Hi all, I thought I'd start by giving some background. It's lengthy so please bear with me.
I'm 25, I'm a registered nurse and in a long term relationship (8 years). We recently moved to Cornwall to be close to my family, whilst here we fall pregnant after 6 years of infertility and 8 miscarriages. I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant with my miracle girl.
Anyway, me and my mum have always had a strange relationship, she was 33 when she had me, she never picked me up from school or took me to the park. I spent my childhood at childminders as she always prioritised her work over being a mother. My mum is also a functioning alcoholic and can be really nasty at times. I've had years of therapy for complex PTSD due to my childhood. I could go on for days if not weeks however it's not beneficial for me writing it or anyone reading through my years of trauma.
Anyway, when I first found out I was pregnant she was nothing short of disappointed in me, in fact her reaction still breaks my heart. You'd think I was 14 and had fallen pregnant by a stranger. She doesn't ask me how I am, how my pregnancy is. She hasn't bought anything for her granddaughter, she isn't remotely interested in speaking about the baby. (Unless she's on Facebook, in which she is the grandmother of the year). She is totally dismissive whenever I talk about my baby.
Today, after Xmas food shopping my midwife calls me and we decide on a date to do my birth plan, my mum asks what the call was about, I tell her it's to do a pre natal and post natal birth plan (little does she know the plan is with peri natal mental health due to the fact I still struggle). I say to my mum "my only real plan is to be at home with baby girl for 2/3 weeks in front of the fire). My gosh, you'd think I just said something awful. She absolutely flies off the handle, I sit back.. we are in a car, I'm around 40 minutes from home. I sit back and endure nothing short of vile abuse for around 35 minutes.
"It's not my fault I had to go back to work 3 weeks after you was born so you could have food on the table"
"It's not my fault I didn't bond with you"
"I don't even like you now as a person"
"I hope you don't do such a shit job like I did"
"You're lucky your grandfather is paying for your maternity you money grabbing (he's not, I've got SMP only and we've managed to save 4k by getting the majority of her belongings 2nd hand)
I could go on however my very clever brain has blocked the majority of it out.
Anyway we pull into a local shop that my mum insists she has to visit, despite me begging her to just drop me home. After enduring all this abuse of course my brain can't take it anymore and I have the mother of all panic attacks. I'm not sure if it's because my brain knew I was safe and I could then get out the car. Anyway, hyperventilating and my neck is now stuck to my shoulder due to the panic attacks. My mum totally overacts, grabbing at my neck screaming and shouting saying how she needs to call an ambulance.
She begs for me to go in the shop with her (probably to parade me round the shop in a state playing mother of the year). I convince her it's not a good idea and she finally gets off my case and goes into the shop.
I sit in the car, bang another panic attack. In fact I have 2 more. She comes back to the car.. does she stop the abuse? No, she carry's on. This time she needs to know how long I've been having panic attacks for. I physically cannot breathe, I beg her to just give me some time to get my breath back.
How does she respond? "Bit of a dramatic response to the truth though don't you think"
Let me just reiterate I'm 30 nearly 31 weeks pregnant, I've had fluctuating panic attacks now for around 25 minutes.
My baby girl starts kicking me, I put my hand out the window and manage to freeze my hand enough that my brain kicks back in.
I don't know how to navigate this, I don't want my baby around my mother. I don't want my mother around me. I live rurally and I don't have any friends locally due to moving recently. Luckily I've got good support via peri natal mental health and an amazing partner.
This isn't new, I fell pregnant back in February. My mum done similar to this (again it was to do with me taking my maternity leave) and I miscarried my baby a few days later. I firmly believe it was due to the stress she put me under.
Thank you for reading, please give me some advice xx