Suicide - why do people it it?

[BoundaryGirl3939]

I got word yesterday that an incredibly competent, popular and capable women in her early 50s committed suicide. I'm shocked. She had it all. A devoted husband and two beautiful grown up children.

Her poor mental was blamed on her menopause but apparently her mental health deteriorated a good few years before the change.

I got to know her about 11 years ago(lived with her very briefly) but hadn't seen or heard from her since bar her profile on social media.

I just don't know what can make someone throw it all away. She literally had it all, and she was still young.

If I was to compare myself to her, I would not measure up to the level of drive and success she had. In a material sense, I've got very little. How could she throw it all away? Was it a moment of delusion or did she really know what she was doing?

I would guess because once you're dead then nothing bad can ever happen to you again. The thought of no more stress, pressure etc must be hugely tempting. I've always seen suicide as a very logical action. The only risk with it is not completing, and having to stay alive, even against one's own will.

Loss of Rational thought is a symptom of depression.

Just coming back here to say that, as an attempt survivor, I actually cannot fathom how this is a question.

If you’re out of your mind with sadness or hopelessness, how could you not want that to stop? If you can’t stand being alive, of course you want to end things.

I don’t understand how people don’t get this. It feels almost like a kind of privilege if you can’t imagine what it’s like to want to stop being alive.

Also health professionals treated me like shit and absolutely made things worse - it was so bad I had a complaint accepted by the NHS over a decade later, and received a multi-page apology from the trust involved.

Well quite. How is this not rational?!

And its not just wanting to stop being alive - those little voices in your head that constantly tell you you're no good, useless, fat, ugly and then when you think you have control of them they escape from under their rock and get louder telling you everyone would be better of without you, you aren't needed on this earth, the world would be better without you. It is really really hard to ignore them and, I guess, only takes a millisecond of listening to them at the perfect moment when your car could hit a tree head on or you jump into the river you're walking besides, or off the bridge you're walking over.

😢
There's so much important stuff being said on this thread and so many caring people

Having suffered from deep depression at times, it's very much about making it stop. The overwhelming sadness and pain is horrific to live with day by day and for me the thoughts are very much about stopping that. If it wasn't for my children, I very much wouldn't be here.

Overwhelming feelings of guilt can be a risk factor. A man in the US took his life after having his dog euthanised.

Feeling stuck in life / in a situation is another huge risk.

I only know two people (quite well) who have done it. A relative my age and someone I would spend time with as a teen. How many do others know? I'm guessing two (at age 51) isn't that many really.

Anecdotally there are a few more... but these are only acquaintances of acquaintances. I'm not including these.

Well said. Suicide runs in my family. The feeling is a bit like a cat trapped in a box - just an overwhelming need to escape. This feeling passes, but it's often too late for many people.

In the UK someone imminately planning to take their own life meets criteria to be sectioned to avoid it happening.
Whilst suicide is no longer a crime we still don't have a legal right to end our lives. The illegality was removed because it doesn't benefit people who survive an attempt to then be criminalised, it doesn't mean people are "allowed" to die by suicide.

because there is not ONE person who would miss me

I have struggled with severe depression and manic episodes on and off since my teens. It was mostly dealt with then by self harming. The last 4 years of my marriage became severely abusive and I often contemplated suicide as my way out, along with praying my exh would kill me. Skip forward 7 years and last month I completely hit rock bottom. I sent my Best Friend a goodbye message and had it all planned out how I was going to end my life, once I had finished work. I have no idea what made me ask for help but I did, and that night I spoke to someone and told them how I was feeling and how I couldn't see a way out. I went to the Drs the next day who contacted the crisis team and I have been off work ever since. I'm now awaiting counselling but at the moment my head is clear again and I no longer have intrusive thoughts racing round my head telling me that I need to kill myself. I know it won't last forever but for now I'll just take it one day at a time.

No we're not all needed. Other people could do my job, and absolutely no one needs me. Some people might be sad for a bit, but it wouldn't actually change their lives in any way if I weren't here.

I received very similar news this week, @BoundaryGirl3939. Still getting my head round it.

This thread is heartbreaking.

No one has any idea just because to you she had 'it all' means nothing

I myself put on a front and minimise what I am feeling at the moment I'm absolutely screaming but I won't tell anybody not even my doctor because I am not used to him my old one has retired and I am not comfortable so I'm here struggling in silence.

It's a silent killer no one is aware and you tell no one.

Not true, it's not delusion.
If I did for example no one would miss me, I'm not loved, no one cares, I wouldn't have a funeral but if I did whoever turned up would be there because that's what people do, they are morbid and just there for gossip and to satisfy themselves because they don't care when people are alive so please don't minimise it as delusion for many it's reality.

It's sad, yes. It's also necessary to be able to have a bit of public discourse around the topic. Kudos to @mumsnetclara for not taking the thread down.

Agree

It horrendous to think in the past people that survived suicide attempts where then legally punished.thank goodness that's changed

I wanted to end my life in 2023, it was hopeless and I couldn't see a way out, I agreed to a crap decision, I went along with it to end the moaning. Our lives completely changed over night. I went from happy to sad 99% of the time and couldn't see a way out. I didn't care about leaving my partner as it was his fault we were stuck in our shit life (mine too but for reasons of being worn down), I cared about leaving our SEN son but it felt like a relief to not have that burden too. All child related stuff was and always has been left to me. We were so stuck, I went days without food, I used to count the bread slices to make sure we had enough to last until payday. I had to walk everywhere in blistering temperatures. I couldn't afford my blood pressure meds. Life was completely shit and to change it we needed money. Luckily we found a way out (had to live it for 12 months) but I'm scarred by it. It's not really that I wanted to die, I just wanted it to end, I don't think there was one thing in my life I was thankful for. It's definitely left its mark on me. I am quite a negative person now, I've always been prone to being negative but now I realise that no one will ever be truly happy and that is hard. I can never truly relax in life.

What I mean by prone to being negative, I mean, prone to overwhelming feelings of sadness and hopelessness. I will take silly arguments literally etc but now it's different. I can't really explain it.

I'd say be grateful you've never been in that position where you feel like all hope is lost and that is the only way out.

It wouldn't make sense to you if you've never felt that way, but it's an awful awful feeling and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

It feels a bit distasteful to ask this question in mental health to be honest. I'm sure that wasn't your intention but it just feels insensitive or goady.

@BusterGonad

I hope you are feeling a bit better now?

(Love your name by the way)