*TW* women can rape men

[Icanttakeanymore25]

I am having a panic attack as I write this, and I need someone to talk me down.

We were having a normal evening chatting with our teens this evening. My dd21 was talking about a you tuber that can apparently argue about anything. She said fairly flippantly that women can rape men. I said that it is impossible in the U.K. Only a man can be charged with rape.

They both argued that I am wrong (they are obviously talking about trans women with penises but had clearly misunderstood the actual law. A biological woman can not rape a man) I am in the legal field and I tried to gently explain the difference. I was shouted down by my dc and worse still my dh. I told them to google it, that should clear things up.

By now I was hyperventilating and in the first stages of a full blown panic attack. I became overwhelmed with rage and the feeling that every single sexual assault and rape I have endured has been ignored and minimised since I was 11 years old.

I stood up and to my credit, I left the room and went upstairs and shut the door. I tried to call the Samaritans. I couldn’t get through. I started the on line chat which has a 5 minute wait, but they managed to push the door open.

My teens are now stood in my study room reading the on line chat and laughing. Yes. That’s right, I can hear them laughing. I don’t know what do. I have never felt so bereft. I am now in the bathroom.

I have always been a responsible person. So I am going to have to stay here. I am all over the place and in shock. I heard a police siren outside passing by, and I wish they would just come here snd take me away.

I agree with previous posts OP we are horrified at their attitude. Try to breathe slowly and deeply. Imagine a safe calm place in your mind. Can you get a soothing app on your phone? We are here for you ❤️

Would it help to write down what you’re feeling, and perhaps what you’d like to say to them? You don’t have to share it with them but getting it down might help you order your thoughts. You could also tell ChatGPT and ask for advice. 💛 Keep breathing.

Big virtual hugs to you OP, have you tried the 5 things method to help you with the panic attack?

Are you ok now? Concentrate on just breathing for now.

I'm so sorry they are laughing at you, that is horrendous. Do they know your past?

I understand the law in England and Wales but I read an article once about DV towards men and it does and can happen. The article was about how the law should deal with these instances. Is it possible they just disagree with the law in that sense?

Edit: Sorry I have since read your other posts and don't want to cause anymore upset. Are you going to be ok OP? NHS 24 now have a mental health helpline which you can use if you need it. Sending love.

@Icanttakeanymore25 op I’m so sorry- we hear you and understand what you are saying. You are in the right, they are just brain washed to think differently. Have you any physical techniques to help yourself? If you go on you tube and put in emotional freedom technique/ tapping for anger or for panic and give that a go…it can help having something to do that can release some of those emotions and physical feelings . Otherwise get a piece of paper and just write what’s in your head or get a pillow and hit it whilst saying how you feel. Sending support xx

I am trying to imagine that they might be laughing with nerves or stress, but they haven’t even checked on me. It feels devastating.

It is one thing for teenagers to want to debate and believe themselves to be right about everything. Clearly they are so much wiser than their parents despite having significantly less life experience but you can forgive the arrogance - they are young and annoying.

However to pursue this debate on a topic that is clearly traumatising for you even when they can see you were struggling, to hound you when you tried to remove yourself and to laugh at your distress is fucking disgusting. I genuinely think that once you are in a safe position to do so you should take yourself somewhere for a break, away from these horrors and think hard about how you will deal with them going forward. Look after yourself op x

What have I just read?

They are being unbelievably awful and should be supporting you 100 %.

I m a survivor of rape too (ds is the product of it) and since dc were teens they have known this. They are 100 per cent in my corner, would back me forever.

It's not you, it's them. Talk to us, talk to a good friend and when you can I d go and stay with a Friend if possible who will have your back and prop you up when your self esteem hits the floor.

I m so sorry your family can't do that.

Could you try phoning Samaritans again and see if you can get through?
Shout is another option https://giveusashout.org/
Or 111 - there is a mental health team option who can support with acute panic reactions too

Just want to add my support too, can't imagine how devastated you feel. ❤️

This will sound really silly, but it does help. Can you get a cold drink and a straw? Use the straw to sip the drink, but also to blow bubbles into the liquid. Alternate blowing bubbles and sipping for 5 minutes - it helps to regulate breathing and lower your cortisol levels, which in turn will help ground you.

Sorry for what you're feeling right now. How horrible for you.

After you've slept there'll be less adrenaline/cortisol running through your system, so you will feel slightly "calmer" (I'm not minimising your current state of emotion by the way )

Your children and your husband need to back the fuck off and leave you some space.

Lock yourself away somewhere you're able to sleep and speak to no one in your house until tomorrow.

I'm afraid I don't think these debates are beneficial. You won't "win" against an angsty "educated" young person. I'd let them know your position only once and state the facts - then make it clear that you will have to agree to disagree and not let it filter in your conversations if you want family harmony. Particularly at present times, there's a lot of tension regarding anything "trans". Debate is great : but probably not best with your own kids of that age range ! Pick your battles.

I can't comment on your other traumatising issues as I'm not best placed to do that.

Get some rest. Re-evaluate this tomorrow. Get the disrespectful people you live with out of your space for now.

I feel quite privileged that I survived what happened to me. Most of the time I feel a sense of pride quietly. No one needs to know how much I have come through, what it took to be stood here now. And that feeling has been stripped away. I feel so raw and in tremendous pain.

Tomorrow I will need to get some help, to talk through this awful situation.

What about Mind? I have heard good things.

Or like I said in my other post which may be missed, NHS 24 has a mental health helpline now also.

It'll be ok OP.

They are appalling.
And you are completely correct, in English law the crime of rape is defined as non consensual penetration of any bodily orifice by a penis. Not hands, nor objects nor anthing else -- a penis.
Hence only biological males can commit rape. Women can be charged with abetting rape.

Don't think about how awful they've been to you, that can wait until later, for now try to concentrate on you and on breathing as calmly as you can. There's a quiet, peaceful place inside you that can help you to feel calm if you visualise it. I'm so very sorry this is happening to you.

I can hardly believe what has happened. I thought I lived in a safe place.

You poor thing, your distress is so evident. Sleep on your own tonight if possible? I sometimes find listening to an undemanding audio book helps me zone out and get out of my own head for a bit, can you do that, or a meditation app?

I truly hope you're able to speak to someone tomorrow who will validate the way you're feeling. And your children need some consequences for the ways they've behaved towards you. Giving you a huge and soothing virtual hug x

Okay I can breathe a bit easier.my chest isn’t feeling like it’s going to explode. I feel like I don’t know anyone I live with. It’s unnerving. Maybe the wrong thing to focus on.

It is such a horrible feeling to have that pulled away from you.

As difficult as it is, try to focus on yourself for tonight. Everything else can wait until you are ready to deal with it. We are all here with you, thinking about you, hoping you are feeling even just a tiny bit better than you were when you first posted.

It’s just started to rain here. Somehow the sound is soothing.

Thank you for being with me.

I do believe that by saying a man can’t be raped by a women, “only” sexually assaulted, really minimises the seriousness of it.

Surely if the legislative definition were changed to encompass all examples of forcible or non-consensual sexual activity or contact, it would carry the same weight across the board.

Rain is great for distraction. Trying to figure out what it is dripping on to make the plinking noises, finding the steady rhythms amongst the random drips. Just close your eyes and focus on that for a bit.