AIBU to fucking hate the police

[LivelyLeader]

Five years ago, I received a knock at the door. The police arrested my DH upon suspicion of downloading CSA. They took every piece of electronics we had, including phones we hadn't used in years, old PCs, the lot.

They wanted to know how often I saw my nephew and if my DH was ever alone with him. It tore both myself and my husband apart inside to have to ans er their questions.

After nearly six months of no contact with the police my DH attended his bail.

My DH received a NFA. No apology, nothing. They invaded my home, took my belongings and yet they didn't seem to give a damn.

Since then, I've not left the house alone. Every knock on the door or ring on the doorbell makes me shiver with dread.

Yesterday a parcel needing a signature and I hid under the covers. I want to feel normal again. AIBU to think that the police need to offer some sort of support after the harrowing ordeal we experienced?

How else are they supposed to knock on the door of suspects?

Would you want them to NOT investigate potential cases of CSA images?! Lots of cases don’t make it to arrest or court because of lack of evidence, not because there’s no evidence at all. You’re angry with the wrong people here, especially because it sounds like they conducted the investigation in a perfectly reasonable manner.

What other method would they have to investigate? If there was no material, it’s perplexing but then they don’t find any material so no issue as such?

Yabu.

Ffs they knocked your door they ram it open at 4 in the morning.

I can see how this would be really traumatic for you. You don’t feel safe in your own home. Would you be able to get any support from anywhere else like your gp (I realise the whole service is on its knees) are you able to afford private therapy? I do think they should offer some support yes or at least an explanation if they haven’t found any evidence etc. it will be down to money that they don’t do that. Would anti anxiety medication help in the short term?

What was the basis of the initial arrest? Had there been a complaint made about him? What evidence did the police have to justify the warrant?

What made the police think that? Can anyone just make an anonymous report about someone and the police come to the named person's house? Or was something happening online? I'm surprised they've got the resources to act upon every unsubstantiated report.

Nope, it cannot and does not work like that. They must be allowed to do their job and carry out any investigations necessary - especially when it comes to raped children. And when it's over you get to leave without being arrested if your lucky/innocent.

The police do not apologise, what an utter waste of time that would be. Not to mention that criminals do get off, rather more often than they should, so that would put them in the unbearable position of having to apologise to criminals they were not quite able to lock up. Ugh.

If they step outside of their legal remit that's a different matter and you can certainly pursue anything they did that was unlawful or beyond their scope.

And of course they must not use public funds to offer counselling, what a notion. Imagine all the child rapists' families demanding counselling for their "harrowing" ordeals.

NFA just means no further action taken. Doesn't mean there won't be in the future if more evidence comes to light.

And generally the police do NOT chase up such matters without very good reason. I'd be double and triple checking every single thing your husband does online. And I think it is your fear of the possiblity of your husband being a child rapist, or person who downloads child rape material, that has driven your terror - not the police doing their jobs.

I hear you, it was traumatic, and now it’s NFA and it like it didn’t happen and they don’t care about the upset they caused. Try to think of it as over. That he had done nothing wrong. He has been proven innocent. The police were doing their job, it wasn’t personal. It was upsetting. You now need to be kind to yourself, and be brave and not be scared because there is nothing to be scared of. Could you ask to see the police to talk it through. Then close the door on it and get on with your life

They haven't. In order to get a search warrant and take all those items away they must have had a substantial suspicion and a judge or magistrate had to look at what they had and agree with them.

Was just about to say this.

they don’t just barge into people’s homes without having suspicion to do so or complaints from a victim. They can get wrong identity, it has happened. But they have to explain to you why they’re there or what you’re being accused of.

however, why were they asking about your nephew?

I would also find this really traumatic. I think you are right to feel how you do; but the police need some way of investigating alleged incidents. But I do think your feelings are valid- i would also feel as you do.
Could you seek some counseling? Maybe speak to your GP? I don’t think you need anxiety medication but I do think you’ve been through something really traumatic actually. Best of luck to you @LivelyLeader xoxo

There's definitely more to this story. Unless it was a case of mistaken identity. A court/judge has to agree to a search warrant, which means there will have been some evidence/substantiated cause.
I think therapy for the fact your husband nearly got outed as a sex offender is probably more on the cards, than hiding under a blanket because the postie knocks.

Was this based on a complaint by the parent of your nephew?

They have up investigate these things, brutal as it is for other people involved.

NFA also does not mean not guilty.

It's a very specific offence to be investigating and one that they wouldn't act on without some kind of trigger (not implying your husband has necessarily done anything wrong).

I say this as somebody who used to work for a digital forensics contractor.

I am on anti anxiety medication and my Doctor has advised me to seek counselling. I don't know where the information came from. They only approached my sister after seeing photos of my nephew on our wall and asking for her contact details.

I’m really sorry this happened to you @LivelyLeader - it does sound harrowing for you both and I think your feelings of hatred are justified as your lives were upturned unnecessarily and it feels like an injustice not to have this acknowledged by the people responsible.

I do not believe that there is more to this story as otherwise your husband would have been charged: it’s not a case where there is a complainant who may have not felt able to go through with making a statement. Either there were images or there weren’t and in this case there clearly weren’t as no charge was brought. Therefore: whilst the police may not be unreasonable to have investigated they are unreasoned to not acknowledge when they have got something wrong and to try and put that right by way of an apology.

To everybody dismissing this as nothing came of it do you not think that might have made the situation worst ? They basically got targeted in a "tip off" & there home was completely violated by somebody they were taught to respect & had no control over ?

Pretty fucking terrifying

Sorry this experience has had a devastating impact on you, OP. I can imagine that your sister and nephew aren’t feeling crash hot either.
You need to be proactive and get some counselling now. Don’t allow this to fester as otherwise you’ll find it harder and harder to face the world.

Tbh I'd have a close look at your 'd' h.

@LivelyLeader have you spoken to your sister about it?

It sounds a traumatic experience

This allegation has come from somewhere hasn’t it. So that is what you need to look into rather than being upset that police investigated a serious report by knocking on your door and looking at your computer.

Oh right so you'd be totally happy for police to do this to your family then would you? Put yourself in OP's shoes-of course she's distraught and angry as hell about it. Police do get it wrong. They love to raid families-it's a nice easy time wasting job for them in a warm house instead of going after the real criminals. If they've got it wrong they need to apologise. They apologised to Cliff Richard didn't they? OP I'd try to sue them but it seemed like it happened a few years ago so not sure if you'd be able to? I really hope you get some good advice here though.

I also have experience of a police raid (stolen goods not CSA which would be even more traumatic) and I found it incredibly violating and distressing. They were apparently investigating someone my parents rented property to. But we never found out what it was about or if he was even guilty.

Judges rarely (if ever) deny them a search warrant so it's bull they have all this evidence and suspicion before they turn up with their warrant. It literally could happen to anyone. Anyone mocking OP I sincerely hope you're next on the police's list then you might understand how traumatic it is.

I know exactly how it feels and you can DM me if you need support because this is one thing where a lot of people just won't care and will actually be really shitty to you to defend the police no matter what. That kind of anger at the injustice of it and lack of validation of your traumatic experience can be really hard to get past x

They would have had intelligence from the internet provider that someone at your address had accessed IIOC. It was an allegation but it looks like they found no evidence. It’s possible a visitor might have accessed it instead.

there are charities that can support you, even now it’s been NFA’d.