Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will

[BeckyBendyLegs]

And here it is!

Actually DH is coming around to the idea of ADs as he sees that I need a bit of a break from this stress I am putting myself under. But I've been skepitcal about them too for ages and ages (partly because I felt so crap taking fluoxitine). I've learnt a lot more about them though and recently found out my niece has taken and is back on the same sort you and CountryLover take as she says she has had big anxiety and insomnia issues. She also said, interestingly, she's never had any problems coming off them (one of my worries).

Isn?t it weird the way your mind runs away with itself with anxious thoughts, when you are tired? Goodness knows why I was reading about Fatal Insomnia syndrome yesterday! What am I like??! I just felt really anxious and I know it was because I was soooo tired! I googled ?insomnia? ? what an idiot I am.

Glad you had a lovely day out becky - I love Oxford area too. Went to visit friends in Kennington a while back, and I think I told you once before that DH nearly got a job in Didcot so we may have moved to Oxford or thereabouts. Lovely ? but yes, very expensive! I don?t know Shrewsbury at all. DH would love to live in a village, but I?m more a town girl myself (I love shops ) also I don?t much like driving so if I can walk to a supermarket / Boots / Smiths etc I?m a happy bunny! Hertford is a bit of a compromise ? it?s got shops but quite a small ?village-y? feel to the place. I don?t think I?d like to move anywhere smaller. I think I?d feel a bit claustrophobic in a village. The snow and ice in January made me panicky enough ? let alone with the thought of being isolated in a tiny village with no way out!

willsurvive - glad you got some sleep in the end, even if it was a bit fitful. It?s good you don?t feel tired today, that is the main thing. But the depressed feeling, that?s not good Is the SJW doing anything for you? Have you thought any more about ADs? How is your little DS? Hope he?s fully recovered. I loved that video of him patting your alternate hands ? he looks such a happy little boy.

I had a pretty good night. Went to bed at 10. Woke up at 2am and then again at 5 but both times I was able to get back to sleep. Feel like I?ve had a decent night which is good. All the TTC stuff is still going through my mind. The perinatal specialist said that I would have to have a ?care planning meeting? whereby all the professionals involved in my care including psychiatrists, midwives, obstetricians etc. would all have a large meeting to discuss me ? gulp! She said she would also do some research about mirtazapine in pregnancy and b/feeding so that I would have some info should the worst happen when (if) I am pregnant!

P.S. willsurvive try not to worry about the music last night and making a few mistakes. It?s no wonder when you were feeling so tired. And as your friend said, no one else will have noticed. Try to just go easy on yourself. And anyway, Monday nights is practise night isn?t it? practise? That?s where you practise? you are allowed to make mistakes Lots of hugs to you

Good morning! Glad you both slept last night, me too after my lovely day. *GetDown( things look really positive for you for TTCing. It is great that you have such good support ready for you.

I thought my head would be all buzzy last night for ages but it wasn't too bad. I had a strange dream though - a close friend of mine whose just had her second baby told me she was pregnant and I thought (in the dream) 'oh my god I want another baby and I want one now!' Weird.

DS3 really niggly today. And I've had stomach cramps (like when you are brewing a stomach bug) since yesterday. I hope I'm not brewing anything. I really, really do not do stomach bugs at all.

DS1 woke up with croup this morning. But he's ok now. He sometimes does this.

WillSurvive I echo about the music. Lack of sleep is not good for proper brain functioning. It's a bit like playing music / driving / whatever activity while drunk. You feel like you should be able to do it perfectly but in actual fact you can't!

I've had a good night's sleep and my spelling and typing is terrible! Whose? Oh dear. I don't really work in publishing!!!!

Getdown: 'I was able to get back to sleep'

There you've said it

I feel the SJW is working - I haven't thought about really bad things for a bit and the worst of the exhaustion has lifted. I just have a lot on my mind, some more things from my past have come out that make me , ds was really fine yesterday but is very subdued today and that makes me more anxious than his tummy bug. He does seem to have bad teething pain but he's generally lacking in his usual bouncing vigour and excitement. Plus the friend who took me home last night wanted to know how I had been while he was on holiday and he's one of those people in my life that I'm honest with so I got a bit upset about things I have been struggling with and they're still on my mind.

Willsurvive - im really glad the SJW seems to be working for you

Can i just ask you all about nightmares? I wont go into detail in case i upset anyone but last night had a horrible horrible nightmare - basically a culmination of all the negative thoughts and its left me really shaken up today.

I just wondered if in all your reading about sleep youve seen anything about how to tackle nightmares?

I know it sounds ridiculous as its only been one night but its terrified me. x

Good morning all! Kizzie sorry to hear about your nightmare. I've just had one too - don't read this next paragraph if you don't want to. It's very weird.

I've just woken up from a really disturbing dream (I was married to my brother (horrific) and my mum was there and she just dropped into conversation 'oh your grandmother is lying in hospital in Shrewsbury dying alone and horribly of cancer, sad isn't it?'). I woke up feeling really awful. My grandmother died years ago but it took me a few minutes of lying in bed to remember that, which is really odd. That just shows how 'real' dreams can feel. My paternal grandmother (who she was talking about) did die of cancer and nobody told me until after she'd died (my parents divorced when I was nine and very sadly we didn't see our paternal grandparents hardly ever afterwards - in fact I don't think I saw her more than about twice afterwards if that). Now I've had a cup of coffee and I feel better knowing it was just a very strange dream.

But generally, despite that dream, I've noticed over the last few nights that my anxiety has gone down quite a lot and my teeth grinding at night has stopped. Perhaps it is because it is the school holidays and I am feeling more relaxed (no rushing around first thing in the morning). I'm not sure. But it is good stuff. The sleep is deeper too. Fingers crossed, eh? Planning on taking everyone (except DH) to the caravan for two nights Thurs and Fri nights. Eeeek.

Morning all

Kizzie I have hundreds of nightmares, some abuse related some totally random, all I know is they have mostly appeared since the daytime/evening flashbacks have stopped. For me nightmares are slightly less awful than flashbacks though so I think I'm processing things a bit better now.

So no advice on how to stop them sorry.

I think I slept okish after yet another migration to the guest room at 3am this time as I was keeping dh awake. I feel like I've slept deeply, but I feel exhausted and a bit low. Disappointing because I had an ok day after all yesterday and rehearsing all the muic again last night restored some of my confidence. Guess I still have too much on my mind. And no counselling this month to order it.

Becky glad you are so much more relaxed. I am sure that will help you sleep in the caravan too x

A good night for me - yeah! This despite watching that programme last night about sleep problems in children, just before going to bed!

(Made me realise how lucky we are to have a DD who sleeps through the night - they had a woman on there who hadn't got more than 2hrs sleep at a time in 2.5years!)

sorry to hear some of you are suffering nightmares Kizzie - I'm not really sure of the solution, other than what others have said - reducing stress. Easier said than done I know. Can also be a side effect of medication - is it listed on your AD side effects leaflet?

When I was a child I used to have a recurring nightmare about being kidnapped. It would happen regularly and always involved the same "characters" - a man and a woman. It was very vivid. I eventually linked it with going to bed with a headache - if I had a headache before bed I would take a paracetamol and that always seemed to prevent the nightmare. Just wondering if this could be true for you too?

DS3 is testing high chairs at the moment for a famous baby magazine and the latest one arrived last night. I'm not supposed to say too much about it but let's just say that it looks like something out of Star Trek! This thing is huge and all curves and trendy. DS3 loves it! It is covered in weetabix and toast at the moment though and somehow that feels so wrong as this thing retails at £250! It's too precious and attractive to get dirty. I'll put a piccie up on my profile...

Thanks for all the reassurance on nightmares.

Im glad everyone seems to be slowly slowly getting there :-)

Kizzie x

GetDown I watched that too! Fascinating stuff. It made me realise how lucky I was too and also helped, in a shocking way, to know that people can cope with severe sleep deprivation and keep going.

it's true - it is strangely comforting to know that people can and do survive on very little sleep.

I just had a horrible anxiety session in town (becky knows already)

Came over all fluttery in my chest, and waves of hot and cold came all over me. DD was screaming in the supermarket and I was so embarrassed and thinking everyone was judging me

I really hope I will be ok to come off my last bit of AD.

Getdown impossible advice probably but try not to overthink this anxiety attack. DD was screaming in tesco - blardy nightmare. Totally stressful for everyone - nothing to do with you not coming off ads xxx

thanks willsurvive I hope you're right. It's just normally I can cope with it and today I felt totally ill and strange...

Guys...

I took Nathan swimming. I knew he would be scared but we took it slow and he regained his confidence.

After getting dressed I walked throug the park with the push chair, Nathan eating a banana me eating an apple, the sun shining on my back and I suddenly realised I feel good today.

Just had to share that

that's wonderful willsurvive

It's moments like that you will treasure.

Boo from Wales!!!!

WillSurvive that is lovely I think we ought to share those sorts of moments when they arise on here. It is good to share both the hard stuff and help each other and the good stuff too. I was in a foul mood just now. Couldn't get the travel cot up for love or money and Toby was screaming in the bouncy chair, DS2 wanting his bottom wiped, then DH phoned to say 'I have to go to Brussells on Sunday and Monday and Berlin the end of next week, is that ok?' What did he expect me to say? Then I remembered that just half an hour before we'd been driving along the sea front, sun shining, fleetfoxes playing on the CD player in the car, DS1 and DS2 really excited, and that was a lovely moment for me today.

Can't wait for DS3 to wake up so we can go to the beach!!!! I ought to finish unpacking...

wow, they've got internet in Wales ...

DD is asleep too. Just heard the washing machine finish - got to go an hang out the sheets

Sorry to hear your DH is having to go away for a few days becky You will be ok though!

Just a for WillSurvive xx

Thanks all - just felt I needed to share feeling ok as I always share my bad days. I put it on my fb status too and a few of the people who 'liked' it were you lot and some close friends who've seen me through some serious sh*t and are still there.

Can feel I'm not there yet as I've really dropped in mood now and gotten very tired, but it has given me a boost to see that things can get better.

Getdown when are you leaving and how are you doing?

Becky you will sleep well tonight because of the fresh sea air and because you will be tired after a busy day and much fighting with the travel cot

Thanks Kizzie - how are you x

Morning all! My night: well I did have one glass of wine last night as I am on holiday (sometimes I need a treat) and trotted off to bed at 10.15pm. DS3 woke at 11pm (I'd been asleep). Then again at 12.02am then again at 1.04am. Sigh. But despite all this, and despite the fact I am full of cold (yuckity yuck) I slept really well! In a strange bed. Looking after three DSs by myself. With a cold. With a wakeful DS3. Recipe for disaster or what? But no disaster. I was fine! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!