You can do it!! (Jane Fonda style motivation thread!!)

[QueenFlounce]

Following on from the massive "Going to have a good week" thread...

Sax - Calling your boy a "Stupid child" is NOT an example of a complete failure as a parent! I'm sure many many Mums here will admit to doing that even without a hint of depression! THEY ARE STRESSFUL! Especially with everything else you have to put up with.

I can't comment on the drinking coz I know I drink FAR too much..... I hide behind the "But I'm Scottish!" excuse alllllll the time.

HOWEVER, what I will say is that if drinking makes you feel even more low then its something you need to reconsider as a way to unwind and de-stress..... coz it's not working if you just feel shittier.

Come on, its Friday night... we're all drinking... lets have a bit of escapism from reality for a while and step back.

This is bad moment..... it doesn't mean tomorrow will be awful... or that your children will never forgive you for saying that. It just means that by the end of today you felt really stressed.

As for the work thing. Bringing up 3 young children, one with a condition that makes him even more hard work is you contributing to your family! Debts can be paid off when you feel stronger..... as long as they are not spiralling out of control then a couple of months is not going to make that much difference, is it?

Remember.... UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM I aaaaaaaamm caaaaaaaaaaaaaalm.

PS.... I've created a major problem at my work and have effectively deleted a vast amount info!! SO I'm desperately trying to redeem myself before anyone notices!!! .... I'm such a tit sometimes.

Exactly and MN is so great for just that!!!!!!

Hope you can sort the work problem out - not concentrating eh!!!!!!

I cannot change HV - she's the only one!

I'm back I'm back - been hectic few days....boy 2 still a little spotty, but weathers so nice, told boss man he had a fresh outbreak so had to stay home, boy 1 still no signs.

Last two days I've really enjoyed looking after the boys, got lunchtime sussed with their solids too, and Edward LOVES sweet potato, goes mad for it!

DH and I had a set back on, er, tuesday night I think, he got home, hot a bothered after a day on a course, I didn't notice a mood, so was my usual chatty self....he made a few comments, 'would I please wash stuff up after I use it, as he needs to use it for cooking dinner' OK fair point, but sensed tone in his voice....then he went to load dishwasher with some more stuff, couldn't fit it in and went balistic....straw that broke the camels back....obviously peed off about something else so had to vent it somewhere.

Luckily it didn't last all night, he poured me a glass of wine with me dinner, but I was frosty with him all night after that - he noticed cos he was crawling later on. Anyway, we back on track again now, I'm just going to have to get used to his mood swings as so many things affect him, and if he's honest, it's not normally me, I'm just a convenient outlet!

We'll never be the perfect rose tinted couple, all smiles, kisses and holding hands, we're just us and he loves me and I love him which I suppose what matters!

Anyway...HOW ARE WE ALL, bet you didn't miss me....

Good to hear things are going OK now Meeeley2 - if you notice yesturday we were all enquiring as to how you and the boys were, so thank you for coming back and sharing this with us. Good to hear you've enjoyed the boys over the past couple of days, that makes all the difference

Back to not sleeping well, why are feelings so heightened at night? Don't feel very positive right now all confused and struggling with emotions. Why can't I cry? It's not natural, its an emotion I use to be able to do, especially after my father died, I use to cry at anything! Now, not for years, I think I've bottled up for so long, I've forgotten how to cry

Dh is now on A/L so I'm in for a stressful couple of weeks because the front has to be continued all day too. Its going to be hard especially if the boys decide to react to him being home. Maybe it will be OK because he can unwind and feel less stressed. I need to ensure he tries to, then life won't be so miserable and the boys won't be too upset in their routine. I'm probably worrying over nothing.

God I feel so guilty. Him not knowing how I'm feeling, he would be hurt I'd told others, he would be sad I couldn't tell him and he would be that he can't help!

Sorry guys, just talking aloud and thought if i write it down I may be able to sleep again but my thoughts are racing and I am still in that I was told today by the HV that I was severley depressed. Still can't get my head round that - most people cope with the stresses and strains thrown at them - makes me feel weak that I'm struggling with 'normal' life. I know its busy and the boys are a handful but others manage. I use to be so strong!!!!! Why????????? I feel I've given in to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to get myself organised, I need to clear some of the paperwork I've been avoiding, I need to get a grip for my family before we sink!

I hate not being able to look forward to tomorrow, next week, next year............where are my dreams gone, I don't remember them anymore!

And the Annual leave has begun.................lets wake up in an intolerant mood and have a go at the boys (God he pisses me off), I've now got all the boys dressed,washed, made the beds, got dressed myself and now about to do breakfast - its sooo much easier when the atmsophere isn't quite so tense.
We are seriously going to fall out big time if this continues - I cannot cope with this stress ......................
QF - I know your answer - bloody well tell him about the depression

But No, what use will adding to this pressure do? Make life 10 times worse - so I'll just plod on and remain CCCCAAAalllllmmmmm well, I'll try!!!!!!!

Sax - telling him isn't adding to the pressure at all!! You having to put on a front whilst behind the smile you are crumbling will add to the pressure. It might be a wake up call for your DH to start being more considerate. It's not your responsibility to prevent the family from 'sinking'.... it's both your responsibilities.

If you really can't cope with the stress of putting on a front..... then the short answer is.... stop putting on a front.

Just what exactly is it that is causing all your DH's stress??? And whatever it is.... is it worth this?

The boys - he doesn't tolerate them - they're not easy atm, money - he feels he's the only one doing anything!!!!!!, he deals in medals and takes on too many (men can't take on more than one thing to think about!!!! can they?), no break - our mothers are shit grandparents, me - I have a go when he swears around the children, when he winds them up, I ask him to do too many jobs........................

I could go on but its just lots and lots of moans and its boring!!!!!

I just find he's Jekkel and Hyde (not spelt right) and thats so hard to live with.

We'll manage - just having a hard start to the day........sorry

Sax - None of the things you mention are your fault. He is putting too much onto your shoulders and you are clearly not coping (on the inside).
It's one thing to treat your depression..... but another to treat whats causing it in the first place. Would your DH go along to counselling??? He probably would benefit too as he is not coping either. Snapping all the time, stressed, Jekyl & Hyde.... all symptoms that he is extremely stressed/anxious too. Both of you are trying too hard to just struggle on despite your stress. And whilst trying to avoid adding to it... you are in fact just putting more pressure on yourselves.

Sorting out some of the practicalities of your situation will help. But you have to feel able and motivated to do that first. Hopefully the increased dosage will kick start you again.

Q. would he go to counselling
A. No! Firstly he would need to know about everything and secondly - he's a really private person so wouldn't talk to a stranger.

Maybe if and when the tablets kick in then I may feel stronger and clearer about what to do!

The boys are bouncing around the house all wound up and I suppose I just was feeling a bit panicy about the next few weeks. We'll be fine I'm sure!

Sax - He wouldn't need to know about everything. He isn't blind/deaf/dumb ... it must be clear that everything isn't rosy in the Sax household.... so it could just be couple counselling, like RELATE?

Shut the boys in a room.... chuck in some food and a couple of water pistols.... open the door again at teatime.

Love the advice about the boys - never thought about that logical answer!! - off to buy some water pistols now and problem is solved!!! Cool.
Wow Queenflounce you should be a super Nanny with advice like that . I guess yours are shut in their room whilst you are at work - working so so hard for the flounce household. You will be wasted as a midwife!!!! Mind you, you'll be able to advise the new Mums about parenting tips for the future like water pistols etc. LOL

Today Prince and Princess Flounce are at Granny's.

My Inlaws arrive today to stay for 3 nights. It's Prince Flounces 4th Birthday on Monday and I organised a part for Sunday at a sift play area!! I'm shitting myself. [shitting myself emoticon]

sift play??? Eh.... Soft play!

LOL - good luck for the party. Make sure the wine is on tap and you'll have a whale of a time!

Dh has now gone out with ds2 so I'm just left with a sleeping ds3 and a much calmer now ds1. So won't be such a bad day afterall. I'm feeling very motivated atm to get some of my jobs done, so striking while the iron is hot and getting on. Hope this lasts for a bit and the bloody ironing board can be put away. Must get the appeal letter done too before its too late!

Off to do some jobs - try to concentrate Queenflounce, you don't want to muck up like the other day and hope everyone else is doing Ok today. Check in when you can. Babynovice, its nearly the end of the week, are you OK???

Motivation didn't last long - now sitting wasting time again! At least its still calmmmmm! Not achieving anything but what the f*, tomorrow is another day so who cares because right now I feel very spaced out and chilled. God what a good detached feeling. Maybe the glass of wind with lunch took the edge off with the anti Ds and the sepia - is this self destruct or healing? I'm not quite sure but I'm at least not sinking or panicing.

not wind with lunch - wine of course!!!!!!!

PMSL @ Wind!

It's healing. You don't have to be doing something physical all of the time! This is productive..... honest.... the Queen has spoken!

Cool - no argues with the queen and wins eh!

Babynovice - are you alright? I hope you had some support from dp this week and you are coping ok. Let us know, when you get a chance of course. Did you get my pic of the boys?? Good lookers eh!

yet another typo error - no one argues with the queen is what I meant!- dh now back - made money - hasn't offered it to the house for bills but has asked if we want to go out for tea (again I'm living day to day because really its false ecomony but its not my money to say we must do this that and the other!).

You know what I said about swearing - ds1 has started saying bloody when he is angry!!!!! I'm so cross because he gets in a state when he's angry so this will take some shaking off this word!!!!!!

I am still numb - best way really! In for a good chilled, forget all troubles night I hope!!!!!!

Hope everyone had a good day - Now wheres that Gossifer - not checked in for ages???????????

Hope we are all cool and not too stressed.

Sax xxxxx

Hi All, how are we doing? It's amazing what a decent night's sleep can do for you....and three cheers for calpol as well!! dd slept through until 7am this morning, something she hasn't done in ages and although I did wake up a few times during the night (the usual 4 and 5am stuff) it wasn't that bad.
QF, just thinking about your ds's birthday party tomorrow brings me out in a cold sweat but I'm sure he will have a great time - I assume having inlaws to stay is not added stress
Sax, where's the ironing board?
Meeely2, hope your dh is behaving?

Talk to you all soon

hELLO FOLKS - I am so so glad you had a good sleep Babynovice - yes what a difference it makes. It means when you function in the day you are not clouded by that horrid lethargic 'I do want to' feeling!

Don't know if your computer is on this weekend Queenflounce but if so then wishing you ALL THE BEST FOR DS's party and remember the wine and you'll all have fun. Please let us know how you go but you may not get a chance til you get back to work on Mon.

Well guys - the ironing board is still up in the kitchen.

I've been out today to the Thomas Tank Day on the Bluebell line with a couple of people from another forum. (I never would have considered that a few weeks ago Babynovice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). It was a super day and I only took ds1 and he behaved really well, I was very pleased with him. I am now exhausted because socialising really takes it out of you in this state of mind! However, although I feel pretty low and thoughtful, I'm OK and just ticking along. Its just been a day to contemplate about things and its hard when you know you should be having so much fun with the boys but aren't most of the time. This makes me feel quite sad and useless however I am hoping with my tablets now increased then I can start to get a handle on things.

Good luck Queenflounce and can't wait to hear , thank you for the email Babynovice - its lovely to get to know you better and hope Meeeley2 and Gossifer are doing OK, would love to hear from you guys too.

I'm going to have some wine now and chill out for the evening - I deserve it after a busy day.

Shame when I came in, I was faced with a twice as stressed dh who'd had a major barney with his mum on the phone yet again about the dx of ds1 (she doesn't accept it in the slightest - we are apparently labelling our child and not being good parents).

Sod the bitch!!!!!!!!!! I hate her anyway!!!!!!

God another typo error - 'I don't want to do' feeling LOL!!!!! I haven't even had any wine yet!

Not a good start to today, a stupid panic attack over the children kicking off! Never mind, had some sound advice and feel a little better.

Now I have realised something though - my mind is just so elsewhere - i have forgotten my mum wanted me to go for lunch (an hour away) we are suppose to be there at 12.30 God this isn't going well!

How many other important things am I missing, I just cannot concentrate.....