*TW* women can rape men

[Icanttakeanymore25]

I am having a panic attack as I write this, and I need someone to talk me down.

We were having a normal evening chatting with our teens this evening. My dd21 was talking about a you tuber that can apparently argue about anything. She said fairly flippantly that women can rape men. I said that it is impossible in the U.K. Only a man can be charged with rape.

They both argued that I am wrong (they are obviously talking about trans women with penises but had clearly misunderstood the actual law. A biological woman can not rape a man) I am in the legal field and I tried to gently explain the difference. I was shouted down by my dc and worse still my dh. I told them to google it, that should clear things up.

By now I was hyperventilating and in the first stages of a full blown panic attack. I became overwhelmed with rage and the feeling that every single sexual assault and rape I have endured has been ignored and minimised since I was 11 years old.

I stood up and to my credit, I left the room and went upstairs and shut the door. I tried to call the Samaritans. I couldn’t get through. I started the on line chat which has a 5 minute wait, but they managed to push the door open.

My teens are now stood in my study room reading the on line chat and laughing. Yes. That’s right, I can hear them laughing. I don’t know what do. I have never felt so bereft. I am now in the bathroom.

I hope you're okay. I don't actually know what to say. I can't believe a woman in her 20s would laugh at her mothers history of assault and rape

I know. I can barely believe it.

Wtf! What's wrong with them. Are they usually so awful to you? Your husband too?

Can you go somewhere, a friend's or a hotel? Where you'll be safe and have some space. I wouldn't want to have to speak to them right now.

That’s disgusting. Can you go somewhere else tonight? Sending support.

How is it funny seeing your own mother crying and struggling? My dh is now telling me through the door that I am being unreasonable. That it js confusing. So I have googled it myself and can see the law clearly stated.

I am being told through the door I should be more open minded. I feel like I am going to explode on the inside.

I don't have any advice beyond trying to simply breathe and gather your thoughts.

That your family would treat you like this is awful. Do they know about your assaults?

I would seriously think about divorce for the way your DH has acted. Not tonight, just as an option because you deserve to be loved and treated with respect. Especially in your own home.

You can contact Rape Crisis it's open 24/7.

How are you at the moment OP? Are you in contact with the Samaritans? I’m just not sure if you mean that your children have taken that over, or can just see your messages?

This is beyond awful, I'm so sorry.

I can’t go anywhere this evening. We live rurally. I will have to wait to the morning. I don’t know if I can come back from this. Not so much the confusion, but the laughing. My dh telling me this is ‘my issues’. Wth. I have never felt so alone.

sorry youre going through this.

The only consolation is that your kids haven’t seen the horrors you have seen. Haven’t suffered how you have. That you have made choices to protect and nurture them and put their welfare first.

They know not what the do, as the saying goes.

They are being wee shits but they are just innocents who hopefully will never fully understand what it’s like. It would be nice if they had some compassion in between their know it all attitudes. Kids. Sigh.

i'm sorry they are being so awful.

sit tight where you are and tell them that you are not going to talk about it tonight.

ignore them until they get bored - watch a short movie on your phone or keep chatting to us or play a silly game.

tomorrow, there will be time to think about how best to communicate with them and make them realise what has happened.

Do you have a friend you can call to come and get you?

I have given up on my on line chat with the Samaritans in my study, as I had to wait too long and they managed to get in the room. I am really shocked. I told them quite a while back I am a survivor of rape. I have never told them the details, but I didn’t think I needed to.

Thank you. My kids do not know the horrors of my life. Thank god. I will never tell them. I am struggling to breathe.

Do you have a car and do you feel able to drive? There have been a couple of times when I've been so upset by a situation at home I've just got in the car and gone for a drive to get away from it.

Well, yes it is your issues but that doesn't mean you are wrong for the way you've reacted. You've obviously been through a lot of trauma, and they are doing nothing to understand that or help resolve the situation right now.

Disengage from trying to prove anything, they won't listen and you'll continue to be upset and possibly retriggering yourself reading things over and over about it.

Get some fresh air, open the window (it's cold, that's ok) and get a cold cloth on your face or the back of your neck. And deep, slow breaths.

The problem is I have had a glass of wine with dinner. I can’t risk it. I work in the nhs and couldn’t risk it.

Definitely don't drive.

It wouldn’t be safe to drive because I can’t even catch my breath at the moment.

This is just awful for you OP.

Even if you haven't told them details of your life they must be emotionally dead if they have no understanding at all of the trauma and effects of rape.

They should be totally ashamed of themselves for their cruel and unfeeling behaviour towards you.

One glass of wine with dinner isn't going to put you over the limit, unless it was a huge glass. I would honestly get in your car and drive to a hotel. Give yourself some space to breathe and try and get some sleep. Tomorrow, you can phone Samaritans or Rape Crisis and then deal with your family. Your DH should have taken much better care of you and dealt with your children's behaviour. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near them at the moment.

How bloody awful. Give yourself this evening to calm and look after yourself. Tomorrow when you feel a bit stronger I’d be having a very straight conversation with your DH and his lack of support and respect for you and with your kids. I know if my kids pulled that kind of stunt my ex (their dad) would read them the riot act!

I’d also be speaking to the kids. Firstly about your right to privacy - how dare they look at what is obviously a private, sensitive conversation much less mock you for it.

I’d also be saying very clearly the law isn’t up for debate, and the law is clear about what constitutes rape. I’d be saying I have an expectation that they have some empathy for a survivor of rape, and to know when to reign in it and I’d expect a sincere apology. They’re old enough to know better.

I’m so angry for you, I hope you have some real life support.