Can you help me compile a list of tasks that are emotional labour/life admin?

[PetticoatSoldier]

I’m trying to write a comprehensive list of every job that comes under the emotional labour/life and home admin banner so I can share it with DH.

We share physical housework tasks and childcare equally but we were talking recently and he said something about “everything” being split equally and I pointed out that no actually, “everything” is not. So, now he has offered to take his fare share, I am trying to write a list of everything I can possibly think of to ensure the load is evenly split 😀 Can you help?

I’ll post what I have in comments or else this OP will be massive!

Remembering family and friends anniversaries and birthdays
Remembering playdates
School activities
After school clubs
Washing and packing sports kits
Organising packed lunches

Those are just a few off the top of my head. Might remember others later.

Making you write lists of tasks because he can't be arsed to think of what needs doing himself?

Arranging childcare
Having Plan B in case childcare breaks down
Repeat prescriptions
Dentist appointments (making and attending)
Realising when new clothes and shoes are needed
Buying clothes and shoes
Menu planning
Presents for birthday parties
After school activities

Taking the bins out
Making sure home insurance is appropriate and up to date
Ditto life insurance
Ditto car insurance
Car mot and service
Kids haircuts
Birthday presents for kids friends
Mother and Father’s Day for grandparents
Planning Christmas
Organising birthday parties
Dentist appointments
Vaccinations
Boiler service
Chimney sweeping

Noticing things that need to be done!
House and car insurance.
Remembering, booking and taking eye apps, dentists.

Be the one the kids go to when they need to cry.

@EndoplasmicReticulum

Making you write lists of tasks because he can't be arsed to think of what needs doing himself?

This!

Checking book bags;
Making sure there are clothes ready for mufti/world book day/other non-uniform days;
Homework supervising;
Music practice supervising.

Cutting the kids nails
Keeping on top of bits and worms
Worming the cat and dog
Pet vaccinations
Planning holidays
Booking pets into pet care for holidays
Washing the sheets
Making sure the kids are clean!

Managing bills:

• setting up accounts
• dealing with mail (scanning, filing, shredding)
• responding to queries:updating info
• renegotiating tariffs
• making payments

School:

• planning, buying and making snacks/lunch
• compiling list of equipment (eg lunch boxes, water bottles, stationary etc) needed and buying
• finding out what clothes are needed (outdoors, sport and uniform), sourcing and buying
• managing bastard Teams; responding to updates
• monitoring homework, printing worksheets, doing homework, submitting homework
• calendar management (a fucking job in itself)
• planning, sourcing and buying or making stuff for ‘theme days’. World Book Day can do one
• communication with teacher/school
• social knowledge ie who is who’s Mum/Dad, knowing who to speak to (would this count?)

I already have an excel sheet

Planning debt management, savings, pensions, tax (especially if self employed). Checking prices on utilities.

These are brilliant! You all fired them in in the time it took me to write mine 😂

adds compiling list of emotional labour tasks to list

Medical appointments and admin
Packing for days out and holidays

Plus all the above

@EndoplasmicReticulum

Making you write lists of tasks because he can't be arsed to think of what needs doing himself?

🙌🏻

And being the one who deals with all the new and unexpected stuff. SEN diagnosis being a current sore point.

@Grellbunt

I already have an excel sheet

You are my kinda people 😀

Regularly go through the kids' wardrobes to remove clothes that no longer fit, and replacing them with clothes in their new size.

Until about the age of 16 or so I had to do this twice a year. DH has not only never done this, he's not even aware it needs done. But if the kids wear clothes that are too small or too big, he will notice and very helpfully remind me to make sure the kids have something to wear that fits.

Thinking ahead so you go to see the GCSE plays when they are on locally (even if you then get scuppered by covid meaning The Inspector Calls gets dropped, but OK as was v enjoyable performance)

Making sure the DC have clothes to fit before holidays

Working out when best to tell DC potentially upsetting news so it doesn't screw up important things for them

Also regularly review toys and remove the ones that are no longer age appropriate.

I'm adding

Haircuts
Dentist
Pet check ups/vaccinations
Car insurance
Pet insurance
House insurance
Driving license and passport renewal
Boiler service
Car service and MOT
Gardening inc trips to the skip
Dr apps when needed
Carpet cleaning
Dry cleaning
Paying people/invoices
Play dates
Summer camps
Lessons and homework
Parent/Teacher meetings and school fundraising
Holidays including bookings, shopping, travel
Buying school shoes and school uniform and any kit needed for clubs or sports

It's basically, as a PP points out, thinking for yourself and planning ahead. There's the day to day and week to week stuff that is routine and can be easily processed but the annual stuff or stuff that comes up as hoc like Dr apps, can become 'wife work'. Just don't let it. Give instructions with the view to it becoming something that cross your DH's mind. At least this is what worked for us. If anything I would say the balance has swung back and I don't do all of my half.

Don't forget all the less regular/ obvious tasks - so don't just take them out, remember to occasionally Clean the bins, food bin, MULTIPLE recycling boxes, the inside of the cupboard under the sink that they live in... that kind of thing

Packed lunch - "doing them" means: plan it, buy it, make it, pack it, check it actually reaches the schoolbag and stays edible til lunchtime, unpack it in the eve, chuck out/recycle the detritus, hand wash the lunchbox and water bottle .... oh and also checking regularly if the lunchbox and water bottle need replacing etc

All these folk who say "ah but it only takes 5 mins" for all the jobs are MASSIVELY oversimplifying

How old are your DC, Petticoat?

(Wondering if you need to add researching schools or if they're ready in secondary)

Toy and clothes reviews! YES! Never even thought of that!

Eye tests

Buying new shoes