Can you help me compile a list of tasks that are emotional labour/life admin?

[PetticoatSoldier]

I’m trying to write a comprehensive list of every job that comes under the emotional labour/life and home admin banner so I can share it with DH.

We share physical housework tasks and childcare equally but we were talking recently and he said something about “everything” being split equally and I pointed out that no actually, “everything” is not. So, now he has offered to take his fare share, I am trying to write a list of everything I can possibly think of to ensure the load is evenly split 😀 Can you help?

I’ll post what I have in comments or else this OP will be massive!

Researching unis, planning visiting unis, remembering about UCAS form, checking and sending UCAS form

• confirming kids can go on school trips
• paying for school shit via ParentPay
• remembering eldest's new glasses are too tight so he needs an appointment to get them adjusted
• youngest swaps his library books at preschool on a Friday
• watering the greenhouse or everything will die and I will cry
• moth spray needs re-doing upstairs

- there's an inset day on Monday, do not take the older one to school

• has everyone been for a wee before you leave the house
• order a leavers hoodie for the youngest
• the visit to high school has been postponed because the place is shut due to covid

That kind of stuff. That was my day yesterday on top of a 9am job interview, for which DH fucked off to the gym do I did school run etc too

Much more if child had medical issues and needs regular checks, appointments, care plans, prescriptions etc.
Also the general awareness of who your child’s friends are, the stage they are at, what worries them, what excites them, whether they’d like lego or football stuff for a birthday etc etc. Knowing that one hates jumpers and will only wear zip up hoodies. Red apples not green. Etc etc

Automatically knowing when we need toilet roll /bin bags /dishwasher tablets.
Plan the food shop, and meal plan.
Know who the parents are of school friends.
Make sure we have the cash sorted for kids activities.
Decide when the towels/bedding needs a wash.
Decide when to cook dinner, take the kids up for a bath, tell them to get into bed.

Shopping list and ensuring things are replaced when they run out

Child Tax Credit renewal.

Having read these post I realise that DH actually does a lot (he is a sahp of school aged children so he should)

Finishing stuff. DH will clean the toilet till you could safely eat your dinner off it, but doesn't seem to notice that the toilet roll needs topping up and the hand towel needs changing.

Wrapping presents.

Being ready for days out with tissues, sun cream, baby wipes, plasters after-bite snacks & drinks.

Remembering what foods family & friends don't eat/are allergic to.

Noticing when new stuff is needed for house or when stuff needs replacing when broken eg new iron, jetwasher for new patio, new towels

Noticing and arranging house repairs, maintenance and decorating- invokes getting quotes, confirming what needs doing with trades, buying the supplies (tiles, paint etc), supervising the work, arranging payments.

Arranging, supervising and paying regular cleaner/ window cleaner/ milk delivery etc. Being their point of contact eg if cleaner says she needs more cloths or a pay rise.

Covid testing- 2x lfts per week per child plus now pcrs too as we are NW (in enhanced measures). All down to me to remind kids to take test and to log results with school and govt,

Shoes- notice they are too small or wrecked and take kids out to buy.

Sports club- be on the WhatsApp group, make arrangements, take kid, stay at matches cos kid too young to be left, give lifts to other kids,

Remind kids to empty school bags of all crap, manky food etc on regular basis.

Notice if they have school equipment missing- pens, paper, lost ties etc- and buy it

Notice printer running low on ink or paper and buy it

Request the cats prescription flea and worming treatments, collect from vet and administer monthly. Remember when annual vaccination due, arrange and take cat in for that.

Constant picking stuff up and putting away - drives me mad 😡

Making you write lists of tasks because he can't be arsed to think of what needs doing himself?

Thus ^

Why not brainstorm the list together?

Packing for holidays:
Make list
Scurry round house getting things on list
Try to stop folk wearing or using anything you need to pack
A few days before, run down stocks of fresh food while simultaneously running up stocks of underwear and clothes to pack
The night before/on the day, try to corral all final items needed both the night before/morning of the holiday and on the holiday (toothbrushes, fave toys, contraceptive pills , baby phones, potties, ipads, for instance) and stuff them into already overflowing cases... while fielding questions from DH as to when the cases will be finalised so that he can put them in the car??? Then hand wash all the brekkie dishes cos you wouldn't want to leave a dishwasher running...fire and floor risk eh?... oh, and deal with the bins of course.

Ggggaaahhhh

Sounds like some of us could do with a wife.

Maybe not helpful to you just yet OP but..

Scouring Indeed once a day for part time jobs your teenage DC may have missed

Being on the end of the phone number that school / college have and remembering the names of teachers, year heads, form tutors, pastoral contacts etc

Keeping track of teen DC when out and about

General chivvying up when leaving house for school / college / appointments / lunch with GPs / going on holiday

Checking DC have packed essentials for trips eg toothbrushes, pants

Discussions about contraception, consent, alcohol, drugs, veganism, use of social media, gaming, sleep habits, politics

Modern life doesn't help : I'm sure when my gran needed light bulbs she was bloody glad they'd been invented and they probably were expensive but I bet she didn't have to spend half an hour running round the house checking all the fittings for model numbers and scrolling through amazon working out which ones to buy to fit

I refuse to deal with his family’s birthdays/Xmas etc

Book and pay for DC music exams and music. Find, book and pay accompanist for music exams. Book practice with accompanist, buy / find copy of piano part. Take to said exam at right time, right place, inevitably on a work day.

All that again (without accompanist) for secondary school exams, also ballet / drama exams.

File and keep exam certificates for when you need to prove level.

Manage supplies of OTC and prescription medication, ensuring no one runs out.

My gran lived in a house without electricity, so I can advise modern life is definitely easier! For her, keeping the wood burning stove lit was just one challenge. She sent kids to relatives in turn, especially for the summer holidays, to lighten the load for her.

My PIL think my husband is the holy grail of the modern man because he changed nappies, did school run sometimes (when not working) does all the cards and presents for their side of the family and takes the children to visit them independently of me sometimes. He usually researches and finds and books our holidays. Also he will put the hoover round, does his fair share of washing up and shopping and a bit of cooking (maybe twice a week), ditto hanging out clean laundry.

Of course they don't really take into account the carrying, birthing and breastfeeding the 2 children they all love so much.

Remembering when it's time to change the hand towels, bath towels, tea towels, dishcloths. Washing all of these, drying them and putting them away.

Changing all the bedding. Washing and drying all the bedding and putting it away.

Being aware of when it's time to buy new household items (like towels and bedding and china and glasses and cook ware and kitchen implements) and getting that done.

Being aware when running low of stocks of cleaning/toiletries products.

Being aware when running low of stocks of food cupboard products (like oil and salt and tomato ketchup) and making sure they go on a shopping list somewhere.

Befriending other parents at school so you have some reciprocal childcare during holidays and your kids get play dates.

Thinking about ongoing house and garden repairs/upgrades/maintenance, researching everything, sourcing trades people, dealing with trades people.

Being aware of children needing new clothes, shoes, school uniform and getting that done.

Packing everything dc need for holidays.

Doing 90% of the gardening excluding lawn mowing.

And hundreds of other things.

I can't help as I'm a single mum and carry all the burden, but think if you had to go away for a week or two what would you need to write down for him that he doesn't share now?
Or put it another way if you did go away for a week or two what shit would you have to deal with on your return?

Oh god yes the lightbulbs. We have really weird ones that are hard to find for several rooms, and then they don't always work when I do swap them cos half the fittings are shot...

Some more: remembering when it's bin day, which sort of bins this week, sticking up the schedule inside a cupboard door so I can check, and putting them out/back in

Working out what we/kids need to take for different activities (bike club, watersports,...),, making lists and sticking then inside cupboard door to remind us when everyone's running round frantically on a weekend morning

Sorting out enough face masks for everyone and putting up hooks inside cupboard door for each person to hang them on (anyone noticing a theme here?!), reminding everyone to take them when they go out, making sure they get washed and back on the hooks afterward

Finding places to store every damn thing, keeping those places vaguely tidy, and periodically sorting them out to get rid of things we don't need any more/too small/out of date/whatever, then taking those to relevant charity shop/recycling pages/tip

@OneEpisode

My gran lived in a house without electricity, so I can advise modern life is definitely easier! For her, keeping the wood burning stove lit was just one challenge. She sent kids to relatives in turn, especially for the summer holidays, to lighten the load for her.

They did have a coal fire! But a much smaller, simpler house.

I can't believe that nobody has mentioned knowing which recycling bin is due to be emptied on which week, so that you can ask them to put the correct bin out

Plumping cushions and pillows. I'd swear DH likes them pancake flat!

Maintaining a stock of batteries for every device in the house.

These are all brilliant! There's loads I totally forgot about. I am shouting YES to you all in the style of the Meryl Streep pointing and shouting gif! Thank you!

Prescriptions, vaccinations and knowing about allergies
Hosting family and remembering likes and dislikes
Booking cleaners
World Book Day
Being the family social calendar

Mine are teenager both with SENs.

So:
EHCP and associated everything
DLA
PIP
School SENCO liaison
Buying equipment
Researching all the above online

Then more generic:
Choosing school
Choosing 6th form
Choosing uni
Learning how to apply to all the above
Open days / eves for all above
Talking to SEN depts of all above
All DCs sports and hobbies admin (they do more themselves as they get older)
Buying kit for above plus school
uniform plus shoes
Helping organise work experience / apply for jobs
GCSE and A level option choices
Parents eves and other school meetings
Pay and book school trips

House stuff
Chimney sweep
Insurance
Odd jobs
Boiler service

Cars
Tax
MOT
Service

Finance
Pensions
Mortgages
Savings and investments
Tax return

Pets
Vet
Food
Routine healthcare
Pet sitter for holidays

Plus
Holidays
Birthdays
Food shopping
Returning online orders

Sure there's more

To the pp on batteries... I raise you CHARGING devices/wireless phones/toothbrushes/rechargeable batteries etc!!!

Has anyone mentioned: regulating screen time and loading up the xbox money account??