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ABitWrong is in trouble again

102 replies

ABitWrong · 24/09/2009 19:00

Getting worse and worse. This morning it felt like I had things crawling up me but there was nothing there.
I have chest pains left over from panic attacks.
Also been having hot flushes and now my kidneys are aching. Is this all just stress?

OP posts:
ErikaMaye · 25/09/2009 11:11

sneak hugs

bitlikeshineydiamond · 25/09/2009 11:15

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thesecondcoming · 25/09/2009 12:04

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RumourOfAHurricane · 25/09/2009 13:13

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gonnabehappy · 25/09/2009 13:27

Yes but someone earlier in thread was chatting to Abit as though they wre RL friends, texting was mentioned. I am so hoping one of those will be able to help you get help Abit.

Being in that kind of a black hole is so so horrid. Just do one thing, just one tiny thing to day to get out, making an appt would be fab, if not ask someone to do it for you. Or even ask someone to be with you when you make an appt tomorrow. I know what it feels like to feel so bloody useless.

Just do one thing, one tiny thing, and I am sure it will help with your self esteem as well as with getting more medical help.

BitOfFun · 25/09/2009 14:14

ABW- you really need to get back to the doctors today and get this sorted out, I hope you do. The internet is good for fun and making friends, but it is not the right place to be getting your main source of support for your mental health issues. Neither are your real life friends- nobody is qualified here to keep you above the water line apart from proper medical professionals when you are in this kind of crisis. With children involved this is even more urgent- please go and see someone today.

ABitWrong · 25/09/2009 14:19

I have sobbed down the phone to duty psych nurse who has arranged emergency diazepam and said I will be seen within a week
Could do with a lie down now. Some chance.
I am alternately sobbing and laughing likea loon.

OP posts:
vacuouslocuous · 25/09/2009 14:27

well done for making the call. Plaese make sure you chase them if you don't get that appointment for next week.

gonnabehappy · 25/09/2009 14:33

Well done you. That is fantastic. I do know how much guts it takes even to do that. Be proud - after you have had a tiny bit of time for you. Sod the washing up, make a cup of tea and put kids in front of TV. It wont hurt them you know. It is sunny here - how about making some sandwiches and eating a, maybe for the last time this year, picnic in the park or even the garden. Kids will like it - especially if sandwiches are chocolate spread instead of healthy protein!!! And...you will get outside for a few mins.

thesecondcoming · 25/09/2009 16:09

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Boco · 25/09/2009 17:18

ABW I hope you get seen very soon.

I totally agree with Shineon - I think that the internet is very good for finding supportive voices and virtual hand holding, but when you're mentally so unwell, it just can't be an alternative to real life support, and if it keeps you ticking over and prevents you from taking real life action then it's very dangerous. Of course you should continue to get support from friends, but relying on these threads rather than actual practical and pretty urgent help is just not going to get you through this. I do know you've tried, and you've asked for help, and it should NOT have been this hard for you to get someone to listen, but you MUST keep trying.

I think if DH won't get out the next step must be CAB and a family solicitor so that you can understand your rights - and you DO have rights, but you need to get yourself well enough to be able to tackle that first. Lots of people are right behind you.

littlerach · 25/09/2009 19:55

How are you ABW?

ABitWrong · 25/09/2009 20:02

On the edge but slightly numbed.

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thesecondcoming · 25/09/2009 21:56

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ABitWrong · 25/09/2009 22:01

internet hand holding is actually lifesaving when there is buggerall else you can do, or when you are just waiting, and I have done an awful lot of waiting

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thesecondcoming · 25/09/2009 22:04

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GiraffesAndDucksSayQuack · 25/09/2009 22:40

How are you getting the emergency diazepam? Is she giving it to you without seeing you face to face? If you feel this bad I would present at A&E and see a Dr. Did you used to have a different name? I can't think who you remind me off.

RumourOfAHurricane · 25/09/2009 23:06

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PurpleOne · 26/09/2009 05:16

ABW, just wanted to write and say that I'm thinking about you.
How are you getting the Diazepam?

I'm not allowed any Valium cos my psych knows I am a suicide risk...but wants to pump me full of ADs.

Seriously, if you are feeling that bad, that you picked up a knife...please, PLEASE get yourself to A&E ASAP. And ask to see the psych liason doctor or someone from the mental health team. And the home treatment team can come and give you your meds every day at your home if you don;t trust yourself too.
I presented myself at A&E 3 weeks ago, having horrible thoughts. The psych wanted me admitted, sedated and to talk....but my ex wouldn;t have the kids so I had to come home and cope alone.
Please go to A&E. If not for yourself, do it for your children. Both yourself and them all deserve much better than this. I know the black hole consumes you..just keep taking baby steps. day by day....even hour by hour if needs must. Get some sleep and make sure you eat something.
Please keep talking x

ABitWrong · 27/09/2009 09:39

Do you know, it can actually take bloody ages to get enough help. I am the first to admit that I am bloody crap at actually talking to people face to face. Which I know hasn't helped but it is the way I am.
And the system can be really really slow.
You can admit to feeling suicidal on a regular basis and say you keep coming close to driving into a wall and say that you feel unsafe and be open about the fact that you might easily OD and still not actually be taken as seriously as you need to be.

I am worried that people who are feeling similarly shite and reading some of the posts on this thread - and I KNOW you do all mean well and really appreciate you - will feel that actually they shouldn't start a thread about themselves but actually, it is a good thing to do for many reasons.
Sometimes it is an important first step in realising that there is a problem.
Just being responded to by kind, caring people makes helluva difference. Makes it easier to keep breathing, y'know?
And the distraction can be life-saving.

And yes, I know that ideally we should all park our children with our supportive partner or locally-living relatives and dive off and get whatever help is needed instantly, but it ain't always that simple.

If my "partner" and consequently my mother had to knowwhat was going on, that really would drive me right over the edge. People's lives and situations are so complex.

Giraffesand Ducks, I do have another name. This ismy crisis name.

PurpleOne {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} I really wish you had better support.

Thank you again to everybody who has posted on this thread. You are all fab.

OP posts:
ErikaMaye · 27/09/2009 10:50

sneak hugs You know I think you're doing fantastically, but I'll remind you again. x

Unfortunately you're entirely right about the system. It was only after my third OD in eight weeks when my parents refused to take me home until someone saw me that the hospital didn't just send me on my merry way.

Life isn't always ideal, so don't beat yourself down for that, okay, chuck? x

TheMitsubishiWarrioress · 27/09/2009 20:08

If you look in on here tonight ABit, I am having one of 'those' evenings....nothing major but I have lost my mojo and am chronically tired and DC's are both being demanding.

That was a good post......it is really brave to admit how hard it is and that there is too much to manage. Do for yourself what you would want to do for a friend, because when you recognise yourself as important, you can really make changes.

So I am going to do all the usual sunday night stuff and then melt into bed........ and ((((()))))

Keep on keepin' on.......

ErikaMaye · 27/09/2009 20:32

TMW - I'm going to hug you now, okay? Hope you feel better soon.

ABitWrong · 27/09/2009 20:45

Love you Mits andyou too Erika xx

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TheWhiteSheep · 27/09/2009 21:36

Good post abw.

I think when you say

"you can admit to feeling suicidal on a regular basis and say you keep coming close to driving into a wall and say that you feel unsafe and be open about the fact that you might easily OD and still not actually be taken as seriously as you need to be."
this is very true.

When you are depressed long-term, suicidal thoughts are part of daily life; they seem normal, and thus when we speak of them it can seem glib. I think people do not take this seriously enough.

Hope help comes swiftly.