The (male) midwife who delivered my baby has been struck off

[LaurelFloral]

So yes, that, basically. The midwife that delivered my first baby has been struck off. I've name changed for total anonymity, but I need to vent.

The midwife (male) made me feel very uncomfortable during labour/after giving birth. I'm not sure if this was because he was male, or because it was my first baby, or because I was a young mum. But I felt very creeped out by him at the time.

He's been struck off for various issues such as disappearing during a shift, taking photos of women during c-sections, not keeping up to date with training, bullying colleagues, I think there were 29 allegations in the end, dating back to 2011.

I remember people saying at the time my child was born that it took a special man to be a midwife, going against the grain, doing a woman's job. As much as I tried, I couldn't see that.

Can men be good midwives? Or should it be a profession soley for women?

I think I'm basically a bit sexist as I would not have wanted a male midwife - but absolutely no good reason for this, and I am sure there are many men who would be good midwives.

I was bloody grateful to the (male) obstetrician who saved DC1's and my lives...

@patchysmum

A male delivered my son, not sure if he was a midwife or doctor but I was just happy to have my baby delivered. Thewindwhispers I think you are very harsh to call male midwifes a creep. Maybe he just wants to help a new life enter the world. There is nothing sexual about giving birth and gentiles are just that every women has them.

Aww, he just wants to help new life enter the world and women must always give men what they want eh? Know your place women.

Midwifery should be women only. Competition for training places is intense, there are midwife shortages and there will always be women who want female only care.

The male midwife who looked after me in post natal was amazing. He was incredibly kind, compassionate and took time to reassure me at a really difficult time. He helped with my daughter’s latch, gave me some excellent breastfeeding tips and in the end had to help me get myself into the shower (long story - I had no end of issues after the birth). By coincidence a close friend who had her baby in the same hospital was also looked after by him and raved about him. One of the two registrars who delivered DD was also male and lovely - kind, gentle, always made sure I had consented to everything and gave me all the information to make my decisions. I had a very difficult birth and aftermath, and on paper I should have been traumatised - that team and how lovely they were is the reason why I’m not.
By contrast the worst midwife I had was a woman, in antenatal, before I was admitted to the labour ward. I feel for women who were assisted by her during the actual birth.

Ah if you're wanting just all females in a certain profession then it'll have to be ok for males to say 'no females' in other professions.

Which professions are you thinking of that are comparable to men being midwives?

I had male student midwife present at my last birth he was working along side my main midwife. He was a lovely young man but being a midwife is not for him he passed out when I delivered the placenta.
He was the only midwife that come and checked I was ok after giving birth and even went to Costa and got me breakfast because I hadn't had any.

@Notimeforaname

Ah if you're wanting just all females in a certain profession then it'll have to be ok for males to say 'no females' in other professions.

I don't see a problem with that either.

As in, if a man having an intimate medical treatment that affected men only, eg prostate examination, wanted only male doctors to see him, I don't see the problem.

@DrSbaitso

As in, if a man having an intimate medical treatment that affected men only, eg prostate examination, wanted only male doctors to see him, I don't see the problem.

Nope. It’s absolutely fine to request male only care in these situations. It’s not some kind of gotcha.

I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience. Sound like this guy was the worst example of a man in healthcare though so I wouldn’t tarnish all male midwives with the same brush.

There were plenty of men involved in the delivery of my babies and I never felt uncomfortable with any of them. I found some of them to be more empathetic than the female dr. They were drs nurses etc rather than midwives. My preference for a midwife would be someone who has had 1 complicated labour and 1 easy labour themself so they really know what it’s like at both ends of the spectrum. That would be in an ideal world but obviously not all midwives can fit into such narrow criteria! Aside from that I’d say a male midwife is as good as a female midwife who’s not have children herself. The important thing is that they have the medical skills and soft skills of empathy, communication, caring attitude etc

There is nothing sexual about giving birth and gentiles are just that every women has them

Not to us no, but to some perverted men yes it is sexual.

@TrickyToPickUsername4644

There is nothing sexual about giving birth and gentiles are just that every women has them

Not to us no, but to some perverted men yes it is sexual.

Absolutely. And for some it will be about having power over women at their most vulnerable.

I had a male midwife, and he was bloody brilliant! He was much better with the me than the female who was on the previous shift.
No I don't think midwifery should be solely for women. I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but that doesn't mean they're all bad. Many woman have bad experiences with female midwives too.

Do you feel the same way about male gynae doctors? Or male nurses?

I had a male midwife as an outpatient and he was competent and lovely. It could have been different as it was for you, I see that, but I have had difficult experiences with women too, they can also go missing on shift and can be unprofessional, rough, incompetent, rude. it was a women who totally messed up my bloods and I nearly died because they hadn't picked something up. One of my dc's doctors was appalling incompetent a few years later. Most of the drs and nurses and midwives I have seen have been great or fine, one or two terrible, but their sex hasn't been relevant.

approx 106 male midwives which makes the strike off rate pretty high.

It's always the denominator that matters.

If the below claim is accurate then there's a substantial problem because these are just the ones who are struck off.

It isn't just 1 though is it. We had another thread on here are there were a fair few who had been struck off, I think it was around 8%

I haven’t read the full thread.

I had a male midwife, he was there from booking in and fortunately was there for delivery too - just the way his locations and shifts fell.

He was fantastic, one of the kindest health professionals I met during both of my pregnancies and wouldn’t hesitate to welcome him again if I had a third.

When I was preparing to give birth to my first, and reading birth stories, there was an amazing male midwife working in my hospital.

I was deeply uncomfortable with the idea but felt that there was no way to object without seeming bigoted. Everyone praised him to the hilt.

At that point I had not processed two assaults - it took a bit of help from mumsnet and a lot of therapy to get my head around what happened. All I knew was that it scared me to have a man examine me intimately or be with me in a vulnerable state.

In the end I had female midwives and the problem didn’t arise. But when I think back to my absurd birth plan where I had specified so many things for the welfare of my baby, it makes me sad that I couldn’t manage to ask for something I needed so deeply myself.

It should be ok to request same sex medical care.

Do you feel the same way about male gynae doctors? Or male nurses?

Yes. As the patient I should feel comfortable with who is allowed access to my body.

@Hairyfriend

To those that would object to a male midwife, why don't you say the same about a male gynaecologist or obstetrician???

Yes I always ask for a female gynae after some negative experiences with male doctors. I felt vindicated when reading the articles lately about womens significantly worse outcomes when they have male doctors and consultants. Its not just about feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable. It actually gives women poorer outcomes too. With gynaes its actually worse because at least male midwives are in a minority, whereas male gynaecologists are bloody most of them. Id have to be absolutely desperate to use one though

Every woman should have the choice to refuse a male midwife or doctor. Womens bodies are not a democracy. I had an all female team for the birth of my DC as my birth plan stated absolutely no males except DH were allowed in the delivery room.
I also standardly request female HCP for intimate procedures. For example: my dentist is male, he’s amazing at his job and a lovely person but I wouldn’t even want a male HCP with his personality for intimate care. I feel uncomfortable with a man when I’m being most vulnerable and I think this goes for many many women.

If I remember from the other thread, a surprisingly large percentage of male midwives have been struck off for appalling behaviour - something like 6%. So until we can sort the good from the bad, no, I don't think men should be midwives.

Sorry you went through this OP. 💐

@Canaloha

Ah if you're wanting just all females in a certain profession then it'll have to be ok for males to say 'no females' in other professions.

Which professions are you thinking of that are comparable to men being midwives?

Yeah, I'd like to see some examples too.

@lollipoprainbow

*Any man who wants to intrude into a woman’s privacy like that is a creep imo.

The vast majority of women do not want strange men looking at their genitals. If, knowing this, a man goes into a job where that’s what he’ll be doing, then he is a bit of a cree*p.

So all male gynaecologists are creeps ???

Enough of them are creeps that I dont risk it. I dont have to.

I don't think anyone is saying all male midwives are terrible at their jobs or that women are all amazing, but that the presence of men in a uniquely female aspect of healthcare, and in which a high percentage have been found guilty of inappropriate behaviour is not something everyone thinks is a good thing. The patient and HCP relationship between a woman and their midwives is quite unique I think.

@USaYwHatNow

Thank you for your excellent post - great to hear from someone in the profession with an honest personal experience.

@Canaloha

I don't think anyone is saying all male midwives are terrible at their jobs or that women are all amazing, but that the presence of men in a uniquely female aspect of healthcare, and in which a high percentage have been found guilty of inappropriate behaviour is not something everyone thinks is a good thing. The patient and HCP relationship between a woman and their midwives is quite unique I think.

Exactly.

I absolutely wouldn’t have wanted a male midwife and that’s ok.