Rich men using a surrogate - miscarriage

[BlueThomas]

I read an article about two Made in Chelsea stars using a surrogate who sadly had a miscarriage. If just really doesn’t sit well with me. From the article

Obviously we’re in a very fortunate position, we can go again. But you know it’s not, it’s not easy

im sorry but a woman out there somewhere is undergoing a miscarriage. That is what is not easy no mention of her at all in the article or how sorry they are for what she is going through. It’s all about them.

also doesn’t sit well describing themselves as fortunate they can go again. What about the women putting themselves through ivf and miscarriages for these men - how many times will they put women through this?

www.her.ie/celeb/made-chelsea-stars-ollie-gareth-locke-reveal-surrogate-miscarriage-569977

Going to leave this disgusting thread now! You should all be ashamed of yourselves!!!

What a vile vile thread. Will be reporting

Adoption is not comparable. If you can’t work out the difference, you must be really be hard of thinking.

this

I do agree with adoption putting the baby first and surrogacy putting the parents first. However, that child will bring so much happiness to people, so if the surrogate is willing, why not create happiness? That child certainly won’t wish they weren’t created just because they were taken away from their surrogate. Ask them at 21 is they would rather be alive or not ever in existence.

I have no emotional ties to this (I’m killing time in the car while my husband is doing the food shop as I can’t bear to go in) but @justgettingthroughtheday you do. This thread is not good for you. It’s 2 days before Xmas and you are going through a hard time health wise and being made to feel awful on here surely is not doing your mental health any good.

Again, I hope you get your baby and get to experience the joy of being a parent soon

finally whilst you are all on your high horses NOBODY including all of YOU brought a child into the world selflessly. It was a selfish decision on your part for your benefit. How do YOU justify it???

Because it's my body and I can do what the fuck I like with it. That's all the justification I need

Wow, you are rude. Get back your Christmas movies 🤣🤣

It does puzzle me when people go on an anonymous forum to be offensive to strangers. I often wonder who those kinds of people are and if I know anyone odd like that in real life. Who are you crazies!? It can’t be much fun or make you happy.

I’m outta here!

Just because you don’t like facts and hearing the reality of surrogacy doesn’t make posters vile. You are happy to brush aside legitimate concerns about surrogacy as you just want a baby by any method necessary and clearly don’t care about the baby or the woman going through the pregnancy. A friend of mine just lost her 4th baby in a miscarriage at 19 weeks and she nearly died - after 3 easy pregnancies so there are no guarantees for your friend. Again you don’t care as long as someone hands you a baby.

You will know a lot of people against surrogacy. None of them are crazy for think that commissioning babies is wrong. Wombs shouldn’t be for rent, babies shouldn’t be for sale.

Unfortunately life is cruel and everyone doesn't get an equal share. My sons' father died far too young, they've had a shocking time as a result, that doesn't mean medical science should exploit someone else to get them another one.

No, I do understand that so I'm sorry for misreading what you had said.

In regards to the original post and discussion about what has been said by OL.. All in all, someone has agreed to have a baby for them, and they have lost it. They being the 2 men and the women carrying the baby, yes the women will be affected much more.

I understand that a lot of you don't agree with surrogacy, but telling someone that they are not a mother is also wrong, and saying the children are being 'ripped from the mother at birth' .. that 'mother' (surrogate) has agreed for that baby to not be hers, and to be given to someone who is wanting to be a mother. Just as adoption, you would be the mother. Yes, not biological as you say but still a mother.

I couldn't imagine another women telling me that I'm not the mother of my child because someone else grew mine and my husbands embryo inside of their body. I don't know what the need for that would be.

I'm absolutely anti surrogacy for money, you can't buy a woman's body for any purpose. I'm more open to family/friend surrogacy if offered not asked for. I've given this example below but my cousins (sisters) are like two peas in a pod couldn't be closer, see each other daily, holiday together, even live a few houses down from each other. One had a horrific accident that left her unable to have children, in her late teens. The other sister had DC of her own later down the line, healthy unproblematic pregnancies. She offered to surrogate for her sister. It was actually wonderful to see, and the child now has a very special relationship with the auntie who carried her. I think there are some exceptional truly altruistic circumstances where it can be ok. The situation on MIC isn't that.

You won't find rich women offering their services as a surrogate for pay, there is a reason for that.

@justgettingthroughtheday I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I really would take a step away from this thread and remember that people on the internet don't know you and your life.

On surrogacy, a friend of mine had two children via an altruistic surrogate. She had tried to get pregnant for years. I'm glad she has her family. That does feel different to me from the commercial arrangements in the states, but I appreciate it is a fine line

A person I know has kindly offered to be my surrogate. She has had several previous healthy pregnancies and volunteered to do it. I will not be paying her. I will cover her expenses yes but she will not financially benefit from it.

A woman - not a person but a woman you know has offered you her body for the purposes of having a baby for you. The risks involved in carrying a egg donor conceived pregnancy are higher. I hope she knows this. It's irrelevant of how many healthy pregnancies she previously had, resulting in live births. Every pregnant carries a risk. How might you feel if she is floored by HG and unable to play with her chicken E or take them to school? How might you feel if a birth injury means she is unable to work? Or what if the very worst happens? There are numerous threads on here that detail the risks and present real life situations I suggest you read.

The reasons why she 'volunteered' are interesting though, in that, this is not mentioned and she isn't here to tell us. Is it because she wants to be helpful? Is she wanting to bond with you as a friend? Does the offer of 'expenses' appeal as she is broke and having things like your gas and electricity paid for 10 months would help her family?

You will be paying her as you clearly say you are paying for her 'expenses'. How much does it cost to be pregnant?

I feel deeply uncomfortable about surrogacy. Even pregnancies and births that go well have long term implications for women. ‘Rent a womb’ shouldn’t be an option IMO.

Surrogacy Resource thread : please post your links here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3782983-surrogacy-resource-thread-please-post-your-links-here

@justgettingthroughtheday

Come away from this thread. You really don’t need to deal with the way some posters have spoken to you. Leave them to stand shouting on their soap boxes into an anonymous abyss and focus on getting through today. I hope next year is kinder to you.

@justgettingthroughtheday please ignore the nastiness directed at you on this thread. MN is a place of extremes. I hope you get through your illness quickly and have a wonderful family in the future.

No one should have the right to buy a baby, no matter how awful the circumstances.

Cos the ethical impact on the child and mother are still relevant.

Thats not taking the moral high ground. That's acknowledging their physical and mental well being needs to be seen and not over ridden by the emotional wants of others.

I hear you OP and I'm on your side.
I see surrogacy in theory as an act of kindness (not talking here about the exploited/paid/"bought" women), it can be a generous selfless act if in the right circumstance.
Much like kidney donors should be regulated and vetted to avoid the same kind of coercion or financial profit, I see surrogacy should be managed in the same way. Both are at risk of exploitation and health consequences.
With regard to the affect on the child, does anyone have any evidence to back up that it would be harmful? Genuinely interested.

The emotional blackmail others to try and justify baby trafficking is manipulative and deeply cynical.

What?? It's a woman's choice to be a surrogate, she will be more than aware of the possibilities of miscarriage. She isn't being forced to be inseminated for christ sake! I can't for the life of me understand why on earth your concern is for the woman. The woman knows the risks, this is their unborn child on the other hand, they are emotionally involved unlike the woman

i understand altruistic surrogacy but there is obviously also a surrogacy "trade" which ultimately feels hugely exploitative - did anyone read the articles about pregnant Ukrainian surrogates and birthed babies getting trapped in Ukraine during the conflict? Ukraine is apparently the European capital of surrogacy. I always fear what happens to those babies who are either shown to have birth defects prior to birth or who are born with disabilities and what happens to these children if they are rejected by the surrogate parents.

Embarrassed?? He really has no fucking clue what the mother may be going through.

Entitled and lacking in empathy.