AIBU to fucking hate the police

[LivelyLeader]

Five years ago, I received a knock at the door. The police arrested my DH upon suspicion of downloading CSA. They took every piece of electronics we had, including phones we hadn't used in years, old PCs, the lot.

They wanted to know how often I saw my nephew and if my DH was ever alone with him. It tore both myself and my husband apart inside to have to ans er their questions.

After nearly six months of no contact with the police my DH attended his bail.

My DH received a NFA. No apology, nothing. They invaded my home, took my belongings and yet they didn't seem to give a damn.

Since then, I've not left the house alone. Every knock on the door or ring on the doorbell makes me shiver with dread.

Yesterday a parcel needing a signature and I hid under the covers. I want to feel normal again. AIBU to think that the police need to offer some sort of support after the harrowing ordeal we experienced?

Unfortunately the threshold for charging someone of a crime has to be quite high - the CPS needs to see lots of evidence and if they can’t justify a charge then NFA is taken. That’s one of the reasons why so many rapists get away with their crime as it’s often the perpetrators word against the victim.
NFA doesn't necessarily = innocent.

This must have been traumatic. I can understand why it has impacted you. Please refer for counselling this will help hugely.

Really? Have you ever had strangers looking through all your drawers and internet history? And taking your things away? Have your neighbours seen police cars parked at your house? Have you had suspicion of one of the worst crimes possible hanging over you or your partner for months? You think this is just annoying? Cliff Richard got a 2 mill payout for this kind of "annoying".

Has it occurred to you that OP’s husband is totally innocent; no, because there’s obviously no smoke without fire and nobody ever makes false/ mistaken allegations do they?

What IS violating and distressing is CSA. Are you saying that any possible cases of CSA shouldn’t be investigated? Ie the police shouldn’t be allowed to do their job just in case it upsets someone?

Police investigating CSA must have one of the most traumatic jobs that exist. You realise the evidence is actually looking at images, possibly thousands of images, of children being abused? In enough detail to try and identify victims? And then they have to find and converse with and treat lawfully the people doing the appalling things they have seen.

I’d much rather chase drug dealers down an alley.

Anyone who isn’t a paedophile or a psychopath would.

No - there’s so many people who have CSA they can’t possibly investigate them all and our prisons don’t have capacity to hold them. I think there’s zero chance OP’s husband doesn’t have an interest and hasn’t been accessing CSA material.

I understand how you must feel. Your home was entered, your personal items taken, you were powerless to do anything, you lived in fear of your husband being prosecuted. Please seek counselling as you need help to overcome how you are feeling right now.

There’s a lot of bootlickers on here so OP can expect a rough time. However you do need to try to come to terms with it somehow, the police were just doing their job, and a lot of police happen to be shit at their jobs.

I know of someone who had their family laptop taken in (not csa related, though they could have been lying) and it came back wiped, files, family photos all gone, and got told tough when they complained.

I’ve been burgled, so yes, I’ve had strangers look through my drawers and had a police car outside my house taking things away. That was pretty awful but not traumatic by any stretch of the imagination. As for my internet search history, why would I be anxious if someone looked at it? All they’d see is me on Mumsnet, browsing on M+S and Amazon, the occasional search on holiday destinations. Nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

Yes I agree with this.
Has he actually told you precisely what he was accused of? He knows and no prosecution doesn't mean he didn't do it. I think your anger is misdirected.

OP hasn’t even elaborated on his guilt, she’s pretending not to know why he was investigated! If that’s not wilful ignorance I don’t know what is!

You have my sympathy OP.

This happened to a family member. It was very traumatic for everyone and turned out to be a case of mistaken identity.

He did get an apology from the police and a substantial compensation payout. I suggest you contact a lawyer.

YABU to hate the police.

YANBU to have found this traumatic.

As others have said, therapy may help. Eye movement desensitization therapy often works well for trauma.

He may well have been innocent, but the police should be able to do their job with impunity when statistically 1 in 20 children are victims of CSA in the UK.
https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/statistics-briefings/child-sexual-abuse

I completely get how this has made you feel. And I know from personal experience how horrendous and all consuming this type of anxiety is. But it might be best to shift the focus away from the police who were just doing their job and reframe it as something bad that happened which had very unpleasant consequences. If your car blew a tyre and you crashed, resulting in years of trauma, you wouldn’t be blaming the car. You might not want to drive your car again, but you would have to make your peace with the fact that shit happens and sometimes it isn’t anyone’s fault. Is this perhaps a way of approaching it? By focusing on the police you are impeding your recovery. I hope you find a way through this.

I think you’ve got bigger issues than a knock on the door. Aren’t you suspicious of your DH and why this happened????

People seem to forget that NFA means there wasn’t enough evidence to prove it DID happen, rather than definitive proof that it didn’t.

Bananas indeed, what the fuck is wrong with people on this site?

No - I sound like I have first hand experience of women quietly hiding their husbands crimes against children and women away and preferring to pick fault with the police doing their job, entirely appropriately and within their statutory powers.

OP hasn’t even indicated she believes her husband to be innocent in fact she professes to have no idea what he was even suspected of. So she hasn’t bothered to ask? Presumably she doesn’t even know if he’s innocent and hasn’t bothered to even look critically at events that unfolded. Not even concerned re her visiting nephew.

Having official people storm into your house, ransacking it and asking questions relating to something awful - you think that would be merely upsetting and annoying? I can totally see why that would be a traumatic experience.

However, its completely misdirected anger - the police don't just do this to random people and five years is enough time for OP to pull her finger out of her arse and get some counselling. It's ruining her life because she's allowing it to, probably because some of the real questions she should be asking are uncomfortable to say the least.

May I remind you they didn't find anything?

@musiclover2025 that’s not what has been said. There’s nothing to suggest nothing was found - OP doesn’t even know what they were looking for, so she says.