Can you help me compile a list of tasks that are emotional labour/life admin?

[PetticoatSoldier]

I’m trying to write a comprehensive list of every job that comes under the emotional labour/life and home admin banner so I can share it with DH.

We share physical housework tasks and childcare equally but we were talking recently and he said something about “everything” being split equally and I pointed out that no actually, “everything” is not. So, now he has offered to take his fare share, I am trying to write a list of everything I can possibly think of to ensure the load is evenly split 😀 Can you help?

I’ll post what I have in comments or else this OP will be massive!

[burritofan]

Being the finder/rememberer of things: “Do we need more milk?” Fucking open the fucking fridge and look. “Where do we keep DD’s red book?” Clearly WE don’t keep it anywhere because you’re asking where it is.

[PetticoatSoldier]

@OhHolyJesus That's one helluva list! Thank you. I have started pointing it out to him when I do things 'this is life admin'! It's been quite satisfying to see the realisation dawn 😁

[DeRigueurMortis]

• Writing Christmas cards/birthday cards for extended family and remembering all the birthdays/organising presents.

• buying cleaning "stuff" like washing powder/floor cleaner/polish/dishwasher tablets etc and keeping tabs on the inventory to know when more is needed

• appliance maintenance eg cleaning the washing machine drawer, filter on the vacuum cleaner, putting salt/rinse aid in the dishwasher and cleaning the limescale off taps/kettle etc

• clothes shopping for the children both school uniform (and sewing in the bloody name tapes) and everyday clothes

• making sure the children have their PE kit on the right days and that it's also clean rather that festering in the washing basket

• dental/doctors appointments for the children booking and accompanying them

Plus a lot of the things pp's have already mentioned - especially around meal planning/shopping etc

[TheSockMonster]

@EndoplasmicReticulum

Making you write lists of tasks because he can't be arsed to think of what needs doing himself?

Yes, this!

There may be some repetition here, but…

Dealing with online returns / exchanges
Booking boiler services, chimney sweep, window cleaner etc, sorting payment in their preferred format, finding tradespeople
Application forms for passports etc
Maintaining home filing system
Checking meter readings and submitting online
Ensuring you have sun cream, medications etc AHEAD of when you need them
Remembering which friends/family members you haven’t seen or checked in with recently and arranging to see them/phone them. This includes keeping a rough mental list of favours owed to check you’re not inadvertently taking the piss like some of the playground Dads I know
Making sure stocks of sellotape, envelopes, pens, etc are kept, again BEFORE they are needed
Arranging for broken stuff to be repaired then remembering where it is, when to chase it up and collection/payment
Holidays. Choosing between 3 carefully cultivated options does not count.
Disposing of packaging etc from purchases that will not fit in the usual waste
Keeping screenwash topped up in cars BEFORE it runs out. Ditto checking on tyres
Ideas for birthday/Christmas presents, including keeping an encyclopaedic knowledge of who has already had what and likes/dislikes

[33feethighandrising]

social knowledge ie who is who’s Mum/Dad, knowing who to speak to (would this count?)

Yes, this counts.

[CharlieParley]

social knowledge ie who is who’s Mum/Dad, knowing who to speak to (would this count?)

Yes, this counts. Reaching out to other parents to arrange play dates when the kids are small.

Navigating changing friendships.

Being aware whose parents are divorced (that was a head scratcher for us when our very independent minded DS3 had arranged to play at a friend's house. But it was his dad's house, not mum's. Luckily I had the address and number from the first time that happened.)

[FightingtheFoo]

Check out Fair Play. They're all listed in there.

[PetticoatSoldier]

@33feethighandrising

How old are your DC, Petticoat?

(Wondering if you need to add researching schools or if they're ready in secondary)

One in primary school, one in childcare. They go/will go to local catchment school but that is a great one to have on the list. I had to research nursery/childcare twice because we moved after DC1! Thanks :)

[drspouse]

Being the one that school phones.
If your child has SEN:
Joining millions of FB groups.
Finding out about diagnosis and treatment.
Reading and responding to EHCP drafts.
Looking up schools.
Finding parent courses.
Putting them in the diary.
Finding parent books.
Telling DH to read them!

[sharksarecool]

Arranging childcare for non pupil days
Renewing car/home/pet/life insurance
Admin related to kids clubs e.g paying piano teacher online, filling in application for next terms swimming
Arranging travel insurance for holidays
Fixing household items that go wrong, often involving watching lengthy tutorial on how to dismantle vacuum cleaner etc, and often necessitated by DH hoovering up a chocolate wrapper or hairband rather than bending down to pick it up
Noticing when DCs have grown out of clothes/shoes, buying new ones and taking old ones to charity shop
Arranging MOT and car tax
Being on the parents whatsapp for all the clubs/activities, posting your availability every week/noting down ever changing rehearsal schedules/etc
Finding other people's shit that they cant be bothered to look for
Everything to do with Work Book Day

[PetticoatSoldier]

@Grellbunt

I already have an excel sheet

Will you marry me? ;)

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

Organising the window cleaner, when the previous one kept trying to rip us off
Doing an edit of the tinned stuff in the larder, despite requests to write stuff on the list when the last tin of tomatoes, etc is used. Stuff doesn't go on list. I assume is in stock, but no. Failure to write on list.
Organising the pet feeder when on holiday.

[karmakameleon]

When I decided I needed DH to do more I found it easier to align the thinking to a job he was already doing. So for example, DH does the morning school run. Therefore he’s responsible for getting the DC to school on time with the right kit. This led naturally to he ensures school bags are packed, sports kit in order, library books returned etc. Obviously he also needs to check everything has been brought back so he can sort everything for the next morning. He follows up on missing items as I have no idea what the took to school and didn’t bring back. He also needs to make sure uniform is washed so they have clean clothes in the morning. If they’ve grown out of uniform, he orders more from the school shop. He’s in charge of name tags and labelling as it makes his life easier when he needs to follow up on lost kit. And do it goes on. All this because he volunteered for the morning drop off

[boatyardblues]

Organising onward allocation/disposal of said outgrown clothes via Mum network or charity shops.

[Pinuporc]

Hat , sun cream etc for hot days
Correct kit (clean, washed) for pe/ ingredients for food tech.
My DH was literally tapping his foot, and tutting/sighing when we went to the beach the other day, waiting for me to get what we needed (towels, suncream, mat, water, snacks, books etc) then decided he was going to lie down for a sleep when we got there and asked if I'd got the other mat!!

[Akire]

Gifts for parties for friends replying to invites
Sorting own kids birthdays making plans inviting their friends.
Party bags games etc
Xmas and birthday gifts for family unless he does all of his own side.
Any hobbies or clubs the kids do
Having medicine in house for temperatures coughs cold the sort stuff you remember to keep in the cupboards
Cleaning the washing machine
Defrosting freezer
Checking nits!

[Notsoaccidentproneanymore]

Ds2 had to go to the orthodontists every month from y6 until he was old enough to take himself (16 - they said they’d prefer 18, but he was sensible and I’d had enough!). This was plus dentists.

Fortunately the orthodontists was only 15 mins walk from school.

Ds1 once managed to get a tiny bit stuck under his eyelid. I took him to children’s a&e as it was uncomfortable, then we had to go to the eye clinic at the adult hospital. I managed to get him to school for lunchtime. It completely wrecked my flexi time and took about 6 months to get it back into credit.

[33feethighandrising]

Keeping on top of what's going on at school and speaking to the school if you need to.

Working out how to support DC if they are struggling with school work or personal stuff for whatever reason. And how to support their interests / what they excel at.

[PetticoatSoldier]

@FightingtheFoo Thank you, I'll check Fair Play.

@karmakameleon This is inspired! I will definitely do this :)

[Miseryl]

The first thing I would do is split buying presents & cards. Only do it for your own friends and family.

[medebourne]

Christmas:
Who we see and when
Christmas travel
List of presents to buy
Buying presents
Christmas card list
Buying, writing and sending cards
Planning what we do at what time over the Christmas period
Planning menu, buying, cooking
Thinking about how guests, relatives and kids are going to spend their time over Christmas
Buying wrapping and sellotape
Wrapping presents
Getting extra toilet paper and bin liners over Christmas
The tree: Buying, putting up, decorating, taking it down, putting it away or recycling it
Thank you cards/messages

[33feethighandrising]

One in primary school, one in childcare. They go/will go to local catchment school but that is a great one to have on the list. I had to research nursery/childcare twice because we moved after DC1!

In that case, finding out when the deadline is for applying and what you need to do.

Looking ahead to secondary, being aware of what the choices are, if any, and keeping ears open for other people's opinions of them.

[OhHolyJesus]

[quote PetticoatSoldier]@OhHolyJesus That's one helluva list! Thank you. I have started pointing it out to him when I do things 'this is life admin'! It's been quite satisfying to see the realisation dawn 😁[/quote]
I think it's easy to summarise but for the purpose of this exercise I would name individual tasks.

So it's not gardening it's

Weed all beds
Mow lawn
Prune hedges
Sweep patio
Buy new plants
Plant new pants

You might not want to overdo it but it hammers it home. It's not a 5 min task as a PP says, though it can sound simple.

The meal planning, sorting old clothes and toys are good ones too and I was thinking of things like sorting the freezer once in a while but I'm not sure if it's just me who does that!

[LegoCaltrops]

Making sure you have appropriate medicines for various minor ailments, also plasters etc, & that they're in date.
Not only doing the laundry, cooking, etc, but when you move house, have a new kitchen installed etc, deciding what goes where. Where to store the bedding, towels, whuch cupboards to store the pans in versus the tinned food versus the plates, etc.
Cleaning the bin/sink/oven/shower screen etc.
Sewing on name tapes. My fingertips are sore every summer holidays. I've got sticky ones this year, so we'll see how quickly DD manages to lose them... usually I double label everything.

[33feethighandrising]

Teaching your DC to do a couple of these tasks and overseeing them doing them until they get it (could take ages!)