Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will

[BeckyBendyLegs]

And here it is!

Actually DH is coming around to the idea of ADs as he sees that I need a bit of a break from this stress I am putting myself under. But I've been skepitcal about them too for ages and ages (partly because I felt so crap taking fluoxitine). I've learnt a lot more about them though and recently found out my niece has taken and is back on the same sort you and CountryLover take as she says she has had big anxiety and insomnia issues. She also said, interestingly, she's never had any problems coming off them (one of my worries).

you're right, positive thinking is really the best way forward.

There is absolutely no reason why we shouldn't return to normal with regards to sleep

I am sure of it.

I suppose we are lucky, in a way, that the anxiety and feeling low is linked with sleep, in that when we do sleep well we feel fine and can get on with life. Must be so hard for people that feel low and anxious all the time and have no real "cause" that they can name...

How is mr. tiny toes? All is quiet at my end. I think little miss stroppy has finally settled down!

Mr Tiny Toes was asleep and I had to get him out of his cot to go to school to get DS1. Poor boy. He's fine now, in the pushchair wanting to be got out. He's quite hard work at the moment because he finally has two teeth coming at the front. He's lovely though.

Positive thinking really is the only way. I hate feeling negative. It's horrible. And you're right there are people with constant anxiety with no cause.

I'm sure 2nd or even 3rd children are more laid back because they just have to fit in with the rest of the family!

I smiled about your cat coming last the other day! That is just the same here with our dog sometimes we forget to feed her (not for days at a time, I just mean like a morning here and there!) and she comes and puts her chin on our laps and starts whining! Poor thing!

I laugh at myself now pre-children, fussing over the dog, buying her special grooming brushes, treats etc. She gets none of that now It's all about priorities ...

Oh no, it's tea time again. My worst time of the day.

Oh BTW did you find a cattery?

Poor cat... she copes.

We did find a cattery - the first one I saw and it was on a farm and had a really nice feel about it. I think they will both have a nice holiday there!

I hate tea time too. Feeding Mr Toes as I type. I'm sure the baby police wouldn't like the fact I sit with the laptop on the table but oh well.

Bad night - awake until 1.30am despite being absolutely exhausted. Help!

Oh becky! Come on, it's nearly the weekend

I had to babysit last night and didn't get to bed till about 11:30pm. Thankfully I slept ok though.

I found I lay there for a bit and my head was swimming for a while. But the Paul Mckenna stuff really helped. I thought about slowing down my "internal voice", putting in some yawns, imagining other people yawning... I even imagined the feeling you get when you take a diazepam all kind of chilled out and floaty

It worked!

Got to go out to toddler club now... chat later
xxx

GetDown I know. I'm doing all the wrong things again. I know it all but it doesn't seem to make it easier! Just been to the CMHT woman again. I swear she comes to these appointments with an agenda. Every time I said something she'd waffle on about sleep routines and lavender oil again. Bloody hell. Or she'd say 'taking the odd sleeping pill is ok'. But that doesn't cure my problem, does it!!!! That might give me a night off, which is fine, but this has been going on for six bloody months now. Again she waffled on about relaxation and the usual 'don't drink caffine' or whatever. Blaaaa. Pants.

But I am feeling quite positive still. I am a positive person. I'm exhausted and anxious but I'm happy still. Sigh.

lavendar oil and relaxation That woman doesn't understand insomnia

Have you found out what she actually does yet? What her job title is? "Waffler in Chief" perhaps.

How annoying.

I suppose you need to keep using the stuff you already know. The Paul McKenna stuff really does work. Perhaps you need to have another little skim read of the book, and note down some action points...

I'm too whatever the word is, stupid or insecure, to ask her what her job title is. Waffler in Chief is right! I just go to peices when I go there and act the wet dishcloth. She also went on again about how I'm scared that I'll have a breakdown like my dad did. Oh well, in twelve months time I can have CBT!

I do need to read that book again... I know it works. Soooo tired today.

~Have you still got your referral letter? It should say on there who the hell she is.

Blinkin 'ek, though. What a load of useless twaddle.

Is DS3 having a nap. Why don't you lie down - not to sleep - just to relax. I find having a wet flannel on my forehead very soothing - also reduces puffy eyes and helps with the general feeling of crappiness.

poor youx

He is having a nap... but I'm too busy to lie down Part of the problem, I know.

I will seek out the referral letter. Actually, I didn't get a letter, she just phoned up.

I don't think I have felt this sleep-deprived for a long time. Please guys send me positive sleep vibes tonight. Feel so happy with my life yet so low with tiredness. Why is my brain doing this to me?

Feel so guilty - DS1 and DS2's school reports were so lovely today - tears - proud mummy alert.

And I've just been lying on the bed with DS3 gurgling and generally doing nothing - he's so lovely.

Ah becky you will be fine. Just do some of the paul mckenna exercises, like we said earlier.

That's lovely about your DS's school reports! What lovely boys you must have That is all credit to you.

Thinking of you, hope you have a better night tonight.x

Ah I slept. But not happy. This problem goes on and on. I just want to be normal again.

But you slept!

Forget about it and just concentrate on enjoying the day.

I think some of the mindfulness stuff is about living in the moment and not worrying about what's past / what's to come etc. etc

Anyway I know it's easier said than done!

I slept ok, but woken up at 7 by DD bouncing on my stomach I know 7 is not too bad, but it still felt too early!

GetDown what would I do without you??? I'm going out tonight meeting up with my three other friends (we meet up every few weeks and also are going on holiday in October with all our children) and I've spent the last half an hour worrying about another late night. But I should think about mindfulness. Live in the moment. So what? I'll have a good time whatever happens tonight or tomorrow.

7 is good in my world!!!! I woke up at 67.30am when the cat jumped on my chest (a lot lighter than your DD I'm sure).

Ah, I'm sure you'll have a great time tonight, what are you doing, going out for a meal?

Going out for a lovely meal is one of my most favourite things! Choosing from the menu, no washing up. Ahhhh

I'm sure that focussing on the present, is part of the secret to beating this insomnia you know.

That should have read 6.30am not 67.30am!

No, just going to friend's house to eat chocolate and crisps and put the world to rights. Her husband works as an airport taxi so she can't go out.

I do need to train myself to focus on the present more. I'm rubbish at it!

I know you probably won't read this till tomorrow now, but just want to say hope you are enjoying yourself at your friend's, and that you have a good night tonight

We went to a zoo today, was great but sooo hot - I am shattered now!

GetDown good morning! I saw your photos - looked like a lovely place to go to.

I had a great time last night and had a weird conversation with my friends. They know a little bit that I've had trouble sleeping but they really don't know the extent. One asked:
'So why can't you sleep, what happens when you go to bed?' It was so weird. They'd obviously never had a bad night ever! Then another is really worried because she has the opposite problem - she can't stay awake and nods off whenever she sits down! She even felt herself drifting off when driving the other day. I told her to go to the doctor.

I did sleep well last night. Got home at 12.30am - head buzzing. Lay down thinking 'ok, so I may as well accept this isn't going to be a good night's sleep' and it did take a little while but I did all the right things - telling a story to myself in my head - next thing I know it's light outside and Toby is making noises down the baby monitor! So I actually feel fine today Good job going to a BBQ later.

I am really chuffed that I slept so well under the worst of circumstances.

Yay! So glad you had a good night!

It's strange isn't it when people don't understand insomnia. If I ever tried to tell someone I was sooo tired because I wasn't sleeping, they would automatically assume it was DD up in the night.

When I said "no, DD sleeps through the night, it's just me" ... they would look at me like I was a freak! Almost like I wasn't being grateful that DD was sleeping, because I wasn't making the most of it. Also it would really upset me when people would say, "Oh just have a nap in the day to catch up" If only it was that easy!

I'm so glad you slept, well done for staying calm and doing all the right things.

I hope you had a good day today GetDown.

laura how are things with you and how's it going with the citrap-whatsit? Sorry I'm rubbish remembering the names of these medications.

We've just got back from a lovely time at my friend's bbq. There were 11 children ranging from DS3 at eight months to nine years and they had so much fun. I'm so tired, but happy. Life is good DH is bathing DS3 and DS1 and DS2 are watching the football (for the last time - yeah!).

Today has been ok, but have strangely felt a bit low Not about anything in particular, just a bit, I don't know, under the weather.

Normally I go to church on sunday mornings but just couldn't face it today. DH took DD by himself. I cooked a nice roast dinner in time for them to come back though, so felt at least I didn't waste the morning

Took the dog for a long walk this evening and sat on a bench by the river which was lovely. So peaceful, and perfect temperature as it had just started to cool down.

I wanted to just have a little time to be by myself and reflect today. Don't usually feel like this. Strange.

Thankfully today is the first day in two weeks where my back pain has virtually gone! So that's something.

Oh no, it's monday tomorrow

oh GetDown sorry you had a low day but how lovely to sit on a bench and reflect just by yourself. Those moments make the rest worth while.

I was anxious when I went to bed last night. Sigh. Fell asleep eventually when DH came to bed, no idea what time that was as I don't look at the clock at all. The good thing is that once asleep I slept well whereas usually when I have trouble getting to sleep I wake up 2 hours later and struggle for the rest of the night full of anxiety. I've been doing lots of deep breathing excercises and I hope it is helping. The anxiety is actually much better. I just seem to have this sleep anxiety that I can't get rid of. It is seriously getting me down. I know I can cope after a bad night. I know I sleep after a bad night so why oh why do I get nervous when I go to bed EVERY BLODDY NIGHT????

Hi there I've just got back from holiday. I've had a read of what has been going on - glad your back is feeling better GetDown, sorry you're still feeling anxious Becky though sounds like you haven't had a really bad night for a while.
We had a good time away and great weather, and I didn't sleep too badly, but I don't know if I really enjoyed myself . I am still finding being a mum such a difficult job and can't see it really getting better. I think my DD is gorgeous and lovely and I'm lucky to have her, but TBH I resent all the things I have to do and especially the early mornings and not having time just for me and DP. I know this is so horrible of me. I don't know what to do about it. I'm thinking of having more therapy, but maybe I'm just stuck with being a bad person.
I have a really problem with mornings (even before my sleep 'issues'). I'm just horrible in the mornings and never feel ready to get up; I was always like that especially as a teenager. It isn't helped by the fact that we have quite noisy neighbours so I can't have an earlier bed time. Last night every time I drifted off they woke me until at about 12am I had to take a sleeping pill but then I had horrible nightmares and today I have a massive headache .
DD sleeping now. Feel like I can't face the day/week.