AIBU to fucking hate the police

[LivelyLeader]

Five years ago, I received a knock at the door. The police arrested my DH upon suspicion of downloading CSA. They took every piece of electronics we had, including phones we hadn't used in years, old PCs, the lot.

They wanted to know how often I saw my nephew and if my DH was ever alone with him. It tore both myself and my husband apart inside to have to ans er their questions.

After nearly six months of no contact with the police my DH attended his bail.

My DH received a NFA. No apology, nothing. They invaded my home, took my belongings and yet they didn't seem to give a damn.

Since then, I've not left the house alone. Every knock on the door or ring on the doorbell makes me shiver with dread.

Yesterday a parcel needing a signature and I hid under the covers. I want to feel normal again. AIBU to think that the police need to offer some sort of support after the harrowing ordeal we experienced?

The term for it is swatting & it's become a bit of a thing due to the trauma it causes

So OP comes on here for support, tells us about her anxiety and poor mental health after a horrible experience and you decide it's perfectly fine to insinuate her husband actually is a sex offender? You should be ashamed of yourself.

While it does sound very traumatic it was 5 years ago. The time to complain was back then, but even so the police were just doing their jobs.

have to giggle at the PP who thinks the police check out these allegations just to be in a nice warm house. Wtf.

I expect it is very traumatic and i would
hate to be on the recieving end but the police don't and shouldn't follow up with apologies and offers of support. One of my neighbours was suspected of the same but because he had previous convictions for sex offending the police smashed his door down in the middle of the night. It woke up the whole street.

NFA doesn't mean not guilty and they don't have the resources to investigate every tip off so there must have been a reasonable suspicion. I would focus your concern on what evidence there were for these allegations and if your DH has a sexual interest in children.

No sorry, i get where that poster is coming from.

I’m struggling to understand why the op is focussing on the police coming to investigate a suspected serious crime at her home, rather than spending her time on understanding how this serious allegation came about, whether it is true or not.

If your symptoms meet the criteria for PTSD (NHS criteria are via DSM 5) you can access Nhs support in theory.

One of the issues with our Justice system is not compensation when things go wrong e.g. wrongful arrests etc. but that would be what you're looking at. If they had reason to believe, they did have to investigate.

I understand that must feel like an absolute violation of your life, both in your physical space and emotionally. However, why did this happen? This is misdirected anger at someone someone else in your life. An NFA disnt mean innocent, it means they didn't find anything to proceed. Either someone is making horrendous and seriously life changing allegations against him, or he's been doing absolute disgusting things that should be punished. That's what you need to unravel.

This is half the story they don't just go in on random individuals.

I agree. People being dismissive clearly can't imagine how traumatic it is. DS was once accused of a serious crime. The police were vile and actually acted unlawfully. If I'd made a serious complaint it would have got one officer in huge trouble but I wanted to minimise the trauma for DS - a young teen at the time. I now feel contempt for that officer but not the police overall, some of whom are incredible in the face of horrific work.

But OP is right that it rocks you to the core to be accused of an awful crime. The police have no way of knowing you are a good and moral person, but if you are, to be treated like you're one of the worst scum is more unsettling than you'd expect.

They do if some lowlife tries to pin their crime on you and the half wit officer investigating doesn't bother with due diligence on the facts of the crime or likelihood of the accusation.

I am so very, very sorry for you OP.
However, the Police would have HAD to have some evidence to do what they did.
Please look out for yourself, do you have an Aunt or Mother you can turn to?

Perhaps she has already processed that and it's this she needs help with?

How is she supposed to figure it out if the police won't tell her why they suspected him in the first place?

I’m sorry your experience has made you feel this way and I hope you can get help but that should be through your GP, not the Police and that should be your focus right now.

i am sure it must have crossed your mind (it was up there in my first thoughts when i read your post) and I get you might not wish to share it here but the Police do not knock on random doors and arrest random people. They must have had cause and specifically asked you and your husband questions around access to your nephew? Have you spoken to the child’s parents? There seems to be information you are missing here.

again, I hope you can move on and recover but hiding away won’t help- you need to get some help.

You've got to admit it's a nice cushy job compared to chasing dangerous drug dealers down alleyways.

They don’t just pick people out of the phone book and decide to try their luck. Did they not speak to you at all? Obtain any kind of statement? What did your husband tell you happened in his interview, what the allegations were? If your husband wants the details of the case I’m sure he can do a FOI request for some clarity. I don’t think you can request it. You’re playing your cards very close to your chest. I find it difficult to see how you don’t know more. I think most people would have grilled their other half for details of what was going on.

@musiclover2025 @Cinaferna I am only going by the op’s 2 posts in which she says she doesn’t know where the info came from. She doesn’t indicate that she has tried to find out either, or what she tried to do 5 years ago at the time. That would be my priority.

In relation to OP’s mental health, especially as this happened 5 years ago, i would follow the GP’s recommendation of counselling.

If the police arrested your husband for no reason, he should sue. I take it he hasn’t. Unfortunately, then, they did have a reason. The fact that it’s NFA, does not mean he didn’t do something potentially illegal. It means they haven’t got evidence enough to satisfy the CPS.

By all means seek counselling, but it’s your husband you should be blaming, not the police.

NFA does not equate to innocent and a mistake on the part of police. It might mean the not in the public interests to prosecute. It might fall below the criteria required by the CPS to prosecute - that’s not the same as proving innocence.

Seriously OP. I get it was an unsettling experience - but maybe look to why the police thought it necessary to attend rather than blame the police for attending.

As a victim of CSA honestly you sound pathetic - Support? Are you for real? You don’t get that easily as a victim dragged through the courts let alone someone who experienced a knock at the door.

Her husband could though.

Of course they will! She can do a Claire’s law request if nothing else. If she has visiting children she can 100% and should find out.

NFA does not mean proven innocent, it means insufficient evidence to charge.

Most likely someone had accessed IIOC on your IP address but they had been deleted/not retained by the time the electronic items had been seized and the police were unable to recover them.

The police aren’t going to apologise for doing their job, even if no charges were brought on this occasion.

So why don’t you speak to your sister about this?

But why would it be traumatic? Someone accused her DH of Having CSA images, the police did their job of investigating and found no evidence. Yes, it’s upsetting, and annoying but traumatic?