Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will

[BeckyBendyLegs]

And here it is!

Actually DH is coming around to the idea of ADs as he sees that I need a bit of a break from this stress I am putting myself under. But I've been skepitcal about them too for ages and ages (partly because I felt so crap taking fluoxitine). I've learnt a lot more about them though and recently found out my niece has taken and is back on the same sort you and CountryLover take as she says she has had big anxiety and insomnia issues. She also said, interestingly, she's never had any problems coming off them (one of my worries).

PS Thanks for thinking there's hope. That does help. Do you know what, I think there's hope for all fo us. I really do think that even though today I feel crappy and tired and really down about this sleep thing. There is hope. If we don't hold onto that thought then what's left?

I really hope so love because I'm running out of it here sometimes and I need some for my bubba x

I'm sitting here with DS3 on my knee, naked and wrapped in a towel with his little toes poking out, because he didn't enjoy his bath (screamed the whole time he was in there) and he's just sitting now, calmly, smelling all lovely of clean baby, breathing his little baby breaths and watching my fingers type. He makes it all worth it. He keeps me going. Your bubba will do the same for you.

Aww that's so lovely becky

thanks for asking about me topsi - not sure what to do with the "restless leg" diagnosis TBH, but am hoping now I am off the lithium, and reducing my AD that may go some way to making it better.

I can't really believe I am anaemic because I eat loads of green leafy veg... haven't chased them up about that blood test report - they might insist on me having another appt. However, at that price I expect a printed report in a gold plated frame!

Another bad night for me. Two in a row. Couldn't settle. At midnight wailed on to DH about what he thought I should do: take a zopiclone or keep trying. He just said 'it's up to you' which got me madder with him. I wanted him to tell me what to do. He told me I needed to calm myself down. Well, yes, indeed. I did fall asleep eventually but woke up 2 hours later and dozed on and off since. Woke up feeling absolutely knotted in my stomach and sick. I don't know what to do guys. I really don't. I know I've been round and round and round this for months now. If I keep going I'm sure DH is going to get fed up of me even though he says he isn't.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me and what I should do about it but nobody seems to be able to help really.

oh becky you poor love!

Your DH will NOT get fed up of you. Honest, he loves you. That's in sickness and in health.

You wrote "take a zopiclone or keep trying" - I think this is the problem - trying to sleep never works. You almost have to stop trying. But I know how hard this is. It's the not thinking of the elephant thing again isn't it.

Why don't you settle it in your mind that you will do something about this. You are clearly so distressed, and it has been going on like this for months now.

Please will you just try a sedating AD, just try it?

GetDown we've decided to give it until Wednesday when DH can come with me to the doctors again. Sigh. I don't know what to do. I just want the old me back again. The old me that worried more than the average person but not to this extent.

I've been reading Mr McKenna's book again about how if you tell yourself you can't sleep, are a bad sleeper, etc, then you are creating that situation. Negative thoughts create negative responses and all that. I know I am doing it. I know it is all in my head and the anxiety is all in my head but I don't know quite how to calm it down for any length of time. If I were rich I'd get Mr McKenna over here to sort me out personally!

I've had a good talk with DH (who is currently asleep upstairs - oh I hate him sometimes!). He says he was firm with me to get me out of that negative thought trap. I guess it does work.

How are you today anyway? Is your DH working again this weekend?

yes DH is at work again

Got his parents coming later to "keep me company" -

Sweet of them, but ends up being more work. Have been manically cleaning this morning like a mad thing. DD is following me round, uncleaning and causing mess and destruction which is driving me crazy!

Good that you are going back to the GP. Please please ask for mirtazapine? Give it a try - you have nothing to lose. It works in a completely different way from the SSRIs so bet you don't get the side effects you got with prozac and me with citalopram. Mirt is actually given as a treatment for serotonin syndrome (the name given to the severe side effects that arise from SSRIs).

Your DH is asleep? - don't you just love 'em. My DH is the same he can seemingly fall asleep any time and any place. Grr.

Good old Mr. McKenna. Wonder how much he charges for a 1-2-1?

GetDown hope you had a good time with the 'in-laws! I laughed about your manic cleaning. I have to do that too. As I say to DH to give the house the 'it needs a clean' look rather than the 'complete tip' look it usually has.

I will try with the GP if we do go this week. But I'm so worried he / she will ask me to give fluoxitine another go. I did only try it for three days. I don't want to and I refuse to. Why is it so hard to get the right treatment and expertise around here?

We've had a good day. We went back to the bed shop to test mattresses and as we spent over 'hideous amount of money' I got to take home two free cushions much to DH's auidble sighs! I love cushions!!!

Two free cushions ! Lucky girl. I love cushions too. We have quite a selection. I am ignoring the wee stain on one of them though - must get them down to the dry cleaners at some point

Once you have your new bed I bet you will sleep sooooo much better. Out with the old, in with the new I say!

Regarding the GP, there is no way you should be fobbed off with evil prozac or citalopram. Just explain that you had a nasty reaction last time and would like to try a different one. One that is sedating. But really the CMHT doctor should be advising you on the best one, not the GP. That is what the CMHT is there for.

The in-laws have gone now. It turned out to actually be quite a nice day. I had to rise above all the "helpful" comments from my MIL. We went out to pizza express just now, but DD was a bit screamy so I couldn't really relax. Being in a restaurant with child playing up and people staring is one of the worst things for my anxiety But we survived! And at least I don't have to cook tonight!

Pizza yum

We're having spag bol tonight My favourite.

DH is still not home

He left for work at 7:30am this morning. 13 hour day and counting

Hope he comes home soon.

Feel asleep watching Mr And Mrs Smith. Going to bed now zzzz

Slept really, really, really well last night

Look, guys, I know I dither about so much but there's another thread here today about someone who suffers from anxiety (like me!) rather than depression and she's being adviced that ADs will only give short-term relief. So I'm really still confused about what to do with myself. CBT has a 12 month waiting list here though. Sigh. I'll be better by then hopefully!!!!

Better get DS3 up. Litte man

Call me bonkers but we're going to the seaside in half an hour! We're still in our jammies though. DH staying at home.

you're bonkers

Great news about last night though

Think you need to push to see the psychiatrist Becky, you need a sedating AD not fluoxitine which is known to cause insomnia. Good AD are dolsupin(dothiepin), imipramine etc. these are sedating.
As much as I know you want to sort this out without tablets I do think you have given it a good try and now need to try something else.
Have a lovely time today, hope the beach will be quiet for you while every one is watching the football.

We're back! It was hard work, just me and three DSs, but fantastic fun. DS3 loved the sea, his first ever visit, but I had to carry him in the baby carrier most of the time we were there. We had big ice-creams and then listened to the football all the way home! The seaside is a great de-stresser. I wonder if DH would consider moving to the seaside? Hmmm.

Glad you had a great time! Big admiration, I would never be brave enough to take DD to the seaside on my own, let alone with 3 of them!

We lived by the sea (literally at the end of our road) for 3 years after we got married, it was absolutely gorgeous. I had a job that had a view of the sea from my desk

Why did we have to move grrr.

GetDown sooo jealous I have always wanted to live by the sea. I went to University in Exeter and that was pretty close - I used to just hop on a train and go to Exemouth for the afternoon - bliss.

Fancy living near within spitting distance though. Why did you move????

DH's job. We lived in Hove, beach at one end of our road, 40 restaurants at the other end.

Am feeling a bit fed up.

DH got home a bit earlier today - well about 7. But I just feel kind of angry with him. He's just sitting having a beer going on about how exhausted he is. I just want to scream SO AM I, I have been parenting our daughter ON MY OWN for weeks.

I've retreated upstairs to the computer as can't face confrontation

Oh GetDown I do exactly the same. Sometimes life is easier that way

I slept well last night - no Sundaynightitus!!

DS3 and I are chilling in the sunshine with a big cardboard box today.

DS1 rode his bike without stabilizers for the first time today. I am totally bursting with pride. I thought he'd be a nightmare to teach as he gets very nervous about things and he's not a very sporty boy. But he just did it. I didn't help him or anything. He's a star

Brilliant that you slept well!

How lovely about your DS1! We are planning on getting DD a bike for her 3rd birthday. Can't believe my baby will be riding a bike!

I slept ok-ish but the tension with DH stopped me sleeping really well. I woke up with that horrible anxious feeling in my stomach, that we know so well.

I've also been having a lot of "toilet troubles" again - it used to just be on the mornings when I work, but seems to be every morning at the moment. Don't know what's wrong with me. I've lost about 1/2 a stone, which is great, but also a bit of a worry when you've not been trying to!

GetDown sorry about your toilet troubles. I get them a lot! I think it is related to worry, at least for me it definitely is. I also have this worry that I'll need the loo while dropping off / picking up from school. Ironically it makes me want to go when I'm at school

Better go - time to pick up DS1 from 'bike club' after school!

Back from work now. Think it must be anxiety-related as I never get it whilst on holiday! Strange that it's started happening even on my non-working days though

Hope your DS1 enjoyed his bike club! There'll be no stopping him now!

DD knows the exact page of the argos catalogue that has her dream bike on She likes to leave it open and drop massive hints!

I am sooooo hot.