Diary Of A Druggie...........

[thewiltedrose]

Dont mind me im just writing this so i can keep track of my symptoms and how i feel.
Feel free to comment, take the piss or add your own experiance of being on AD's.

No offence whispy but your way off. I dont feel sorry for myself becasue other people have more than me.
I dont compare myself to anyone else.
I am unhappy in my life and thats my problem but simply being told to suck it up and get on with it does not help.

Did I say 'suck it up and get on with it'?! No I didn't. What i was trying to say, perhaps not very well, was you've got to help yourself get out of the hole you are in cos no-one can do it for you.

If its not money thats getting you down, what is? Is it the fact you are a relatively young Mum, on your own, with two kids and life is crap at the moment?

You wrote in your post of 12:51 'if you're happy in your job and life then you are a success' - I don't see being happy in a job or being happy in life means you are necessarily a success. There are loads of people who aren't happy with their jobs or aren't happy with their lives but I wouldn't say they've been a failure?

Life is what you make of it. You only get once chance at it. I've learnt, the hard way, life can be cruel, short and tragic. No-one knows what is around the corner - I've learnt that too. Life can also be fun but its not always given to you - you have to go and get it yourself. xxx

I think its actually healthy to want more out of life. There are those of us who are hungry for more and those of us who are content with what they have. At the moment I'm happy but given time, when DD2 starts school, I may well change my goal posts and want more out of life.

I get very envious when mates of mine can go out and socialise - and to do so they offload their children onto their parents - I don't have that luxury. I don't have my Dad and my Mum doesn't want to know. DH's parents cut their ties with us years ago.

I get envious when mates of mine have their regular holidays abroad. We've not had one night away for a good few years. We simply can't afford it.

If I need time-out from my kids I have to take up the offers of help from my mates. I don't like to push my luck with my mates - I treasure and value every friend I have. If I ask my Mum to have the kids its met with 'why?'. She would never have them to give me time to myself - I have to have an appt - ie dentist etc.

I am about to go out and take DD1 out for a couple of hours. It's a time for me to enjoy her company, on her own, without her little sister. We will have a wander around town. Probably end up in a charity shop where'll she buy a book for 25p and I'll get her an ice-cream on the way home. To her that is time with her Mum - precious time - one to one time.

I was very ill after I delivered DD2 just over 4yrs ago. DD1 thought she was going to lose her Mum. Many times she sat with me on the bed holding my hand whilst DH was on the phone to the Dr/Hosp. I got rushed back into hospital at one point because I simply couldn't stop bleeding. The fear in her eyes will always stay with me.

When it was her turn lying in A&E one Monday morning back in December I thought I was going to lose her. That same fear was in her eyes. We tried desperately to get some lines into her - her veins were so sunk we couldn't. It was a very scary time.

It takes moments like this to make me realise just how lucky I am. It's just a shame when you realise how scary moments can be to realise this.

NJM - why?!!! I'm worried now for the reply!

WR - you OK? I really hope I've not upset you. Maybe I've stepped over the mark. I don't know. I'm only trying to help. x

Phew! Hey...you like my approach to life and my posts eh? That's nice. Thank you. Nice to get the odd compliment on here cos I'm normally slated for what I say!

We all get our ups and downs. I've had some ups but plenty of downs too. I write from my own experience with life. That's all I can write from. I write from the heart.

Thank you for appreciating what I've written on here for WR. That was very kind of you to say so. xxxx

Nah! I'm only joking! I just rarely get a compliment on MN - that's all! x

No. You didn't offend me. Honestly!

I've got a thread running in the Chat section called the MN Cosy Corner...come along and pop in sometime! We just talk about anything and everything. OJ popped in there earlier on this evening, bless her. xx

NJM and WW

Just a quick thought _ I have met TWR in RL and she's not bitter and twisted about stuff but she knows this 'cos I have said it to her face, yes she does need a kck up the arse (a bit) She's a lovely girl and she has two great boys. They can't play outside 'cos her garden's dodgy, she doesn't eat properly and she has just started on AD's. I have a great affection for her (and TBH I am old enough to be her mum but would rather go out with her for a drink) but she's had loads of shitty stuff going on. She has a mind full of poetry and stuff and her kids are her first priority but there's still her. She needs to be a mum and a person and if you're living in a land of just xisting, then it won't happen. She will tell you herself that she doesn't sleep well and then sleeps in late. The boys sleep lte too and then the day starts at lunchtime. The oldest DS is going to Nursery in Sept (he's a gorgeous boy) and she just needs a helping hand. I have nagged at her 'cos I want to help but she needs friends her own age and I now know that she has a friend in Exp' sister? Go, TWR. It is her birthday on Friday and hopefully I'll be ther for her.

Sticky are in the habit of trying to make me cry? Coz you i

Thank you you summed it up a bit better than i can put it into words and i am trying to kick myself up the bum by starting college and so on just takes a little time.
You really coming on friday? And i know what you mean about wanting to go for a drink instead of looking after i think youd be great on a night out to!

Thanks for that Sticky.

WR - how are you feeling today? xx

Feeling very crap today actually, havnt got out of bed at all and can barely open my eyes between the hayfever and the tireness

REALLY need to get the house tided aswell especially if sticky is coming round she'll kick my ass if she see's food or nappies anywhere

Have you had much to eat?

...yes I know I sound like a Mother Hen...sorry...I just care, that's all. xx

S'ok sorry if i sounded a little harsh other day just didnt agree with what you were saying thats all RE the not helping myself, i am so i just kind of snapped i do apolagise.

Hey...there is absolutely NOTHING to apologise for....honestly. Thankyou for saying that tho. Perhaps I overstepped the mark a bit and I apologise to you if I did.

In an odd sort of way it helps me to understand more about you and what predicament you may be in and with what Sticky has written about you it gives a clearer picture of where you are coming from, iykwim!

....have you eaten anything today? You've got to eat to keep your energy up. xxx

Whats energy? lol ive been up since 8 and have no idea why becasue i didnt get to sleep til gone 4 again!

Boys have been little devils today and i have a wrecked living room, a messy kitchen, a broken bathroom and two very loud and grumpy boys

Energy? I don't know actually considering the fact I fell asleep at around 4pm and woke up again about half an hour ago - I fell asleep on my own and woke up with a 4yr old sprawled across me fast asleep too!

Sounds to me like you've got a bit of sorting out and tidying up to do. Just do a little bit today and a bit more tomorrow..keep chipping away at it and you'll get square in the end.

There's days when I really can't be arsed to even do the washing up....especially when I'm feeling pretty crap in myself but somehow you've just got to find the 'get up and go' to do it - cos it aint gonna do it by itself. I also have two kids and yes I can go from room to room and its like following a trail of destruction. Yes it gets me down especially when I might've tidied that room earlier in the day. I just tell them that unless they tidy it NOW whatever they've left out goes in the bin. And yes I've chucked stuff out before now. I don't make threats and not follow them through otherwise they will never learn. There are days when all I do is shout at them. Actually today has been one of those days but then I've not been very well myself so my patience has been a bit thin.

Keep going WR....I'm sure you'll have a better week...as the days go by and you stick with the ADs its sure to get better. xxx

Morning TWR - nappies !!!!!! I better not see any when I come round !!! How you feeling today? And yes, all being quiet in the Sticky household, I will see you on Friday. Might be straight after tea 'cos I have to pick kids up at 9.30pm from Youth Club. I won't be drinking either 'cos there's no way I'm getting done for drink/driving. There's a big campaign round here at the mo, loads of police out and TBH I just don't drink at all when I'm driving. I wasn't being harsh with you about the house, but I will be ranting at you for not eating and yes, I will kick you up the bum 'cos you're worth kicking! Do a bit at a time, be glad for having the boys (even when they're loud) and just keep going.

See you soon xx

Morning WR...or rather afternoon!

How are you today? Better night last night? xxxx

Omg I only fell back to sleep with ds1 and slept right through til 3. Now i have two wide awake kids and a house to clean, this is nt going to be a good day.