General support thread 3

[Helplessandheartbroke]

All welcome x

@Bulldogsummer i'm not really a fan of hotels

I just feel really flat and like I need a change of scene.

Do you like camping,it's definitely warm enough

@Bulldogsummer i've actually never done that in the UK. Wouldn't know where to start.

Anyway, I have booked a break for next week so hopefully that will give me a bit of a change and a break from the norm. I find it weird going away on my own, but I think a change of scene is necessary.

Hi all, been a while since I've posted. How is everyone doing?

Hope you have a lovely time

Dreading the next few very hot days
My autistic adult DC I care for find the heat unbearable and become quite difficult and that usually means faffing with dogs ,which never ends well .
Last time he accidentally ( ha ,not ) locked one of them outside the front door ,and two nice men brought her home ,but it was the hottest part of the day and she was exhausted and in a state .
You can't even say anything to him ,or he retaliates ..he's 25 ,yet it's like managing a difficult 12 year old .
Summer is not good for us
How are you @UmbrellaEllaEllaElla

@EmeraldRoulette are you enjoying your holiday. Allthough I now hear that song. "And the voice in your head, scream are you having fun yet.'
@Bulldogsummer ds ok today?
I bickered a lot with DH last night and my hair really needs a wash. I'm also feeling a little restless and emotional in life as my path ahead for the next year isn't clear. DH wants another baby, I didn't, then thought maybe, set September as a possible time to try... But I do want to do some sort of councilling beforehand, ideally with him. After my 2nd I am sure I had postnatal depression for about 18 months, didn't cry, didn't have much of a bond with DS either. He screamed a lot and did wean well.

It's such a big decision having another baby, I don't think I personally could cope with more than 2. But then with health problems too.

So hot here today, we're in a flat. Thinking of running a cool bath, my teens are both out and husband away.

It really is a huge decision. When I was pregnant with my second, we were thinking 3-4 and I was on board but adjusting to having two children has been tough. I actually wrote a longer, honest message yesterday, details of my pmd and relationship with DH but didn't post it...Im fortunate to have no pregnancy complications, actually enjoy being pregnant at times, but really it's the unpredictability of it.

Nice to hear from you oranges and lemons. I'm at work have to head out through the heat home soon, then make dinner of sorts....

He's managed to walk dog poo up the stairs
He's gone in the garden in his slippers
We are usually totally on top of any dog poo ,but obviously he managed to find one first
He does my head in .

That's really good your thinking it through and deciding what is best . definitely don't be rushed or pushed

I have 4 DC ..I am a bit obsessed with very large families,sort of fascinated and horrified at the same time .
I'm glad I have my 4 .I don't regret them.
But I most probably wouldn't of had children if I knew I was autistic first .
It has been a lot harder than I thought it would be

Me too about big families. I watched table for 12 then life with beans allthough also watched about the dark side of family blogging and try not to watch it, as it could turn dark. And I am not sure about life with beans, allthough she's great with toddlers, she doesn't seem to accept they're growing up and keeps having more. Reddit suggests mum is autistic too.

Need to have a proper discussion with DH again. I mean I don't want another winter baby, that was part of the struggle, so if I need a few more months, maybe another year. I definitely was to get to a state of better fitness, I would love to progress my career too.

I found winter babies easier
I had two. In Nov / Dec and two in may / April
Both the spring babies ,it was really hot when giving birth , horrible
And the babies were harder to settle in the heat of the summer
But the winter babies all wrapped up and snug ,slept and ate better .
It was lovely being cozy at home with a newborn around Christmas
Absolutely hated the summer both times I'd a baby .
Funny how we are all different

I think it was expectations,.my first, was easy summer baby and second a difficult summer baby. Temperaments probably unrelated to seasons. It got hot just after giving birth for the summer one. She settled fine in the heat, had top up bottles of cold milk, my mum was dubious so googled it, and it's fine, but she loved it. Second I was doing the school run on snow and ice and taking layers on and off for car seat, very stressful.

It's funny the things you remember
The last time we had a decent amount of snow ,I remember digging the car out of the drive to do the school run ,with my 2 month old in the pram at the side .
I think it's easier to hide the bits of your body you don't like in winter,where summer ,there's less clothes and a body I didn't recognise plus a new born ,and less clothes to hide behind

@2in2022twoyearson I don't know that song

I kind of had a nice time

But it hasn't helped me in terms of being able to motivate myself after I got home

I have spent the week feeling a bit under the weather, though. It might literally be the weather but I'm not sure.

So I'm now back to scrabbling around looking for motivation.

Ah, what sort of things have you got planned this week. My DH says looking for motivation is the wrong way about it, you have to just do and get into routine...it didn't help when I was depressed, but now I'm focusing on small, regular habits changes. I'm also on the flylady thread, following her babysteps on housework.

How is everyone? @Bulldogsummer how's things going with you and your autistic son?

I'm in a good place at the moment.

I used chatgbt to help me think through having a third child. It gave some questions to start a conversation with DH. DH and I had a good chat about a third. He's always wanted another and I used to before we had our second. The hardest question for him was would he be fulfilled if I decided not to have any more. He said he would leave to be at peace with it, which sounded like a reluctant yes....We will wait a bit, but last night I imagined how nice it would be to have 3, not just a baby but years down the line.

@2in2022twoyearson yeah I seem to have come to a dead stop though

Basically, I had a nervous breakdown two years ago. I went back to work and everything. I'm well now. But I can't seem to do anything extra. And I can't keep on top of housework or anything like that. It sounds minor but being well organised and so on used to be one of the reasons why I could do certain creative things - and it's important to do that because otherwise it's all just boring work and caring for my mum.

It's hard to explain - I just really like to be at 100% and I'm not. I appreciate that where I am is a good recovery like 90%. But I seem to be in a mode where if it doesn't have to be done, I don't do it. And then I get annoyed with myself for being online all day!

I was hoping that a change of scene would get me over the hump a bit, but it hasn't.

I'm glad you're in a good place. So am I in a way? But not quite the person I was.

He's ok now it's cooler ,but won't be if it heats up again.
I'm just worried about when I'm dead ,
I don't know weather it would be better to get him in a council flat now and try hard to help him be independent..but my instinct tells me he wouldn't cope .and he's saying no and refusing any idea of leaving home.
Ideally he needs asSisted living if not at home
But he refused that as well ,so how easy or hard it is to get a 50 plus year old assisted living ( when I'm 70 plus and probably got dementia) is anyone's guess .
But I spend a lot of time worrying what will happen.
I've actually two DC with disabilities who won't leave home ,the other is younger and I keep hoping will be come more independent..no signs as yet

It's a worry of my parents in law too. Allthough my brother is law has physical disabilities too and has outlived his drs prognosis, so I don't think he'll make 50 sadly, however his physical health has not gone downhill in a while.

All the possible benefits cuts have worried me greatly
Just because this labour government didn't make huge cuts , doesn't mean the next government won't .
It wasn't even enough to live on independently for a single disabled person
If I leave him money in my will to help out monthly,he looses his benefits.
And no way will he be capable of reapplying for them after .
I just think he's going to end up homeless on the street

@Emerald. I felt like that after my second 2 years ago. I didn't have a breakdo prior but after feeling down I felt mostly numb and functioned fine so didn't want to get help with pnd. I wasn't excited about anything so didn't plan. Have you tried Journaling. I got a guided focus journal from tk max called 5 minutes in the morning and have found it useful, esspecaly after a number of months doing it.

I've got to the section on defining my core values.

Hi ,how is everyone
Not posted in awhile ,things have been ok