Suicide - why do people it it?

[BoundaryGirl3939]

I got word yesterday that an incredibly competent, popular and capable women in her early 50s committed suicide. I'm shocked. She had it all. A devoted husband and two beautiful grown up children.

Her poor mental was blamed on her menopause but apparently her mental health deteriorated a good few years before the change.

I got to know her about 11 years ago(lived with her very briefly) but hadn't seen or heard from her since bar her profile on social media.

I just don't know what can make someone throw it all away. She literally had it all, and she was still young.

If I was to compare myself to her, I would not measure up to the level of drive and success she had. In a material sense, I've got very little. How could she throw it all away? Was it a moment of delusion or did she really know what she was doing?

It's not a rational choice. It's also often something that people choose impulsively, at their lowest moment. They simply don't appreciate the other options that are available. There are usually feelings of shame and of being a burden to others that act as barriers to seeking help. So yes basically, a moment of delusion. Very sad.

Because the pain of being alive and going through whatever it is is more than the pain from ending it all.

When I was at my lowest, and suicidal I just wanted the feelings to stop.

Some people want to escape a situation and death seems the only logical way.
There will be no rhyme or reason that anyone but they themselves understand.
It's a sad reality that you never know what is going on in anyone's head, it may be that they appear to be in a great place, but the reality internally may be totally different.

It's not a moment of delusion.

It's being incapable of living in your own skin. Whatever trinkets you have, whatever motivation, they don't make life worth living.

I think everyone's reason is different and personal to them .. I guess you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

Famous people seem to have it all and still commit suicide so I don't think material things or success really matters in that sense.

It must be a shock, a young girl who I knew of committed suicide and I felt really sad for her and her family.

It's really not as cut and dry as 'Having it all'. Suicide is extremely complex, surely as an adult you understand this?

My mil couldn't understand it either, she was once in A&E. A young woman had been admitted having tried to take her own life, my mil could not understand why the nurses were making such a 'fuss' over her, when there were plenty other patients in there with genuine health problems.

She also couldn't understand why her best friends DD had depression when she had a dog, new car and a lovely big house. FFS!

This is so sad. So sad for her children. I can't imagine they'll ever get over it. She had so much going for her. Just no straight answer when suicide involved.

Please don't be mean HedgehogBob. I'm trying to understand it.

i wish people would stop using the word COMMIT!

Suicide was decriminalised under the Suicide Act 1961, but the criminal implication still lingers in the language we use today. The notion of 'committing' or 'trying to commit' suicide implicitly accuses the person of having done something wrong.

having lost several friends and family to self harm, i don't think, unless you have actually been in that place, you can never understand it!

Sometimes really awful things happen to people. They can't tell anyone, for whatever reason. Their mental health is destroyed and we all know how useless mental health services are in the uk.
Or, someone might have a medical condition that causes great pain and distress and there is no help.
Or there might be some kind of abuse going on.

I think people that take their own lives are out of their minds with sadness or depression or hopelessness. They are not generally making rational decisions.

PS ‘committing suicide’ is a very outdated term and is actually quite offensive to those affected.

Whether she had it all or not is completely irrelevant to the situation.

People rarely end their lives due to situational events.

As someone who on paper “has it all” but has struggled with mental health I would say until you have been there, and felt that all encompassing urge to end your life then you won’t understand. It’s nothing to do with what someone does or doesn’t have. It’s being in a place mentally where it’s so dark you just need the pain to end, and the only way out appears to be suicide. It’s not logical or rational.

Don't overthink it, and don’t ever judge someone in the situation. Just offer empathy, support and be thankful that you don’t really understand.

I'm sure you don't mean it to be so but your OP is bordering on sneery @BoundaryGirl3939 and showing a huge lack of understanding.

Someone once asked what I had to be depressed about when I was married, pregnant and had two toddlers.

Think twice before you open your mouth.

Because they don’t see any other way out of what they are going through…I’m sorry but it’s not that hard to understand. You obviously feel she had it all…clearly she didn’t agree!

You never really know what’s going on behind closed doors. FB isn’t reflective of real life.

Peri and menopause can have a devastating and long lasting effect on mental health. In her early 50s she could well have been in the thick of it.

Personally outside of the family I don't think digging for reasons should be encouraged as to the how's and why's should remain private to the person that made that choice with their life.

When I tried I just wanted everything to stop. I just wanted out and to stop feeling the way I did. I was a failure in my mind, those people I loved were better off without me. I’ve heard people say ‘suicide is selfish as you hurt your loved ones!’ You think though that you are a burden, a useless piece of shit and they really would be better off without you. You are in a dark and painful place and can’t find the light. People don’t realise what mental pain can really be like, it makes you want to give up. I had a long road back.

Although I appreciate you opening the post @Ghouella post is very unhelpful.
In general I don't think this is a helpful thread. Every individual = every individual reason

It's not a moment of delusion and can you stop with the committed suicide phrasing. It's not a crime anymore.

Died by suicide is a better term.

Apologies. I didn't know it was offensive.

It's to stop feeling everything. Emotional pain, anxiety, despair. It is an overwhelming feeling.

Even when presented with the good in life, people will think everyone else will be better off without them, better off because their emotional pain and desperation is difficult for everyone to live with it.

Often the only way to stop someone is to physically be there at the moment of trying.

Respectfully you risk perpetuating the myth that suicide is unavoidable.

For many or even most people, suicide does result from an impulse, a moment of delusion. Obviously there will be the background of suicidal thoughts but it's very often an impulsive act and being given the opportunity to pause and think again can save lives. Suicidal people are NOT incapable of staying alive. In most cases suicide is preventable, safety plans can keep people alive, and the terrible feelings that lead to suicide can be overcome and moved past. Most people who are talked down or rescued from a suicide attempt will never attempt suicide again.

I highly recommend suicide awareness training from ZSA which you can access here: https://www.zerosuicidealliance.com/suicide-awareness-training

Perhaps the training might help you to better understand suicide OP

Years ago a friend of mine survived a suicide attempt. I asked her about it afterwards, she said she just didn't want to be alive any longer, she wanted peace and she took an overdose and went to bed. She had her phone by her side in case she wanted to change her mind but she felt totally calm about what she had done and upset when she woke up a couple of days later.
I know she had a difficult childhood and had been in a coercive relationship. I felt so sorry for her but I understood. I think some people feel things really, really deeply, they feel hopeless often after many bad experiences and just think they've had enough of life. Think about the Christian 'rest in peace' that gets said at funerals? It only occurred to me recently what this might actually mean. Why shouldn't people be allowed to seek peace when life can seem so relentlessly impossible?

Agreed died by suicide is more appropriate.

Be thankfully OP that you've never experienced such pain. I have previously tried to kill myself and I'm very lucky to be here . At the time I was very very unwell and life felt unbearable, I couldn't see a way forward .