Depersonalization/ feeling I’m not real

[Handholdneeded40]

I’m really struggling. I was unwell for 6 weeks from late November which made me quite anxious and depressed and this last week I’ve been suffering a with awful feeling that I’m not real and nothing around me is real . I’ve had it before when I was at uni and it’s absolutely horrible.
It’s consuming me and I’m struggling to function. Racing thoughts from the moment I wake up, im checking myself constantly- wondering if my house is real and thinking I’m living in a dream. My Dp doesn’t understand which makes things trickier.
I wondered if anyone else was going through this and what helped?
Ive just re started citalopram and going to increase to 20mg tomorrow. I also have propanolol which isn’t doing much.
I’ve booked private CBT for next week but wondered what other things I should be doing ? I’m so scared.

This video might help you understand it a bit better;

Oh you poor thing. I don't have any advice, but it looks like you're doing all the right things, and if you've had it before, then you know it will pass. Hope someone else comes along shortly with better advice.

I have experienced this, it's related to severe anxiety. Mine was due to hormones so HRT helped to lessen it and eventually it went away after a few months. Just wanted to say when at it's worst I found listening to this meditation very helpful. Also doing lots of grounding activities...anything working with your hands... crafts,gardening, being out in nature even just general household stuff just keeping busy. Hope you're feeling better soon.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=hgUKW25wVt8&pp=ygUPZHBkciBtZWRpdGF0aW9u

Just a quick message to say that although it feels awful it can and will pass. I'm sure you already know this, but derealisation is basically a coping strategy that's gone into overdrive. It's quite common for many people to dissociate a bit (zone out / disengage etc) when things are overwhelming/stressful, and derealisation is an exaggeration of that normal response. And if course it's a sort of vicious circle at the moment because the derealisation itself is stressful, so you're hammering that dissociative coping strategy even harder!

It sounds like you're already doing sensible things to get yourself back on track, like starting therapy and trying anti anxiety meds. It might also be a good idea to try other body-based calming strategies like breathwork (long out breaths), humming, yoga/tai chi/qi gong etc. Do you have it 24/7? If not (even if it's just for seconds or minutes at a time), have you noticed any triggers (or indeed "anti triggers" - things that shift you out of derealisation)? If you have it all the time, have you noticed it feel stronger or weaker? (In which case the same questions apply.

Another thing to note is that it's more common in people who have experienced trauma and/or are neurodivergent. If that resonates with you, it might be worth exploring that in therapy.

Agree with the grounding activities…I have to get outside if I feel like this. I walk my dog as much in the middle of nowhere as I can and I tend to touch things…run my hand along tree bark as I walk past, grab blades of grass, play with a twig as I walk,
make myself feel cold by taking off my hat or opening my coat.

Even if you’re not in the countryside, I find a walk and running my hands along a brick wall or railings as I walk past helps. I guess it’s about connecting with my surroundings. Sometimes at home I will just lay flat and face down on the carpet.

I went to a gong bath last week and found that quite an experience that I’d like to try to recreate the atmosphere of at home.

Dance and sports are some of the best things for depersonalisation. Especially with a group of people. So look up a Zumba class or parkrun or anything that gets your body moving. That will help your body reconnect with your brain.

I had this with severe anxiety years ago. I remember feeling like I was falling off of the world. I can’t really explain it but have never forgotten it

Anyway, some anti depressants and CBT sorted me out and it’s never happened since

You’ll move past this, just hang on

Thanks for this.
I do think I’m perimenopausal and also undiagnosed neurodivergent, so those two things combined with the high anxiety will be having quite a big effect I’m sure.
at the moment it’s 24/7 and it’s hard to keep a lid on it if I’m honest. The only time I can divert focus from it is by being on my phone. I struggle to concentrate watching tv etc.
i last had this 18 years ago and once on the higher dose of citalopram I did begin to feel better. I’m wondering if I also need HRT too.
I will check out more grounding exercises- I tried some yesterday but couldn’t really focus.
I’m about to go and spend a couple of days with my parents because being in my house feels so awful at the moment.

Even just "going through the motions" of some grounding/soothing exercises can be helpful, as you'll be sending a message to that unconscious part of you that's in survival mode, even if "conscious" you doesn't feel any better.

Spending time with people you feel safe with it also a great idea, as you'll be co-regulating.

Above all, keep reassuring yourself that it's not that uncommon, and that you've had it before and it passed.

I said "exercises" above, but maybe activities is a better word... Exercises kind of suggests focus and attention, but some grounding activities can also be quite "mindless" and accessible (like moving your body, cold exposure, being with safe people, being in nature etc).

Oh god it's the worst symptom of an anxiety disorder. Honestly, I feel so much for you but you will come out of it. It can sometimes take months but you will.

The constant checking if it's still there keeps it alive, so try to just get on with your life as best you can and just accept that it's there, without trying to push it away.

It's absolutely horrible - you have my sympathy. I hope it stops soon for you. I've had it since I was a very young child. I remember it happening in infants' school and not being able to explain it to my mum, and trying to hide/mask it for decades because I thought nobody would understand it. I also have anxiety issues and I'm sure I'm autistic. I'm going to have a look at the videos and exercises people have posted above. Thank you all.

I'm not expert and am not qualified to comment at all, other than to say that I've had this and it feels so awful when you're going through it.

Mine was definitely anxiety and stress related.

What helped for me was keeping busy. I had a customer facing job and I'd find when I was really busy and chatting to lots of people, the feeling would go away.
Then when it came back, I could focus on remembering that it goes away, and isn't forever.
When I was at home not doing much, was when I found it hardest to cope.

I get this from time to time, it is awful. Agree with pp that you need to get out of the house and go for a walk. Just walk and walk. Don't try to focus on anything or "do" something, just get out and walk. Touching things is good too, I'm always feeling up buildings, railings, trees...

Also don’t forget, the first week or so of anti - deps often make anxiety worse. So hang on in there

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who does those things!

I love old buildings and archaeology the most—I'll embrace a ruined castle or standing stone. Really puts everything into perspective.

Thank you everyone for your responses. I’m glad I’m not the only person who has or has had this awful awful syndrome / symptom.
it really is a god awful feeling like you are losing your mind. It’s so hard to describe to people.
I’m going to check out some of the videos mentioned too. At the moment it’s a battle to get through each day . I just hope it fades like it did last time.

I would say as well, on the advice of a very wise therapist I once had, not to get too bogged down with trying to do grounding exercises, mindfulness etc. She said those are all well and good and can be useful, but when you're in the middle of a panic attack they're very hard to do, and your failure to get them to work can make you feel worse and exacerbate the panic.

This is why walking is better—get your body doing something easy, mindless and repetitive, and your mind often clears and becomes focused again. Like when you get a great idea in the shower.

I love old buildings and archaeology the most—I'll embrace a ruined castle or standing stone. Really puts everything into perspective.

yes! I always put my hand to the stone and feel the history!

op - it will pass, I promise

Of all the symptoms of anxiety and panic, I think this is the worse symptom, I absolutely hate it.

I agree. It’s an extremely frightening, isolating and lonely symptom.
I took 15mg of citalopram yesterday and felt terrible. Took 12.5mg today and will do that for next couple of days.
the DP is very strong at the moment, it’s very hard and scary to deal with.

I had episodes of this during the latter stages of peri menopause. Any chance this could be the same for you?

Yes I could definitely be peri, I’m 40 and have quite a few perimenopause symptoms. So far I’ve been denied referral /HRT as ‘too young’. Something to fight for maybe ?

If you're experiencing other peri symptoms it's most likely a hormonal issue, the problem is not many GPs recognise this as part of menopause, but for me it also started after a few years of peri symptoms. Along with the derealisation I would also experience sudden panic attacks, sensitivity to light and sounds and a feeling like my brain could not process everything around me, everything was overwhelming.

There was some relief after only a few days of HRT but took a few months to settle fully. Anti depressants did not work for me, they made it worse, so if you're not getting any relief it may be the hormones you need. I believe I am also undiagnosed neuro diverse and this may have something to do with it.