The (male) midwife who delivered my baby has been struck off

[LaurelFloral]

So yes, that, basically. The midwife that delivered my first baby has been struck off. I've name changed for total anonymity, but I need to vent.

The midwife (male) made me feel very uncomfortable during labour/after giving birth. I'm not sure if this was because he was male, or because it was my first baby, or because I was a young mum. But I felt very creeped out by him at the time.

He's been struck off for various issues such as disappearing during a shift, taking photos of women during c-sections, not keeping up to date with training, bullying colleagues, I think there were 29 allegations in the end, dating back to 2011.

I remember people saying at the time my child was born that it took a special man to be a midwife, going against the grain, doing a woman's job. As much as I tried, I couldn't see that.

Can men be good midwives? Or should it be a profession soley for women?

This really chimes with me. A consultant pushed his arm inside me to help to adjust the position of DC2 and didn't say anything to me and ignored my screaming. That has affected my memory of that birth for years

There are plenty of male gynaecologists and we don’t go around calling them creeps, so I think that’s massively unfair to say about male midwives - if anything being a midwife is bringing life into the world so it’s less about genitals than gynaecology, and therefore less “creepy” by that logic. It sounds like you had a bad experience OP and it must be horrible to have to remember it all again but I don’t think it’s fair to paint all male midwives as bad because of this single man. I’m sure there are lots of wonderful ones, birth is a truly amazing thing so I can understand how humans of all sexes would be interested in it!

@Notimeforaname

Ah if you're wanting just all females in a certain profession then it'll have to be ok for males to say 'no females' in other professions.

This !.

There is a push for men to be allowed to practice in the breast screening service, which is currently female only. Like giving birth, breast screening is an area where all of the patients are female, at least half naked and feeling vulnerable. Also like giving birth, the patients are largely not unwell and the care is mostly non emergency. In emergency care most people will take what they can get. In non emergency care people will opt out. I am suspicious of the motives of men who want to enter that area. I don’t know that they are all “creeps” but there is something a lot off about men who push to be around vulnerable women. There are many other areas when HCPs will be around vulnerable women but as part of a wider role rather than the absolute focus. I don’t think men are comparable to lesbians (ffs) and the reason vulnerable men end up with care from women is because their brothers won’t step up and do it rather than the women are sharp elbowed

I see both sides of the argument and fully support a woman’s right to have a female midwife

If midwifery was fully female only, what would be the answer if it was a case of “Sorry, can you hang on while we get a female midwife allocated to you as we don’t have enough of them at present” 😳

@Thewindwhispers

Any man who wants to intrude into a woman’s privacy like that is a creep imo.

The vast majority of women do not want strange men looking at their genitals. If, knowing this, a man goes into a job where that’s what he’ll be doing, then he is a bit of a creep.

But obstetricians are often male and you never really hear this said about them? They’ve been just as involved in my pregnancies/ births as midwives and I never felt uncomfortable

I had one hateful unprofessional female midwife though who I had to formally complain about - I see ot as an individual issue not necessarily that all men should be barred from midwifery

@Shadedog I would hate for a male to do my breast screening!

I had my baby at home unexpectedly, two ambulance technicians turned up minutes later and had to help get placenta out etc and check me and baby over. They were two youngish males, I felt extremely uncomfortable and I could tell so did they. Neither had attended a birth before apart from once of them at their wives birth. They both said it wasn't a call they ever have had to attend.

Obviously I was grateful to have them get to me, but I definitely wouldn't choose a male to my birth and if I was in hospital and a male midwife appeared I would request a lady instead.

I had a female midwife the second time who was incredibly controlling the entire labour. She told me I had to take all my underwear off, I had to wear a gown, when I had to lie down, she cannulated me and put up IV fluids without clinical indication or consent, she gave me analgesia too early without discussion so I had no cover for the hardest part. Worst off all when the whole thing was over and my episiotomy was stitched the male obgyn could see i was hypersensitive to touch as was in so much pain he said can you get this lady some analgesia she's clearly in agony. She told me to roll over and I assumed it was a subcut injection in my leg like I had had the previous pain killer but she actually inserted a suppository without any discussion or consent. I have never felt so vulnerable in my life and have used it in my practice and when training student nurses to ensure that before you do an intimate procedure you explain it explicitly. So its certainly not just men.

I work with a number of male nurses who have been excellent, very compassionate and caring. I would have them look after me in a heartbeat. I can appreciate the argument that people should have a choice who looks after them, I think in some circumstances that would be appropriate but I think it does open up the argument for the old man refusing to have a nurse who isn't white which can be quite common in more country areas. Also in some circumstances like the pp who was complaining that a male was in the room to pop in a cannula then left..are you really wanting your entire hospital stay to be female only? If someone is tricky to cannulate we would only have 2 goes and it may require a band 3 (who are the most experienced as they do many a day). Otherwise you might have to wait hours for someone to place it via ultrasound which would mean delays to treatment including really importantly timed IV antibiotics in the case of Group B Strep.

@USaYwHatNow

I have worked with a kind, caring, and amazing male midwife who was a massive loss to the unit I worked in when he left. He got more thank you cards and gifts than I did and we always used to joke about it, but he really was amazing.

I also worked briefly with a second male midwife who was just as great. He looked after a Muslim patient who sang his praises to me all day until her husband arrived for visiting and she completely shut him down and refused for him to even enter the 4 bed bay. He was so upset and you could see how conflicted he felt.

Pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period are amazing and powerful and male midwives are just the same as any other female professional who is in awe at women and thinks it's an amazing event to witness.

Ever seen a paramedic show on TV? Where a male paramedic assists at the delivery of a baby and theyre absolutely buzzing at how amazing it is? That's why male midwives do the job, not because they're creepy or weird.

Unfortunately male midwives who are struck off or being investigated will gather press attention because male midwives aren't the 'norm' however I would suggest looking at the NMC upcoming hearings online to see that actually a huge amount of female midwives can be cold, unempathetic and sometimes downright cruel.

Everyone has the right to refuse a male midwife or a male gynaecologist or obstetrician but one rotten apple doesn't mean that all male professionals in the world of Midwifery and maternity services are awful.

until her husband arrived for visiting and she completely shut him down and refused for him to even enter the 4 bed bay. He was so upset and you could see how conflicted he felt

He wasn’t that great then was he? Any man choosing midwifery would surely do do on the full understanding that a significant proportion of women would have a problem with him. It takes a high level of arrogance to pursue the career without having completely come to terms with that.

I honestly don’t know what would attract a man to that job. A lot of fathers don’t want to be at the ‘business end’ so why the fuck a male midwife would want that all the time is beyond me.

You could equally question what would attract women to work with men with penile and testicular problems, or anyone to work with patients with bowel and urinary problems. Maybe it has to do with being good at it or interested in it? The great plus of obstetrics is, of course, that the patient outcome is generally a happy one.

I don’t agree with men not being allowed to be midwives. I had a fabulous male midwife who helped me get DS latched on and feeding well when I was on the post natal word after a c section. He was sensitive, kind, gentle, patient, very understanding that I might feel uncomfortable and gave me more time than any of the female midwives. I do agree women should be able to choose and say no if they don’t want a male, but I think it’s wrong to say men can’t do a certain profession.

For those who feel that defending male midwives is tantamount to giving a licence for men to abuse women, what about men in other areas of female care? At least in labour women are usually in good health otherwise and most often have a partner there. What about male nurses when women are very ill, or very elderly women? Do we think that all female care which might involve anything below the waist or bare chested should only be done by women? Or could this be because we’ve been conditioned to think of midwives as only being women and childbirth as some kind of female-only cult?

I'm surprised they haven't insisted the title be changed to 'birthing nurse' or something ludicrous because midWIFE is very female orientated isn't it? Give it time...

I had a very premature baby and one of the (many!) midwives who rushed in to help pre theatre was male. I think he was quite senior. He was calm and knowledgeable and to be honest he was great! So yes I do think men can be good midwives. I’ve also had very unsympathetic, mean female midwives in other labours! I’ve also had male and female obstetricians. Both were fine.

Unfortunately some people are creeps and they tend to gravitate into caring roles.

Why don’t people object to male gynaecologists the way they object to male midwives? Both my DDs were delivered by male Drs (one traumatic birth, one section). I didn’t think twice about that.
I’m sorry this has happened to you OP but as pointed out, if you look on the NMC website you will see the hearings that show that female midwifes are also struck off all the time. Male midwives being struck off is just more news worthy.

I’m so sorry he made you feel uncomfortable.

I specified on my birth plan I wanted female only HCPs unless absolutely necessary in an emergency.

Male midwifes are fine. There are some female midwifes that aren't the best. I think key is that a woman giving birth should have the choice, and if she would prefer a female midwife, then fine. It’s unfair to demonise all male midwifes for the actions of a few. Not all female nurses are paragons of virtue either. I had an awful one at my second DCs birth.

I will always be suspicious of any man choosing to work in a profession where he will be treating vulnerable women.

Op Im sorry you had that birth experience. If any man creeps you out then the chances are he's a creep. That must have been a real shock to find out in that way.

Men can be good midwives. He was a bad egg.

So much prejudice here.

Ah if you're wanting just all females in a certain profession then it'll have to be ok for males to say 'no females' in other professions.

In situations of personal care, I think men SHOULD be able to request a male professional. As should women be able to request a woman.

As someone said above, I never thought about it before now but I too would have been put off by a male radiographer at my last mammogram.

Oh and midwife means "with woman."

I do think the role is naturally a more female dominated one but I wouldn't say it should be a female only role. Unfortunately there are some awful men who abuse the role but there are also some horrendous women who do too. The job needs to be done by well trained, empathetic and understanding people who listen and make the mother feel safe. We should feel empowered to challenge when we feel unsafe and should be listened to and respected. It wasn't the sex if the struck off midwife that made him a bad midwife but his conduct