Sad - depressed - guilty - suicidal - alone & blamed for everything

[EyeSwivel]

I keep trying to hold the threads of my family together. My thread was deleted. Like my abudivd husband, I was blamed for everything. My relationship is a textbook case of abuse, I have taken so muck and forgiven over and over again. I’m so confused, tired and overwhelmed. I wish I was dead

I don’t think it is helping you to keep posting to be honest. Is there someone you can speak to in real life?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources: https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health.
You can also go to the Samaritans website: https://www.samaritans.org/ or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

I've not seen your previous thread op but im here if you'd like to talk. Sending a hand hold

I am not sure why I’m being told / advised not to post. Isn’t that the whole point of an internet forum?

seeking Rl support is all very well but sometimes it’s not feasible at the time

v kind of MNHQ to point me towards generic support: unfortunately I’ve accessed many types of support at various times and these online guides while prob helpful as a starting point fir others, for me I feel dont even scratch the surface

Thank you @Helplessandheartbroke - I just feel the whole world is against me and teetering on the edge

Are you willing to share? Sometimes just talking helps. If you feel suicidal now though can you call 111?

@Helplessandheartbroke I shared all on my other thread which got deleted - helpful NOT

Im sorry I didnt see it. Please ring 111 though for your safety

I have called 111 before - they don’t care and most of the time don’t really know what to do. Also I don’t want anyone to stop me killing myself if I decide to I should be allowed to- it’s even being made into law so why am I not allowed autonomy?

I don’t need or want to but thank you @Helplessandheartbroke

Because you may not be thinking straight now and may well feel very differently with support (the right support)

Do you have kids?

I feel really disheartened I’ve been censored and not allowed to chat normally on here. Receiving discriminatory treatment like this really discourages me from seeking so called “support” :-(

I have a grown up child

I can't comment on your situation or past post but can you explain it maybe a bit different on here? I can assure you your adult dc is worth living for

maybe he is but I don’t really care any more

everyone on here blamed me, everyone in Rl takes my H’s side too. Just makes me feel as if there is non point in existing any more

H is very clever at manipulating the situation to make it seem like I’m the problem. When I have posted before I’ve been told he was abusive!

I am confused and my situation is very complicated

@KimMumsnet perhaps you would care to copy my original post (which you deleted!) here so that posters can help??

Is there a specific situation or is it ongoing?

I spent AGES typing it out in a tiny screen with bad glasses earlier and an so angry @KimMumsnet of her colleagues deleted it!

I simply don’t have the energy to go through it all again and am really upset it was deleted without even asking me

And she prob won’t even respond..

@Helplessandheartbroke it was a specific situation which I felt was indicative of a wider situation in which I am not listened to or understood

I really wish it was ok and not taboo to chat about feeling suicidal- just because I feel that way it’s not a medical emergency

@EyeSwivel can you give a bit of background? If its one situation, it can be resolved im sure and hopefully things will look brighter soon

@Helplessandheartbroke no I’m sorry it was a long saga - I’m just too exhausted to type it all out again - perhaps @KimMumsnet can help??

Ok can you try and get some rest and revisit tomorrow? Not sure if MN will post it if deleted

It would help if they would at least clarify that point instead of just not responding.. @KimMumsnet id anyone there?

You can talk about how you feel suicidal but not about specific plans or methods.