how does suicide of a mother effect children later on?

[sailawaywithme91]

Please be kind. This is hard for me to write.

I am looking for any people that have lost a parent to suicide as a young child. To share (if they feel comfortable) their experience and how this has affected them later on?

I have a 9 month old. Who despite what many will think reading this thread, I love with my whole heart, I am to all intents and purposes a very good mother. Except I don't want to be here anymore, life feels unbearable. I am on medication, I am having therapy, I have tried and tried to change this feeling.

I tried DBT as a teenager and have always found skills based therapy quite difficult. Although on paper I'd be a great candidate for it- I also can't do group work due to the my profession. So overall it was felt more integrative/psychodynamic would best suit my current difficulties. I was assessed by a v experienced clinician.

Thank you to all those that have shared their experiences with me.

And thank you for all of your kind and encouraging words. It means a lot.

My son is currently teething and last night could only be consoled by me, in fact he slept in my arms all night. I am so blessed to be his mummy and I hope one day I feel blessed to be me too. I really, really do. ❤️

Always a message away 💗

I felt like this when my eldest was a baby. It was so so hard to tell anyone. But the part of me that knew my baby would wonder why her mummy didn't think she was enough to stay, got myself to therapy eventually..it took 2 different therapists but in the end I found the right one. And some meds for a few months.

I'm so glad I'm still here OP, for my babies and for myself.

One day you will stand with the wind in your hair, and the sun on your skin, and you'll be glad you stayed too.

Until then, so much love and strength to you.

I am really sorry about your current circumstances. But it is unfair to tell me the way I feel makes you angry - when I already feel as low as I do!

I lost a father and a brother to suicide. There is no way that children aren’t deeply affected. Get help and as much help and as often as you can. I work on a support line for those bereaved by suicide and I can honestly say your family are never better off without you. Please call Samaritans, Tell your GP.

Lots of love OP. I can only imagine how hard it is to live with your depression and try to be a wonderful mum too. Please don't take on any guilt for feeling how you feel or for needing what you need to get better. You sound very clever, loving and kind and I really hope you find your way to a happier life. Early motherhood is a head wreck even when you're not already mentally ill, and I took found parenting brought up A LOT for me about how I was raised which as you say can be acutely painful. You are very strong and have a lot to offer your child and the world and yourself. Just monkey bar from day to day through this very very very hard time, and I'm sure there will be better times waiting for you in the other side ♥️

I have a friend whose husband killed himself when their three children were all in primary school. Two of them have struggled with self harm and two have struggled with school refusal. All three children have suffered one or the other. My friend said the children asked her "didn't he know we loved him?". My friend's father in law then killed himself too. Please try and seek help and don't do that to your children and family. Try and get medication and therapy to work through how you are feeling. 💐

Thanks for your laughing emoji on my previous comment. One thing about my adversity is I've never let it make me cruel to others as our experiences are all relative. Please in a world where you can be anything, be kind.

Perhaps if you have nothing of value to say, don’t bother saying anything at all? How are your comments and laughing emojis on the OPs post helpful?

You’ve had some good responses here. Tomorrow at 3pm there is a peer support space for folks experiencing suicidality. No one has to speak, it’s beautifully held space, stay until then and give them a go? It’s called Not The Void

https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/jRc3IzboQ8iB7V_em33SNg#/registration

I can understand that rationale. I just hope you get what you need,

@sailawaywithme91 I hope you have a good day. I do not know you, but I am really praying that you feel a tiny bit better everyday. Lots of people here are just one message away if you need us. English is not my first language, so my apologies for sometimes sounding a bit clunky. Big hugs 💐

Joey Essex did a documentary- his mum committed suicide.

Just checking in this morning. Sending support OP.

Been thinking about you as well op. Sending you strength.

Thinking of you both @sailawaywithme91 , @MsGoodenough and anyone else struggling either suicidal ideation right now x

Just checking in @sailawaywithme91 to see how you are doing. Please don’t let any negative comments bring you down. There are lots of us sending support.

Just a little message to say I am sending you strength sailingaway.

Feeling the need to check in here again. I can't ruin dd's life

❤️
I have been thinking so much about this thread.

My three year old woke up this morning and I was already downstairs. He cried and called for me and I went upstairs to get him
He said "mama I woke up and you weren't there and I was so sad and now you give me a hug and I'm so happy"

This is your daughter too. The thought of him crying for me and me not being there makes me so sad.

I know your daughter needs you so much too 💐

Thank you. But I know I am damaging her. I just want to die.

I am so sorry you feel this way. 💐 It must be so hard.
But it would damage her far more for you to choose to leave her. A mother is a child's home base.

I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing here. But I know your child needs you. Nobody else in the world can take your place in her life