Page 4 | Suicide - why do people it it?

FjordPrefect · 04/03/2025 20:06

I have been suicidal and I saw it as the only rational choice. Why live with the pain and upset when I could make it all go away? Now I have children I would not do it due to the pain and upset it would cause to them but I'm sure if I felt they would be better off without me in their lives I could reconsider.

AcquadiP · 04/03/2025 20:07

That's an impossible question to answer other than by someone who has been in a place so devoid of hope that suicide seems to be the only available option to end the misery they are experiencing. Most of us haven't been in that place.

GeorgiesCat · 04/03/2025 20:08

BoundaryGirl3939 · 04/03/2025 20:00

Its a terrifying concept that somebody's mind can wander into that darkness.

I don't know what to say without offending anyone but I'm relieved you feel good now.

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My reason was my ds1 shortly after being born, and the pain and sadness was killing me, but I had my dd to think of, and my dh and I didn't want my mum and dad have to see me buried the way I had to see my son buried

I am able to cope with the pain and sadness more now and I'm thankful I'm still here

Scarey thing also was, I never even told dh what temptations I was fighting against as I thought everyone knows and sad and why and no one and nothing can make me less sad
So I never told anyone

I survived in survival mode for a v vv long time, and I still feel the sadness and pain, but I'm some how more able to bear it now

I strongly feel these types of threads shouldn't be deleted we need to talk about this vv real problem

GeorgiesCat · 04/03/2025 20:09

Died shortly after birth

Original poster

BoundaryGirl3939 · 04/03/2025 20:09

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 04/03/2025 20:02

Unless you have wanted to end your own life, it is hard to explain.
When those thoughts take over, anything positive in your life cannot be seen. You genuinely think that the world will be a better place without you. You feel like a burden. Your brain takes you to a place where you want to end the pain you are in, and you cannot see a way out.
As is often said it is a permanent solution to a temporary pain.
Taking into account your friend’s age being around menopause can be a huge issue for some women - Dr Louise Newson has often talked about women who have shown up to her clinics who are losing the will to live.
I know women who are no longer here, all accomplished, all with lovely families. But you can never know what a person is going through, or what they’ve been through. It is very sad when it happens, and people around are absolutely in the dark as to why it may have happened.
I count myself lucky to be here. Luckily, I got some very good help, and have things in place should I feel like that again.
It is still seen as a taboo and a shameful subject, sadly.
It is terrible for loved ones left behind. How do you explain to children that their mum has left them?
My friend’s daughter was just 12 when it happened. An only child. She actually works for charity now helping bereaved families, which helps people in crisis, too. She’s a remarkable young woman.
For so many people in crisis relying on the NHS, staff do their best but resources are stretched. Not decrying the work The Samaritans do, but for someone who is mentally ill this is the first place the NHS website sends you to. Which is really poor. They are a fantastic charity, but their staff aren’t psychiatrists.
This is just my experience. It is different for everyone but I can only say I’m glad I stayed.

Edited

It seems as though many suicidal people feel as though they are a burden and the world would be better without them. It's a moment of delusion as they're actually very much needed.
I don't think I'd ever get over it if my mother ended her life. I'm sad that people can get so incredibly low.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 04/03/2025 20:12

BoundaryGirl3939 · 04/03/2025 19:39

I genuinely am not trying to hurt anyone. I just know know why people aren't allowed to talk about it.

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Neither do I. People should be allowed to talk about it.

My family is littered with them and it was always kept hush hush, never to be spoken about again. That's wrong.

If people find stuff triggering then hide the threads.

Original poster

BoundaryGirl3939 · 04/03/2025 20:12

GeorgiesCat · 04/03/2025 20:08

My reason was my ds1 shortly after being born, and the pain and sadness was killing me, but I had my dd to think of, and my dh and I didn't want my mum and dad have to see me buried the way I had to see my son buried

I am able to cope with the pain and sadness more now and I'm thankful I'm still here

Scarey thing also was, I never even told dh what temptations I was fighting against as I thought everyone knows and sad and why and no one and nothing can make me less sad
So I never told anyone

I survived in survival mode for a v vv long time, and I still feel the sadness and pain, but I'm some how more able to bear it now

I strongly feel these types of threads shouldn't be deleted we need to talk about this vv real problem

Show quote history

I'm happy you're still here. Your story is like my mother's. She fantasised about suicide but wouldn't go through with it because of her children. I'm so happy she's still here.

OP posts:

Original poster

BoundaryGirl3939 · 04/03/2025 20:15

Cattreesea · 04/03/2025 20:05

Frankly OP there is nothing for you to 'understand'.

You will never know what was going on in her life and in her head and why she did it.

That's true.

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BashfulClam · 04/03/2025 20:16

HaddyAbrams · 04/03/2025 19:40

My plans to end my life by suicide were based on the same ideas. I genuinely believed that my DC would be better off without me, and that the trauma of losing their Mum would be less than the trauma of being raised by me.

Of course I was wrong, but at that moment I was so severely unwell that I really thought I was fucking their lives up. I don't believe that anymore, but it's taken years, and i was passively suicidal until very recently.

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Keep going my lovely. I got there eventually. I was in that dark pit for so long.

HeyDrake · 04/03/2025 20:16

@PeggyMitchellsCameo with respect, psychiatrists aren't the most helpful in a crisis either. What exactly are you expecting a psychiatrist to do for a suicidal person over the phone? Antidepressants take time to work and can be prescribed by a GP.
The Samaritans help people who are experiencing suicidal thoughts, day in and day out. They are the experts in that kind of non judgemental, active listening. They can escalate if someone has a plan to harm themselves too. This is exactly what the NHS would do too, talk to someone, make a plan of how they are going to keep themselves safe, look at making steps such as a plan to call a friend or call the GP, give the medication or any other methods of harming themselves to someone. What we don't do is drive over and section someone for saying that they feel very low. Because hospitals are generally not that helpful.
You're right, resources are stretched but it's not just that. It's wanting people to engage in their own safety planning, through talking them through it. If you drive over and take the pills away, you're not addressing the problem, you're treating them like children.

Did you know that most people who die by suicide are not under mental health services? That's because they don't reach out to services. Not blaming them, it is up to us as humans to reach out to people, not services. Check on your friends and neighbours. Ask people how they are, really how they are. Stop and chat to the woman crying on the bus stop or the man who looks confused in Costa. Speak to your parents about their mental health. Visit your uncle.
Suicide amongst older adults is huge.
Ask mums on the school run if they're ok if you know they're divorcing or their child has SEN or if they're looking tired or upset.
Before most people make a plan, they are in a contemplative space and they want people to reach out. They are looking for a way out, they want and need connection.

Ghouella · 04/03/2025 20:16

Ghouella · 04/03/2025 20:06

I'm not talking about all suicide attempts, some will be meticulously planned. Nor am I trying to say there isn't a context of distress, suicidal thoughts and mental illness in the background of someone who has an impulse to act on suicidal thoughts - of course not. And a degree of planning in many cases (which is often course, a risk factor for completing suicide).

Only that many suicidal actions are not meticulously planned and in many cases suicide is impulsive. We tend to imagine that suicide has been carefully planned and that the person contemplating suicide is determined and won't be deterred. But that is not typical - and the myth that this is the average situation when someone attempts suicide actively costs lives through missed opportunities for suicide prevention. If somebody can be supported through a period of acute stress when the impulse to act on suicidal thoughts is high, they will often recover. Not always. But often. Please don't take my word for it but look at the research and suicide prevention resources provided by reputable suicide charities. I'm very sorry if you have lost anyone to suicide.

Likewise I think it is important not to reinforce the message that suicidal thoughts "can never be understood". People who are suicidal can be understood, they can be helped by others and they can navigate those feelings successfully, recover and come out the other side.

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To add, this is why it is an absolute tragedy when somebody dies by suicide. Because in the majority of cases suicide is not an escape from intolerable unending suffering - this is a romanticism of suicide as a solution.

Suicide for the majority is an irrational decision, often made and acted upon impulsively, on the basis of very acute distress and irrational beliefs (such as "everyone will be better off without me", "I deserve to die", "I am worthless") which are the product of acute mental illness. Most people who die by suicide do not want to die, they are isolated and not in the right state of mind to see that they have other options.

Sadcafe · 04/03/2025 20:20

Such a difficult question to answer, in deep depression there can seem to be no way out and dying becomes that way out, from experience, sadly, many of those who carried out suicide gave no outward indication that they intended to, sometimes an experienced professional could gain a sense something was seriously wrong but certainly not always

mylovelyboycat · 04/03/2025 20:21

BoundaryGirl3939 · 04/03/2025 19:18

I got word yesterday that an incredibly competent, popular and capable women in her early 50s committed suicide. I'm shocked. She had it all. A devoted husband and two beautiful grown up children.

Her poor mental was blamed on her menopause but apparently her mental health deteriorated a good few years before the change.

I got to know her about 11 years ago(lived with her very briefly) but hadn't seen or heard from her since bar her profile on social media.

I just don't know what can make someone throw it all away. She literally had it all, and she was still young.

If I was to compare myself to her, I would not measure up to the level of drive and success she had. In a material sense, I've got very little. How could she throw it all away? Was it a moment of delusion or did she really know what she was doing?

I was driven to a suicidal crisis by people who looked at me from the outside and thought...she is so driven and independent and beautiful.... and then they tried to tear me down to make themselves feel better.

mylovelyboycat · 04/03/2025 20:23

I wish I was brave enough to commit suicide

StrongSweetCoffee · 04/03/2025 20:24

Because people go through things that others know nothing about. The surface can look amazing, but the problems the person is facing underneath can be unbearable.
I know from my own experience that things can happen to people that others don’t even realise are possible and it can destroy your life.

mylovelyboycat · 04/03/2025 20:24

@2025willbemytime I completely agree with you

2025willbemytime · 04/03/2025 20:25

mylovelyboycat · 04/03/2025 20:23

I wish I was brave enough to commit suicide

Can I help? I'll talk to you. You are brave. You're fighting to stay here.

Original poster

BoundaryGirl3939 · 04/03/2025 20:29

Ghouella · 04/03/2025 20:16

To add, this is why it is an absolute tragedy when somebody dies by suicide. Because in the majority of cases suicide is not an escape from intolerable unending suffering - this is a romanticism of suicide as a solution.

Suicide for the majority is an irrational decision, often made and acted upon impulsively, on the basis of very acute distress and irrational beliefs (such as "everyone will be better off without me", "I deserve to die", "I am worthless") which are the product of acute mental illness. Most people who die by suicide do not want to die, they are isolated and not in the right state of mind to see that they have other options.

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It's devastating for the family as their loved one is horrifically snatched away during a moment of disillusion that would eventually pass. I think people left behind feel an incredible sense of guilt and shame even though it wasn't their fault. I'm not saying this to shame people who have ended their lives but their relatives never get over it.

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Disturbia81 · 04/03/2025 20:29

I think it's one of those things that we can't rationalise, explain, make sense of. Because our brain hasn't gone to that dark place, hasn't had intrusive thoughts, hasn't had a constant stream of negative thoughts for years. We look at it from our own perspective and think "well they had this, they were lucky, loved etc" but that doesn't matter if someones brain turns against them. No matter how much good we have, our brain is always there. Some people just need to get away from it forever.
It's really sad.

Original poster

BoundaryGirl3939 · 04/03/2025 20:30

mylovelyboycat · 04/03/2025 20:23

I wish I was brave enough to commit suicide

I'm glad you're cowardly. Please don't.

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mylovelyboycat · 04/03/2025 20:30

@BoundaryGirl3939 were you jealous of her? You could never live up to the image that you had of her and her life. Now she has killed her self, you are almost feeling a bit smug? You thought you were lower than her, but she's killed her self, this beautiful woman that you could never live up to her? So you were better than her after all! That feels good! So now start a thread and feast on those feelings that after all you are actually better than the woman who committed suicide. Just wow

witwatwoo · 04/03/2025 20:33

You know nothing about what she may have been going through

2025willbemytime · 04/03/2025 20:33

@mylovelyboycat YOU ARE NOT COWARDLY

You are incredibly brave for saying how you feel.

Crushed23 · 04/03/2025 20:34

A friend committed suicide in 2017. We were all completely - completely - blindsided by it. The definition of 'had it all'. I think some people hide their mental struggles very well and you can't know what they're going through.

onestepfurtheragain · 04/03/2025 20:35

It's a way out. An escape. A way to stop the deep darkness. I get it.