Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will

[BeckyBendyLegs]

And here it is!

Actually DH is coming around to the idea of ADs as he sees that I need a bit of a break from this stress I am putting myself under. But I've been skepitcal about them too for ages and ages (partly because I felt so crap taking fluoxitine). I've learnt a lot more about them though and recently found out my niece has taken and is back on the same sort you and CountryLover take as she says she has had big anxiety and insomnia issues. She also said, interestingly, she's never had any problems coming off them (one of my worries).

Good luck with the weekend Becky, I'm sure it will be fine, you're on the 'up' again.
I'm off for the weekend - trying to pack for both of us but DD crying - feel absolutely shattered and no patience left so hopefully it will be a chance to recover a bit.
Have a good weekend GetDown too.

I'm covered in fish and mashed potato. DS3 didn't like his tea.

Ewww! that sounds messy

(thank goodness the puree stage doesn't last long!)

PST for tonight: despite being very, very anxious about DH abandoning me this weekend I know I will sleep well because we've got a nice relaxing evening planned - pizza and a bottle of beer

Well I'm here at 6.30am on a Saturday morning.

I had a really restless night. Probably like your first night with the Paul McKenna CD GetDown drifting in and out of sleep all night. It felt like a long, long night but I know I slept. I just got bored of sleeping and waking in the end and have just got up. I regard that as a sucess considering that: I was really, really anxious about DH going to Cardiff for the weekend and leaving me overnight and two days and also it's only three nights since I had a bowt of the worst insomnia I've had for weeks. I slept. That's good! Just tonight to get through and in a way I think 'If I don't sleep tonight at least DH is coming back on Sunday so he can take over (however hungover he is I don't care) when he gets back'. So yeah go me! I'm really, really proud of myself

GetDown I hope you have a good Saturday. Arcadia if you do get the chance to read this before you go away, hope you have a good restful weekend with your DH and DD. I'm going to do an hours work now before everyone wakes up.

I'm happy with myself. I'm very tired but not 'sleep deprived' tired.

Well done Becky you're sounding much calmer these days! You will manage this weekend!
I was feeling really bad yesterday but I slept really well last night and feel much better .
Have a good weekend everyone.

Soooo glad you slept well

Thanks. Had a very small glass of wine with dinner last night, definitely helps a bit! Have one tonight!

Becky* - I know what you mean about the kind of drifting in and out of sleep thing. I get that, you're right it was like that the first night I used the CD. I was kind of asleep but also conscious which was very weird.

Well done for having exactly the right attitude tho. You didn't panic, and you are sounding very positive . You should be really proud of yourself. And your good attitude will mean you will be able to get through today without feeling awful (even if you are a bit tired).

arcadia so glad that you slept better! That's really great.

I slept really well myself. I was sooooo drowsy at 8:30pm it was unbelievable! I think my body is making up for last week! I just had to go to bed at 9:30 and slept through till 7 when DH woke me up to say he was leaving for work. So that's over 10 hours!!

I seem to go in waves of no sleep and then too much sleep! I would like a happy medium of 7-8hrs every night please

So now, feeling more positive, I am thinking of TTC #2 again!! Am I mad?????

Sooooo glad I didn't go back to the psychiatrist - she would have blamed it all on reducing my lithium which I knew in my heart it wasn't, and put me straight back up to the maximum dose. Feel like I will have some good ammunition at my next appointment

I did call my CPN yesterday to say what had been happening and she was a bit annoyed with me for supposedly "disengaging" with the service

Sigh.

GetDown 10 hours sleep is fantastic! Wow squared!!!!!

You are not mad to be thinking off TTCing because you were thinking of TTCing before the blip (see, we all told you it was just a blip, didn't we?). Your gut feeling was obviously right about the lithium.

Have a nice day I do feel really tired today but considering how last night could have been, I can live like this. DH is just about to go He'll be back tomorrow afternoon.

Has your DH got the bank holiday off? Just think - a sunday night without the worry of monday morning - bliss!!!

Good point! And he said, whoo hooo: 'I'll try not to spend the whole day catching up on work'. He knows how to live it up does my DH!!!

How are you feeling now becky? I hope you are having a good day and not feeling too tired.

It's been raining here pretty much all day so haven't been able to go out, but DD got bored and is having a nap thankfully so have been able to sit and do restful things.

Hope you are managing ok. You'll be fine tonight xxx

Hi GetDown we've had a lovely day. This morning we made cheese and bacon tartlets (I'm not normally such a domestic goddess, really!) and ate them for lunch with beans. And despite the rain this afternoon we've been to town and had a nice drink in Cafe Nero. DS1 is happy because I let him have a second-hand old copy of a Noddy annual (easily pleased!). Tea time now I don't feel too bad, a bit tired but I'm not worried about tonight so long as DS3 sleeps well

cheese and bacon tartlets??

Wow they sound amazing

Please tell me you did not make your own pastry?

Just put DD down. DH not home from work yet. I always feel like I'm flagging by this time if he's not home yet.

Errr, we did make the pastry but it was really crap!

I'm exhausted - everyone in bed here too (although DS2 is talking I can hear him). Does your DH work as hard as mine? Mines a terrible workaholic. I'm now watching the Eurovision with a glass of wine but it really isn't the same without a bunch of friends to take the micky out of the entries with. I feel such a norman no mates But I'm happy

PST for tonight: I will sleep well because I'm in a good mood and I've had a lovely day with my three boys and I feel really relaxed at the moment.

you made pastry

Oooo I love Eurovision for the crappy, weirdness that it is!! Reminds me of my student days sitting around heckling all the entries!

You are not a Norman no mates, I will join you!

Cheers!

I'm watching it now. It's hilerious. We used to watch it as students as well. Two of my friends have just decided to come round to watch it with me. I'm sitting here in my jammies but so nice of them.

My favourite is Germany!

Spain was just plain weird, why they had to do it again I've no idea!!

GetDown you must have good taste!!!! They won!

Spain was just like a bad cheese-induced dream.

My friends came round at 9.30pm and stayed until 12.30pm! I was starting to panic at that point about sleep, not majorly, just butterflies, so I told them 'sorry guys I'm going to have to send you home I'm soooo tired and DH is away' etc. They would have stayed longer I'm sure if I'd not. They are lovely but they all can exist quite happily on a few hours sleep and not worry about the next night (like normal people do!). Anyway, I went straight to bed, head buzzing like mad. So I used the ipod and drifted in and out until 2.37am. DS3 woke me up. I popped a dummy in his mouth. Went back to bed and then slept until 5am. Woke with horrible stomach ache (I often get stomach ache type things when DH is away - anxiety I guess). But then slept really deeply until 7am but feel pretty 'hungover' now (even though I didn't drink more than one glass of wine really early in the evening). But I feel ok. I thought I'd get no sleep when I went to bed that late. So yeah that's a success! And I am sure I will sleep tonight, I'm really tired.

How are you today? I'd better go, make a coffee and the little boys are due to wake any minute

Hi becky yeah it was cool my favourite won!

I can't believe your friends stayed till 12:30!! Presumably they don't have any kids yet

You did SO well to stay calm and get the amount of sleep that you did, considering all the "excitement" of Eurovision, your DH being away, then DS waking you up as well! That must be really encouraging for you.

DD woke up at 1am but DH got up for her (I felt quite guilty about that as he was shattered from work yesterday ) but he said he didn't mind.

I seemed to sleep quite well apart from that.

Have you started to think about what you will say to the GP on thursday. Don't start to wonder whether to cancel it - honestly, you must go. And don't be fobbed off! This is seriously affecting your life!

I am feeling more positive again about trying for baby #2. I am so nearly off the lithium now. I just hope I will be able to get off the mirtazapine ok. I don't think I'm really physically dependent on it, but as you know, psychological factors are huge in insomnia. I think I may be psychologically dependent on it. There was one night about 3 months ago when I forgot to take it, and then ended up taking it really late at about 11pm and I had a terrible nights' sleep. It was probably all in my head but I linked it to the mirtazapine.

Hope you are enjoying having DH home and that you can have a worry-free sunday night!

Hi GetDown! My friends do have children (one has four!!!!). They are just so chilled that they don't worry as much as the likes of you and I do about coping on little sleep.

We had a nice day yesterday and it was nice to have DH back (although he wasn't much use as he was tired and just went to sleep reading his Dr Who book as soon as he got home leaving me as usual to look after everyone!).

I slept well last night, fell asleep watching TV as seems to be my thing when I'm very tired, which is good!!!

I'm sure if you slowly decrease the mirtazapine you'll be fine. I think you need to keep telling your concious brain 'I am not dependent on it for sleep, I sleep well now because I am better'.

I don't know what to do about the doctors. If DH can't come with me I am going to postpone as I can't do it by myself. I need him with me. I am doubting, again, whether I need any medication. The anxiety is gone again and the sleep is better again (crumbs I even slept under extreme stress of DH going away for the weekend!!!!). I don't know.

My niece isn't doing very well at the moment. She keeps posting on facebook at about 1am 'I can't do this on my own', 'I should be happy but I'm not', and 'I'm not sure I want to be here anymore', etc. I'm worried about her. She has had depression on and off since she was a teenager (she's 23). I thought she'd recently been back to the GP to go back on the ADs she normally takes (still don't know what she takes).

Anyway, hope you have a good BH Monday! Do you have any plans? Is your DH around today? We've got the in-laws coming for lunch. I'd better start cleaning the house (MIL's house is a show home and you could lick the kitchen floor). I need a month though to get this house to her standards so not worth the effort frankly!

How did it go with the in-laws? I am the same, I always clean like a maniac when mine are coming. They probably don't even notice though!!

We had some friends over for lunch - our DDs are the same age so it was nice to see them playing together. Trying to teach DD to "share"

Sorry to hear your niece is struggling..maybe it's taking a while for the ADs to kick in. Hope she starts picking up soon.

I'm sure you're right about the mirtazapine, I just have to do it slowly. Also I feel like I cannot expose myself to any stressors (e.g. possible new jobs !!) during this process, but realise you cannot protect yourself from life! Last september I had a minor crunch in a car park (my fault) and my sleep was messed up for weeks. So frustrating! Will it always be this way? I know one or two bad nights is normal, but surely it's not normal for it to go on for weeks? One things for sure I am SO dreading the menopause (hopefully won't be for some years yet!) as I've heard it can exacerbate insomnia

Hope you have a good night tonight. Are you on half term this week, and does that mean you're not working?

That's so weird because my mum told me recently that menopause can cause insomnia and it made me think 'oh my god I can't go through this again!!!'

The exposing the stress thing is hard, isn't it? When the DSs all got chicken pox my sleep was awful for days. It's horrible, isn't it, being so vulnerable.

It is half term so the DSs are all at home this week. I will have a bit of work to do, which I can do when DS3 naps (DS1 and DS2 are pretty good about letting me do a bit of work here and there in the holidays). We've got a busy week planned with various visits from friends, etc.

Hope you sleep well tonight too.

PST: I will sleep well tonight because I've had a lovely day today and even fell asleep on the sofa after lunch

Oh, forgot to say about your GP appointment!

Please don't cancel it!