Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will

[BeckyBendyLegs]

And here it is!

Actually DH is coming around to the idea of ADs as he sees that I need a bit of a break from this stress I am putting myself under. But I've been skepitcal about them too for ages and ages (partly because I felt so crap taking fluoxitine). I've learnt a lot more about them though and recently found out my niece has taken and is back on the same sort you and CountryLover take as she says she has had big anxiety and insomnia issues. She also said, interestingly, she's never had any problems coming off them (one of my worries).

Hope you had a good day in the end.

How are you feeling this sunday night? I feel ok so far, hope I don't have a wobble this evening.

I am dreading monday morning already.

We had a nice time - doing jigsaws and generally doing nothing much. This random strange dog appeared at the back door, that was the excitement of the afternoon!

I feel ok so far about tonight. I think we should just cancel Sundays.

that reminds me of our holiday in april when a random dog jumped into our car as we were loading up and wouldn't get out!!

Sundays are ok, I think it's mondays we should cancel!

GetDown I hope you slept ok. I did! Yeah!!! Took me a little while to get to sleep but once DH came to bed at 11pm I slept until 6.15am.

I hate Mondays too. I need to get everyone's dinner money together, DS2's nursery fees for the week, DS1's art club fee for the term, rememebr to take DS1's bike to school for bike club tonight, PTA meeting later. And I have work to do somewhere in amongst that lot!

If anyone needs cheering up here is something quite funny to do: Go to Google, click on maps, type in start destination Tokyo and end destination New York and 'get directions'. After you've done that, look at item number 24. It made me giggle last night!

I slept well too, yeah!! Had a weird inappropriate dream about someone but will forget about that!

You sound like you've got a really busy day! Are you going to pursue the mindfulness? Sounds like it would be really helpful .

Will look at the google directions later (am at work at the mo!)

GetDown he he he! I have those sometimes. The worst ones have been about Gordon Brown , Billy Mitchell in EastEnders (couldn't watch it for weeks afterwards), and worse than that is when it is someone I know in real life! I hate it. The subconscious brain can be cruel sometimes.

I will find out more about mindfulness. First I need to think about all the hundreds (slight exaggeration) of birthday presents I have coming up in June and July and Father's Day.

Had a look at your directions! - hilarious!

At least they very thoughtfully broke up the journey in Hawaii, after 6,000 odd km of kayaking, so you could be refreshed ready for the homeward straight!

Hope you've had a good day and got everyone where they need to be!

DD is just watching ITNG and then she will be off to bed. I doubt DH is going to get back in time for bedtime

Oh DS2 used to love ITNG. He used to sleep with upsey daisy and he slept in mine and DH's room (in our old smaller house) until he was two (we had no choice - there was nowhere else to put the cot!) and he used to roll over onto upsey daisy in the middle of the night so I'd wake up to the sound of upsey daisy singing! Good job that in those days I didn't have any problems falling back asleep

My DH is home, he's making an effort at the moment. He's just run off somewhere upstairs with DS3.

I've been sleeping really well the last week or so and whenever I get about a week since the last bad time I get the odd pang of anxiety and it is soooo annoying. I've just had one. Grrrr. Go away anxiety! I need to think some positive sleep thoughts such as: I have had such a busy day today and am sooo tired I am bound to sleep well.

hello ladies. I had an OK night last night but DP was very restless so woke me a couple of times. I seem to get back to sleep OK, but still tend to wake up a few times in the night. I've had a really rough couple of days - Friday and today (weekend wasn't too bad when I had help). DD is being really odd - hyper and laughing one minute and crying and complaining the next. She was teething but the tooth has come through now. She is very clingy and she still isn't sitting up on her own or turning over or anything, but gets bored easily so hard to keep her entertained. Also hardly sleeps in the day! I'm really finding it hard to keep my patience. I just feel like I'm rubbish and impatient and no good at this at all . DP is also in a bad mood , we both feel drained. I thought 6 months was supposed to be another turning point where it gets easier?

Sorry being self-centred as usual! Glad to hear you're sleeping well GetDown and don't worry Becky, I seem to run on a similar two week-ish cycle where I have a few bad nights then a run of better ones. Maybe it's just a cycle that the body naturally has but is more pronounced for us because we are aware of it?

i used to feel i was no good at being a mummy too. ds2 was a real moaner, literally all day and would only sleep for a couple of 45 minute naps. he was very poorly with constant ear infections but even so it was utterly draining for me so you have my sympathy. he's now 13 months old and still doesn't crawl! but in the past month or so he's learnt to cruise so he can entertain himself a bit more. also he's now on antibiotics every day so the ear infections are still happening but they're not a fierce.

anyway i am massively digressing! i just wanted to say you are not impatient or rubbish. a saint would struggle with a clingy and moany baby day in day out. it's a hard job and you are doing it very well i'm sure.

Thanks countrylover, it helps to hear about other people's experiences. It just feels like such a marathon sometimes, and drains you in a way that nothing else does.
Just nipped out and left DP watching football and had a quick drink in the pub on my own and read the paper and feel a bit better .

Arcadia you are not rubbish at all. DS3 is going through a similar phase and I think it is because at about this age they start to feel a little bit of separation anxiety and they get frustrated when they can't sit yet as well (DS3 can't sit up either yet).

DS1 was terribly hard work as a baby and I thought I was a terrible mother because all the other mothers at the toddler group we went to had lovely bonnie little babies that either just sat and chewed toys or slept whereas I had this winey, wingey, sensative little creature that I ended up walking around the room the whole time we were there with and we'd end up leaving early because I was just convinced they were judging me as a crap mother! I thought it was me. He was clingy, he cried most of the time, he hardly slept in the daytime, etc. I think what I'm trying to say is the same as CountryLover that it is hard coping with a baby who is not happy and content all of the time. The upside is that perhaps it is a sign that she's quite bright (getting bored, frustrated, not sleeping in the daytime). It's just hard work at the time.

Not many people like to admit in the real world that babies are hard work. It's a shame really as it is hard work! I think it is much harder than any of the jobs I've had!

I slept well again last night, I was sooo tired so my PST worked! But wish I was on a train to Oxford today silly, stupid me for turning down the opportunity for a bit of a jolly.

PS Arcaida what a lovely treat - drink and paper in the pub I should try that one evening when it gets too much! Lovely.

Think we're all sleeping well at the moment then! I got up and 1am and 4.30am to put dummy in but apart from that slept OK and got back to sleep fairly quickly.
DD started kicking off again this morning and I thought it would be like yesterday, but then she went to sleep thank goodness, and is snoozing now.
Feel like it's one of those weeks to 'get through' rather than enjoy, but if I find myself enjoying it at all then it's a bonus!
I'm sure you'll get another chance to visit Oxford Becky it would have been a lot of travelling in a short time. I really don't know how you fit everything in with 3 children!
Let me know how you get on with the mindfulness stuff. A couple of people have mentioned that to me. I haven't been to CBT for a while. Just felt like I was chatting with the woman, didn't seem structured, and she is one of those therapists who talk about herself a lot and telling me how she only had five hours sleep the night before. Cost £60 an hour, too!
Better get on while I have sleep window - have a good day it's getting sunny here .

Ahhhhh I hate myself sometimes. Last night when I went to bed I had that stupid, stupid niggling thought 'what if I can't sleep tonight?' and ahhhh it took me a while to get to sleep. But I did sleep ok but woke up with that horrible, tight anxious feeling in my belly. It's horrible. I am tired too. Ah when will this end????

I'm feeling quite stresed for really stupid reasons: I was worried about DS1 being taken the mickey out of at Beavers because I couldn't fix his wogall properly, I'm supposed to be helping the PTA at the carnival in town on Saturday from 7.30am-6pm! Oh my god how awful is that? I can't get out of it as my two close friends here are also going to be there all that time and so I can't complain about it. I just want this horrible anxiety to go away.

hi Becky. Unfortunately I can't be much help as I'm feeling rubbish too, but sorry to hear that you're feeling anxious today .
really bad few days here. Yesterday was DPs birthday and he came home to me crying, I feel really bad about it. I had managed quite well until about half an hour before he got home then lost it because of DD whining. I feel bad about everything. DD is being a nightmare. I've never been so challenged in my life and I'm feeling like I'm a horrible person and I'm also seeing people around me in a more negative light (e.g. my mum who is being no help at all).
Like you, I'm so good when I'm good, and am convinced I'm fine, and yet I have these horrible bad days. It doesn't make sense, can you be depressed but feel fine some of the time?
My sleep isn't too bad at the moment but I woke at 4.30am and didn't really get back to sleep properly after that (partly as DD started up then, and the bright morning).
Days like this I feel like 'self help' isn't enough.
She's sleeping at the moment. But my plan to get through the day:
Neighbour having DD for couple of hours this morning so I can have a break (will go into to a cafe or bookshop);
Take her to be weighed by HV (get advice about weaning, and have a moan to HV if I get the chance!);
Go to friend's house (one of my closest friends, has DD aged 9 months);
Come home and try not to be crying when DP gets home.

I still wonder, 1) am I just not cut out for motherhood, 2) am I depressed, or 3) is this normal and no one is honest about it?

Hope your day goes OK anyway.

Arcadia it is really tough. I was wondering the same thing: can you be depressed yet happy and relaxed at times and feeling fine and crappy some times or do you have to be feeling crap 24/7? I don't know. I found that when I went to the CMHT lady she didn't think I did have depression just anxiety that had gone over the top, but what is the difference? I don't know.

DS3 is asleep at the moment too and I have work to do but I just want to sit and cry for some reason. I don't like feeling like this, this isn't me at all. Perhaps it is hormonal?

I'm just fed up of worrying about sleep.

I hope you have a good day, that's nice of your neighbour to have your DD for a couple of hours to give you a break.

I don't think people are honest about how hard motherhood is, especially at the beginning. Perhaps we need to be a bit easier on ourselves and not expect too much. There are going to be days like today.

Hi arcadia and becky

Hope you are both doing ok today. Sorry you had a tough day arcadia, I totally empathise, babies are very hard work. I must say I am enjoying the toddler days so much more than the baby days, it definitely gets better

I think with mild depression you can feel ok at times and crappy at times, but the overall tendency is towards crappiness! Severe depression you feel awful all the time and it is much much more debilitating. Anxiety and depression are like two sides of the same coin, they are so closely linked emotionally and neurochemically in the brain. If you have touches of one, you are likely to have touches of the other too at times.

becky, I'm sure your CMHT lady was right though re. the anxiety - just a case of finding coping strategies to get through the tough bits now.

I've not had a brilliant couple of nights. Last night I went to a "scrapbooking party" organised by a friend, which turned out to be brilliant, and inspiring! The trouble was it didn't end until gone 10pm, and I didn't have my normal "wind down". All the creative ideas were still whizzing round my head and I couldn't sleep for ages! Then woke up with a really bad headache and had to reach for the paracetamol instantly

Still got lots of ideas for doing a scrapbook for DD - had to restrain myself in smiths today from buying loads of lovely crafty goodies!

So felt tired today, but just had to get on with it really. A friend called me this morning asking me if I could look after her little DS this afternoon who is 9 months, as she had a work meeting to go to. I would normally be nervous about this, but he is such a little angel boy, it turned out to be such a pleasure! He just gurgled and smiled at me the whole time! Then when I put him down in the travel cot he just fell asleep like a little angel! Then I managed to convince DD to have a nap too, so when my friend arrived to pick him up I was sat reading a book with a cup of tea in a perfectly silent house! she was and I surprised myself how in control and calm I felt.... maybe I could manage a second baby after all????

GetDown I LOVE your post! That really cheered me up and put things in perspective. So pleased you had a good night out and it didn't affect you the next day! That's exactly how we should be really.

Anytime you want to babysit DS3 (7 months) just pop on up here and he's yours He's very good at napping too and he will just go to sleep for naps (most of the time!) so long as you read him a story and sing 'ba ba black sheep' and 'you are my sunshine' before you put him in the cot! If you really want practice you can have all three for a couple of hours

I'm in a much, much better mood today because I slept well. I'm not needed at the carnival until 11am now and I wonder if that helped my sleep? I was a bit worried about the 7.30am-6pm day.

Anyway, must make a quick cup of coffee before I have to get the DSs all up. I might even squeeze in a bit of ironing before they get up.

Hey haven't had time to write have had busy couple of days things going better again . DD is being gorgeous again just think she's being a bit clingy but I've handled it much better since I got a break yesterday morning.
Glad you both sound OK and we're all sleeping fairly well at the mo!

Good morning all! Despte DS3 being ill yesterday I slept ok last night. Soooo worried about him though. I have a horrible phobia about sickness. I also feel 'I'm a bad mother putting my worries ahead of caring for him'. Parenthood is full of guilt

hi becky sorry you've had a stressful time with DS3 hope he is OK. I can understand the sickness phobia even though I haven't got it now, because I had it to some extent when I was younger. I still hate getting sick myself and get anxious if people say they feel sick or have been sick.
I had a really bad night , several things were different about my bedtime routine to usual and I was also anxious about a few things, and maybe a bit excited about today, but it was so rubbish. Took nearly two hours to get to sleep then woke up three hours later. Slept on and off a bit after that but had horrific nightmares, really violent dreams. Don't know what is going on. Hope it's just a 'blip'.

Arcadia poor you. It is just a blip. Of course you would have been excited about today. The nightmares were probably because you were anxious.

DS3 has eaten his breakfast, he was starving, but he's distinctly not happy today. Sitting on my lap being not happy.

Ah poor DS3 give him a little squeeze from me (but not on his tummy!), hope he's better soon, good sign that he kept his breakfast down so far!