Depersonalization/ feeling I’m not real

[Handholdneeded40]

I’m really struggling. I was unwell for 6 weeks from late November which made me quite anxious and depressed and this last week I’ve been suffering a with awful feeling that I’m not real and nothing around me is real . I’ve had it before when I was at uni and it’s absolutely horrible.
It’s consuming me and I’m struggling to function. Racing thoughts from the moment I wake up, im checking myself constantly- wondering if my house is real and thinking I’m living in a dream. My Dp doesn’t understand which makes things trickier.
I wondered if anyone else was going through this and what helped?
Ive just re started citalopram and going to increase to 20mg tomorrow. I also have propanolol which isn’t doing much.
I’ve booked private CBT for next week but wondered what other things I should be doing ? I’m so scared.

I just wanted to update as I’m still really struggling with depersonalization.
I’ve spent most of the last two weeks staying with my parents which has been both a comfort but also adds to the ‘what am I doing here’ thoughts which are constantly on a loop in my head.
it’s utterly terrifying and I really wish I could escape this feeling as quickly as it came on.
saw a female GP who agreed I should stick with 20mg citalopram for now and let that work whilst taking promethazine to try and take the edge off the anxiety.
I am wondering if I need HRT but that’s another conversation to have.
I was told I could self refer for CBT but the wait is 5 months on the NHS so I may have to fork out the £75 a time privately.
if anyone knows of ways to get treatment cheaper/faster please let me know.
right now I just want this bloody awful thing to go

sorry you are still struggling

there is a charity called Unreal that aims to support people with depersonalisation. they are very small but do look them up

Hi op I haven’t read the whole thread but do you like scents? Perfume etc? I have experienced similar to you and a therapist said smelling a smell you like, whether that’s lemon or whatever can sort of ‘bring you back’ in that moment when you’re feeling overwhelmed by the depersonalisation x Not a solution but a
quick grounding thing that can be helpful alongside other techniques x

I used to experience this a lot as a child over about 3/4 years it was due to severe and prolonged anxiety. It got so bad at one point I would pass out.

I’ve had this and I hate it. Before getting on medication I spent almost a year feeling that way and it was one of the worst experiences of my life.

You’ve started back on your Citalopram, which should help. My Escitalopram helps with it.
I’m also on Pregabalin which seems to have switched the unreality off for me completely (touch wood).
When I used to have it I found that keeping moderately busy with practical things was the best way to cope. Redecorate a room. Do gardening. Walk the dogs at your local dog rescue, for example. Follow a new recipe every day. Declutter the house etc.
Being around animals is grounding, too.
When I was suffering badly I didn’t really enjoy getting lost in things like films or books as I would become too immersed in them and then feel out of control. I’d also get triggered by certain artificial lighting. It’s a very odd and disturbing feeling.
I hope you start to feel better soon and that your medication kicks in quickly and brings the anxiety back down.

Out of curiosity, how many of you have severe migraine? My depersonalisation symptoms became less intense when my migraines appeared in my late teens/early 20s - the migraines seemed to partly replace them (although I subsequently developed vestibular migraine after a terrible virus and that's left me feeling permanently unreal in a subtly different way), and I do wonder whether my early experiences with very intense, prolonged DP as a child were migraine precursors of some kind. It's all become a whole big mess now, with the migraines causing unreality causing social anxiety causing migraines. I'm on umpteen migraine preventatives and I do sometimes have 'good' phases, but it's a rubbish vicious circle to be stuck in and my current neurologist is a bit useless about it.

I have had severe hemiplegic migraines since childhood so perhaps there is a connection

It’s truly terrifying and an absolutely hideous symptom. I’m really struggling today. I’m seeing the GP again tomorrow. It’s such a vile, cruel symptom of anxiety

Thanks for this. It’s good to know I’m not alone. Because it really does feel very lonely right now.
How long after starting meds did you begin to see a difference? I agree with distractions but I find myself constantly checking for the DP which is like a vicious cycle as it pulls me back to feeling terrified.

@Handholdneeded40 I know how awful it is. I find my Escitalopram took 6-8 weeks to start working properly, but I’m on a very low dose. It helps so much. My Pregabalin started working very quickly, within days, certainly. I love pregabalin for anxiety. It has helped so much and I’m very grateful to the psychiatrist who prescribed it for me.

Please keep us updated on your GP appointment. I hope it’s helpful.

@spiderlight I get migraines with aura.

Thank you. How quickly were you able to be seen by a psychiatrist? Was it through the NHS ? I’m really struggling but trying to be patient with the citalopram.
Did you ever feel like you don’t recognise your surroundings ? This is what I’m dealing with at home right now which is so scary x

@Handholdneeded40 Yes, it was a long time ago now that I went through the bad phase of it, but looking back, I felt I was in a dream, that I didn’t recognise my surroundings, that I didn’t recognise people/my own parents, and that I didn’t recognise my face in the mirror. I would wake at night having panic attacks. I felt I wasn’t real and that my body wasn’t real. The whole thing was just so horrible. I was convinced it was psychosis or schizophrenia, but it wasn’t. It was a severe anxiety symptom.

Seeing an NHS psychiatrist took a long time. I had to get through sets of gatekeepers at the hospital to get to see her, and they would turn me away (even though I really needed help) and then I’d have to be referred again. This was years ago so it might not be like this now or in your area.
If you can afford to see a psychiatrist privately you’d avoid a lot of nhs hassle and wait times.
However, all the psychiatrist did was prescribe me Pregabalin to add to my SSRI. Did your GP mention this? I also have had CBT for anxiety.

How did your GP appointment go?

Thank you. GP told me to continue taking promethazine (sedating antihistamine)alongside citalopram to help me until the citalopram kicks in but it’s not really doing anything except make me groggy. It definitely doesn’t help with the derealisation.
I did ask if there was anything else I can take and she said no but I imagine I’d only get something else like a controlled drug if I saw a psychiatrist.

Theres been no mention of psychiatry or a referral. I’ve been told to get on the waiting list for NHS CBT. I’m currently paying privately for CBT (had a second session last night) but I don’t think it’s going to do a lot unless I’m just being impatient? Not a lot seems to happen in the sessions so far.

The next step is to try HRT to see if that helps. Going for a hormone blood test next week and even if it’s normal the GP says I can try it for 3 months to see if it helps.

unless you’ve experienced this symptom it’s hard to convey his utterly terrifying it is. Every hour is a battle :(

You should definitely try the HRT if you suspect peri menopause as you may end up taking psychiatric medicines that you don't need. It is known now anti depressants do not always work in menopause as its the hormones your brain needs. I started feeling a difference within 5 days with HRT, especially with the derealisation symptoms. It was a bit up and down for a few months and then it just went. I still get it at odd times, usually around ovulation but it actually doesn't bother me now and I was very much like you are feeling now, absolutely terrified. Good luck hope you get some relief soon.

HRT sounds like a good plan, and I think the Citalopram will help a lot once it kicks in.
You’re right; no one really gets how terrible it feels and how it impacts every aspect of your life. I totally relate to every hour being a battle when you’re in the thick of it.

I'm still battling the horrid DPDR with no real change yet. It is hideous.
GP wouldn't prescribe HRT as hormone bloods were 'normal' yet at the previous appointment she said she would let me trial it so I was left feeling flat about that.
I brought this up with her and she said to keep going with the 20mg Citalopram for another 3 weeks then if no improvement we can assess.
I am not sure if the Citalopram is working. It was brilliant for me last time I had this many years ago but this time the symptom feels more intense.
I have a horrid phobia of going mad/losing my mind which I think is common with this symptom. I have private CBT but I don't really know what that is doing for me. sorry for the very negative post.
I feel this is connected to a type of OCD due to the constant loop in my head telling me I am not real then my mind believing in it. I've never been diagnosed with OCD but definitely have some traits.
I would do absolutely anything to feel like me again.

Sorry you haven’t felt a change yet. The Citalopram should help, though. It probably needs a bit more time to kick in.
I have exactly the same with the OCD and fear of going mad. It’s really horrible.
HRT may or may not help, but I do think it’s worth trying to find out if you can get Pregabalin. That seemed to hit the right chemical in my brain as far as anxiety and panic is concerned. It’s worth thinking about.
As horrible as the derealisation is, it is temporary and it will go away again. It’s just so unpleasant when you’re experiencing it.

Thank you so much.
GP doesn’t seem keen to prescribe anything so think I’d need to go private for anything else . She even said 20mg citalopram was a ‘high’ dose which I know it isn’t ! but they’ve changed the upper limit on what dosage they prescribe.
im just so sick of not feeling connected to my surroundings and not ‘in’ my body. Ugh.
Funny how it can come on in a literal blink of an eye but not go away for a long time :(

I know 😞and it is not understood by anyone who hasn’t experienced it. It’s a very intense and consuming feeling. I hope things start to improve soon. On my Escitalopram I literally woke up one day and knew it had worked. It took about six weeks or so, maybe even longer, but the change was so great that I just knew it was working. Hopefully you’ll experience the same improvement soon.

The only thing that brought me out of it was one (literally one) tablet of flupenthixol.

It's an old school antipsychotic and to be honest, I don't know why I was prescribed it but it sat in my bag for 6 months before I had the balls to take one. Within 15 minutes, it was gone. I cried so hard and ate something properly for the first time in over year.

The dr that prescribed it was on the verge of retirement so whether he just had good experience of it or was happy to take risk, I don't know. But if you can see a dr who is willing to look in to a different medicine, that might be the way forward.

@overthinkersanonnymus I’ve never heard of that before. Did you continue with the medication even though the first dose helped you out of it? Have you been diagnosed with psychosis?

Nope. Just one tablet re-jigged my brain and then I was back to my old self for a few years. This was nearly 20 years ago.

I've had sporadic episodes since and not taken that medication for it (mainly due to fear as I found out what it actually was, and the new dr wouldn't prescribe it anyway) so just tried to ride it out. Depersonalisation has given me a panic disorder and agoraphobia that I'm now working on so I understand the desperation for it to go away. I live in fear of it coming back.

@LeaveALittleNote also no I haven't been diagnosed with psychosis, although when I presented at the drs when I was at my wits end with it, I probably gave the impression I was psychotic as I was crying saying I was developing schizophrenia.

That dr told me "people who are losing their mind, don't come an sit in my office to tell me they're losing their mind". Which made me feel a little better about the fear of going mad.

I think he's probably had experience of it before and knew it might work 🤷🏻‍♀️. It used to be given for anxiety, which is what my diagnosis is, along with OCD. SSRIs are now the med of choice as they're probably safer? Who knows but all I know is that I sat in my friends bathroom and cried as I literally felt it melt away.

Op if you're on instagram, follow anxietyjosh. He's been in it and is now a therapist

Oh I'm so glad to read I'm not alone but also biggest sympathy to you suffering.

I have spent one week not feeling like I'm here. When I look at everything In my vision it's as though I'm not part of it.

It's been; on and off for months.

It's trauma related and this bout started last week after a night of bruxism then a migraine. I was dizzy and nauseous for a day but it's turned to total dissociation.

Never knew shock and trauma could present like this.

Getting hard to cope but I'm going to read this thread now.

Xxx