Thats it. I have finally realised that I can't 'do' life anymore

[Titania]

yes me again.....don't really want replies, just need to vent

I have finally come to the conclusion I am a crap mum and crap wife (and don't say I'm not please). I am so fed up its unbelievable. DS1 has gone to a friends house to play. Its the first time I have ever let him go. DS2 is just screaming at me and so is DD cos I won't let her have chocolate, when her dinner is going to be ready in 5 minutes....ds1 hates me....he tells me he does. he backchats and throws things at me all the time. He has me in tears everyday.

we are so seriously in debt. The company who were supposed to be sorting it out for us has been promising to get it sorted within 2 weeks for the past 6 months. Now we are getting all the court summons'/baliffs calling etc and its just not funny anymore...not that it was in the first place but you know what I mean. I have rung the debt company and got mad with them so many times i've lost count....we are £28,000 in debt and we need it sorting....

I don't feel as though the cousellor I am seeing is actually doing anything constructive to help me. I tell her all my woes and she just listens and thats it....she doesn't suggest anyways to deal with situations.

I am having at least one panic attack a day.

I am fed up of feeling so lonely and isolated. I don't even feel as though I am on this planet anymore....like I am standing here looking at someone elses life...

I can't do it anymore. I can't be a mum and a wife....I have sat here all afternoon thinking that all of them would be better off without me....I could seriously pack my bags and leave now....I even found myself standing at the level crossing before waiting for the train to go by. It was a high speed train and I thought... 'I wonder how much it would really hurt if I stood in front of one of those'

I cry nearly all day almost every day. There is always something to go against me...always something going wrong....something to throw be back in the deep end....and now I feel like I am drowning....

All I want is a normal life and to be happy. My kids would be better off without me. So would dh....whats the point of them having me around if I can't be normal???? I have resigned myself to the fact that I am never going to feel right again.

I am sat here in tears now hoping to god that I kiss my kids goodnight for the last time tonight......

That's great, MTS.

Really pleased you can go, MummyToSteven. CAT me if you need a donation for train fare. will help, gladly. or Nutty and FF have my contact details.
So does MotherInferior - are you still in touch with her?

Just seen this. I have her RL details. I'll try to ring and come back to you.

MTS are u going to go - glad you have train fare-

newstart another MNetter has managed to get through to her -

see this thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=2100&threadid=63343

So glad you're going MTS, i'm so sorry i have no spare cash at all to offer as a donation for the train fair.

Message withdrawn

Oh god, please don't apologise Cat. will be fine by next week - just a very awkward pre-pay day blip

now just need to somehow get hold of T and persuade her to let me come and visit!

Leave it with me honey, i'll try to talk to her again later tonight. I'll leave her to talk to her dh for a bit, then call after i've put dd to bed. I desperatly hope she agrees.

mts - Thanks for that. I left a message on her answerphone. I asked her to ring me back, but now I know that someone else is with her, that's okay.

Titania - If you see this, please don't feel that you have to ring me back. As long as you're talking to someone, that's fine. So sorry that you're feeling so down.

Message withdrawn

but having a compulsion to do lots of cleaning isn't necessarily a good thing. i suspect that it may be part of her anxiety problems.

Message withdrawn

true that getting out is a start.

maybe the outpouring of help for vlost has upset her This is not meant to annoy anyone but it could have made her feel worse if she has been needing help too.I don't know the history of either of these posters and feel for them both but this has come hot on the heels of that and may have triggered it off Sometimes people in these states take things very personally

anyway cod, do you still have that url for self-referring to a CMHT? would like to push T into using it - the page said you could use their e-mail enquiry form.

Message withdrawn

sorry i hope I haven't killed this thread or offended anyone def not my intention

nh think you've grasped it

thought you were off enid?

She did mention me and her finding a middle point between the two of us so we could meet up. I will try and arrange that asap as i think it would do her good to get out of the house.

temporarily 'off', not for good

although will be for good if dh catches me on here again

Can I politely suggest any further conversation is moved to another thread.

I agreed with what noddyholder has said and in the same vein, continuation of this thread (considering the title) is probably not a good idea.

I've suggested that loads of time nutcracker, i think she's afraind to leave her kids for any length of time, and her panic attacks get in the way as well. I've mailed you again btw re number.