Anorgasmia - inability to orgasm

[GNCQ]

5-10% of women have lived their whole lives without ever having experienced an orgasm.

The statistics in men with primary anorgasmia is about 0.15% so 1.5 in every thousand men will have the same issue.

I have roughly 20 good female friends, so it's possible 1 or 2 or them don't/can't ever orgasm. This is no doubt a feminist issue.

Seeing as some of the psychological causes of primary anorgasmia include bad body image, embarrassment and guilt, I'm not surprised it's more prevalent in women.

Maybe better sex education would help? FGM (basically forced inability to orgasm) affects only women, also perhaps it is possible that women are more likely to be turned off by sex from (bad) early childhood experiences.

It's rather a Taboo subject.
How many women on here can't orgasm?

I personally couldn't imagine my life without the experience, and basically had no idea it was so prevalent in women until recently.

What could feminists do to help?

Where are you getting your stats from?

Because I think that's on the low side. I think many more women have a lack of orgasm, or a poor orgasm, or a poor sexual response.

I have read somewhere that heterosexual women have a lower chance of orgasm with each sexual encounter than bi or lesbian women.

I got stats from Google basically, there are a couple of sites that specialise in the stats but they're few and far between.
It's almost like no one talks about it.

Interesting.

Girls are strongly encouraged to keep their hands off.
Girls anatomy is less obvious, if you like, than boys. So happening across that feels nice may be less common.
The focus generally on piv I suspect doesn't help.
The underlying social idea that sex is for men/ the vanishing of female pleasure as important (very much around when I was s teen).

All the stuff about sex toys- makes it seem complicated/ tricky?

The wider variation in what will do it for women Vs men

Ditto stuff about g spot, squirting, multiple orgasms... Confusing.

The impact of Freud immature clitoral orgasm lurking...

Was that an orgasm? Or not?. Am I missing something? How do I know?

The lack of understanding of the biology etc. Massive internal organ. How does it work? What does it mean for how different women experience pleasure?

A great question and s huge topic..

Is it can't or don't?
Because there's a big difference, and one can be improved by some of the things people have mentioned, and one can't.
For the record, it's very difficult for me, but can happen.

I wonder how that figure manifests itself in different age cohorts, and whether older generations of women have greater proportions of anorgasmia or not.

It's the kind of question where you'd initially suspect older women who grew up in less sexually permissive cultures might have had less chance to explore their sexual response. Now, that's what I'd have said up until the last few years, until I realised that as I approached my forties (I'm 43) it became easier and easier to orgasm. (I've always been able to pretty easily, but now it's like at the drop of a hat to be honest.) I had sort of known, but hadn't actually appreciated, that even if your body isn't what it was when younger, it's countered by the fact that it's far easier to be confident in how it responds, to know what you prefer, sexually, and to know what gets you off and how to do it yourself if someone else isn't doing it for you!

So I wonder whether the picture is more complicated. Lots of things can affect orgasmic response, from antidepressants to anxiety to psychological blocks. Younger people are reportedly having less sex, and despite the heavy sexualisation of the culture and the easier availability of sex toys etc., I wonder whether that and the general pornification of everything actually might have made things a bit worse for younger women in terms of sexual confidence and orgasmic response. I know I was shocked to read an article recently in the Atlantic about a woman my age who had never been able to orgasm despite plenty of sexual experience. So it would be really interesting to find out some good statistics and theories about why and who!

I think the 'ability' to orgasm comes naturally to some women (a bit like sneezing), regardless of inhibitions or sexual experience.

It was for me. I couldn't climb a rope in the school gym from the age of 10 without it happening. And it used to happen in my sleep. Or on the bus. Unfortunately it didn't happen automatically during intercourse. That had to be learned, and required a partner who was prepared to learn what worked for me.

The only time I couldn't orgasm was when I was prescribed anti-depressants. That made me truly anorgasmic, so I came off them pretty quickly as I would rather be depressed than lose something so intrinsic to my physical and mental wellbeing.

@NiceGerbil

Interesting.

Girls are strongly encouraged to keep their hands off.
Girls anatomy is less obvious, if you like, than boys. So happening across that feels nice may be less common.
The focus generally on piv I suspect doesn't help.
The underlying social idea that sex is for men/ the vanishing of female pleasure as important (very much around when I was s teen).

Such an old fashioned viewpoint

FGM (basically forced inability to orgasm)

This is just not true from what I've read about it.

irresistibleoverwhelm

You're 43 I'm s bit older.

Older generations would have been 20s in the 60s etc probably? I think there was more of s focus on female pleasure then and into the 80s than now.

I get what you're saying but just not sure.

'Lots of things can affect orgasmic response, from antidepressants to anxiety to psychological blocks'

Reduced sex drive is s listed side effect of hormonal contraception. Could be a factor?

Nobody tells us how to have an orgasm.

Perhaps they should include clitoral stimulation in sex ed.

Snugglybuggly

'Such an old fashioned viewpoint'

Sure- society in general still has these viewpoints though.

Little girls who touch etc are very firmly told to stop. Not polite.
Little boys touching- oh haha they're all obsessed with their willies aren't they!

As adults on eg the tube. Young men with hand tucked down pants (not sexual- it's a warm comfort thing I think for both sexes!).
Never seen a woman with hand down pants.

Men (namalt) also adjust, walk around with hand down etc.

It's socially seen as different.

And the other thing- mainstream het porn is undoubtedly pretty iffy in terms of what and who sex is for. Grim stuff.

That is newer and getting worse though so not old fashioned I wouldn't say.

Although sure. Maybe it's lie back and think of England when it boils down to it though. Fair point.

I found it interesting though extremely depressing that my DD's first PSHE classes on anatomy (Year 1) had diagrams of all the correctly-labelled male genitals, then for female just urethra, vagina, anus. No clitoris appeared on the diagram at all. So we still don't even tell little girls it exists. Presumably because then the teachers would have to explain what it does and they don't want to go into that at age 5-6?

Except that the upshot of it is that we're still effectively lying to little girls by withholding knowledge about their actual anatomy. But not, of course for boys. Only girls get the shameful "reveal" later on of the bit that Had To Be Kept Hidden/Secret/Taboo. That's only just the start of the mixed messages we send little girls as a society about their sexual pleasure being something not to be spoken about or to be kept from them until an "appropriate" time.

(My DD asked what her clitoris was in the bath. I told her, but was still terrified she'd go about telling other kids in the playground and I'd be thought badly of by other mums/teachers! About telling her a basic body fact! Our social conditioning about female orgasm and pleasure being taboo is really very deep.)

Plus of course.

That turns out the clitoris has a massive internal structure. Is only bit in humans that seems to be just for pleasure.

Hardly anyone knows.

Explains so much about the variation in what women like/ makes them orgasm.

But hardly anyone knows.

Female pleasure is still pretty taboo after all these years.

@irresistibleoverwhelm

I found it interesting though extremely depressing that my DD's first PSHE classes on anatomy (Year 1) had diagrams of all the correctly-labelled male genitals, then for female just urethra, vagina, anus. No clitoris appeared on the diagram at all. So we still don't even tell little girls it exists. Presumably because then the teachers would have to explain what it does and they don't want to go into that at age 5-6?

Except that the upshot of it is that we're still effectively lying to little girls by withholding knowledge about their actual anatomy. But not, of course for boys. Only girls get the shameful "reveal" later on of the bit that Had To Be Kept Hidden/Secret/Taboo. That's only just the start of the mixed messages we send little girls as a society about their sexual pleasure being something not to be spoken about or to be kept from them until an "appropriate" time.

(My DD asked what her clitoris was in the bath. I told her, but was still terrified she'd go about telling other kids in the playground and I'd be thought badly of by other mums/teachers! About telling her a basic body fact! Our social conditioning about female orgasm and pleasure being taboo is really very deep.)

Completely agree with this. I remember my 3yo daughter finding her clitoris and asking ‘mummy, is this my willy’? I literally screamed at her to leave it alone. Looking back I have no idea why I reacted like that. I now have a 5yo boy whose hands are never off his willy, I don’t tell him off though.

I wonder whether that and the general pornification of everything actually might have made things a bit worse for younger women in terms of sexual confidence and orgasmic response

Yeah I'd agree with this. 00:42 irresistibleoverwhelm

01:02 Snugglybuggly old fashioned?

I agree with what was said.

Porn, sex education and general knowledge around sex, is so much about sex being something men do TO women. Whether the woman actually likes it or not is irrelevant for the most part.

@Iflyaway

FGM (basically forced inability to orgasm)

This is just not true from what I've read about it.

Yeah having your clit scraped out really leads to a healthy sex life.

I've read the emotional and physical scarring from FGM can be so traumatic you can't respond to sex at all other than doing it to produce a baby.

Obviously some FGM techniques are less extreme.

Let's just agree that some FGM does and some FGM doesn't lead to anorgasmia.

I discovered orgasms by myself really young (thank you Judy Blume), and had a friend the same, so personally didn't find it too taboo, as we obsessively discussed this amazing thing we had discovered for ourselves. (Hope this isn't TMI?)
Had other friends who discovered it much much later, and would have been shocked at our talk (tried, got shamed into not talking about it with them).

Sex education at school was more about the mechanics. I didn't really want teachers telling me how to have an orgasm..

Had a great sex life with great orgasms (in most of my serious relationships) until very recently (perimenopause?) where a decent orgasm (any orgasm?) seems to elude me. I'm gutted about this and hoping it's just a blip. 😢

I agree that female pleasure was more of a focus in the 80s and 90s; women's magazines discussed it a lot. Now it seems that male pleasure is the focus and is really damaging sex for young people, especially young women.. (why does my phone capitalise Male?!)

01:41irresistibleoverwhelm
I found it interesting though extremely depressing that my DD's first PSHE classes on anatomy (Year 1) had diagrams of all the correctly-labelled male genitals, then for female just urethra, vagina, anus. No clitoris appeared on the diagram at all

This is really shocking, and I'm racking my brains trying to remember my biology class when we labelled the sex organs, and I actually cannot remember clitoris being part of the anatomy.

I don't think it was on there, unless I've simply forgotten. This would have been the nineties.

I came on here to see the discussion bcos I am interested in the ways in which different women achieve orgasms.

It’s funny because although a lot of you talk about 80s being the time people spoke about female orgasm & that you spoke about orgasms with friends growing up, no one has actually said what or how an orgasm might be achieved.

Apologies if I’ve missed it but it’s not something that was taught to me and I had to discover it myself at the age of 28 with a vibrator. I’m still unable to achieve them through sexual intercourse, although I’ve come close a few times I just can’t seem to let go/get there. I’m not really sure what I’m/my partner/s are doing wrong (they have tried) and often wonder how other women achieve orgasms- is it through sexual intercourse as well as clitoral stimulation simultaneously?

Iflyaway - read Cut by Hibo Wardere if you want to know what FGM does to women's lives

I started enjoying sex much, much more once I came off the pill, and my sex drive rocketed. I'd been on taking it constantly from the age of 15 to the age of 32, so I hadn't even realised my libido had been affected.

It could be a coincidence, I suppose, but I'll be very reluctant to go back on the pill after I've had my baby...