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Feminism: sex and gender

Original poster

Rich men using a surrogate - miscarriage

149 replies

BlueThomas · 22/12/2022 22:53

I read an article about two Made in Chelsea stars using a surrogate who sadly had a miscarriage. If just really doesn’t sit well with me. From the article

Obviously we’re in a very fortunate position, we can go again. But you know it’s not, it’s not easy

im sorry but a woman out there somewhere is undergoing a miscarriage. That is what is not easy no mention of her at all in the article or how sorry they are for what she is going through. It’s all about them.

also doesn’t sit well describing themselves as fortunate they can go again. What about the women putting themselves through ivf and miscarriages for these men - how many times will they put women through this?

www.her.ie/celeb/made-chelsea-stars-ollie-gareth-locke-reveal-surrogate-miscarriage-569977

OP posts:
Flapjack637 · 22/12/2022 23:02

YANBU OP. It’s abhorrent.

OhHolyJesus · 23/12/2022 10:04

If you can OP look into the story of Lance Bass and Michael Turchin to see how many women - surrogate mothers and egg donors - they 'used'.

Fadedpicture · 23/12/2022 10:07

It is abhorrent the whole thing is abhorrent, but I suppose if you buy into the whole she's just a vessel, the baby is nothing to do with her thing, it's them who've lost a baby, not her.

Ylvamoon · 23/12/2022 10:09

There are many forms of abuse...

Avastmehearties · 23/12/2022 10:11

God it's all about them, isn't it.

I for a moment wondered (trying to be fair), whether they're not talking about the surrogate mother's wellbeing because they've agreed to keep her out of media discussions. I then, however, considered that if that were the case, they are being more insensitive by publicly sharing their own feelings. There is no need to do so, they can talk to anyone they wish privately and it renders her dispensible.

This could be a family/ friend surrogate for all I know so this isn't personal to these two men but I don't wish for this to become normalised- rich men being able to rent out women as reproductive aids.

Thornrose · 23/12/2022 10:12

He feels embarrassed and emasculated...unbelievable!

"And I’ll tell you the reason is, weirdly, I feel emasculated. And I know that’s really silly, but this is me talking frankly to you guys, and I know I shouldn’t feel like that, but I feel embarrassed that it hasn’t worked for us."

Jumbocoffee · 23/12/2022 10:17

They drive me mad. OL is constantly saying how sad and upset he is no mention of the poor woman who is actually going through it. All so they can buy a baby.

SquirrelSoShiny · 23/12/2022 10:20

Unfortunately all of this has turned me completely against surrogacy. Women are not and never should be seen as nothing but vessels for making men's dreams come true.

Firecarrier · 23/12/2022 10:35

" 2 lines told us we were pregnant"

🤮

No, they really didn't. That is impossible.

Hate that expression even being used by hetro couples fwiw.

Iwannerbeyourslave · 23/12/2022 10:39

On MIC last week, these guys raised a toast to "the embryos we put inside our surragate"...or words to that effect. Horrible!

wonderingpondering1 · 23/12/2022 10:41

Yep I watch MIC and find it strange the way they talk about it, as if they are the ones going through the pregnancy and losses. Also having such a public display in terms of ‘we are pregnant’ announcing it on the show when all they’ve had is a positive pregnancy test - it seems very naive considering 25% end in miscarriage. I had two early ones between my kids. It doesn’t sit right and I can’t put my finger on why. Maybe because they have enough money to just keep having another go maybe using different women each time…I do respect that they want kids but they need to be sensitive to the poor women going through miscarriages fkr them.

wonderingpondering1 · 23/12/2022 10:42

And when Maeva felt the need to apologise to them for making them feel bad when she was pregnant - it’s a totally different situation as they won’t be pregnant if that makes sense!

MarshaBradyo · 23/12/2022 10:45

It’s hard to see. A lot of ‘we’re pregnant’ with two men stating it.

justgettingthroughtheday · 23/12/2022 10:46

Easy for all you PARENTS who have been able to have children. Some of us are not so lucky. Next month my womb will be removed due to cancer along with any chance of carrying a child. Surrogacy is my only option of having a family.
So bore off with your judgement because it's easy to sit on the moral high ground when biology has been kind to you.

Eminybob · 23/12/2022 10:53

Not read this link, but I did read the Daily mail article and they were blathering on about "we have miscarried"
No, neither of you will experience finding that the life you were carrying inside of you has died, and the physical pain and suffering, and consequential emptiness.

And the DM comments "it's about time you found another surrogate" fucking abhorrent.

TakingControl2023 · 23/12/2022 10:57

I actually commented on that article!

Something along the lines of it not being them who's suffered a miscarriage, the woman whose body they've rented has suffered a miscarriage.

Haven't been on to see how many red arrows I've been given....

Original poster
BlueThomas · 23/12/2022 10:58

justgettingthroughtheday · 23/12/2022 10:46

Easy for all you PARENTS who have been able to have children. Some of us are not so lucky. Next month my womb will be removed due to cancer along with any chance of carrying a child. Surrogacy is my only option of having a family.
So bore off with your judgement because it's easy to sit on the moral high ground when biology has been kind to you.

Actually it took me 5 years and many rounds of IVF to have a child and throughout the whole hopeless process I never considered surrogacy. It’s a bit of a cop out to say only parents are against surrogacy as they’ll never need it. That’s not true. Just because you need surrogacy to have a child doesn’t make surrogacy right for both the mother and the baby.

OP posts:
justgettingthroughtheday · 23/12/2022 11:00

@BlueThomas the situation is completely different. You had hope of a child. I don't! Your comparison is ridiculous.

Oh and I would be the mother!!!!

BlueThomas · 23/12/2022 11:05

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megletthesecond · 23/12/2022 11:08

It pissed me off too. No one should be buying babies.

AmazonPrim · 23/12/2022 11:12

While I don't disagree with the way they are handling it and making it all about them and their pain, I don't think it's fair to single men out specifically for this. There are plenty of couples both men and women who will also act the same way.

What annoys me even more is when celebrities use surrogates purely for vanity reasons, rather than medical which a lot of couples do because they don't have any other option.

secsee · 23/12/2022 11:15

I'm sure there's people who need organs (not just want them) yet we don't allow people to sell them around. People are entitled to have opinions on surrogacy.

It's not just the direct impact but indirect too. Celebs engaging in this makes it more palatable. But we know surrogacy is a broad spectrum between altruistic with a family member and offshoring to Ukrainian women.

Not to mention the inconceivable number of things that can and do go wrong. People should be critical.

justgettingthroughtheday · 23/12/2022 11:16

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MrNook · 23/12/2022 11:23

justgettingthroughtheday · 23/12/2022 10:46

Easy for all you PARENTS who have been able to have children. Some of us are not so lucky. Next month my womb will be removed due to cancer along with any chance of carrying a child. Surrogacy is my only option of having a family.
So bore off with your judgement because it's easy to sit on the moral high ground when biology has been kind to you.

It's not just parents who are against surrogacy! Lots of people who are struggling with infertility are still against it

MrNook · 23/12/2022 11:25

It's also worth noting Ollie and Gareth flew to America for this, presumably so they can pay the woman who's womb they are renting which they can't do here?