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Mental health

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Original poster

Think I'm going to have a termination :(

66 replies

pigletpants · 13/02/2009 10:48

Found out this morning that I am pg. Dh and I got a bit carried away just the once and stupidly I assumed it would be alright and decided to go on the mini pill to avoid taking any chances again. My periods are irregular and I am still breastfeeding, so thought it would be ok.

It wasn't and I got a positive test this morning.

I have a 3 year old and a 16 month old. Am due to go back to work full time and can't afford childcare for 3.

Things were just looking up, we are saving for a deposit on a house. We're in a tiny 2 bed rented house at the moment.

I'm devastated. Please be gentle with me.

OP posts:

FAQinglovely · 13/02/2009 11:46

oh and we had a small car too - managed to find car seats/booster seats to fit too.

Melscorp · 13/02/2009 12:34

Think carefully before you terminate this pregnancy.

I have friends who terminated their babies and still regret it.

I am on the other end of the spectrum, where due to external forces, I may not be able to add another member to my family (and was planning to have another one soon), then there is a friend of mine who has had two failed cycles.

Your excuse about not having a big enough car etc can be sorted out and as another member says, there is ALWAYS family credit!!!!

Original poster

pigletpants · 13/02/2009 12:39

Obviously it is something I'm thinking carefully about, it is not a decision any woman makes flippantly. My terminating a pregnancy has nothing to do with women who are struggling to conceive, that has nothing to do with it.

The car thing is not an 'excuse' I am just thinking through the practicalities.

OP posts:

FAQinglovely · 13/02/2009 12:40

oh yes of course Melscorp - the OP is just going to go and have a termination without thinking it through isn't she

FAQinglovely · 13/02/2009 12:41

oops - x posts with the OP

Melscorp · 13/02/2009 12:44

There are many women who have been in your predicament and have managed to have the unexpected child and have managed to cope.

I didn't mean to offend you, but obviously I have. I was just trying to point out a few things to you.

I know someone who had her first and second child a year a part, terminated the third and 16 years later is still full of regrets!!!

FAQinglovely · 13/02/2009 12:45

yes and there are woman who've been in the same predicament had the child and haven't coped.

changed1 · 13/02/2009 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Melscorp · 13/02/2009 12:46

That is NOT what I meant FAQinglovely!! I just tried to point out that there are people I know who thought they KNEW what they wanted and NOW are suffering!!!!

changed1 · 13/02/2009 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chisigirl · 13/02/2009 12:48

Melscorp, while it's really sad and unlucky that you may be unable to have more children, it's completely irrelevant to the OP.

OP, much sympathy. You need to do what's right for you and your family.

MrsMattie · 13/02/2009 12:49

Hi piglet pants. Just wanted to say I hope you're OK and that the doctor's appointment goes alright. Whatever you decide, all the best xx

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 13/02/2009 12:49

I'm sorry you're in this position Piglet .
I had a termination 11 years ago. I wasnt a 100 % sure at the time whether I was doing the right thing but also knew that I couldnt practically have the baby.
Fast forward 11 years and I have two young children and I know I made the right decision. It was difficult but I dont regret it at all.
You must do what is right for you and your family. Only you know what feels right deep down. And just a point to think about.....I was referred for my termination by my GP and wasnt offered any counselling at all.

SoupDragon · 13/02/2009 12:53

My GP said to me that the women who view the pregnancy as a problem are those most likely to cope well with a termination. Those who view it as a baby will struggle.

I was in the second camp and went on to have my 3rd and whilst it's been hard work, I don't regret her for one moment.

SoupDragon · 13/02/2009 12:54

Meant to add that the flip side is also most likely true - if you view it as a problem, you are more likely to regret the child than if you view it as a baby.

MamaG · 13/02/2009 13:07

I hope my posts weren't seen as trying to sway you to keep the baby - I was just going on my experience of a panic "oh fuck" third pregnancy and the happy outcome

becstarlitsea · 13/02/2009 13:18

hi pigletpants
Sorry you're in such a difficult situation. Felt I should share my own experience as termination is so stigmatised that it's hard to own up to, so I think you're very brave to even talk about it. I had a termination many years ago which I don't regret at all. So many people talk about how women never get over it, I thought for years there must be something wrong with me - some kind of lack of maternal instinct. Now that I have DS I know that I have plenty of maternal instinct, but I also have a survival instinct and that's why I had a termination. My situation was that I was with a controlling partner (not my DH - this was years before I met him), was alcoholic, suicidally depressed and had attempted suicide earlier that year. If I'd proceeded with the pregnancy I feel certain that I would have killed myself before the baby was born - that was the way I was headed - and I would have stayed with the boyfriend I was with which would have been disastrous. Having a termination allowed me to move on and leave that difficult period in my life behind.

Obviously it's very different to your situation, but I wanted to speak up so you aren't alone. I'm so sorry that you have to make such a difficult choice and wish you a happy future whatever you decide.

Original poster

pigletpants · 13/02/2009 16:31

Got a consultation for tomorrow. Still v confused.

OP posts:

clarabell16 · 13/02/2009 19:53

Good luck piglet for tomorrow. Maybe have a good chat with your dh tonight too, as that may come up with some definates for you both in which way you want to go. Termination is such an emotive issue, there tends to be strong opinions especially if theres personal experience involved, and you have a difficult choice to make, maybe speaking with the doctor tomorrow, who is impartial will also clear your mind a bit. You're probably still in a bit of shock after this morning!!

Original poster

pigletpants · 13/02/2009 21:37

Thanks Clarabell. Doctor referred me to a private clinic, so it is moving v quickly. dh just wants me to make my mind up as wavering is upsetting him.

Will have a clearer idea tomorrow.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 13/02/2009 21:45

What does your DH think about it? Has he given an opinion?

Original poster

pigletpants · 13/02/2009 21:59

He doesn't want me to have it, but will support me whatever.

OP posts:

Original poster

pigletpants · 13/02/2009 22:38

Don't want to do this, but don't want the alternative either.

OP posts:

differentnameforthis · 13/02/2009 23:13

Big hugs, pp....

Good Luck for tomorrow.

Original poster

pigletpants · 14/02/2009 19:39

Well, the two tests they did this morning were neg and the scan showed nothing, so the lady said I can only be about 3 weeks,so have to go back next week.

Secretly hope the digital test I did was somehow wrong.

OP posts:

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