Men annoyed when women take up space

[lovelypidgeon]

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this- just wanting to vent and discuss with people who won't minimise or tell me it could have happened to a man too.

I have truly had enough of men expecting me (and other women) to prioritise them and trying to intimidate me when I don't. This morning, I was filling my car up at the petrol station and the man who had been filling his car behind me was pissed off that I did not move as soon as he was ready. He got out of his car to tell me I was in his way and that he needed to get to work so I needed to stop what I was doing and move my car (with lots of swearing thrown in). I remained calm and told him that I was almost done but the fact that I was not shocked and submissive seemed to irritate him even more. At one point he said 'Am I going to have to take your keys off you and move it myself?' I told him that if he did, I would call the police, and took a photo of him and his car reg. He told me to go ahead, and to make sure I told them what a fucking cunt I was, then called me a stupid fucking bitch.

Before I had finished filling my car he left the forecourt by just reversing slightly and going past me (which he could have done from the start). Which I think makes it pretty clear that this was not about me holding him up, but me having the audacity to be a middle aged woman in his way. There were quite a few other people around but no-one said a word. I'm pretty sure that he will go off to work and tell his mates about the stupid bitch that blocked him in and had to be told. I also know that if I speak to people IRL about this many will either question whether I was in the wrong to be where I was, or tell me that I should have just stopped what I was doing and got out of the way to avoid an argument.

I am livid, and exhausted with this shit. I'm not sure why this has got to me so much- it's hardly the first time I've encountered this sort of thing. But I really feel like we're in a bad place when a woman can't go to a petrol station in daylight without being intimidated by a man whilst other men pretend they can't see what's happening. I want to do something about this (in general, not just this one incident) but can't actually think of anything that will make a blind bit of difference. What do other people do?

that's interesting, I remember doing that as well, probably many years ago now. Similar result!

Clearly stated, putting petrol in her car!

This reminds me of the time when I was in a queue of traffic in my car and a lorry driver decided he wanted to be where I was. He spent a while indicating but there was nowhere for me to go so he couldn’t pull in. Instead, he kept edging his lorry towards my car, obviously hoping to intimidate me. I still couldn’t go anywhere, so he actually clipped my car.

I stopped and got out, at which point, he hurled himself from his cab and got right up in my face, yelling at me and hurling abuse. He then pushed me hard in the chest so I fell backwards into the road. This was witnessed by several other drivers, all of whom ignored it except one man who told me I was a silly cow for arguing.

I reported it to the police and they interviewed both me and the lorry driver. The male police officer repeatedly asked if I shouted or was aggressive (I hadn’t been, I’d been afraid for my safety). Eventually, the police declined to proceed against the driver for deliberately causing an accident, then assaulting me, on the basis that he claimed I had shouted at him.

I do the pedestrian chicken too, although I have the advantage of a rollator as a battering ram. I just realised one day how I kept manovering onto the cobbled bit of pavement so important men could keep walking in a straight line on the smooth bit. Why the fuck was I doing that? Allowing them to keep showing such disrepect that they expect a clearly disabled person to move to accommodate them. Not any more.

It's not just men - where I used to work we shared a car park, and the accountancy firm next door had a particularly arrogant woman working there who had a real attitude problem.
One day I was the victim of her doing a 'dump and run'; I was then called off-site so had to ask her to move her car from behind mine (we all had to block others in to fit on the car park, but on the understanding you'd move if asked immediately).

Apparently whatever she was doing was more important than moving her car - I got an earful and was called all sorts of names when I asked her to hurry up 10 minutes later as she still hadn't appeared.
Thankfully we owned the shared car park and opted not to renew her permit at the end of the year (which caused all kinds of arguments, including but not limited to screaming blue murder down the phone then copious amounts of waterworks when that didn't work).

It's definitely not just men!
I still smile when I think of her having to use the pay-and-display car park half a mile walk away, what a cow she was.

Hi Emma. I did re-read the OP and I'd suggest that you do the same. The actions of this man seemed so incredible, unusual and unnecessary that I thought I'd just ask for clarification. Interestingly there is now an anomaly in the OPs version. I wonder if you can spot it

I think you're both over-thinking a common scenario - in my experience men and women both deviate from their path equally to avoid a collision.
I'm a man, and there's no way I'd just plough into people walking towards me - I certainly don't expect it, and to assume we all do is rather sad really

Yes, spotted as I cross posted with OP.

God, I had almost the same thing happen at a Costco. Pump in front was out of order, so I pulled forward into the one behind. Get out the car to fill up, cue very angry man pulling up next to me yelling me to pull forward - to the NOT IN USE pump!! With my toddler in the back. It got my back up straight away, maybe he didn't see the sign but why approach me so aggressively. Why didn't he just pull in front himself! So annoying. And typically no-one said anything. He was still angry even after his one brain cell finally started to work and realised the one in front was not in use.

Honestly sometimes when I rewatch Mad Men or The Sopranos I yearn when the men beat up other men for disrespecting a woman! I find it all so depressing right now - the police are minimising, misogynist victim blamers and other men, even older ones, don't like to get involved if they see things happening.

I think they just see as an easy target and they love to feel superior to others, at least in their minds.
But you dealt really well with it! You did not move and stood your ground. Well done to you!

Thanks for the rather aggressive response OP. I asked for clarification that this man apparently had a tantrum in the space of three minutes. I didn't at any point accuse you of lying.
I will note that you have now slightly changed your version of events - I'm glad that my simple question allowed you to get clarity in your own mind

I wrote a paper on this at uni. Was studying psychology.

I went to ikea for a week and sat in the cafe, which had a direct view of the stairs. And I just counted the number of times women moved for men and men moved for women when heading towards each other on the stairs.
Men barely moved. They just kept on walking straight ahead.

I was a student. It wasnt exactly a well crafted piece of research but it was interesting.

Perhaps he didn't realise he could get around you, felt embarrassed and entitled and took his incompetence out on you? I had a man, who I assume did not know the width of his car, make a wanking motion at me yesterday for daring to continue down a narrowish street in the opposite direction - a street we could both comfortably pass. He didn't stop. He wasn't in any way inconvenienced, he just clearly wasn't a very good driver.

Meanwhile, the amount of men in pick up trucks and 4x4s who won't dirty their wheels by using the verge on actually narrow country lanes but expect me, in a small car, to do so always makes me eye roll. I think a lot of it comes down to contempt for women. My partner has never experienced this. Well, he wouldn't.

She was filling up her car , perhaps it’s a big car and needed a full tank. Perhaps that’s why he got so angry, because his car is…not so nice.

victim blaming is never a good look , duckie ( see what I did there?)

I can't fathom the mindset - surely everyone knows if you finish filling with petrol before the person in front of you, you pull back to drive past them. If you are very unlucky there isn't enough space, in which case you have to wait. If you are in a major hurry (which to me would be an emergency or maybe a school pickup of a young child) you might ask the driver in front very nicely if they wouldn't mind stopping for a sec so you could get by.

No-one would expect the person in front to stop filling up and move out of the way as a matter of course, the idiot should have thought of this when he pulled into a pump that was behind another one, instead of waiting for one at the front to become free. Not bloody rocket science, is it?

There are a number of stories circulating about male aggression at EV charging stations - EV charging takes way longer than filling up at a petrol station, so this doesn't bode well. Either you have the aggressive male who doesn't realise that charging past 80% is pointless as the charging speed drops and drops, and insists on hogging the charger til he gets to 100%, or the aggressive male who assumes you don't know that, so peers in through the window of the car trying to see what percentage charge you have, so he can harangue you into getting out of the way, or the aggressive male who doesn't want to wait til you get to 80% and so stands staring at you through the windscreen trying to force you to move.

I have never encountered any of these behaviours myself but am always charging up with my DH there, often in a blue badge space, etc. Most of the time, both male and female EV drivers are helpful and chatty but I think we can see this guy is never going to be one of those.

It's okay ladies, there's a man here to tell us our experiences of men invading our spaces don't really happen as they'd don't happen to him. Just our silly little lady brains over thinking it again.

I think your petrol station antagonist has found the thread OP and seems rather hell bent that you were in the wrong you bad woman. I’d just have called him a knob, while smiling politely and watching him turn all red in the face. Much satisfaction can be gained from that!

The same poster was telling us that all men are not violent or irrational on another thread. And he has a revenge tale on some poor woman who had the temerity not to interrupt her phone call in her office to move her car at his request.
Time for a name change, Fluffers.

When I first pointed this out to DH - I was heavily pregnant and COULDN'T get out of the way, he also said that it seems weird. And certainly, as a man who always holds doors/lets others go first/gives up his seat, he would never do this.

About a week later he came to me very shamefaced... he realised that actually, he WAS doing it. Not th bashing into women thing, but the overall walking and NOT moving out of the way constantly. So yes, he'd give up his seat and open a door and all the rest of it, bt he was oblivious and just walking in a straight line when walking down the road....!

Omg a man has spoken, so it must be true.

That's awful. I've had similar, although I somewhat walked into it.. When I was in my early 20s I was followed on a very narrow and unfamiliar country road by a big car, driven by a much older man. He was on my tail the whole time pressuring me. I ended up putting my middle finger up at him in my rearview mirror. Big mistake - at a junction with lights he got out and stormed up to my window, very threatening demeanor, enraged that I dared to swear at him. He used very gendered language, he was incensed a young woman would dare to. I was shaking with fear and shock and just drove away as quick as I could.

Looking back now, I wish I had been able to stand up for myself, or just refuse to wind down my window and engage. It's really stuck with me for lots of reasons - his male sense of superiority, enraged at a woman stepping outside of expected behaviours, complete lack of awareness of the physical imbalance between us, or worse using that as a weapon. I've no doubt he would have been angry at a young man, but I doubt he would have behaved in the same completely entitled way.

I know. See it on here all the time. Quite depressing really how some women centre men and their wants over women at every opportunity.

Report his threatening behaviour to the police. The petrol station will have CCTV to back you up.

No intentional change of my version of events. Until the arsehole got out of his car to start shouting at me I had not been paying him any attention so I couldn't say for certain what he was doing. I do know that he was not there when I started filling my car but very quickly got annoyed at me for not moving out of his way. He was gone before I paid at the pump. Nothing fishy, just an everyday story of male entitlement