AIBU to fucking hate the police

[LivelyLeader]

Five years ago, I received a knock at the door. The police arrested my DH upon suspicion of downloading CSA. They took every piece of electronics we had, including phones we hadn't used in years, old PCs, the lot.

They wanted to know how often I saw my nephew and if my DH was ever alone with him. It tore both myself and my husband apart inside to have to ans er their questions.

After nearly six months of no contact with the police my DH attended his bail.

My DH received a NFA. No apology, nothing. They invaded my home, took my belongings and yet they didn't seem to give a damn.

Since then, I've not left the house alone. Every knock on the door or ring on the doorbell makes me shiver with dread.

Yesterday a parcel needing a signature and I hid under the covers. I want to feel normal again. AIBU to think that the police need to offer some sort of support after the harrowing ordeal we experienced?

No but I think people deserve an explanation. You can't just turn someone's life upside down with horrific allegations and then just sweep it under the carpet. Do posters want OP to live in limbo the rest of her life? Or LTB because he MUST have done something? Why even bother with court cases when MN knows everyone accused of this is 100% guilty. Maybe the police should spend more time investigating their own-how many abusers in the MET again?

@ThePoshUns yes or he might have been involved in discussions to purchase or share images but not have actually had them when seized. He might have a hard drive they didn’t find. There’s loads of possibilities. MN are very naive.

There’s nothing to stop OP asking the police for more information, I for one have suggested she does.

Tbh I have no faith in the police. They protect their own. My DP’s narcissistic alcoholic ex was a police officer & made a false allegation of rape against him when they broke up. She retracted & admitted it never happened but he had 24 hrs in a police cell. They did nothing against her for this horrendous lie. She had the police out so many times for threats of violence etc & they’d turn their body cameras off to protect her. When we tried to get a non mol out they failed my DP so badly. As male victim of DV he wasn’t taken anywhere near as seriously as a woman. If he’d done half the things she’d done he’d be on remand, but no. She was allowed to carry on making everyone’s life hell with no consequences. I’ve also called them numerous times about serious matters & they just never got back to me. I feel a lot of this is cos of corruption in the police force, protecting their own, cutbacks by govt. I have no faith in them whatsoever.

The police DO turn up at addresses randomly. There was a legal discussion on Reddit recently by a guy whose door had been smashed in and house ransacked because he had the same name and DOB as an offender and they'd gotten mixed up. He was deeply traumatised.

It's important as a society that we don't see the police as infallible and keep holding them to account when they make mistakes - which they do!

Unless you have been arrested or had your home raided you have no idea how it feels.

How would you feel about someone going through your underwear drawer? Your dirty washing? Your kitchen cupboards? Your children's toys including the teddy they are clutching because there are big frightening people in his/ her bedroom and he/she doesn't understand it.

Then all your electronics and media are taken. That might include your TV these days, certainly your computer your phone - do you have your numbers memorised? What about your child's phone?

As they clear the evidence you might be asked to collect it from the police station where it is handed to you in a bag labelled "Warning, may contain images of child sexual abuse". You might be able to put that in your car boot, but if you use public transport it is there for all the world to see.

OP it does get better but it takes time, I drank enough to damage my liver temporarily and I have had a couple of panic attacks. I also had counselling.

I also have no faith or respect for the police.

I'm a 5ft 0 disabled woman, I am often awake very early and if I an driving somewhere that's an advantage because of no traffic.

Except the police have nothing better to do. So I was stopped, asked have you had a drink today? It was about 4.30am. I told them no and they insisted they could smell 'alcohol'.

I said I'd just brushed my teeth and maybe it was mouth wash.

But they wanted a breath test so they called for the police in a van in riot gear, about 5 of them.

Waiting for them I was told what happens after a breathalyser test, that they would arrest me etc.

As they were getting the breathalyser ready another police car pulled up.

So in all 3 police vehicles at least 8 police officers were used to get a breath sample of zero and boy was Mr I can smell alcohol pissed of, as were the guys in riot, not with me with Mr I can small alcohol.

Are you seriously arguing that the police reveal details of investigations to third parties? They clearly aren’t going to do that and nor should they. They can only release information in specific situations for a clear legal purpose. There is no prosecution and it’s for OP’s H to decide what he wants to reveal.

It’s like when a husband goes missing and the police investigate and find him. But he doesn’t want to go home and all the police can say to the wife is ‘we found him and he is alive and well’. The wife is left in limbo but the police aren’t able to say any more. It’s the individual’s private business.

If I call the police about you & your husband/partner who I know through friends being involved in an online child pornography ring & that you've just decided to exit & remove all the images because your worried about being caught. Tell them I have kids of my own which is why I'm not getting more involved to try & stop you's

They absolutely will rush through a search & arrest warrant - that's what there for to stop people being able to cover things up before the police arrive & in the mind of child safety experts it's better to be safe then sorry.

So yes I do believe the police are more likely to get 1 in 10 cases where they catch someone & 9 out of 10 cases where they don't - this is a case where they didn't but the stress & shock has had very real long term problems for OP.

I think there’s zero chance OP’s husband doesn’t have an interest and hasn’t been accessing CSA material.
So if the alleged offence were something other than accessing CSA material would you be saying the same? I hope you’re never on a jury because you seem to declare someone guilty on the basis of an allegation. OP has not come back so we don’t know whether she’s asked her DH or whether he has protested his innocence. You’re making up the narrative.

However, they did not turn up randomly here, they had a warrant and took away all their devices. They had strong suspicions and followed them up and a magistrate or judge looked at what they had and agreed and gave them a warrant.

Looks like the OP has vanished. Ah well.

My assertion that he has an interest in CSA is quite different than concluding beyond reasonable doubt that he is guilty of the offence he’s been charged with. Not least because I don’t know what he’s been charged with. I’m confident he is guilty of something - whether the evidence before me would prove that is a separate issue.

@Juststop2025 yes likely someone looking for a weird late night kick.

‘Zero chance … that he hasn’t been accessing CSA material.’ That’s also your assertion. You are confident he is guilty of something.I rest my case.

@Skodacool I hope you never become a judge 🫢

They had a tip off that they MIGHT be able to gather evidence which turned out to be false

They opted to walk away without even so much as an apology or explanation as they have other things to do.

Here is an idea. Ask your husband to make a Subject Access application to the Police. Then he could ask to speak to the officer in the case and you go along with him - maybe this would help you both understand the circumstances who led to his arrest a little better. Sorry to ask but is your husband telling you everything- surely during interview he would have been able to get some idea why he was there? Did he not have a solicitor present? Could they not explain to your husband and you what led to his arrest?

I think the error in the case I mentioned arose from the agency that reported it to the police in the UK - investigators in another country found evidence associating a specific UK ip address with illegal activity and sent the ip address to the relevant authorities here. Unfortunately there was a typo in the ip address......

Agree.

It's worrying but could defo be a mistake. The reaction to a male being investigated is always very different to a female. Look at the recent thread about police investigating women who've had a stillbirth to check it wasn't infanticide.

I assume they have a separate division for that? Regular plod who I'm talking about raiding people's houses are just taking the devices the suspected images are on away. I could be wrong but I don't think what you describe is a job for the regular police officers. And no that's not immediately where my mind went because I don't even want to have to think about that. And yes I'd much rather chase drug dealers down an alleyway than THAT-I'd never make that comparison, that's clearly not what I was talking about!

@musiclover2025 They do have a separate dept for this. My DS works for the police in digital forensics. They are the ones that are given the computers/laptops/phones etc to check for CSA and other offences. My DS is not a police officer but a civilian employed by the police.

Yes, but that might prove what she has suspected about her husband all along, hence her terror.

@Icequeen01 exactly, thank you. That must be an extremely tough job. I don't think any regular police officer would have the expectation of ever being faced with horrific images like the PP describes, you would hope not anyway. They have specialist people to do that job because most people couldn't.

@musiclover2025 I think you are right about CSA but DH is a retired DCI who was on the Major Crime Unit and he saw some awful things in real life (murdered people including children) so some police officers do see some awful things too. It’s an awful job for both I think. I think DS is able to do his job at the moment as he doesn’t have his own kids. I’m not sure if it will be too much once he has his own. I also work with children who have suffered CSA (nothing to do with the police). We luckily seem to be a pretty resilient family.

I certainly hope YOU never serve on a jury