Anorgasmia - inability to orgasm

[GNCQ]

5-10% of women have lived their whole lives without ever having experienced an orgasm.

The statistics in men with primary anorgasmia is about 0.15% so 1.5 in every thousand men will have the same issue.

I have roughly 20 good female friends, so it's possible 1 or 2 or them don't/can't ever orgasm. This is no doubt a feminist issue.

Seeing as some of the psychological causes of primary anorgasmia include bad body image, embarrassment and guilt, I'm not surprised it's more prevalent in women.

Maybe better sex education would help? FGM (basically forced inability to orgasm) affects only women, also perhaps it is possible that women are more likely to be turned off by sex from (bad) early childhood experiences.

It's rather a Taboo subject.
How many women on here can't orgasm?

I personally couldn't imagine my life without the experience, and basically had no idea it was so prevalent in women until recently.

What could feminists do to help?

@Purplegrape23

I came on here to see the discussion bcos I am interested in the ways in which different women achieve orgasms.

It’s funny because although a lot of you talk about 80s being the time people spoke about female orgasm & that you spoke about orgasms with friends growing up, no one has actually said what or how an orgasm might be achieved.

Apologies if I’ve missed it but it’s not something that was taught to me and I had to discover it myself at the age of 28 with a vibrator. I’m still unable to achieve them through sexual intercourse, although I’ve come close a few times I just can’t seem to let go/get there. I’m not really sure what I’m/my partner/s are doing wrong (they have tried) and often wonder how other women achieve orgasms- is it through sexual intercourse as well as clitoral stimulation simultaneously?

It's a a very personal subject. I orgasm through clitoral stimulation only. Communication is key.

@Namenic

DH got me omgyes subscription - which was interesting and had lots of ideas. I didn’t figure it out for a long time, but I’m glad DH is very considerate and will always make sure I’m happy first.

So your anorgasmia has gone now? Do you feel Omgyes helped you?

No you’re not weird! They are on a spectrum from great to meh (and occasionally the ones I described upthread where they sort of “cut out” right at the crucial point and you get a physiological climax but without the nice sensation).

I also experience a fair number of different types - the vaginal and clitoral ones feel different; some more muscular, and some a softer sensation. I can sort of feel what seem to me like circles of tissue light up in various places in the vagina. There are some which come in a rush like an mushroom cloud explosion up through the body, and some that feel like a deep intense sweet sensation, like hot water spreading into a cold pool. And some are like mountain peaks that last only a second, and some come more like waves for a bit longer.

I find I can’t really articulate them as experiences apart from as metaphors, because they’re not linguistic experiences! Maybe that’s why people don’t really discuss it - we don’t have very accurate language to talk about it.

21:56PurpleParrotfish
**

No not in the slightest! It's a really interesting point of view.
Sometimes it's just a "fizz" then all over, sometimes it's like an all consuming volcanic explosion. Completely not weird imo.

I wonder if men get the same thing and that's how they get hooked into porn. Their last orgasm wasn't good enough so they try again with a different porn video and that still isn't satisfying so they try again and again ...
Women probably aren't immune to this porn problem but it isn't quite so prevalent.

But to experience no orgasm ever seems to be a different thing entirely.

23:03 irresistibleoverwhelm I find I can’t really articulate them as experiences apart from as metaphors, because they’re not linguistic experiences! Maybe that’s why people don’t really discuss it - we don’t have very accurate language to talk about it.
Haha ditto

I have anorgasmia, I'm not prudish and masturbate regularly and enjoy it but just can't quite finish. It's probably partly down to ADs but even when younger I couldn't.
Doesn't mean I don't enjoy sex, it's just a different experience.
What can feminists do help Maybe just except that we're all different and the inability to orgasm doesn't make you inferior or in need of help?

Have feminists said that?!

'I wonder if men get the same thing and that's how they get hooked into porn. Their last orgasm wasn't good enough so they try again with a different porn video and that still isn't satisfying so they try again and again ...'

In the thing I read earlier it said orgasm activates same part of the brain as cocaine etc...

A lot of women don't have orgasms because their partners are crap.

ADs 100% commonly affect ability to orgasm.

More women on them than men.

Would be good if they found a different drug etc.

Sidetrack-

I always found it odd in the 90s etc that with pills there was a thing in the news a lot about how it released seratonin and it could make it run out or something and then you would be sad forever.

Many ADs are SSRIs - essentially do the same thing.

So this is BAD
but in this form, it's fine.

When you first start taking them if you have the experience it's like coming up on a small bit of a pill.
My friend felt totally mashed off it and had to stop taking them!

Oh and nuke IME often men you sleep with are totally obsessed with making you come (which is really annoying as they often don't know wtf they're doing and they see it as a goal of some type. About them not you!).

A general comment IME it takes time to learn what works with a bloke. ONS no way.

Oh my gosh yes the men and their "have you come yet have you come yet?"
It's like they're trying to prove a point!

This leads onto the even more taboo - fake orgasms.

I'm guilty of fake orgasm. More than once.
Especially when I was younger.
The sheer pressure!

Those of you on the thread with anorgasmia, do you ever feel the need to fake it? Or do you just happily admit you won't get there but you're alright?

I was devastated to discover that a dear friend of mine was anorgasmic. She told me 20 years ago and is still working on it now. When w edifices it I remain curious as to whether this is simple technique, or psychological blocks or a.n other? Orgasm has been a deep self connection and solace and joy for me - I can’t imagine how it must be without it.

@Mischance

A lot of women don't have orgasms because their partners are crap.

Yep. Had that until I was well into my 30s. DH fixed that.

Until I hit menopause. Crap. Nothing does it, now.

I agree that antidepressants aren't good for the sex life, but if they stop you from feeling like harming yourself there needs to be a balance of priority.

Devastated?

I mean it's not a big deal in the scheme of things surely?

Still pleasurable even if no orgasm. This is another pressure on women isn't it? It always used to be. G spot? Vaginal orgasm? Squirting? Multiples?

Always an underlying thing that whatever you do experience it's probably not much good.

GNCQ for sure.

If you are in a relationship and depressed though, losing desire/ not being able to get there is not ideal is it.

Women are dished them out and often on them long term.

The pill similar. You need this. Side affect- loss of libido etc.

Bit crap.

23:33 Angliski

Yes it isn't clear if it's psychological or physiological. Either way there really needs to be more research and therapy.

@Angliski

I was devastated to discover that a dear friend of mine was anorgasmic. She told me 20 years ago and is still working on it now. When w edifices it I remain curious as to whether this is simple technique, or psychological blocks or a.n other? Orgasm has been a deep self connection and solace and joy for me - I can’t imagine how it must be without it.

Meh, I was anorgasmic until my late 20s; I'm glad I worked it out and yes it is a nice thing to do, but I was perfectly happy beforehand.

I don’t orgasm, it would make me too vulnerable.

And it doesn’t bother me either

Another one who has varied levels from “mm that’s nice” to howling like a banshee and unable to speak or move afterwards. The latter can only be achieved by my DP but not with PIV, mostly hands and smutty talk. On my own it’s only ever a rudimentary “mm that’s nice” so I can sleep.

DP also has varied responses and likes to jokingly rank his within the top 5/10/1000 afterwards and then asks what I did differently this time. (My usual answer, “oh. I put it in my mouth” like every other fucking time! ) but apparently the rhythm and flow can be just right sometimes, much like mine I guess, for a top 10 one!

When I thought I’d lost my orgasms I was devastated. Turned out I had some insensitivity and messed up nerve responses due to being low in B12. Once I had supplemented it my orgasms came back and I stopped getting pins and needles and numbness elsewhere. It really was devastating to think I may never have it again. I do wonder how many women could be missing out on pleasure due to something as basic as a vitamin. I’d definitely recommend checking out any potential physical blocks as well as emotional ones for anyone wanting to explore that. Also coconut oil.

ADs are the cause of mine. Previously I had amazing orgasms but only through PIV. Everything else was nice and very horny but nothing like a penis hitting the G spot .

Interestingly things got much um. Livelier. After DD1.

never been in Labour, both were CS so must be to do with pregnancy.

Felt like things had kind of rearranged themselves a bit inside or something!

The whole topic- I don't think there's been much attention/ study compared to The Mighty Ejaculating Organ has there.