Sad - depressed - guilty - suicidal - alone & blamed for everything

[EyeSwivel]

I keep trying to hold the threads of my family together. My thread was deleted. Like my abudivd husband, I was blamed for everything. My relationship is a textbook case of abuse, I have taken so muck and forgiven over and over again. I’m so confused, tired and overwhelmed. I wish I was dead

Sorry op this made me giggle slightly. Just with the blocked toilet of course. You're seeing it more lighthearted now. I guess you need to weigh it up and if you want to make it work, you need to lay it all out. Keep separating isn't healthy though

That doesn’t mean that you have to put up with abuse just because you have suffered worse before. Have you tried speaking to Wonens Aid as they will understand both your past sexual abuse and the current emotional abuse by your DH? You are stronger than you feel and you deserve a better life than you are getting. You are halfway there by getting him out of the property

Oh @Helplessandheartbroke that’s absolutely fine to giggle, my situation is utterly absurd as well as confusing, and all the rest

I did call women’s aid once.

if I’m honest, it wasn’t a great experience

I said I was worried the abuse was my fault and I was the problem - and they said if that was the case they couldn’t help
me

I later discovered that DARVO - victim
blaming - was a common tactic emotionally abusive partners use

Bit surprising to see it out in full force on mn earlier. Really bothered me tbh. There is part of me which will always believe it actually is all my fault.

The problem is I can’t afford to live with him
out of the property. When we see each other he will bug me food, otherwise I struggle

*buy

That’s how abuse works by making the victim feel they deserve it. Try Women's Aid again as you were probably unlucky with the person you spoke to.

What is your financial position? Are you working or on benefits? Are you renting or paying a mortgage? You might be surprised what you are entitled to if you are living alone. CAB could advise you about benefits.

I won’t interact with them again. Once I’ve had a bad experience I won’t risk repeating it!

Well, that’s cutting off your nose to spite your face. It won’t matter to them, it will just stop you getting the support that could improve your situation

I have capital assets but a severe cash flow problem. I am currently selling most of what I own on Vinted

That sounds positive then. Are you working and/or getting all the benefits you are entitled to?

Yes I see your point but I’m afraid I’m not risking being victim blamed again. You have to understand I have suffered so much trauma that it felt utterly crushing - wished I had not bothered .

Its not absurd op at all and we're here for you. I am gonna have to get some shut eye but will check in tomorrow. Please try and get some rest too and see how you feel in the morning

I do understand.

I don’t think I’m entitled to benefits - I am not even officially separated

I work part time when I’m not off sick

@Helplessandheartbroke thank you so much

If you are off sick then you might be entitled to PIP and/or new style ESA, both of which are not means tested. Definitely worth checking online or with the CAB

How are you op?

Hi, I’m feeling a bit better physically. Not so tired, still feel flat & hopeless though. You know, most of the time I’m used to feeling that way, it’s just every so often I have a real yearning to feel more, but then I settle back to being resigned.

One step at a time. Did you speak to dh?

Yes, the meeting for today was reinstated despite his stropping off yesterday.
there was no mention of it, we met up, had lunch, (he paid) had a mooch around then went our separate ways. He back to his ex wife’s house, me to mine (our) house.

He said something really illuminating which revealed it’s not just me he can’t cope with, he also”can’t cope with” grown up child’s moodiness and rudeness. I remarked that he should count himself lucky that having abandoned me with said grown up child, he didn’t have to suck up the bad behaviour 24/7 as I do!

But other than that it was the usual bizarre behaviour of superficially having an ok day with no mention of what is actually going on at a deeper level.. (I am not allowed to talk about feelings as he gets angry and impatient).

I think most men get angry etc when a woman discussions emotional struggles because they dont know what to do.

You definitely seem more up beat today so im glad about that. Here if you need anything x

Really- I didn’t know that! I imagined most men would be caring, want to try to help?! Maybe I have been having unreasonable expectations all along.

thank you though

Not unreasonable at all and im sure there's plenty of men who can be more emotionally supportive but from experience definitely not all. My dh gets annoyed when im struggling, because he thinks im daft and doesn't know what to do. Some MN posts make it quite obvious too with other people's dhs