sorry everyone

[willsurvivethis]

don't think I can post much/offer much support right now.

I'm empty

nothing to offer

difficult at home

[Keziahhopes]

mobile is good - am sure campsite will let you charge too, most places are very accommodating. Also if you go out to have drinks/meals many places have electric sockets I have discovered :-)

Lovely weather for camping now! Have a fab time if you can.

[willsurvivethis]

Keziah what I need if I have a bad patch is my mobile phone to text/phone a friend. So taking my charger. We have no electricity but hopefully in an emergency the campsite office will let me charge it...

[Keziahhopes]

Glad you able to look forward to it. What can you take with you, or prepare, in case you find a little bad patch - anything?

I always save up some books I have wanted to read for a while and this year am taking my laptop with a dongle in case I need it, or to find out info on the area etc.

[willsurvivethis]

Thanks both

Last year I found it hard to go on holiday - was scared to be away from home, had new memories and flashbacks all the time. Needed to stay in touch with my friends.

Now I am looking forward to it and not scared to be away anymore. Just hope I don't get a really bad patch.

[kizzie]

Hope you manage to get some rest from it all on your holiday and have a good few days. Take care x

[Keziahhopes]

Hope you able to enjoy that time away willsurvivethis - and the nice times away with family will be special x

[willsurvivethis]

Thanks ellenjames, hope you are ok now...

Was doing better yesterday and ok today until this afternoon. Having really nasty flashbacks right now that make me feel sick and I'm too tired to move. Was going to clean today - am barely halfway through the kitchen.

And where going on hols on Thursday.

Was looking forward to it but getting worried now.

[ellenjames]

couldnt read this and not reply. Dont post often but just wanted to let u know u are in my thoughts, u have a beautiful child that makes everything worthwhile. Have experienced similar feelings and its so overwhelming, take care xx

[kizzie]

glad today a bit easier x

[willsurvivethis]

Thanks Nemofish - you've already given quite a few words of wisdom on here.

Not as bad today - no thoughts of wanting to get out. Just low.

[Nemofish]

Wish I had some magic words of wisdom, but I think that all the bad shit just has to be processed, it just takes time.

I would suggest cuddles and chocolate, as thats what works for me.

Thinking of you though.

[willsurvivethis]

been watching some dvd with dh, well hardly watched it as could not concentrate but good to be together.

Friend text to ask what he could do to help but I haven't got a clue. Not sure there's anything anyone can do.

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - texting friend sounds good idea. Counselling sometimes makes things tough, dealing with memories. It is hard to separate (I find) the past from the present - so can you focus on doing things in the here and now, to remind you of happy times - like seeing people etc.

[willsurvivethis]

Have texted a friend to say I'm fighting bad thoughts. Don't like being like this. Scared. what else is going to happen?

[kizzie]

Sorry its all so difficult for you .

I think the only way to get through the day is to literally take it a step at a time.
And a bit like with depression just do things to use up time. So like your manicure - you wont enjoy it - but it just passes an hour.

Eventually that will pass and slowly you will start to 'feel' again and have some moments of feeling at ease and in time start to feel joy/enjoyment again.

thinking of you xxx

[scurryfunge]

EMDR doesn't make you forget, it helps to reprocess the memories so that they are not so disturbing.Glad that the counselling is working for you though.

[willsurvivethis]

scurry no I haven't had EMDR - I'm having 'normal' counselling which is working well that's why all the stuff is coming back after having been buried for 25 years.

Don't feel this is the time for EMDR. Feel I need to remember and go through it. Just need to keep looking for a way out of that bloody tunnel.

[scurryfunge]

Have you had any EMDR therapy?

[willsurvivethis]

I'm remembering too much now

Remembering standing outside school after the first time my teacher raped me. He had been touching me for a while, he made me feel that it was my fault and bad. I was confused and now he used force too and it hurt so much. I was so confused what it all meant. The whole world stopped making sense. I couldn't tell mum and dad as they would be disgusted and stop loving me. I knew from now on I was totally alone. I had to do it on my own. I was 8.

And that feeling is here all the time now. My friends are so far away I can't reach them. I'm floating in nothing, no anchor, don't belong anywhere.

[toccatanfudge]

oh how shite about the car. Well once it's sorted - offer still stands

You're not a crap wife, it's a bad day for both of you, even in the the most "perfect" relationship in the world when both parties are down it's almost inevitable (imo) that there's going to be some upset and trodden on toes.

Poor him having do a funeral today of all days, guess that's the bad part of his vocation .

You WILL get through this, I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you will.

[willsurvivethis]

toccata I would in a flash (albeit sans my sunbeam who's at nursery) but bloody car has broken alternator - hoping it will limp to dealer tomorrow morning - it wouldn't make your neck of woods.

scurry thank you.

I had appointment with my pedicure lady which i didn't really enjoy but distracted me for an hour.

Battling some really bad feelings. DH came home from work upset as his stupid boss said something upsetting that could have waited on the first anniversary of MIL. So dh totally down and withdrawn now - and poor man has to go conduct funeral in half an hour.

I got angry and emotional and didn't stop when he told me he didn't want to talk.

So cr8p wife as well. What's the point. I'm on my own with this and don't know how to get through.

[toccatanfudge]

oh willsurvive - I totally missed this -so sorry you're feeling so shite

You know I'm not too far away from you if you want to come over, don't have to talk about anything if you don't want we can just drink coffee.......would offer to come over to you but I don't drive

[scurryfunge]

How are you feeling willsurvivethis?

[scurryfunge]

Can you set yourself a task for the day, to divert your feelings?

Is there any exercise you could do?

[willsurvivethis]

anyone any ideas how to get through the day?

feel so rubbish and so totally alone

been bright for ds who's now at nursery for the day. Been there for dh as it's his mum's first anniversary.

But so totally dead inside. What do I do.