AIBU to fucking hate the police

[LivelyLeader]

Five years ago, I received a knock at the door. The police arrested my DH upon suspicion of downloading CSA. They took every piece of electronics we had, including phones we hadn't used in years, old PCs, the lot.

They wanted to know how often I saw my nephew and if my DH was ever alone with him. It tore both myself and my husband apart inside to have to ans er their questions.

After nearly six months of no contact with the police my DH attended his bail.

My DH received a NFA. No apology, nothing. They invaded my home, took my belongings and yet they didn't seem to give a damn.

Since then, I've not left the house alone. Every knock on the door or ring on the doorbell makes me shiver with dread.

Yesterday a parcel needing a signature and I hid under the covers. I want to feel normal again. AIBU to think that the police need to offer some sort of support after the harrowing ordeal we experienced?

If a visitor saw images the police would have found images.

That’s what NFA is. OP doesn’t know what was discussed during his police station interview, she doesn’t even know what he was suspected of.

I’ve worked in criminal defence and met many pedophiles, sex offenders. Aswell as my own experience as a victim in childhood. I’m not new to this.

OK I'm sorry I didn't think of that aspect of it, that was not what I was focusing on at all. Like I say my innocent elderly parents were raided because someone they rented property to was suspected of handling stolen goods and the whole thing was overkill. I was more thinking of that type of thing. Because all the 3 hours they were there all I could think was "shouldn't you be out catching real criminals?" I was absolutely not thinking of the subject matter when I made the comment earlier in the thread and for that I apologise-I can see how that comes across now. That was totally not my intention I just got caught up in my own families experience. And obviously I was also coming from a place of believing the DH was innocent.

This, 100%.

I think you are looking to blame someone OP and it’s easier to blame the Police than to consider your partner may have done something like this.

I have worked with the victims and perpetrators of CSA for 20 years. I can think of a few cases off the top of my head where images were found to have been accessed from the person's IP address but the person was not convicted.

OP hasn’t even bothered to entertain the notion he might be guilty, or investigate why her home was raided. She hasn’t even asked what he was charged with, what was suspected and she has alluded to the fact she has visiting children in the house.

Presuming you are a a parent would that level of due diligence sit comfortably with you, for someone who has access to your children in their home?

If you say so, I’m sure you know all the details of this case.

@Skodacool would you send your kids round?

I read of a horrendous case where someone was arrested in similar circumstances. The impact on the person concerned was devastating, including job loss. I am not sure how it even came to light but eventually it was established that someone presumably at an early stage in the investigation had made a one digit error recording the IP address - so mistakes can happen.

Absolutely- and if that were the case do you not think OP’s husband would be making that abundantly clear?

In contrast it would appear he hasn’t even discussed it with OP, let alone been able to articulate the errors in the police’s investigations.

What nasty piece of work you are @BlackCatGreyWhiskers

NFA in a CSA image case means there were no images. The prosecution rate is exceptionally high. It is a strict liability offence so really easy for the CPS. The existence of images is sufficient. All incentives exist to prosecute, it looks great on their managers performance stats.

This is likely to be a malicious complaint by someone with an axe to grind or a cock-up at the police's end.

There is no evidence of OPs husband doing anything wrong. No evidence OP has acted in a way that most people wouldn't, but you feel then need to attack her?

Get help.

Apologies if this has been explained but how did all this come about ?

I make no judgement, but wondering how this situation came to the point of a police search. Was there a complaint? Someone has a vendetta?

What is the background to all this? Does your OH have any idea how this came about?

NFA doesn’t mean your husband is innocent, it Kent means they’re not going to prosecute him - so I’m not sure what they’d need to apologise for, as harsh as that sounds.

This happened to a neighbour. Police attended, took all the devices, said someone had used the husband's card to buy CSA images. He was arrested and bailed. 6 months went by with no charge. He then had to attend the police station where they told him they still hadn't made a charging decision and bail would be extended. He left the station and killed himself.

I have no idea if he was guilty, no one in the community believed it and clearly the police were struggling to prove it. The welfare towards that family (wife and children) during this period of 'will they/won't they' was totally non-existent. I don't know how she got through it but she did. Life carried on.

I have mixed feelings about the police after a life that's exposed me to them a lot. Some of them are totally fucking inept and as thick as pig shit. Others are rotten. Some are fantastic. The recent 7/7 doc on Netflix and the episode around Jean Charles de Menezes pissed me off so badly. These are the goons looking after us? Fucking hell. That poor man.

That all said, i'd question whether your trauma is just from the police, or whether it's in part around your husband and shame too. Maybe you've left him now. Maybe you haven't. They've cast a seed of doubt and then closed the book. The whole thing is a massive head fuck and I am sorry you have been totally, innocently exposed to it all. I don't know how I would move on but therapy does sound very sensible as a starting point. It's one of the worst positions to be put in with a loved one. Repulsed by the alleged act but with no proof it actually happened. What do you do?

We don't know they didn't!

In some cases, finding images isn't necessarily enough to secure a conviction. They have to prove that the person knowingly and deliberately obtained and held onto the images found. They might argue that the images were downloaded accidentally (through a group chat or automatic sync) or as part of a larger collection of adult or 'barely legal' pornography and not with the intention to possess CSA. I've also come across cases where the person's defense has claimed that images were cached or stored due to a technical malfunction, that files had been corrupted or something. Also, if a device is shared, it may be difficult to prove that the accused was the one who downloaded or possessed the images. I was involved in an awful case where a Step Dad was found to have images of his SDD on his phone (a secret second phone hidden from his DW), he successfully argued that she had taken the images herself and he had no knowledge of it. She didn't confirm or deny this when spoken to. It was NFA. She disclosed years later that he had been abusing her.

OP's DH may be innocent of any wrongdoing. But it's naive to assume that NFA means this is a given.

Nasty?

For pointing out OP should look more critically at the allegations against her husband and consider the safeguarding of visiting children?

I sincerely hope you don’t work with children.

You cannot say it was a lack of evidence that led to her husband being NFA’ed because not even OP knows!

You need some coubselling to process it. Hating the police isn’t going to help you.

I think the police owe you an explanation at least. I can only assume that lack of resources means they have not followed up with some sort of discussion with you and are not aware of the effect its having.
It's not a police state so policing only works in this country with the consent of the population. They need your support.
OP have you talked to police( or is there an independent body, or your MP) you could approach to explain that you need some support or some explanation from the police.
You maybe shouldn't hate all police but I can understand you hate what has happened to you.

No. They were doing their job.
They owe you nothing.

@neverbeenskiing exactly, I have been involved in a case where someone with a previous conviction for possessing CSA, was suspected of re-offending, but it was impossible to accurately age the people in the images. They looked around 12-13 but equally could have been young looking 16 year olds. It’s not always clear cut. Their previous convictions were for much younger children where it was easier to establish.

Police don’t turn up at addresses randomly. They would have received intelligence that CSA was being downloaded by someone at the address.
Thye have checked devices but found nothing has been saved on them.
They could have been deleted, viewed in stealth mode, or computer was wiped before they got there or the device used has been disposed of.
i wouldn’t be asking the police for an apology , I’d be keeping a close eye on the computer usage in my household.

OP I would maybe see if mumsnet can move this to mental health.
This lady has come on here clearly struggling with some kind of cptsd, anxiety and agoraphobia . As things are at the moment she probably doesn’t need a bunch full of strangers having a go at her.
This isn’t going to help her to start to feel better. She wouldn’t have posted on mumsnet if she wasn’t desperately struggling in the early hours of the morning. Whatever has happened this lady isn’t a criminal she is obviously poorly and needs some support.

And as for approaching your sister, that’s safeguarding any children who are in contact with household members. The police have acted correctly.

If it went to court then there was evidence. But it was dropped because there wasn't enough evidence to convict him. So he was looking at photos of children. Why would the police apologise?