting bitch face or even a derisory laugh).

yep ! I notice this all the time.

I hear you! I was waiting (putting my shopping down on the belt,to be scanned) Some guy came behind me ,said "Oh can I just pop in front !" Started taking items off FFS! At all of my 5 feet ,I said NO you cant! he looked surprised .Like I dont want to have to wait for some rude guy. Entitlement or what!

I got roadraged by a bloke in a white van when I was 21/22, all because I had the temerity to drive at the actual speed limit on an A road (happened to be 50, well signposted, although had been changed from 60 a few months earlier). He sat on my bumper beeping his horn until we got to a red traffic light, then got out and came round to my (minimally open) window shouting at me that I should “learn to fucking drive”. I suggested he might like to “learn to fucking read” then drove off as the lights were going green. Called the police and reported him as soon as I got home. Dickhead.