Don't have the guts to end it.

[Itsprobablyme]

You know that saying. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Im really thinking shit it going to carry on until Im not longer here. But i don't know if i have the guts to actually do anything about.

When anything good or positive does happen it's very short lived. Things start to get better then something happens to fuck it up all over again.

My shit show of a life it posted all over MN its gone on for years nothing ever changes I feel totally misunderstood I feel I am to blame for everything that's ever happens. I feel im to blame when the answers are not simple.

I mean does there come a time when I'm meant to say enough is enough of this life. Surely there's only so much one person can take

I hear so much despair in your post. I'm so sorry. Obviously I don't know you or your situation so it's difficult to know what to say, and I don't want to come across flippant. But rather than thinking in terms of how your whole life can be better, which I'm sure is really overwhelming and feels impossible, can you focus on right now? How can this evening be better? Or even, how can the next half hour be better?

I would definitely see your GP. I see what you mean about 6 sessions of counselling maybe not making much difference, but perhaps medication would help you to see things a bit more clearly so that you can start making positive changes?

I really hope you can start to feel better.

That’s great advice.

I honestly think anti depressants would help. They take time to work so you do need to bear with them.

I would also see if you can talk to stepchange about your debts which would free up some money for you to maybe get private therapy.

Im so sorry that happend to you that's absolutely awful. I don't even have words it should never happen. Its not oh your a victim. It happend and has an effect on life.

Can you share why you are trapped in your circumstances

I can't really say the current stuff. As It may be used against me another time not by you.

It’s really hard to help op when you aren’t sharing specifics.

Fair enough, I understand. You know you can pm me any time ok?

I do try and do that to kind of balance things out like a change the things i can type thing.

I was already on a bit of a down that had been building. I knew it was. And I wanted to focus on something I could change or at least understand and explore it . I thought if I could explore why I do/think it I could then change my mindset . But it wasn't understood. I cant say anymore

What do you mean op? I’m trying to understand but it’s very difficult.

I know im sorry

I have adhd.

I get a plan in my head of what I’m doing and the smallest thing throws me off.

This evening I was going to do something. But my OH is late home from work (he won’t be home until about 8) and even though I don’t need his help to do what I wanted to do, I’m currently lounging on the sofa unable to start because the whole plan that I had in my head is ruined.

we do an activity tomorrow morning. And that means I can’t do anything else substantial all day because my brain just can’t. I’ve planned to go do x and that’s it.

we need to be away early in the morning and I need to pack the car. With equipment. But because he’s not home and we always do it together, I can’t.

is it like that sort of thing?

Thank you everyone ♥️

I really do think you should go and talk to your gp they will be able to help.

I have made the decision to leave mn .

Why?

Because its the right decision for me.

Good luck. I hope you can get support.

Not going to be inspirational, but everything isn’t temporary. I suppose it is in the sense that we’re all going to die, but that’s the op’s point.

The Op has now posed her Good Bye thread.

I do hope she takes notice of the advice to contact The Samaritans and / or her GP.

I can’t find that thread