A minute or so

[Soonerthanlater]

I like autumn. The colours in the trees. There’s no matching it, it’s glorious. I have been passing time, distracting myself from self destructive thoughts. I have lots of meds, I’m taking them as prescribed. I’m invisible though. I’m stuck here on my own in pain, it’s going to take time I’m told. I think it’ll play out again and again, my head’s stuck and I can’t focus. Can you see me?

Hello
You're not alone and there will always be someone on here to listen

I hope you’re ok. You can call Samaritans or text Shout if you need to reach out to somebody. It’s very positive you have found ways to distract yourself.

we are here for you. sending a hug.

I see you. You matter and you're not invisible.

I’ve talked to police and medical people a bit, they gave me victim support details and Samaritans number. I haven’t spoken to anyone this week I don’t think, I feel like I’ve gone. This body doesn’t feel like mine anymore. I went for a short walk earlier, the leaves are in the yellow-green-orange-brown muddy mush that tells me summer’s gone. I missed it. Don’t like hot weather anyway. I’m scared to go to sleep, I’ve made sure no one can get in, but it’s in me. I have to find the words, I’m sorry if this doesn’t make much sense. Thanks for replying, I hope you’re real humans, even if I am a strange stranger. Bones heal yet they’re not the same after breaking. Neither’s the mind, I don’t know how to move forward. I’m lost and scared to go to sleep.

I called 111 at about 3 am. Short version is, someone from the crisis team is supposed to be phoning me back, she wanted to speak to my GP. Not sure why. Things are very difficult, I’m struggling and no one knows what to say. They don’t have a magic wand, shame.

I hope you get some support, you sound scared. People will want to help you so please let them in when they come x

I didn’t think they would come here? I don’t know. I am scared, it’s been a very tough year, I’ve been recovering from violence for months. My brain’s got stuck in terror mode, I think there’s only so much your nervous system can take before you breakdown, my thoughts are disjointed, I think my soul’s slipping in and out of my body. I keep thinking maybe I wasn’t meant to survive.

@Soonerthanlater

Do you feel well enough to present at a and e and tell them how your feeling ?
You could write it down or show them this thread if that would help?

Your not invisible op

You matter.

Do you have anyone nearby you can call on?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Wishing you the very best,
💐

I’m a bit overwhelmed, did I do something wrong? I’m not asking anyone for money!

You haven’t done anything wrong. That’s a standard post MN add to threads were someone seems quite distressed.

Have you heard back from the crisis team?

OP you're a survivor, you're strong and you matter. we see you and we hear you and we are here when you need us. stay strong ❤️

Thank you.

A lady from the mental health team came round with my GP, I was ashamed of the state of the place, I didn’t expect them to come here. My GP knows about what happened to me earlier in the year, so I didn’t need to go over it. I have an emergency number to phone tonight if I need to, I’ve been referred to the home treatment team. I have written things down, I can’t keep track of my thoughts. I’d be to scared to go to a&e on a Friday night. No family that care. I think I died in May, that’s the only explanation. I’m not asking for money from anyone

What your place looks like doesn't matter. All that matters is you. That's why the team came. People care, please try to hold onto that x

That’s really good that the lady from the mental health team and your
GP came round and that you have an emergency number you can call. Well done for reaching out to get that help.

Did you get any sleep last night? Are you able to get out for a short walk today? It is very sunny here but cold, just right for September.

(No one thinks you are asking for money, please don’t worry about that).

Hi Honey

How do you feel today? It sounds like you are suffering severe PTSD. Are you receiving help or therapy to address this? It is a beautiful day. Go out for a walk, get some fresh air and the sun on you face. Hope you are feeling better soon.

Hello OP,

We’re sorry that our post caught you off guard, we just thought to reassure you that our reference money is a standard message we send and not a specific reference to your post. We wish you all the best.

Hi @Soonerthanlater

I’m not a counsellor and don’t know you or what’s happened but your comments about feeling disassociated and especially this : ”I think I died in May, that’s the only explanation” is familiar to me

severe trauma with attacks, hospital & police involved can lead a person to disconnect as a method of self-protection in the immediate danger and aftermath

feeling like it is a nightmare or purgatory can be part of that because we really want the reality of what has been done to us to be ‘just’ a nightmare or fever dream and to never have to return to a life we feel has been utterly shattered

take the help offered right now and ask for more

I am guessing that if the immediate external danger is over, and the overwhelm of authorities is fading down, that you are shutting down into a sort of hibernation in order to begin the healing process

if you are drawn to nature then pick a tree to watch

you’ve noticed all the lovely green leaves fade into yellows and browns, fall and turn into mush

once that happens a tree can seem dead too can’t it?

it can seem life and hope is gone

but remember that the tree is still alive, as are you, it’s just going into a protective hibernation to rest and gather up strength

allow yourself quiet space and time to recuperate so that as this autumn comes and goes and winter comes and goes that next year you will have enough strength to put forth some new green shoots of visible life

watching a tree do that can be incredibly encouraging and a ‘safe’ quiet companion in your recovery as a reminder to have patience with yourself

(& ask your CPN, GP, support worker for help with grounding techniques the 5 senses one I found really helpful for both panic attacks and disassociated periods but try out a few and find what works best for you - learning new ones is never wasted)

Hi OP. Hope today has been brighter for you xoxoxo

You’ve been so kind, I’m crying my eyes out, I hardly ever cry. Too early for therapy they said, still healing after surgery. I haven’t been eating or drinking enough, I didn’t realise, I’ve been dizzy and lightheaded today. Utterly embarrassed myself falling apart and locking myself in the bathroom when the home treatment people were here, flipped out at a bloke in my flat. I’ve sealed my bedroom off tonight, might get some sleep. I’m in a bit of a pickle, need to get it together. Thanks for all your comments, I don’t feel quite so alone.

I wouldn’t worry about “embarrassing” yourself with the home treatment people, they are there to help you and know you are struggling.

I hope you get some sleep tonight.

It's good that the treatment team were able to see the true extent of your illness - don't be embarrassed it will really help them to help you if they've been able to see how badly it's affecting you.

@DaisysChains that's beautiful

It’s very cold where I am today. Hope you are eating and drinking plenty today. Even if you’re not feeling hungry, eating nutritious food will help you start to feel better.

I see you @Soonerthanlater

I hope today is a better day for you. Please make sure you at least eat and drink something. Baby steps. You sound like a survivor. You speak very eloquently, you have such a wonderful way with words, are you aware of that? Do you have a pen and some paper, could you write your thoughts down?