You can do it!! (Jane Fonda style motivation thread!!)

[QueenFlounce]

Following on from the massive "Going to have a good week" thread...

Sax - Calling your boy a "Stupid child" is NOT an example of a complete failure as a parent! I'm sure many many Mums here will admit to doing that even without a hint of depression! THEY ARE STRESSFUL! Especially with everything else you have to put up with.

I can't comment on the drinking coz I know I drink FAR too much..... I hide behind the "But I'm Scottish!" excuse alllllll the time.

HOWEVER, what I will say is that if drinking makes you feel even more low then its something you need to reconsider as a way to unwind and de-stress..... coz it's not working if you just feel shittier.

Come on, its Friday night... we're all drinking... lets have a bit of escapism from reality for a while and step back.

This is bad moment..... it doesn't mean tomorrow will be awful... or that your children will never forgive you for saying that. It just means that by the end of today you felt really stressed.

As for the work thing. Bringing up 3 young children, one with a condition that makes him even more hard work is you contributing to your family! Debts can be paid off when you feel stronger..... as long as they are not spiralling out of control then a couple of months is not going to make that much difference, is it?

Remember.... UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM I aaaaaaaamm caaaaaaaaaaaaaalm.

Hiya! Did we all survive the weekend then?! So far so good for me this morning.....dp has gone back to work today so I'm quite nervous about how I'm going to get on BUT I have to think positive.
Yesterday was awful I couldn't keep up my smiley front during what should have been a lovely family day with my folks - I had to tell my mum I have PND (something I didn't really want to do just now) and I suppose it just put a downer on the whole occasion.
But in a way I think the more people who know what's happening to me at the moment the better, because that way I don't have to pretend or do things I know I can't handle (like the socialising). Sax, that's so good you were able to go on a day out at the weekend, I know how much effort that must have taken so good on you....you're getting there! Pity about MIL putting spanner in the works, just what you need eh? Still at least it's something you and dh can rant about together
QueenFlounce, I'm also looking forward to hearing how your day went yesterday, it was a gorgeous day for it, so hope all went well.
Bye for now, hopefully talk to you soon.

Well done for telling your discussing things with your Mum - how did she take it? I hope she'll be supportive to you.

We survived the weekend - now for the week ........

I'm not sure what she thinks about it, we did chat about it a bit and she seemed to have a theory about why I was feeling the way I do - not a particularly helpful assessment because it's almost like saying that PND has been caused by things I've done or not done....whereas it's the other way around IYSWIM. Didn't have the energy to debate or discuss in depth, I'm not sure how much she really understands about how PND can mess with your mind and cloud your usual rational thinking. Anyway, I think she will be supportive even if she doesn't totally understand - she's coming to stay for a few days to help out with dd so I'm looking forward to having the company, plus it's good for dd too to see more of her gran
How's your day going? Any plans for this week while dh is on holiday?

Not thinking straight right now - don't know shit company right now, I WANT to keep the curtains shut, go to bed and wake up later! Letting dh have a lie in this morning so not possible but none of us dressed or breakfasted etc. Sorry, not good right now!

There's nothing wrong with wanting a duvet day just go with the flow and don't push yourself too hard to do what you 'should' be doing. While dh is onhand try to get some more time for yourself.....if dh has his lie in then you should be allowed a siesta at least Sod the routine for today! Take care, and don't worry if you don't feel like chatting I'll catch up with you soon.

I want to sit on here and just do sod all - MIL rang earlier and we have caller display and I ignored it (dh told me to) so now I'm dreading her turning up - bitch
she has said she refuses to lose contact with her grandchildren! If she comes I'm going out!

I'm sorry to be so negative, I am just wasting my days, my time and my life! I am so confused why I can't think straight!

When is your Mum coming Babynovice - is it this week to help you out with dd?

Would your MIL just turn up?! Think dh definitely best person to sort that situation. Again, I say there is nothing wrong in having a day of doing nothing....and it's not a waste of time if what you're doing is recharging your batteries or taking time-out so you can face the next day with more energy.

Yes, it's this week my mum will come through so I only have a couple of days on my own to get through before the cavalry arrives - I just hope the ADs start kicking in and I feel I can cope better on my own soon.

I like the theory of recharging the batteries - although I think maybe my charger may be broken becasue the batteries have been charging for some weeks LOL.
Yes, MIL very likely could turn up. She use to travel 2hrs to our old house, unannounced, if I was out (usually) she would put a bag of magazines or something equally as useless on the door so we'd know she'd been. Then she'd ring and say she refuses to make an appointment to see her son or grandson!!!!!! She'd blame us for being out and has never ever comprehended we do shifts.
We had a lovely relief from all this in Yorkshire - however then came the psyco shit of us taking (me really) taking her family away from her! She visited once in two years!!!
Anyway, now we don't see her very often thank God. She plays games and I hate her! however, I'm polite and respectful when she comes so really she should do the same.
I think I will eventually get the blame for getting ds1 referred. He is her favourite and she doesn't even mention the other two boys!

Its all extra shit we don't need right now!

No inspiration from our Queenflounce today - maybe working too hard

Oh God she sounds like the MIL from hell! I thought I had something to moan about because my MIL (of sorts) is conspicuous by her absence....rarely phones...never asks to see dd...hasn't once asked if I have needed a hand or wanted a babysitter. However I see it could be MUCH worse
How did your day go?
QF - are you still out there?? Recovering from the inlaws visit no doubt

Hi Babynovice - she didn't turn up thank God!!!!! My day was up and down, dh had a lie in til 11am and I spent my day doing my DLA appeal letter (should have done it last week but still ok not out of date) that I needed to and spending my day wasting time on here trying not to think! So up and down but more the former!

How about you - you OK today?

Not heard from QF at all today so hopefully she's OK or working hard . Probably away from PC more likely!

You are a saint letting dh lie in until 11am, dp doesn't get past 10am and that's only if he really deserves it
I've no idea what your DLA letter is (sorry!) but it sounded like it was something you had been putting off so well done for getting that out the way - so you didn't waste your time at all!
My day was pretty much on an even keel, had a long walk in the afternoon with dd so that always makes the day go quicker - on days like today I feel that everything is OK and that I don't have anything to worry about....hopefully tomorrow will be the same.

Hello folks! Back at work today. Survived the weekend...... just.

How are we all???

Hi QF

I'm fine, back at work, spotty twin now crusty and able to go back to nursery, non-spotty twin still holding out on me, so waiting for the phone call in the next few days to say he's got it now.

Hardly saw DH at the weekend, he was up and out early on saturday to watch a rugby match, he then went shopping and boozing, came home about 3 ish bladdered and fell asleep on the sofa. Went back out again just after 5 for a friends birthday booze up. He came home in a very good mood though and he didn't wind me up at all - surprisingly! I did have a BIG cry to myself in the evening while he was out, just let everything out, couldn't stop for hours! But felt much better for it.

Not sure what happened on Sunday - oh yeah, he had footie training in the morning, then I went shopping with one twin while he looked after the other and we had chinese take out after they went to bed. To be honest it was an OK weekend, I just wish he was more keen to spend time with his boys (I think this may have been a one off weekend though, due to the friends birthday)....We had a lovely evening last night though, he cooked a fab meal while I played with the boys.

I do have one niggling doubt in my head though - my friend mailed me yesterday to say she'd seen DH while he was out on Saturday, and thats all she said...no additional comment like, 'wasn't he drunk' or 'he said hi to me'...I then started to worry that she was implying she saw him doing something he shoudn't have been....totally irrational as he'd never do anything like that, but our row a week or so ago has made me a little uneasy, as he was in his nasty mood saying if I didn't start making more of an effort he'd look elsewhere...I take that sort of thing to heart even though he only says those things to get a reaction.

I'm sorry I'm waffling - thanks for listening, tell me to shut up....gone back to my corner now!

Hi guys, will check in tom after a little sleep - see time but have been out today for Trafalgar 200 celebrations in Portmouth with Mum. A day away from the children, wow - I'm so luckey and except from the snide putdown remarks, it was a good day!
I don't feel I'm depressed anymore, feel fine tonight and feel a fool for feeling what I have done recently. Queenflounce - is this normal or could it be I was just stressed???? Maybe I don't need the anti ds????????????? or is it just that they are working???? A little confused.

Anyway, hope all is well and check in tom and would love a chat if online when anyone else is!!

Sax xxxx

Hi Sax

so glad you're feeling better, I too have got my head together and not feeling suspicious about DH. Turns out the friend that saw him out, was only being caging cos she thought he was out of order for being out again while I was at home. She started gossiping with other friends that she thought he was selfish cos I didn't even have time to get a hair cut cos he was in the pub. However she got it all wrong. I had called her to see if she'd go to the hairdressers with me, so she could entertain the boys....I had only thought of going that morning, when I realised I didn't have much else to do while DH was out. It wasn't that I couldn't go cos he wasn't there, it was that I wanted to go cos he wasn't there!

Anyway, someone has told DH he is being talked about, he isn't happy, BUT has made him a little more attentive at home! I think he's afraid that he really is neglecting me and that I'm telling my friends as much - which I'm not, cos he really isn't.

Anyway, onwards and upwards - having my hair cut tonite, gotta look pretty for me fella, plus we going to an after wedding party on saturday and we camping over! Should be fun, but can see it getting messy.

(just wanted to jump in to say what a fantastic support you are all being to each other. you should all be very proud of each yourselves. Well donr all of you - jumping back out now)

BTW - Big twin, rolled for the first time last night! However he was in his cot and I was in bed, so didn't see it, I was just summoned by some muffled whinging to flip him over! Hoping that he repeats it tonite while still downstairs and where I can see him.

Will now have to be extra vigilant when leaving him anywhere, so used to being able to walk away and do chores and him still being there when I got back...no more the case however - must think about buying a baby walker, so can pop him in it and drag him round wherever I go! Little twin still happy to stay where left and wave his legs in the air!

Hi Meeeley - well done big twin!!! now the fun starts when they get on the move eh?
Also, enjoy your haircut, that always makes you feel more on the up becasue you can feel pampered and special.
How's Babynovice today? Not heard - has you mum arrived yet, are you gettting a break?

I still feel fine, a good day - however I have spent nearly all day in bed, still avoiding everything with curtains closed and lolling around avoiding the world. sorry to disappoint, I keep telling dh I'm tired.

Hope everyone has had good days and children haven't been too stressful for one and all. Take care
Sax xxxx

Morning All. Sax - That is the AD's working! Please don't stop taking them just now.... that can make you feel even worse. Just be re-assured that you are definitely on the road to recovery.
On my good days I always felt like a fraud/selfish/dramaqueen.... I always thought "Oh gawd, what a fuss I've been making about nothing.... how embarassing!?". But that in itself can be destructive.... the feelings of guilt creeping in and feeling ashamed. You should be PROUD of yourself fopr getting over the initial 1st hurdle and not looking back thinking the worst of yourself.

Meeely2 - Wahey!! A rolling twin!!

OK all change

ITS all coming to a head! I have a splitting headache and haven't a clue how I'm going to cope today. I have tried and tried and tried and tried to find the words to tell dh - I can't do it I feel so ashamed. I feel sick today and knotted, its all suddenly coming to a point and the things i've avoided have almost crept up on me. I can't believe this is happening - I'm so sorry but I am not on the road to anywhere!!!!

Hi folks, thought I'd drop in to check how we're all doing....my mum is staying with me at the moment so I've been spending my time with her and dd trying to do 'normal' things. Not very successfully though - had a few bad days, today not much better so far. So I thought I'd look to MN for a boost and to remind myself that (a) things will get better and (b) I'm not a raving lunatic.
Sax, I am so glad you've had a good couple of days, I bet it felt great to genuinely enjoy yourself and not have to pretend to have a good time. It sounds like you're having a change of heart as far as telling dh is concerned? Is that why you feel sick etc. (with nerves?) I know how difficult it is to start that conversation....I found a site on the net on PND and told dp to read it, that was enough to break the ice. Maybe you could do the same or even just write a little note to dh. I honestly don't think I could get through this without people around me knowing, the fact that you have for so long shows how strong you are!!

Queenflounce - are you able to help Babynovice with her query's i've got major problems going on here! We are up shit creak with no where to turn and I don't know whats going happen! This is major and I'm so so scared!

I'm getting in such a state! I don't think i can deal with all this crap! I think I'm gonna lose it big time, we can't survive like this! Shit, i don't know what to do - I'm really really scared.

Whoa there Sax - Whats happened?? Why are you suddenly up shit creek? Take a deep breath and explain whats going and take each thing one at a time.

Good to hear from you BN.