Page 9 | The (male) midwife who delivered my baby has been struck off

Branleuse · 13/02/2022 10:33

@DrSbaitso

As in, if a man having an intimate medical treatment that affected men only, eg prostate examination, wanted only male doctors to see him, I don't see the problem.

Yes absolutely it works both ways for that, although i think a lot of men arent quite as bothered by it as they dont tend to feel physically threatened by women providing care. Plenty of men prefer female care too, but for different reasons.

mustlovegin · 13/02/2022 10:33

I've had male gynaecologists/specialists and men performing gynaecological procedures. Some were excellent and professional (and probably I would have chosen them over some women). Others were not (e.g. not sufficiently gentle, hence causing pain).

One can't generalise. Although I agree women should be allowed to choose where possible

MoonWise · 13/02/2022 10:33

@SD1978

I don't understand the huge discomfort with male midwives, but male gynaecologists are never an issue. It seems to go back to the whole it's ok for men to be doctors, but not nurses bias many women seem to have. Same that male teachers are great, but male early years educators are also something to be feared.

This

Thenextmrsreacher · 13/02/2022 10:34

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

I had a male midwife ,not solely but he was on duty when I was in intensive care after having ds. He was lovely and sympathetic and kind. I think he was a rare soul.

The only midwife with any time for me when I had my child was a man. He was lovely. That said, I had a section so he didn’t deliver my baby.

Sexnotgender · 13/02/2022 10:36

I don't understand the huge discomfort with male midwives, but male gynaecologists are never an issue.

Who says they’re never an issue?

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 13/02/2022 10:40

I only ever felt uncomfortable with female gynaecologists (40 years of experience) - their examinations were rougher, their manner blunt and uncaring and at my first and last mammogram the female expert sent me off with a false negative.
My "midwives" were female but that was because of availability at the 'non hospital setting' (not UK).

redpanther · 13/02/2022 10:40

Yes absolutely it works both ways for that, although i think a lot of men arent quite as bothered by it as they dont tend to feel physically threatened by women providing care. Plenty of men prefer female care too, but for different reasons

I have never seen research saying this @branleuse, how do you know what plenty of men prefer or feel bothered by?!

midlifecrash · 13/02/2022 10:43

This thread was started about this particular scumbag. I’m so glad he’s struck off, I hope he faces charges and he never works in healthcare again.

OP I hope you’re okay

LaChanticleer · 13/02/2022 10:52

I'm not sure if this was because he was male, or because it was my first baby, or because I was a young mum. But I felt very creeped out by him at the time.

It’s so sad that women are socialised to distrust their instincts. You were right to feel he was creepy.

So sorry for what has happened for you.

THEDEACON · 13/02/2022 10:53

I'm assuming if you think men shouldn't be midwives then you also think that men shouldn't be gynaecologists or obstetricians ? You are being utterly unreasonable!

Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 13/02/2022 10:56

Can men be good midwives? Or should it be a profession soley for women?

Yes they can. Doesn't mean they all are, doesn't mean all female midwives are brilliant either though.

I had a male midwife do one of my sweeps and one help me through a miscarriage, both lovely caring individuals. I had a male student help deliver my eldest, he was brilliant too, came to the ward after she was born to check on me.

SusannaQueen · 13/02/2022 10:57

@nuttybranhare

It's not ridiculous though. Every time there is a post on here about a female issue, there will be woman decrying it, with the comments like "men get raped too", ""what about the men?", "namalt". I can't cope with the way the worries of women who are vulnerable are pushed aside by other women who have no experience or no empathy. So many women here saying they are uncomfortable with a male midwife, but being talked over by women who are raving about their wonderful male midwife. It's just tone deaf and insensitive.

As an aside I'm also not sure how anyone can defend a male wanting to perform mammograms.

Original poster

LaurelFloral · 13/02/2022 10:58

To clear up a few points:

I had requested no male medical professionals at my birth. As we know, birth plans don't go to plan, but as someone who has lived through childhood sexual abuse and being raped as a teenager, I don't think that's an unreasonable request. This was on my notes, and will have been read by said midwife. Obviously I should have had the courage to speak up, but I was assessed, admitted, and then he appeared as my midwife and didn't actually have any other midwife in that entire time.
I has a medical issue that meant I was given an epidural pretty quickly, I was completely alert and aware of what was happening during my labour. My partner fell asleep (grr!) but he had done 4 12hr back to back shifts and was knackered. But for vast parts of my labour the midwife was the only person present (19 years old, having been through some traumatic experiences) as my other half was zonked out.

The midwife encouraged my partner to sleep. He was yawning away and got him some bean bags and a blanket. He was nice, overly nice, but creepy with it. There was a few things said that made me feel very uncomfortable, but equally from my experiences, my age and the fact I was going through a very life changing moment, I didn't know if I was over sensitive! My daughter was born a few hours before the end of his shift, when the midwife finished his shift, he came in to say goodbye, gave me a hug and kissed my forehead.

OP posts:

SusannaQueen · 13/02/2022 11:04

@THEDEACON

I'm assuming if you think men shouldn't be midwives then you also think that men shouldn't be gynaecologists or obstetricians ? You are being utterly unreasonable!

And there we have it.

Incidently there is a difference between midwife and consultant care. My consultant wouldn't have been rubbing my legs and back when they cramped, holding my hand, talking to me in the bath afterwards, positioning my breasts for feeding and showing me how to express. And I would have felt very uncomfortable recieving that kind of care from a man.

Some people on this thread just aren't listening.

Original poster

LaurelFloral · 13/02/2022 11:09

Also, looking at the charges, they go back to 2011. My baby was born several years before this.

When Sarah Everard was murdered, there was the whole not every man is a murderer/rapist, but the problem was we have to be wary of all men because there was no way to distinguish the tiny proportion of bad men from the vast majority of good men. I think this same principals apply here.

OP posts:

Sexnotgender · 13/02/2022 11:20

Are male midwives chaperoned in the same way a male doctor is when performing intimate exams?

Branleuse · 13/02/2022 11:34

@redpanther

Yes absolutely it works both ways for that, although i think a lot of men arent quite as bothered by it as they dont tend to feel physically threatened by women providing care. Plenty of men prefer female care too, but for different reasons

I have never seen research saying this @branleuse, how do you know what plenty of men prefer or feel bothered by?!

Its possible to know about really common things even before academic research is done, just by talking to blokes and having lived experiences. This doesnt mean it bothers all men obviously, just like it doesnt bother all women. I know my partner prefers male proctologist and urologist, yet I know when i was working in a hospital that plenty of men wanted young female nurses and HCAs to do their bed baths and intimate care. The dynamics can be very different. I also dont know about academic research about the dynamics being different between women in vulnerable positions with male professionals and vice versa, or about whether water is wet and bears shit in woods

mustlovegin · 13/02/2022 11:41

Are male midwives chaperoned in the same way a male doctor is when performing intimate exams?

I would like to know this too

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/02/2022 12:03

@Sexnotgender

Are male midwives chaperoned in the same way a male doctor is when performing intimate exams?

I don't know the answer to this in the labour setting - I know that when I had the male MW doing my booking appt, he was not chaperoned. I can't remember whether he asked me if I wanted a chaperone or not.

But I do remember that the male ultrasonographer who was doing the ultrasound for my 2nd miscarriage asked me if I wanted to have a chaperone in the room - I declined, I didn't care at that point. He was so kind, considering what I was going through too.

My male obstetrician - I used to see him quite often for progress ultrasounds (he could do them himself) because of my age and blood clotting condition - I'm pretty certain that either my husband or the receptionist/nurse were always in the room with us, but couldn't swear to it.

I think it''s the sort of thing that male workers in female intimate medical care SHOULD ask automatically - if the woman says that they would like a chaperone then one should be available. It's for everyone's protection, really, isn't it.

sjxoxo · 13/02/2022 12:11

I had a c section & doc was a man, so were other members of the surgery team. I wouldn’t want a male midwife… Yes in surgery you are nude down there for a C section but a midwife sees you far more than once and in more intimate settings. I also think a man could never relate to what labour is like. So no I wouldn’t want a male midwife. It was in my birth plan actually. X

timeisnotaline · 13/02/2022 12:21

[quote SusannaQueen]@THEDEACON

I'm assuming if you think men shouldn't be midwives then you also think that men shouldn't be gynaecologists or obstetricians ? You are being utterly unreasonable!

And there we have it.

Incidently there is a difference between midwife and consultant care. My consultant wouldn't have been rubbing my legs and back when they cramped, holding my hand, talking to me in the bath afterwards, positioning my breasts for feeding and showing me how to express. And I would have felt very uncomfortable recieving that kind of care from a man.

Some people on this thread just aren't listening.[/quote]
Maybe it’s not totally that people arent listening. Maybe it’s that many women have never had a midwife hold their hand, rub their back, talk to me afterwards… I have two dc, and midwives helped birth them, I’m sure midwives did lots of helpful things but not caring things, and they also told me it was selfish to want to have a baby on the labour ward and I shouldn’t have painkillers just because the doctor had prescribed them and why was I still here, don’t you realise other women could use the bed? Etc etc. no patting, massaging or chatting about how I am. Nothing more feminine than I expect to receive from my current male obstetrician.

Unpopular37 · 13/02/2022 12:21

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

Would all those people on here writing off an entire sex really not just want the best person for the job at the end of the day? I mean, it’s potentially your life and your baby’s life at stake if the birth is difficult - but you’d still rather have the worst female midwife/consultant in the world just because she has a vagina before you’d accept a man being involved in your care?

I’m amazed, tbh.

Agree And what about female urologists? Are they creeps because they choose to look at men's bits and palpate a gentleman's prostate? And female nurses who deliver care to both male and female patients, are they creepy too?

Original poster

LaurelFloral · 13/02/2022 12:31

@Sexnotgender

Are male midwives chaperoned in the same way a male doctor is when performing intimate exams?

I never had one nor was I ever offered one.

I presume your 'chaperone' is your birthing partner. Whereas during an intimate exam you are alone. If you see my post above, my partner slept through the vast majority of my very calm labour for which I was very much present, after he had been doing back to back shifts, encouraged by the midwife. So I felt very alone.

OP posts:

SusannaQueen · 13/02/2022 12:38

@timeisnotaline

Im sorry, your experience wasnt great. I had two midwives whilst giving birth to my daughter, the first one was so awful and negatively affected my whole labour , that I suspect the second one may have been compensating. But on the ward there was a lot of attempting to help me position for breastfeeding. Also I had a midwife visit me at home again helping with breastfeeding as DD wasn't taking any milk, I would have felt very uncomfortable if any of these midwives had been a man.

Iggly · 13/02/2022 12:38

@THEDEACON

I'm assuming if you think men shouldn't be midwives then you also think that men shouldn't be gynaecologists or obstetricians ? You are being utterly unreasonable!

I don’t, no actually.

I’ve had intimate exams by a man post birth and it was horrible actually. Very clinical and I felt vulnerable.