I don't think there is much point in asking 'why did this happen to me?'
I don't think I ever came up with an answer that made me feel better.
You were a victim, and that is not a good place to be. You had no control. No say. No voice. You can't control what happened then.
But you can control what you do now, today.
At the moment you are still suffering the fallout of all those experiences, it's a shattering experience, it shakes you down to the very core of your being. So doing anything other than just somehow making it through the day is unthinkable right now, but it will pass.
This is how it happened for me.
Eventually, I realised that all the dirtyness and guilt and shame that I was carrying round with me, weren't mine. Not my fault. It sounds so simple, but deep down I was still defending my abusers and blaming myself. Same for you.
I realised that there was nothing wrong with me. Not a thing. I was not broken or spoilt. I was not 'mentally subnormal.' All those labels that I was brought up with, utter bollock, every single name I was called. Same for you.
Then I felt like I didn't want to be a victim anymore. I wanted to find out who the fuck I was and what I was doing here, and what I wanted out of life. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and now I can look at starting to live again - well I say again, I suppose I mean for the first time. Tis scary and very exciting. I also realized that I am great. No really, I am fucking awesome to have been through the things I have and survived, clawed my way out of the black hole. Same for you.
Right now you are at the stage of having this huge weight pressing down on you, as well as maybe bio chemical depression?
You have helped others, now I am (trying!) to say something that will help you carry on until you can lift that weight off.
If I were there with you I would give you a huge hug - sorry I know that sounded stalkerish but you know what I mean!
Sorry for epic post too