Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will

[BeckyBendyLegs]

And here it is!

Actually DH is coming around to the idea of ADs as he sees that I need a bit of a break from this stress I am putting myself under. But I've been skepitcal about them too for ages and ages (partly because I felt so crap taking fluoxitine). I've learnt a lot more about them though and recently found out my niece has taken and is back on the same sort you and CountryLover take as she says she has had big anxiety and insomnia issues. She also said, interestingly, she's never had any problems coming off them (one of my worries).

Another good night for me even though DS3 woke twice.

Not going to cancel. But don't know what to say to the GP though. DH coming too.

Glad you had a good night becky

I didn't

I think Sunday-night-itis translated into monday-night-itis for me this week, lay awake for quite a while and then slept very lightly. DD woke up about 1pm but DH got up to see to her.

I don't feel too bad today, just a little bit subdued.

You should tell your GP that you have been suffering with insomnia on and off since January. At times it has been so bad that you have struggled to carry on your normal day-to-day activities. You have experienced severe anxiety. You tried prozac but it was much too "activating" and you were wondering whether a more "sedating" AD would be appropriate for you?

It doesn't matter that you've had some good nights as well. It's good your DH is coming with you - he will be able to say more about how much it is affecting you and your family.

xx

Ooooh GetDown - I was worried I'd get Sundaynightitus last night. I think you need to focus on the fact that you don't feel too bad today so you can get through today without worrying too much or feeling too anxious. Everyone has the odd 'bad night' (ie less sleep than normal and light sleep - rather than what you and I would normally call a 'bad night' (little or no sleep!). Do you still use the hypnosis CD?

Better go, DS3 not settling for his nap. Needs a cuddle.

Horrible day today. We're all feeling a bit cabin feverish as it is half term.

Thanks for the advice about the GP. DH and I are going to talk tonight about what to say so I'll tell him what you suggest too.

Morning all! Another good night and I did go to bed a bit anxious because I was thinking 'I've got to sleep well before going to the GP to prove I am better'.

GetDown I was thinking this morning as I was waking up just now that once you start TTCing you'll be so involved in the whole business of TTCing you won't have time to worry about sleep. It is whole life consuming (I'm a veteran at it now)! And then once you are pregnant, chances are you'll be so exhuasted and thinking all the time about how you feel / being pregnant / growing a baby, etc that again sleep will just come naturally. Your body will make you sleep (at least mine did). I know that there are people on here who suffer from insomnia when pregnant but I wonder if that is a hormonal thing and if you didn't with DD then chances are you won't again. That's just my theory anyway. I didn't suffer sleeplessness with any of my pregnancies (frankly, the opposite was the case especially early on). I slept really, really well and was able to go back to sleep easily after the many trips to the loo. I'm sure CountryLover said the same.

Arcadia if you are about hope you had a nice break

PS Hope you slept better last night GetDown

Hi becky thanks for your reassuring words ? I?m sure you?re right about being pregnant and being able to sleep. I never had any problems whilst I was pregnant with DD and even in the later months I was getting up about 4 times a night for the loo and had no trouble getting back to sleep! But this was before all the crap happened with the PND / mega anxiety etc. and am worried my brain is somehow ?re-wired? now by that experience, so that a bad night now can easily become 2 weeks of insomnia hell, as opposed to just one bad night. Also I feel that the slightest stressor now can trigger it all off again. E.g. if something goes wrong with my car I get SO stressed out, whereas before I just seemed to keep everything in better perspective . So it feels a bit like I?m walking on egg-shells, trying to avoid encountering life?s stressors, when actually they are just part of life and I should be able to cope with them.

It does seem to take a zopiclone / diazepam etc. to break the negative downward spiral and tell my brain that I can sleep again. And obviously both of these are bad news during pregnancy, and even if the GP said ?yeah it?s fine to take one or two?, I know I would be so anxious about my baby that even if I did take it ? it probably wouldn?t work because I would be worrying so much!!

The good news is, I had a much better night last night and am feeling refreshed! Also DD didn?t wake up last night so DH is feeling a bit fresher too! I feel so bad about him getting up but he does understand that I find it much harder than him to get back to sleep. Blimey what would I be like with a newborn baby?? Could I cope? I would so much love to b/feed but know that would mean the onus would be on me to get up in the night.

I took my last dose of lithium on Sunday night, and so far so good, no ill effects! Doesn?t seem to have made much difference to my mood or my sleep, which is so positive! I know I need to leave it a good few weeks before I start to cut down my mirtazapine, as it probably takes a while for the lithium to leave my system, and I want to make sure I am totally ok off it before doing the next step.

I have been BBT charting since January and have a ridiculously long cycle (6 weeks) so I know it?s probably not going to be a quick process to TTC? I knew I was ovulating at the weekend (sorry if TMI ) and it was such a weird thought that I could possibly be pregnant by now if we?d, y?know. But of course that would be silly as I?m not off my AD yet, so just need to be patient. But I had a funny sad feeling that I was kind of ?letting a baby go? which I know sounds weird

I?m glad to hear that you are sleeping much better. That?s such good news. Hopefully the GP will go well tomorrow. If you are sleeping fine at the moment, they may hold off giving you a prescription, but they could keep a record of the discussion on your notes so that if you found you did keep suffering with the insomnia consistently, they could review it and possibly give you a prescription for one of the sedating ADs. Don?t be scared of telling them exactly how things have been though, they need to understand this isn?t just ?normal? insomnia, but something which has seriously affected your quality of life.

xx

It's hard to know really what you'll be like if you do get a stressful situation to cope with when you are pregnant. The only way to find out... is to actually find out.

As for caring for a new born. Well you know what it is like. At least this time you know exactly what it will be like and you know it will be hard, esp as you have DD too now to think about. But the hard bits don't last forever and there are the good bits of having a newborn too . But you can prepare yourself for the hard bits, psychologically, before hand.

The breastfeeding thing is a difficult one. I struggled with this and I am sure it contributed to my postnatal anxiety and depression this time around (and with each DS in hindsight). I was determined to get it to work this time (failed with first two after just a couple of months / few weeks) but I failed again (couldn't deal with the soreness and failure to thrive as well) and I was gutted, totally gutted. I went downhill from that point on. So I would advise you to go in with a totally open mind about the breastfeeding - every day you do it is good. That's what everyone was telling me even though I refused to be consoled at the time.

I'm nervous about tomorrow. DH and I didn't get to chat about it as I was too tired last night! Irony or what?

You're so right about the b/feeding thing contributing to the anxiety and depression. All my NCT group were b/feeding and I felt so crap and the odd one out when I had to give up.
I just couldn't understand why it wasn't working. People can be so insensitive when they say "what's the problem, all you need is a baby and a boob" I'm going to try and keep an open mind next time, as you say, but think I will still be disappointed if it doesn't work out

How did you get on at the GP today? What did they say? Did they prescribe anything?

Hope it was helpful xxx

Hi GetDown I had a friend visit today who had a baby 3 months ago and she fed him and I had to take myself off upstairs because even now it still upsets me It's so silly. She made it look so easy. Then I had to give DS3 a bottle and felt the usual guilt and horrible 'I'm not a good enough mother' stuff. Horrible. I think if you can find some good breastfeeding support where you live (there's a peer support system that runs here and they did help me with DS3 and I think they are really good and understanding - it was the health visitors and their scales that caused the problems for me).

Anyway, it was a locum I saw, which wasn't brilliant, and he was quite understanding though. He listened to my story and said that his advice to me is to keep going as I am and come back to the regular GP if ever I felt I need the extra help as he said there are different ADs they can try with me to help. He did ask me if I felt I needed extra help right now this minute and my honest answer was 'actually at the moment I feel ok'. He basically said he thought I was doing really, really well so far which was nice to hear. So I will keep going as I am for now, but I know there is help if I need it, which is reassuring. I forgot to ask about things such as CBT though.

I'm glad your appointment went ok. It's a shame in a way that it was a locum, but at least he will have written the gist of it on your notes.

I suppose it's good that they don't just hand out pills - and the fact he was open to the idea of trying "different" ADs was very positive too.

Well done, you really ARE doing well he is right. You are doing all the right things to help yourself. It's good that you have "logged" it, and you can go back again if things get bad again. I'm sure that as time goes on your episodes will get fewer and fewer. They did with me, although as you know, I still get them occasionally...

Oh I know, the b/feeding thing. The thing is in this country where there is clean water, access to sterilising equipment etc. there isn't really a problem with using formula. It's got everything they need and usually they sleep better on it ---- but I totally understand the feelings of inadequacy, which I felt myself as well. But try to put it out of your mind. Good for your friend if she finds it easy. But I bet there are things you find easy that she finds very hard. I comfort myself with the fact I potty trained DD in 24hrs, where other people struggle, so I guess there are some things I can do right even if most of the time I feel inferior!!

Well done again for going today, I bet that is a weight off your shoulders.

I do feel lighter. It's strange isn't it? I think admitting that things aren't quite right actually is very theraputic. I had a good talk with DH last night too and I started to cry. He got all worried but they were good tears!

I think I realise now that me and long-term breastfeeding just don't get on. I have big babies (all nearly 10 lbs). I'm not particularly big myself. DS1 drank 1 stone out of me in just 1 month!!! Even on formula he was constantly hungry. Now he eats the same sized portions as me (they are all tall and thin these boys I create). One midwife said to me when I was struggling with DS2 and tears were pouring down my face as I couldn't bare to latch him on for the pain 'you could breast feed them for 2 years and then give them chips for the rest of their life or you could formula feed them and teach them to eat a balanced diet with lots of fruit and vegatables - which is the best scenario?' She also said to me 'you obviously care a lot to at least give it your best shot, a lot of people don't even bother, and that's something to be proud of'. It did help me come to terms with it. But every now and then I wobble (eg today when my friend came around). But I would urge anyone else to just give it their best shot even if it didn't work first time, second time, third time or whatever!

Potty training in 24 hours!! Wow!!! Do you fancy coming around here with DS3 is ready? DS1 took 6 months! He was a nightmare.

Hi girls! Glad to hear that you're both doing fine at the moment. I've been sleeping well (except for a night that I was away from DD and DP so think that was understandable) and in fact last night DP says he was up three times for DD and I slept through it all. He says my insomnia is 'selective'! . I'm not coming on here so much now but wanted to check in how your doc's appointment was Becky. I'm pressing on without medication too and am finding that I'm generally improving with time so as long as that continues I'll keep going as I am.
DD is gorgeous at the mo all podgy and cute and smiley I want to eat her up . so proud to show her off to everyone too!
I sympathise with you both re. breastfeeding I'm in the same boat but in some ways it has worked out for the best. I've let myself feel sad about it but at the same time I really see the benefits, and as long as she is happy and healthy that is the main thing.
Take care - I'll check in from time to time.

Hi Arcadia good to hear from you So true - we are all lucky to have happy, healthy children. They are lovely. Every now and then I have a complete reality check when I look at my three DSs and think 'wow, I have three children, when did that happen?' I didn't think I'd ever have any and now I have these three sweet, funny, lovely, clever little boys. They make me laugh. DS2 decided today he wanted to try some swede which I'd been cooking for DS3 and his verdict was 'it is half good and half bad'. Made me laugh

Somehow DD managed to set my bedside alarm for the middle of the night last night without me knowing, so I woke up in a panic to loud beeping and then struggled to get back to sleep

Ooooh GetDown!

I fell asleep after a nice glass of wine at 9.15pm in the middle of a TV programme. DH left me on the sofa asleep. Went to bed and slept until 1.19am. Then after a short while fell asleep until 5am. Then awake again 6.30am. I can't drink wine nowadays as it really does knock me out . Kind of ironic when I've managed to stay awake after taking a diazepam and once after a zopiclone!

We're at a loss about what to do today. Last day of half term. I did think, ambitiously, I'd take everyone to the seaside (2 hour drive away) but the thought of packing DS3's bottles and tubs of food, etc, just seemed too much like hard work. I'm just about to upload to my mumsnet profile a fab photo of me and the DSs if you want to see taken with my phone!

It's good in a way that wine helps you to sleep. It never seems to help me much. I guess you just need to be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking you need it to sleep.

I love that picture of you and your boys - hilarious!! They are so gorgeous. Toby was going to be our boys name if we had a DS. I really like it.

Did you go to the seaside in the end? I am very impressed that you even contemplated it I get quite anxious driving, and avoid long distances at all costs!

I'm having a bit of a rubbish "should be making the most of the weather but aren't" kind of day. Been to tesco that's about it. I was mortified at the checkout because DD nearly grabbed the bum of the man in front Thankfully I pulled her away just in time

Hope you are having a lovely day, whatever you decided to do

I don't feel too bad today despite being rudely awoken in the night!

I don't have wine every evening so I know I don't need it to sleep but it makes me laugh that I can't even stay awake when I have some if I am very tired as well! I am convinced the hypnosis CD has made me more chilled out so that I can, at least at the moment, fall asleep very easily when I want to. Last Sunday I fell asleep on the sofa, sitting up, after lunch with the in-laws.

We didn't go to the seaside. Too far. We're still at home. DS3 (Toby) is having his second nap of the day. I'm trying to think of something we could do after I feed him. All I can think of is that we need to buy a new bathmat. Ooooh excitement! And we need a packet of mince!

bathmat and mince - sounds like a good shopping trip!

I have really been trying this week to cook stuff from scratch (been relying too much on the beans and fish fingers lately), but it means I keep having to go to the shop everyday to get the stuff I forgot the previous day!

DD has turned her nose up at pretty much everything I have made including home made chicken nuggets coated in crushed up crisps, and meatballs with special sauce and rice Just makes me want to scream sometimes!!

Made her sandwiches for lunch and she insisted I use the cookie cutter to make them into interesting shapes Dinasours and stars. so I am left with eating the bits round the edge. The spat out sausages went to the dog who is quite happy!

I was thinking of putting some pics of me and DD up on here, but then am a bit scared!

Ooooh home-made chicken nuggets sounds good! I used to do things like that when DS1 was little using that Annabel K-something's cookbook. Shame your DD is missing out on nice home-cooked food. I know how you feel though DS2 is like that. He doesn't like trying anything new.

DS1 is doing his homework now (poor boy, he's only six and he has a whole workbook of homework to do by Monday). DS2 is playing with trains and DS3 is still asleep. I can't think of anywhere exciting around here that sells bathmats and mince in one place except the really huge Tescos and we went there on Wednesday.

We had baked beans on toasted bagels for lunch (as we didn't have any bread to make toast)!

Ooooh put some pics up

Just put some pics up so you can see what we all look like! (But may take them down again later!!)

Oooooh you are a lovely family Your DD is sooooo gorgeous!!! What a cutie!! Awwwww. I can now put faces to names now

We've decided to go bathmat and mince shopping in one of those very exciting retail parks that have a Sainsbury's, Boots, Mothercare, Homebase, etc about 25 mins away from here. Not very exciting but something to do on a Friday afternoon and if I can find some icelollies somewhere we might treat ourselves

Aww thanks becky !!

Can I come? I love those big out of town retail parks. Our nearest one is Harlow tho, which is not so good

Ice lollies sound like a good idea!

Of course you can come! If you can get to Telford in 25 mins see you there

Ah drat.

We're back! We had icecreams and bought a bathmat but no mince (too hot to go into a supermarket). I got lost, I always do when I try to go to Telford (horrible place).