Anorgasmia - inability to orgasm

[GNCQ]

5-10% of women have lived their whole lives without ever having experienced an orgasm.

The statistics in men with primary anorgasmia is about 0.15% so 1.5 in every thousand men will have the same issue.

I have roughly 20 good female friends, so it's possible 1 or 2 or them don't/can't ever orgasm. This is no doubt a feminist issue.

Seeing as some of the psychological causes of primary anorgasmia include bad body image, embarrassment and guilt, I'm not surprised it's more prevalent in women.

Maybe better sex education would help? FGM (basically forced inability to orgasm) affects only women, also perhaps it is possible that women are more likely to be turned off by sex from (bad) early childhood experiences.

It's rather a Taboo subject.
How many women on here can't orgasm?

I personally couldn't imagine my life without the experience, and basically had no idea it was so prevalent in women until recently.

What could feminists do to help?

When considering the internal structure of the clitoris and how it sits around the vagina I can’t help but wonder whether permanent damage to it is a huge issue in instrumental childbirth.

Forceps were a necessary evil for my first baby (even with them he had a very poor algae score), but I can’t believe there was no resulting injury during the procedure.

Algae = apgar

Masters of Sex was an entertaining drama based on the Masters and Johnson groundbreaking research on the female orgasm.

I don't know how to put this without being blunt, but I've recently often wondered why women's 'sex juices' don't have their own word, that isn't slang, or used for other secretions as well. Or if there is specific word, it's completely passed me by..?

I feel like I'm going off-topic. Sorry.

@Azilliondegrees

Algae = apgar

Both mine were forceps, I think you were closer with algae

I totally understand not having one every time, or will PIV only, or with an inconsiderate partner, the impact on medications, etc. I've been there for each of them. And of course the horror of FGM.

However, that is very different from the OP quote: 5-10% of women have lived their whole lives without ever having experienced an orgasm. I would have assumed it was something that everyone discovered at some point.

From the friends I've known over the years, and the limited times we would have had such discussions, I've never known one to say they never had one (but I've heard the PIV issues, medication, etc.)

It's great that some people posted on the board to acknowledge it, because I've never heard it from friends in real life.

5-10% is incredible if true.

Assuming that 5-10 percent figure it true, I'm absolutely amazed it why never discussed with my friends over the years? Statistically I'd have expected to encounter it.

There was a related thread on relationships recently:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4305654-any-experience-with-a-partner-that-doesnt-finish

Assuming that 5-10 percent figure it true, I'm absolutely amazed it why never discussed with my friends over the years? Statistically I'd have expected to encounter it.

There was a related thread on relationships recently:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4305654-any-experience-with-a-partner-that-doesnt-finish

Turned out I had some insensitivity and messed up nerve responses due to being low in B12. Once I had supplemented it my orgasms came back
That is really interesting

@NiceGerbil

Interestingly things got much um. Livelier. After DD1.

never been in Labour, both were CS so must be to do with pregnancy.

Felt like things had kind of rearranged themselves a bit inside or something!

The whole topic- I don't think there's been much attention/ study compared to The Mighty Ejaculating Organ has there.

Completely agree there! and also snap re organs "rearranging" after pregnancy, it's like my orgasms or the way I got them changed afterwards.

Thanks for all your Great posts on this thread NiceGerbil!

No one is going to discuss it with their friends. It’s just too intimate. And most people see it as crap sex if you don’t. Why would a woman admit that. Men are never going to admit that they fail to make a woman orgasim. Women are not going to tell their friends that their partner fails to make them orgasim or that they can’t anyway.

I had no education on this when younger. Didn’t know it existed. Thought it was my role to please a man. It was never mentioned and women did not talk about sex toys. Its was spoken of as a duty. It’s brilliant that woman can now have great rewarding sex.

Over years I've had some discussions with close friends. That has included friends boasting about how good their partner was, and sometime how bad their partner was.

But never had a friend mention that they NEVER had one. However, with increased awareness of sexual health and wellbeing, it's like a topic that will hopefully more visibility going forward.

I wonder what the root cause for NEVER is? Psychological? Physical? A combinations of factors?

Wow for those numbers! I totally get the situational anorgasmia, but never having had one is very different. I just did a bit more googling and the term for that seems to be "primary anorgasmia".

If I ready correctly, then it it seems that @nukeitfromorbit and @OppsUpsSide are part of that group.

I wonder if you ever discussed or mentioned that with friends? If the answer is no, then it would certainly help explain why so it was something I never heard from very close friends over the years (I've had very private personal conversations with a small group).

I only orgasm through masturbation, never with my partner. I read recently that women in same sex relationships orgasm a lot more than in straight relationships, this doesn't surprise me in the slightest.

Turned out I had some insensitivity and messed up nerve responses due to being low in B12.

That's interesting; I'm currently on a course of B12 tablets after a blood test showed I was low (it was a surprise to me, as I hadn't known they were testing for that - thought it was just iron and blood sugars.) But I'm also 49, so I usually assume any changes and challenges around arousal or orgasms is most down to age. I don't feel any different with the B12 tablets - worse, if anything, bit I think that got more to do with a bout of insomnia, which has been here a few weeks.

Those of you on the thread with anorgasmia, do you ever feel the need to fake it? Or do you just happily admit you won't get there but you're alright?

No, never. Certainly not with DH who totally understands, although sometimes feels like it's him who isn't good enough (it's not).

I wonder what the root cause for NEVER is? Psychological? Physical? A combinations of factors?

For me it's a combination of both. Definite insensitivity, but still - everything can be going well but if I hear a child going to the bathroom or a cat jumps on the bed, or a stray thought about anything, that's it. No chance of it ever happening.

Do you think your anorgasmia should or could be cured? Are you alright with it?

@GNCQ, I think you are right that it’s a taboo subject. Given these boards are 95%+ mums, and given the figures you state, it should be highly relevant.

For more visibility and feedback you could make a related post on AIBU? I’ve seen very good discussion and advice (and very bad too!!) on a wide range of topics over the years.

Of course you might get posters complaining that it’s not a suitable topic, which would indeed indicate it’s taboo :)

OP, in theory this could be a discussion for the Sex board. But the few times I've ever looked there it seems mostly men posting.

@irresistibleoverwhelm

No you’re not weird! They are on a spectrum from great to meh (and occasionally the ones I described upthread where they sort of “cut out” right at the crucial point and you get a physiological climax but without the nice sensation).

I also experience a fair number of different types - the vaginal and clitoral ones feel different; some more muscular, and some a softer sensation. I can sort of feel what seem to me like circles of tissue light up in various places in the vagina. There are some which come in a rush like an mushroom cloud explosion up through the body, and some that feel like a deep intense sweet sensation, like hot water spreading into a cold pool. And some are like mountain peaks that last only a second, and some come more like waves for a bit longer.

I find I can’t really articulate them as experiences apart from as metaphors, because they’re not linguistic experiences! Maybe that’s why people don’t really discuss it - we don’t have very accurate language to talk about it.

I think the fact women don’t have the ‘agreed’ common language to describe this is part of the problem.

Sex education at my school in the 90/00s was mostly ovarian tubes and uterus. Not sure we were even shown diagrams of external genitalia, let alone labelled.

@Feelingoktoday

No one is going to discuss it with their friends. It’s just too intimate. And most people see it as crap sex if you don’t. Why would a woman admit that. Men are never going to admit that they fail to make a woman orgasim. Women are not going to tell their friends that their partner fails to make them orgasim or that they can’t anyway.

I had no education on this when younger. Didn’t know it existed. Thought it was my role to please a man. It was never mentioned and women did not talk about sex toys. Its was spoken of as a duty. It’s brilliant that woman can now have great rewarding sex.

This. I’ve never had a discussion about orgasms in even a general sense (beyond a rare jokey comment) with any friends. Pretty sure they haven’t with each other either! It’s still a taboo topic amongst lots of women.

A friend in her 50’s told me she’s never had an orgasm recently. This is from someone quite “wild”. It came as a surprise.

I'm not starting a post on AIBU! It's like the wild west over there.
I basically consider anorgasmia to be a feminist issue because it largely affects females. I wondered if Feminists or people interested in Feminism were aware of it.
This board gets a fair amount of traffic.

I've never actually looked at the sex board! Not sure about moving the thread... Maybe the sex board would be more appropriate.

In the western world I'd consider it a personal issue. If you've never had one, then there is research to be done online, perhaps a visit to the GP, etc. It's up to the person to take action.

I've never heard a friend say they never had one. So is it possible there is some stigma associated with never having had one? Maybe not though, based on @Twoforthree post

I've never orgasmed aged 36.. and I love sex. I love the sensations, I love getting in the dirty mindset, I feel relaxed.. It's just never happened, it's like there's a disconnect between my mind and my bits. It's nothing to do with a mans skill, DP is an amazing lover. We have an open relationship and he has made his last partner orgasm. I think I need to experiment more on myself.. I do masturbate and feel a little buildup and gentle peak when I've done but compared to what I've heard orgasms described as.. 🤷🏻‍♀️