Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will

[BeckyBendyLegs]

And here it is!

Actually DH is coming around to the idea of ADs as he sees that I need a bit of a break from this stress I am putting myself under. But I've been skepitcal about them too for ages and ages (partly because I felt so crap taking fluoxitine). I've learnt a lot more about them though and recently found out my niece has taken and is back on the same sort you and CountryLover take as she says she has had big anxiety and insomnia issues. She also said, interestingly, she's never had any problems coming off them (one of my worries).

Well done! You survived. I don't blame you avoiding the supermarket. Tesco was SO busy this morning, it was horrible.

I've spent the afternoon making a fish pie whilst DD has a rare nap!

Good morning! Not a great night for me Went to bed fine then for some stupid reason started thinking 'what if I can't sleep' and of course the anxiety came then. Was awake until DH came to bed at about midnight, then fell asleep, had awful, awful dreams about DH saying he'd had enough of me and not wanting to talk to me and then friends doing the same thing, feeling all alone, etc. Restless all night. Pahhhh. But don't feel too tired, just very cross with myself for getting anxious about sleep just because it's been about 8 days or so since I last had a bad night. This keeps happening. It's like I forget that I can cope with a bad night, so I worry about a bad night, and then create the situation. Woke up with the anxiety in my stomach back again. Sooo cross with myself now

Also worried about DS1 going for his first ever Beavers sleepover. I will miss him sooooo much tonight.

Sorry only just seen your message as we've been out at a 30 birthday all day.

So sorry to hear you had a bad night

Don't worry, I'm sure that will be a one off. You will sleep much better tonight. Have you got a fan? It may help cool your room down and make it easier... it's been so hot here today.

So cute about beavers sleepover!! He will be fine! I bet he will have a great time.

I had an ok night last night. Thankfully DH saved me from another broken night - DD had once again set my alarm for the middle of the night and I forgot to check, but thankfully DH checked it before he came to bed and turned it off for me!! Phew!

I'm sure you will be ok becky. Try not to panic, I know it's so hard, these episodes will gradually get fewer and fewer and they will bother you less over time. Even tho I had a bad week or so recently, I never got nearly as bad as this time a year ago, even the night of finally falling to sleep at 5:30am ( ) I didn't feel too bad the next day which is a million miles away from how I used to be.

I am just chilling out with an ice cold glass of white - ahh.

Hello you two how's things - I love the way you are supporting each other. The ultimate PST - you are not alone

hi willsurvive!!

That is indeed a good PST (rummages for a pen and paper!!)

Hope you are doing ok? Sorry I've not been more in touch, I know you are going through a tough time right now. I wish I could say something useful, but just feel so powerless.

It's good that you seem to have some great RL support. Keep talking. I'm sure that is the best, and in fact, only way to healing.

xxx

Hi Getdown - will keep my misery of your positive sleep thread- I have my own. Yes I have the most amazing real life support - problem at the moment is being able to reach out. Need to be constantly reminded and even then. Oh well it must be a phase surely.

Keep going - you're doing well

Hi both, I think I was just feeling really down yesterday, perhaps worried about my little boy having his first sleepover. When I dropped him off he had a little wobble and looked at me with these big 'I'm not sure about this' eyes, which broke my heart. He was fine though and let me leave. Last night the same friends who descended on me last weekend met up again at another's house and I left at 12.15am. I couldn't get to sleep as head buzzing but Paul McKenna helped. I had a restless night but feel ok today. But I don't feel happy yet. I think I am a bit worried the sleep will go again even though I know there is no reason for it to go again as it's been going so well and I can't help thinking that although I don't drink wine every day one glass does help me sleep and that just unsettles me. It's just anxiety I guess. I can't wait to see DS1 again. I pick him up at 2.30pm. We miss him

WillSurivive I am rooting for you. I think you are doing really well and being soooo strong.

How did DS1 sleepover go?

Great. He loved it. Apparently they ate sweets after brushing their teeth, watched a DVD, and he didn't get to sleep until 11.30pm!!! Then I took him to Toys R Us to buy him a new bike helmet and he did a wee by the till, not just a small wee, a lake. He's six! It's not like him to have an accident. He was mortified, poor boy.

I am sooooo tired I could weep. I hate being this tired. Struggling to be enthusiastic about DS2's new roller skates and sewing DS1's sleepover badge on his uniform. This is two badish nights in a row. I'm just no good at running on low petrol, so to speak. I used to feel like this about twice a year and now it seems to happen once a week

I keep trying to do all the positive things: picture myself soundly asleep, putting all my anxieties in a boat and watching them float away (something my mum taught me to do when she hypnotised me), but it's hard. I wish I had more energy on days like today and I feel so sad when I'm tired (yet feel so happy when I'm not).

How was your day today?

Oh becky

I know just what you mean. I get days like that where I feel so defeated too. However, you will have so many more good days! Just try to think of it like that, for every bad day you have, you probably have about 10 good ones! I know that doesn't feel like much consolation, but honestly, you will get there in the end.

Sometimes I think you can have a bit of "technique burnout" - do you know what I mean? You keep trying all the techniques over and over and in the end, sometimes I think you just need to let go and let whatever will be, be.

Try not to panic, I know Sunday nights are your weak spot and it's "first day back blues", but you will get through it. Even if you don't have a perfect night tonight, you will be ok. Remember, part of your bad feelings are due to your negative thoughts ... it's not all due to lack of sleep.

Glad to hear DS had a good time - but oh, poor little lad about the accident! Bless. Sometimes they just remind you that they are still so very little and vulnerable don't they?

I had quite a good day today, despite DD waking me up at 6:45. Church this morning, then went out to Pizza Express with our tesco clubcard vouchers, then just went to a garden centre and got a couple of plants.

Need to go and do DD's tea now..

Speak again a bit later
xx

Really hoping you have a good night tonight x

Not happening. Slept one hour. Woke up in a panic at midnight. Can't get back to sleep Sooo tired. Sooo lonely. Going to try to go to doctor tomorrow with DH (poor DH). I can't do this on my own anymore. Tryng a glass of milk to send me sleepy but feel so awful right now. What is wrong with me?

Am up and joining the club.

I have had insomnia since I was 13.

I am now 39.

Hi Expat - so there is no cure then? This is it? I slept fitfully for about 4 hours and feel dreadful again. There is no cure? I feel shakey and wobbly and horrible and now have to look after three children all day

Other people seem to be able to cope on bad nights. Two of my facebook friends responded to my 'feels like a zombie today - where has my beauty sleep gone?' with 'me too'. But they cope. Why can't I? Will anti-depressants really help me? I know it's not a cure but I just want to be me again, normal again, the happy me who doesn't worry about sleep and just goes to bed as normal every night. I used to look forward to going to bed thinking 'yeah, sleep!' and that person has gone. I'm sick of this problem. I don't want to be worrying about sleep for the rest of my life. I don't think I have the strength. Anyway, better get everone ready for school Keep Going and all that.

Oh Becky!!! You poor thing.

Look, we knew that last night was going to be a hard one. You had a lot of factors stacked up against you: bad previous couple of nights, a Sunday night, first day back after half term, stressful weekend with DS1 being away, wetting himself etc.

Please don't beat yourself up. 4 hours is actually not that bad - your body will have had enough to keep going. Yes, you don't feel great, but you've had enough sleep.

Are you working today? Will you get a chance to just put your feet up for a bit or have you got all three boys at home?

I am off work today as DD is going for her pre-school open afternoon. So thankfully I didn't get Sunday-night-itis. But I may get monday-night-itis tonight as I'm at work tomorrow.

I've got my London Sleep Clinic appointment on Wednesday. DH is taking a day off to come with me which I feel bad about

Wondered whether to cancel, as like you last week, I've been sleeping well again, but on the other hand, I know this is such an ongoing problem for me, I would really like to talk to a specialist about it. I finished writing my insomnia history last night (basically everything that happened around DD's birth, my PND, my hospitalisation etc.) it came to 7 typed A4 pages!! DH thought I should email it to the sleep clinic to give them a background, but am a bit embarassed by how long it is!!

I do think you should get ADs TBH, becky. You have struggled on long enough. Really, what have you got to lose? You can always come off them later... you don't have the worry of a forthcoming possible pregnancy, as you're done with baby-making. Seriously, I don't think you've got anything to lose and everything to gain. That locum gave an open door to come back again if things got bad, and he was open to the idea of trying an AD other than flippin citalopram (evil) or prozac. I know I have extolled the virtues of mirtazapine, but it really did help me. The first two weeks I had the best sleep of my life!! And longer term it has helped with my anxiety and low mood definitely. I only take the lowest dose (15mg) as bizarrely that is supposed to have the greatest benefit for insomnia.

Remember your emergency strategy for getting through days like this: Do the basics, get everyone fed and that's it. Please don't push yourself today or pile up the pressure to "cope".

xx

Hi expat sorry didn't mean to sideline you! Welcome to our club!!

Please post about your insomnia if it helps. We are trying to be really positive and tell our unconscious that we are actually very good sleepers after all!

hi becky - i was thinking about you last night hoping that you didn't get sunday nightitus. i completely agree with getdown - what have you got to loose by trying the AD's?

as i've said before taking the AD's was my first step to getting better. it made me admit i had PND and that i needed help. i've had one wobble since taking them where i had a couple of days/nights feeling anxious with that sicky knot in my stomach but other than that i have slept well every night for over 3 months! seriously get yourself down to the gp and get some AD's (not citalopram or any other which have insomnia or nausea as a side effect) that can help reduce your general anxiety and therefore make you sleep better.

i know insomnia is the main problem but really that's just a manifestation of the bigger issue. you have pnd and pnd causes anxiety and anxiety causes insomnia. beat the pnd and you will beat the insomnia.

(ps my AD's are dosulepin in case you've forgotten and need to know for tomorrow...)

I'm back from the GP (my regular one). He didn't perscribe me anything because he knows me and he knows I don't like taking medication, generally (I still have the same packets of zopliclone and diazepam he gave me in January). Seriously I am awful, I have to be persuaded to take a parecetomol! But I do think I need something now. So, he has chased up the referral to the community mental health team he sent back in January! I thought he'd cancelled it as I'd told him I felt better in February but he hadn't. How crap is that? He said they should be in touch in two weeks' time and that he does think I need more 'help' but I'm guessing he doesn't really know what to do with me or what to give me (perhaps beyond his expertise?). He did say that he thought I was doing very well and that anxiety was my main issue, and that needs to be helped with. So I guess I keep going until that happens.

I can't keep going like this, I have work to do. There's a sickness bug going around and that is sending my anxiety levels sky high today as I am terrified of sickness bugs (a long-lasting phobia I've had since I was at primary school myself). DS1 and DS2 both said they felt sick this morning too.

GetDown I do think the London sleep clinic is a must. I'll be interested to hear what they have to say. Do you use the hypnosis CD or are you just sleeping better anyway now?

CountryLover your post is really encouraging. I could do with three months sleep! I think I have been struggling on for so long now, I really thought I'd be better by now. Soooo tired today

Well done for going to the GP. It's good you have got a referral to the CMHT. Yes, it is scary at first to be seen by a psychiatrist, but really they are just a doctor with a specialism like any other.

They have much more expertise about ADs than GPs. I think this is a very positive step for you. You will be given an opportunity to go through everything that has happened and they may be able to prescribe something that will really work for you . My CMHT also referred me to occupational therapy for anxiety, so don't necessarily feel it is all about what drugs they will throw at you. They often run support groups for people suffering from similar issues which can be helpful.

I hate sickness bugs too . They won't necessarily get it. Try not to worry about anything beyond getting through today right now.

I'll let you know how it goes at the sleep clinic .

Waves to countrylover - how are you doing?
xx

Oh god DS1's best friend is off school with the sickness bug. I'm panicking now as he was with DS1 at the sleepover. PANIC!!! I hate sickness bugs.

Good luck for Wednesday and thanks for the advice about the CMHT. I know nothing about them or what they are or anything.

As I said, don't worry about what "might happen" - if he gets the bug, you will deal with it. But he might not?

Just concentrate on today, ok?.

Thanks re. wednesday.

CMHT - mine has 2 psychiatrists, and a team of CPNs (community psychiatric nurses), plus the normal admin people.

You may get assigned a CPN, who can do home visits but may depend on how they treat you. I think I get "enhanced care" because I was an in-patient

My CPN visits me at home about once a month. I make her a coffee and we chat about her family - when I'm well that is! When I'm crap I cry and wail about how rubbish life is!! And she tells me it will get better

I see the psychiatrist every 3 months. One of them I hate and avoid like the plague but sometimes he covers for the other one and cannot get around seeing him. He likes to remind me how very very ill I was and that I will be on medication for the rest of my life I like to make it my mission now to prove him wrong . The other one is a lady and is ok. Just tell them your history and be honest about how much it is affecting your life. Even if you have been sleeping better by the time you see them, do not underplay how much you suffer with this.

Thinking of you today..

GetDown I always worry about what might happen! That is me! DH says the same to me 'don't worry until it happens'.

I'm trying to concentrate on today and do a bit of work and think positive sleep thoughts. DH thinks I should take something tonight to help me sleep but I am sooooo not happy to do that. I hate taking anything! I beat myself up everytime I have done (and it doesn't always work anyway).

My niece I think has a CPN that she sees regularly too.

I feel such a failure. DH is working from home today because I needed him to come to GP with me. Every time I go to see him I just end up in tears. I feel so guilty for putting him through this. I woke him up about 3 times last night. Ahhhhh! I just want to scream and this will all go away!!!!!

Thing is, I still seem to have a sense of humour. I don't know why as at 5am this morning I was thinking really black horrible thoughts.

Hi all, I love your supportive thread. I do lurk here from time to time but am not much good at the supportive thing, sorry.
Was just being nosey really but GetDown, I was just wondering how you got refered to the London Sleep Clinic? Was it through GP or self referal? I will be really interested to see what they do for you. Good luck hope it goes well,
Take care all, sleep well x

Hi Topsi that's not true you are good at being supportive I couldn't have got through these last few months without support from everyone who has had / has insomnia and anxiety at some point in their lives. It's just good to know I'm not alone more than anything else.

Well I'm half way through the day, done some work, fed everyone and just have to fetch DS1 from school later.

I've just thought I can't take any sleeping pills anyway in case anyone comes down with the sickness bug. They might need me in the night for cuddles